My Saving Grace

After dropping my dad off at his conference meeting in downtown LA the next morning, I drove to the nearby spa for my monthly facial and body massage. These past few weeks had definitely taken a mental toll on me, so I was more than grateful for one. Hopefully afterwards, I'd feel relaxed enough to give Antonio a call.

Longing weighed heavily on my chest at just the mere thought of him. If we somehow managed to work things out on the phone, then soon, I'd be in his arms again--my favorite place on earth.

"Sophia, how are you?", Brianna, my masseuse asked with a smile after I'd checked in.

"I'm good. I can't think of a time I've needed a massage as badly as now."

"Those knots in your back acting up again?"

Since getting rear-ended in my friend's car as a teenager, I'd always had muscle knots in my upper back. For the most part, they were pretty mild, but I discovered over the years that whenever I underwent stress or suffered from lack of sleep, they would cause more noticeable pain.

"Yeah. I haven't been sleeping well lately," I admitted.

She frowned slightly.

"That's too bad. But don't worry. I'll make sure you leave feeling better."

Brianna slipped out the door, allowing me the privacy to strip out of my clothes then once I was lying flat on my stomach with a towel wrapped around my waist, she returned. As soon as I felt her skilled hands beginning to knead at the sore muscles on my lower back, I closed my eyes, drifting into unconsciousness.

Two hours later, I was walking along the promenade at Santa Monica, admiring the elegant shops and boutiques. My dad's meeting would end in approximately an hour, and then we were heading out for lunch. Nick was also planning on joining us.

I took a deep breath, letting the ocean breeze calm my senses then pulled my phone out of my purse. With slightly trembling fingers, I began to type in Antonio's number, and for a couple moments, I just stood there, staring at the screen.

"Here goes nothing," I muttered to myself before pressing the 'call' button.

My heart was beating furiously in my chest as I listened to the phone ring, the sound of it like a time bomb ticking away. At last, I was sent to his voicemail, and with a heavy sigh, I ended the call.

Tomorrow, I'd try again. He was probably just busy at the moment.

Later that night, I was lying in bed, staring out the window when my phone started ringing on the nightstand. Anxiously, I reached for it and when I saw the name, my expression fell for a moment, but still, I couldn't help the smile tugging at my lips.

"Alexa?", I answered.

"Sophia, what's up, girl?" She sounded as cheerful as ever.

"Just lying in bed. My dad's in the room next door. He's here for a two-day conference."

"Ooh, tell him I say hi. And that doesn't sound too fun. Shouldn't you be out right now? It's a Saturday night."

"I don't feel like having fun at the moment." I was surprised at how bitter I sounded.

"Uh oh, something's wrong, isn't it?"

I exhaled slowly, shifting my body to sit up against the pillows.

"You remember the guy I told you about in New York? Antonio?"

"Of course I do. The douche who kissed you then vanished into thin air."

So, for the next half hour, I filled my best friend in on my encounters with Antonio--including that last morning in his kitchen--as tears flowed freely down my cheeks. By the end of it all, I wished she were here to comfort me instead of across the country.

"You're gonna try calling him again tomorrow, right?", she asked.

"Yes. And if he doesn't answer..."

"Then he's an asshole who doesn't deserve you."

"Alexa!", I scolded.

"What?"

"Antonio is not an asshole. We just both wanted different things during our time together. He saw it as a fling, and at first, I did, too, until--"

"You fell for him," she finished.

I sighed heavily.

"Yup. You know, I seriously thought I'd catch STDs before catching feelings."

Alexa laughed.

"You think any of our college professors slept around as much as he does?"

"Our professors were old and wrinkly, Alexa."

"Whoops, never mind then."

"I miss you so much."

"I miss you, too. I'll come visit soon."

"I'd love that. Well, I should probably let you go to sleep now. It's late over there."

"Eh, this is nothing. I've slept way later."

I smiled, remembering the all-nighters we used to pull in college.

"Thanks for letting me vent to you. I just needed to tell someone other than my own dad."

"Girl, you know I'm always here for you. Even if it's through the phone," she said earnestly.

"I know, and I love you for that."

"I love you, too. Good night, Sophia. Stay strong. And keep me updated on Antonio, alright?"

"I will. Good night, Lex."

After hanging up the phone, I crawled back beneath my comforter and for the first time in weeks, managed to fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.

***

Friday evening, I got out of work then began the familiar drive to Antonio's apartment. Since Saturday, I'd called him every single day of the week and even left a couple of voicemails saying we needed to talk, but he never once called back.

At this point, I didn't even care that I seemed outrageously desperate and clingy. Not to mention hypocritical--after all, I'd been the one to walk away.

I wanted...no, needed him back in my life. No other man made me feel the way he did--not like I'd been with anyone since coming back to California--but he was something special.

I knew our time together was brief, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I believed that Antonio had to have felt something for me. That night I made an idiot of myself in the restaurant, he easily could've looked the other away. But he hadn't. Instead, he'd helped me up and even driven me home.

And I also believed it wasn't a coincidence that of all the classes I could have spoken to back in March, it ended up being his.

At six-thirty, I pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building, and upon entering the lobby, I briefly glanced in the mirror to check my appearance.

Last night, I'd slept zero hours because the impending possibility of seeing Antonio again was utterly nerve-wracking. Huge bags framed my eyes, and I looked paler than usual. But I hadn't bothered to hide any of it with pounds of makeup like most women would.

The rawness of my pain was something he needed to see for himself.

With unsteady feet, I walked towards the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor. The ride up felt way too short, and before I knew it, I was standing outside Antonio's apartment door.

Deep breaths, I told myself as I fidgeted with the hem of my blouse.

I lifted a hand to knock on the door then stood back, feeling my pulse quicken; the anticipation was eating me alive. A few moments passed, and just as I was about to knock again, the door swung open, revealing a tan, naked torso.

My breath caught in my throat as I allowed my gaze to travel upwards until it reached a pair of oh so familiar chocolate brown eyes.

"Sophia?", he spoke, looking utterly astounded.

But I was in a complete trance. After all this time, Antonio was here, in the flesh, in front of my very own eyes.

Wearing only a towel around his waist.

His hair was wet, and water droplets skirted his chest and sculpted abs, causing a tingling sensation in my body I knew all too well.

"Antonio," I breathed, holding onto the doorframe.

He simply stood there, studying my face intently.

"Did you get my calls?", I asked.

"I was on vacation with a friend in Rio de Janiero. My phone didn't have service."

"Oh..."

"But yes, I saw your calls when I got home on Wednesday."

I frowned.

"Why didn't you call back?"

He huffed, a faint scowl flitting across his features.

"Why are you here, Sophia?"

I briefly glanced at my feet before looking back up at him.

"Answer my question," he demanded, folding his muscular arms across his chest.

"I want to be with you," I said softly but with conviction.

"Isn't that what we did?"

"I want an us...a real relationship."

He exhaled sharply, shaking his head.

"I can't do that. I'm sorry."

"You can't? Or you won't?"

"Both," he said with finality.

My heart twisted painfully in my chest as I gazed into the eyes of the man I'd yearned for...fallen so deeply for.

"What did she do to you, Antonio?", I whispered.

"What are you talking about?"

"Veronica...what did she do to make you like this?"

"She did nothing...it was all me. Now, I suggest you leave if you know what's best for you."

He turned his back on me, and I quickly reached for his arm, feeling him flinch slightly.

"I'm not walking away from you again, Antonio."

I dropped my hand at my side. He still hadn't turned around to face me.

"I'll sit outside your door if I have to," I persisted.

To my disappointment, he shut the door in my face, shattering my heart to pieces; still, I remained true to my word and slid down to the floor, where I sat with my back against the wall as I buried my face in my hands, fighting the urge to cry.

I had to remain strong. For both of us.

Several minutes later, I heard the sound of the door opening and glanced up to see Antonio staring down at me with a bewildered expression on his face. He'd thrown on a white tshirt and sweatpants, and his hair was dry.

"Yet again, you manage to surprise me," he said dryly, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

"I know there's something between us, Antonio."

He rubbed his jaw absently.

"You're right. There is. That's why you left at just the perfect time. Saved us both a lot of misery."

His aloof behavior stung and was seriously starting to aggravate the hell out of me. With a grunt, I stood up so that we were eye-level.

"Misery." I laughed humorlessly. "That's a light way to put it."

I drowned in my own tears, and a piece of my heart went missing without you.

I wasn't actually going to tell him that, though.

"You want to come in?", he asked, arching a brow.

"Are you willing to talk to me? About what the hell happened in the past with Veronica?"

His gaze faltered, and he turned his eyes away from me.

"No...I'm not."

"Then no, I'm not coming in," I stated forcefully. He put a hand on my shoulder, and I shuddered at his touch, as casual as it was.

"Come on, mia bella, I haven't seen you in nearly two months. Can't we talk about other things?"

"About what? Your fabulous time in Rio while I nursed a broken heart? No thank you," I spat as tears began pricking my eyes.

He muttered something incoherently and dropped his hand, sighing heavily.

"And stop calling me 'mia bella'".

"I don't know how," he murmured solemnly.

"You call other women that, too, don't you?"

"No...only you, Sophia." His voice was a tender whisper, making my heart flutter ever so slightly.

I sighed resignedly.

"I'm going to go now. When you're ready to talk, just let me know."

I turned on my heel to leave when I felt his hand on my elbow.

"It was great seeing you again, mia bella."

"You, too..."

With a heavy heart, I dragged my feet across the carpet towards the elevator, which was only a few feet away. The moment I stepped inside, I turned back to see if Antonio was watching me.

He was.

And in his beautiful brown eyes, I saw nothing but sorrow.

Notes