"Feeling any better baby?" Harry asks me sitting on the couch in silence. I slowly nod my head and cry.


I decided to leave VJ with Lou his grandma, so odd to say that she may not have my blood but is the closest thing.

If it was just Harry and I, I would probably slip into some sort of depression, But my son VJ, my catalyst, harry and mines creation is my antidote.


we'll work it out
I gotta get better, gotta get better
I gotta get better, gotta get better
I gotta get better, gotta get better


Harry coos in my ear. I settle in his embrace and continue to let my husband serenade me.

---

"Hmmm." I toss in my sleep, "It's ok I've got him" A crying Vj prompts Harry to jump out of bed.

I turn my head and attempt to go back to sleep. Harry returns a minute later. "All good?" i ask groggily.

"All good. He just needed a cuddle." Harry wraps his arms around me under the sheets. Then another eruption of cries coming from Vj's little lungs.

"I'll go." Harry gets out again but this time I follow.


"Shhh, mate. Come on." Harry attempts to sooth him. I take him and cradle him in my arms.

"Hey little man. Why you crying?" I tap his back gently. I lay him down again and check his nappy, nothing. I delicately run my through his light hair.

"Harry his burning up." I touch his cheeks and they are flushed. "What?"

"No Dianna, his fine." He puts his hand on his cheek. "I'll get the thermometer ." He rushes out the room.

"It's going to be ok honey." I rub his belly. I unbutton his blue stretchie and have my palm against his belly. "Does that hurt baby?" I ask him it does a bit swollen. Now I am worried.

Harry runs back in and checks his temperature. "Call the ambulance."

"No those light will only frighten him." I pick him up "Quick get the car and the bag."

"Shh, your going to be ok. I love you." I support his head over my shoulder.

---

"Please, please can I go with him." Harry wheels us in to the ER. "I'm his mother please." I cradle VJ in my arms, his cries haven't subsided I know my baby is in pain.


"Go, I'll be here." Harry kisses me quickly.


Harry's POV:

I run a first through my hair, My wife and and my son. I worry with sick.

The lights above scolding me, the clock above hanging from the wall, I watch it tick. I wait, wait and wait. It's been forty minutes and I am agitated. I need to see my boy.



Rubbing my palms together tapping my foot nervously. It is two in the morning I am sleep deprived and never want to be in this situation ever again. If it's one thing I know Dianna is strong and her strength will carry VJ through whatever is going on.

Ahhh why won't anyone tell me.


"Mr. Styles" I swiftly make my way over. The doctor leads me into a scarce of light room, walls are plain and white and in the corner Dianna.

"What happened, where is VJ?" I think she is shell shock or something.

"Mr. Styles. Your son has familiar symptoms of early renal failure."

Dianna burst into tears, I hold her.

"But that is worst case scenario, we are running more tests on him, and hopefully that won't be it."

"Well how can you be sure?" I try my best to sooth Dianna. "Look we are doing all we can. But you need to know the inevitable there is a high chance in the future he will most likely get it."

His pager goes off. "Some results are back, I know this must be hard, but try not to worry."



"Hey, hey I'm here." Dianna cries and cries over my shoulder.



I have called everyone Lou, Anthony and Kylie lucky their neighbours agreed to look after Mia. Dianna is still mute we all wait together. My mum and Gemma are here too. Every time someone even tires to sit next to her, she moves away.

"Here." I hand her some water. She shakes her head. "You look exhausted have a sip."

"I don't want it." She slaps the cup away from my hand.

I watch her pace the blinding lights of this waiting room. Sighing tugging the roots of hair and biting her nails.

I decide I need some air and there are heaps of people are here.

I find myself in an alien place. I take a seat at the front aisle and take a deep breath. I don't really know what to do. Dianna is more about faith than I am, I just never had time to really dabble into it.


I caresses my knuckles. Sitting here in the hospital chapel.

"Please god, keep our boy safe, please don't let this happen, not before he has even lived." I am crying.

---

I return to the waiting room. "Doctor is with her next door H." Kylie tells me.

I knock on the door. "Take a seat Mr. Styles."

"Ok so good news, it is nothing to do with his Kidneys but his appendix needs to be removed."

Dianna throws her head back on the chair. "Umm so he will need surgery."

"Yes he does, and now. I know this is scary. We will even let you watch from the double glass windows." The doctor assures me.

"Can Harry please be there when you put him asleep."

"Yea of course. I better go get organised. This is very common and I know it is hard, but try not to worry. You will see your boy in no time." He smiles. Dianna and I sign some paperwork.

"Mr. Styles please this way."

"Harry is fine." I know Dianna wants me to be there with him before it, whenever she had surgery her dad would always take her in to the aesthetic room.

"Everything is going to be fine. Ok, his a fighter like his mother. I love you." I kiss Dianna on the head before leaving.






"Hey big boy." I can't help get emotional. Seeing the drip in his two week year old hand. "These people are going to take real good care of you."

"Does dad wanna play doctor and put the mask on?" A man in an all blue scrubs and hat says kindly. I take the mask. I kiss my sons tiny forehead along a tear falls and he falls asleep in the matter of seconds.

---

That was the most excruciating thing I have ever had to do. We all wait in his room at the hospital. Diana is still on edge understandable. She sits on a seat and I sit on the arm rest of it. The floor is apparently so interesting to us all, all staring at it.


Lou comes back with some of VJ's clothes and some of Dianna's She will be staying here tonight.


Moments later Four nurses wheel our boy back into his room, plugging his IV machine on the back wall, then writes some notes in the file.

"He will be awake in about an hour or so." His overnight nurse Megan in forms us. "Thank you so much."


"Hey hero." I ever so gently stroke his non IV hand. I look around and Dianna has disappeared.

I leave everyone with VJ surrounded by all his loved ones. Stepping out of the room I see her. Head against the wall trying to keep it all together. She notices me, shortly after she is wrapped around me crying. "I'm sorrily." She can't contain her sobs.

"Hey" I cup her face. "Let's go see our boy." I put her arm around me.






"Oh my his waking up." Gemma glees. Everyone is quick on their feet, lucky this room is big enough. Dianna barges past them all. "My boy." I rest my chin on her shoulder. "His kinda tough like his mother." Anthony speaks.


"Could not agree more." I say.

---

"Thanks again." Megan just finished another set of observations. Everyone has left, it is six in the morning. Anne and Gemma house sitting. Lou back at her own home. Finally Anthony and Kylie and little Mia who they will bring later tonight.

Dianna and I sitting either sides of his cot he is awake and smiling. Little does he know.

"You ok love.?" I ask her.

"What if he gets it H.?" She sniffles. That is in the back of my mind too. "What if he gets my disease.?" She breathes.


I move the chair closer to her, taking her hand. "Then we deal with it." Her tears fall. "We deal with it like everything else. But I really believe he will be fine."


"What if I could have prevented this? And you already gave your kidney away to me."

"Stop. Stop." I sit on her lap holding her. "Like I said we will deal with it, if it comes to that. His mother got through it I have no doubt he will. Right now let's just be grateful he is safe and ok." She nods her head and I kiss her lips.


"Love you."
"Love you."

Through Dianna's eyes and journey I have learnt so much. Every step we take is uncertain. Even though life might deal us a crappy deck it can either turn you arrogant or you can come the out of the end fighting back. This is what she has taught me. It is ok to laugh, cry, be sad at random times, because that is life.


The potential positive outcome that my son has the illness will play in both our minds forever. So it's Dianna and mines duty to give VJ the best life and fulfil and live it best we can. If something scary like illness does befall we will stick together and endure it, it's all you can do. It may not change the outcome but we will all be stronger because of it.


Dianna and I watch over our son, and I silently thank god from our talk earlier. My family and extended My wife, My son and of course his grandfather he was names after. All proud examples that it is ok live life and do what makes us the most happiest despite the angst we endure. There is still beauty within existence.

It is not about what we necessarily deserve but more what we believe, and I have been taught to believe in life, hope, optimism and above all love.

Notes