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The Enthralled Dream (re-writing)

06. To Dad

We all drew numbers to see who was going first, which put me going last, which is usually how my luck played out.
I saw people in and out, until it was the third person. I stood up and walked out of the room. I sat by the door, even though we weren’t supposed to leave in the first place.
I sat and prayed, talking to God, and hoping that my dad heard me. I needed him to be right beside me, rapping along with me. Spitting them out as best as he could, but even he had a tough time doing it. I had a talent for it… and today, I was going to show that.
I breathed, wiped a stray tear, collected myself, and then stepped through that door again. Right as I did, Elden, who went fourth, came back in. I stood up and paced, since everyone else was in their respective rooms by now or auditioning.
I had a camera in my face, and was praying some more.
Then, Caitlin came out of her audition. I took a deep breath and then got my cue that it was my time.
“This is the one I have been waiting on,” I heard Niall say.
I smiled and rolled my eyes.
As I walked up, Louis smiled.
“Alright, you ready?” he asked, making me smile and nod.
I cued the music guy, and when the auto-tuned intro started, I saw Louis’s eyebrows raise. I wasn’t going to get as high as the auto-tune does.
“Yeah, I guess I'm a disappointment
Doing everything I can, I don't wanna make you disappointed
It's annoying
I just wanna make you feel like everything I ever did wasn't ever tryna make an issue for you
But, I guess the more you thought about everything, you were never even wrong in the first place, right?
Yeah, I'ma just ignore you
Walking towards you, with my head down, lookin' at the ground, I'm embarrassed for you
Paranoia, what did I do wrong this time? That's parents for you
Very loyal?
Shoulda had my back, but you put a knife in it, my hands are full
What else should I carry for you?
I cared for you, but feels like we're on the edge right now
I wish that I could say I'm proud
I'm sorry that I let you down
L-l-let you down
All these voices in my head get loud
I wish that I could shut them out
I'm sorry that I let you down
L-l-let you down
Yeah, you don't wanna make this work
You just wanna make this worse
Want me to listen to you
But you don't ever hear my words
You don't wanna know my hurt, yet
Let me guess you want an apology, probably
How can we keep going at a rate like this?
We can't, so I guess I'ma have to leave
Please don't come after me
I just wanna be alone right now, I don't really wanna think at all
Go ahead, just drink it off
Both know you're gonna call tomorrow like nothing's wrong
Ain't that what you always do?
I feel like every time I talk to you, you're in an awful mood
What else can I offer you?
There's nothing left right now, I gave it all to you
Feels like we're on the edge right now
I wish that I could say I'm proud
I'm sorry that I let you down
L-l-let you down
All these voices in my head get loud
I wish that I could shut them out
I'm sorry that I let you down
L-l-let you down
Yeah, don't talk down to me
That's not gonna work now
Packed all my clothes and I moved out
I don't even wanna go to your house
Everytime I sit on that couch
I feel like you lecture me
Eventually, I bet that we
Could have made this work and probably woulda figured things out
But I guess that I'm a letdown
But it's cool, I checked out
Oh, you wanna be friends now?
Okay, let's put my fake face on and pretend now
Sit around and talk about the good times
That didn't even happen
I mean, why are you laughing?
Must have missed that joke
Let me see if I can find a reaction
No, but at least you're happy
Feels like we're on the edge right now
I wish that I could say I'm proud
I'm sorry that I let you down
Oh, I let you down
All these voices in my head get loud
And I wish that I could shut them out
I'm sorry that I let you down
Oh, let you down
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry now
I'm sorry
That I let you down”
Niall and Louis looked shocked as the music faded out. I had just rapped and sang. NF was always a challenging and talented artist because of his rapping ability and singing ability.
“Um. Well, thank you. We’ll let you know,” Louis said after clearing his throat.
“Did you know she could fucking rap?” Niall asked as I left, making Louis shush him.
Once I left the room, I walked up the stairs and sat on my bed. I plugged my headphones into my phone, blasting music as loud as I could bare. My eyes were closed as my head rested on the back of the headboard, memories were flooding my thoughts.
Good memories of the day with my father. I played with the crown necklace that was resting around my neck. I never took it off, and I wasn’t planning on ever doing it.
I eventually pulled out my notebook. The notebook that held my poems, the songs, and the journal entries. My whole life was in this notebook, which is why it went everywhere with me.
“Said goodbye, turned around, and you were gone.
Faded into the setting sun
Slipped away but I won’t cry ‘cause I know I’ll never be lonely
For you are the stars to me, you are the light I follow”
I looked at the pages and smiled.
I smiled at the fact that they were happy, not sad, because I’m doing something Dad always wanted me to do. He would be proud of me for doing it. He would be going to every show, taking tons of pictures, and loving every minute of seeing me singing my heart out.

Notes

Hello, new reader! It makes me happy that this new edition is actually getting some love and views.
Keep commenting and I'll keep updating. <3

Comments

Wow, your days have been pretty eventful!! And so was the chapter. Loved it

Syden17Jade Syden17Jade
7/26/18

@Syden17Jade
Sometimes... the boys does things that weird me out. Lol. I'm working on editing the next chapter. I apologize for the wait. Life has been crazy! The next chapter should be up at the latest tomorrow. :D

xXFluffy_GruXx xXFluffy_GruXx
7/25/18

OHMYGOD GURL!! YOU'RE FIC IS ALMOST REALITY NOW!!!! Would be a good time to update too ;)

Syden17Jade Syden17Jade
7/19/18

I'm so excited to see what happens next!

Syden17Jade Syden17Jade
5/29/18

Yay! It makes me happy that you updated. (Another comment, keep it coming ;))

Syden17Jade Syden17Jade
5/22/18