---

Harry and I return home from the studio, opening the door the air is cold. I miss my favourite scarf I left it at Gemma's after we took her home last week from our lunch with Anne and Robin.

"What do you want for dinner?" He asks as I plonk myself on the couch, rubbing my temples. I have had a migraine all day and it won't subside even with medication. "I'm not hungry." I twist my neck around. "Still not feeling well?" He begins massaging my neck.

"How about some take out?"
"Yuck." I get up from the couch startling him a bit, "I'm gonna go to bed." I run a hand through my hair. "Ok, I'll come too."

"No it's fine, I just want to be alone for a bit." I kiss his cheek and make my way up.

I opt for a shower first letting the hot water take over, I omit blow drying my hair. In the mirror I look at my exhausted self, bags under my eyes. I reach for my toothbrush and see a packet of unused pads. My heart races, I quickly return to the bedroom, grabbing my phone, clicking on the calendar. SHIT I haven't had a period in a while, and the last time Harry and I had sex unprotected was when we had that 'fight' two thirty in the morning and that was nudging a month go.

My trembling hands return my phone to being charged. It is only nine so a pharmacy is still open but how to I pass him? I don't think I can wait till tomorrow.

I decide to call El and ask her to meet me. I pull on a hoodie and slip on some jeans and biker boots. I retreat down stairs where he is sitting on the couch eating some Chinese watching a football game.

"Hey I'm gonna meet El." I say grabbing my jacket. "This hour?"
"Umm yea her and Louis had a fight." I lie.

"She can't wait." He eats a mouthful of noodles. "Nope, girl code. Sorry babe." I kiss his cheek.

"Be careful." He yells out, I get in the Rover and drive to an uncertain path.

---

I stare at the box next to the brown bag. It has been two weeks since I bought it and have not mustered any energy or confidence to take it or well pee on it.

"Honey were home." Harry yells down stairs. I hurriedly put the box back in the brown paper bag and hide it.

I stomp down stairs and see Harry holding Lux Ice cream all over her face. "Come here princess." I taker her into the kitchen. I wet some tissues and clean her chocolate covered lips and nose.

"Me too, me too. Here." Harry points to his lips and I peck them and throw the tissue at him causing Lux to giggle. I pick her up and run my hand through her blonde hair, she yawns and rubs her eyes. "Ok I think someone needs a nap."

"I know I do." Harry slouches on the chair taking a sip of water and I look at him shaking my head.

"Ok then. what time is Lou coming?"

He huffs, "five." I look to the clock and it's only two. "Ok, I'm gonna lay her down for a bit."

"I'll miss you." He pouts, great sensitive Harry is here today.


I tuck Lux in Harry and I's bed, covering the duvet over her tiny body and kiss her forehead. "Goodnight Princess." I get up and let her rest closing the door carefully. Now the next child I need to attend to.


I find him on the couch he opens up the blanket and I nestle next to him. He beings playing with my hair and kisses the crook of my neck, I know where he wants to go.

"harry." I giggle a little. "Oh come on she won't hear us," I actually forgot Lux was sleeping up stairs. He keeps nibbling at my neck adding another collection to his hickeys. I am so deep in enjoyment. "Ok stop" I press my palm against his exposed chest.

"Why can't we have sex?" He throws his head back in defeat. "Sorry period." I press my lips together. He moans in frustration. "Sorry."

"Lucky I love you." He kisses my cheek.

Oh god the guilt is engulfing me.

Notes