Changing My Life
Chapter 24 Overwhelmed
Amy's POV
I was sitting at the studio with my note pad and an empty page tapping my pen on the desk. I was blank. I need to write like 3 more songs to complete my next album and I just don't feel motivated. So I decided to call Liam and ask for his and the guys's help. I have never asked them for help but there's a first for everything.
"Hey babe, what's up ?" He chirps as he picks up.
"Hey Li, are the boys around ?"
"Yeah, what's up ?"
"Can you put me on speaker so I can talk to all of you ?"
"Sure." Then I hear him call the boys's. " Hey Ams" Niall said.
"Hey Ni, hey guys. I need your help."
"Sure what's up ?" Harry asks.
"I need to write 3 songs to complete my album and I'm completely blank. I kinda wanted to ask you what you usually do when you write songs. Maybe it'll help." I said hopeful.
"Well, I usually just eat, relax and clear my mind." Niall said and I can't help but laugh.
"Thanks Ni, but I'm no were near relaxed right now."
"Amy, you have to relax. Remember no stress for the baby." Liam lectures and I roll my eyes but sigh because he's right.
"I know Li, but I just I-" Hormones !!!!!!
"Calm down babe, need me to come down there ?" He asks. I sniffle and nod then remember he can't see me.
"Could you ? I really need you Li." I feel so stressed an overwhelmed and I just need a hug.
"I'll be right there babe. Hang in there, love you."
"Love you too." I hang up and laugh at myself.
I just cried to my husband on the phone like a kid who called their daddy to pick the up from school.
Dealing with this pregnancy is stressful and the media doesn't help. They are suspecting that either me or Liam is sick because they got a couple of shots of us at the doctor and emergency room. The tweets about it and comments are really nasty, saying I gave him HIV and stuff. Hormones are not helping me at all right now. We decided to announce the pregnancy at 4 months so as to be out of the miscarriage faze.
I'm currently 2 months pregnant and already I want to be done with it. I just wanna hold the little guy. I'm showing a little and I had to buy bigger clothes because my jeans wouldn't fit. But I mostly wear sweats to keep it loose. Besides me and Emily love to go shopping together and have some mummy and daughter time. My feet and hands are swollen and they hurt when I walk. I manly sit down and elevate my feet all the time. Liam is always taking care of me. He's like my personal assistant and it's cute but I hate having him worry all the time and being busy because of me.
Liam texted me to meet him in the car so I packed my stuff and got in the car.
"Hey babe, how are you feeling ?" I smiled weekly at him and shrugged.
"I'll help you don't worry, you're really tense and stressed I can tell." I smiled and he drove. We got to the park in silence and walked around hand in hand.
"Now just relax and forget about stuff for a second." I nodded and we sat on a bench in front of a pond. I rested my head on his shoulder and tried to relax by closing my eyes. The park was silent, kids were at school at this time and most people were at work so it was almost empty. The silence helped and being in nature helped as well. I quickly got ideas and jotted them down in a book.
We spent two hours there and I was surprised to have a song and a half. I had ideas for the other song as well. Wow. Liam helped a lot. We were popping ideas and jotting them down then turning them to lyrics. It was surprisingly successful.
"I think we should go, thanks Li this really helped." He smiled and we kissed.
"Anything for my girl." We stood up and walked back to the car. We stepped in the studio and I gave Alex the finished song, he sent me home and told me to come back when I finish all of them. He liked the song and my ideas for the other two. Now he will work on the music with the band for the song.
Me and Liam went to lunch and then the mall. I bought some stuff like products and stuff and some pajamas and then we went to pick up the kids from school.
Just as the school bell rung, Freddie cam running out. "Auntyyyyy" I giggled at his adorablness and bent down to his level and hugged him. "Hey buddy, how was school ?" He shrugged and quickly changed the subject but I noticed he was hiding something but decided to talk about it with him later. Soon enough Emily came out and came rushing towards us as well. "Mommyy Daddyy, I missed you." We hugged her and told her we had missed her too.
Soon enough we drove home and I put the kids down for a nap while I sat on the couch with the note pad on my lap and continued working on the song while Liam and the boys went to record some stuff.
I put on some music and finished the songs, this never happened. I wrote 3 songs in a day. I went from blank to inspired. Maybe I was tense. Liam is a miracle worker. He has that effect on me.
When they got back I showed them the songs and they loved them. I emailed them to Alex and he sent me instant feedback saying that he liked them. He said when the music will be done he will tell me to go and record. I smiled, proud of myself and closed the laptop.
I sat next to Liam watching T.V. I laid my head on Liam's lap and my feet on Niall. I pulled up my shirt and traced fingers on my stomach. Just thinking about life.
How bigger I'm gonna get and how exciting things are gonna be. How hectic my life will be with a newborn. With all these thoughts and Liam playing with my hair I drifted off to sleep.
Dream
"Mommy, mommy. Do you love me ?"Emily asked me from a far distance as I was with Liam and a baby in my hand. I couldn't see her clearly because it was too bright and I couldn't tell where we were. I was squinting my eyes trying to look at her.
"Of course I do sweetie. Come here and meet your brother." I said trying to reach her.
"I can't you have him now, you don't care about me anymore."
"Of course not sweetie, I love you so much, please come here." She shook her head no.
"You don't have time for me anymore all you have time for is Thomas." I smiled down at the newborn in my hands and then at Liam. We looked like a happy family but Emily made us whole. Why can't I reach her?
"No honey, I will find time for you I promise, now please come here where it's safe."
"I'm sorry mommy, but I have to go." And with that she jumped and I screamed.
"No Emily, come back. Emily-"
End of dream
I woke up panting and tears streaming down my face.
"Amy, hon. Are you okay ?" I nodded and wiped away my tears smiling but kind of upset.
"I-I'm fine, just startled. Where's Em ?" I asked still a bit shaken up.
"In her room drawing. Bad dream ?" I nodded. "I was neglecting Emily and focusing on the baby more which I think is going to be a boy and we'll name him Thomas I like that name." I said.
"Oh, honey. I'm sure we won't how can we forget about her ?" I sighed. "And what's this about a boy named Thomas ? I like the name." He said and I smiled.
"Yeah, she said his name is Thomas in my dream." I said rubbing my belly.
"I like that name." He said.
"Yeah me too."
"Thomas it is." Liam smiled. " What if it's a girl ?" Louis asked.
"I highly doubt that but I like Taylor." I said.
"Yeah I like it too, it's good for a boy or a girl." Liam said.
"But I don't want to offend Harry so how about Destiny or Hope or Faith ?" I suggested.
"I like all of those names but I'm kinda sure it's a boy." I nodded.
"Yeah me too."
I smiled rubbing my stomach.
"Thomas Alexander Payne" I mumbled.
"I like that." Liam whispered.
"Oh, I was just trying out names but I kinda like it." He nodded smiling.
"Thomas Alexander Payne."
"Freddie is what I picture Thomas to be like when he's his age." I said to no one in particular.
"He loves talking to Thomas, it's like he's his imaginary friend. He always rambles about him." Louis said and I smiled.
"Yeah he's really cute when he does that."
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I'm at the studio after they called me that the music was done. I had gone through major amount of paparazzi today and I fear they will know soon that I'm pregnant. They noticed my swollen hands and asked if I was pregnant. I never answer any of their questions and just ignore them.
"Hey Alex, can I speak with you please ?" He nodded and followed me out of the room.
"I'm really upset that I have been working here for like 3 to 4 years and have not been given any security. One Direction had security and they were 5 guys for Christ sake. I can't handle the paps any more, I'm pregnant for God's sake and I have anxiety problems." I said in a stern voice.
"Amy, calm down it's not good for the bab-" But I cut him off.
"Oh this is not good for the baby ? What about a bunch of men crowding me with cameras and flashes and pressuring me with stupid questions ? Is that good for the baby ?" I snapped.
"I will talk to Simon, please sit down you're worrying me." I sat down and drank some water taking deep breaths and calmed down.
"I'm really sorry for snapping at you, it's not your fault but I'm very stressed and overwhelmed and the paps make it worse." I apologized.
"It's okay I get it and I'm sorry for not giving you security from day one." I nodded and we made it to the booth.
I heard the music and really liked it, I hummed along and was finally ready to add the words to the music. After 3 hours of recording I was home. I took off my shoes and ran to Liam.
"Li ? Can I have a hug please ?" I said tearing up. These god damn hormones make me look like a year old.
"Of course babe, come here. Long day ?" I sat on his lap while he hugged me and rubbed my back.
"Yeah, I sorta snapped at Alex but then I apologized and the songs turned out great."
"Why did you snap at him ?"
"I got tired of the paps and I never have security and now that I'm pregnant and have anxiety issues I don't wanna risk it."
"Oh my god babe, I never thought of that. I'll call Simon right now." He reached for his phone but I stopped him.
"Don't worry babe, Alex is talking to him. It never occurred to me either but I'm so overwhelmed and stressed to have a perfect pregnancy that I requested for security, the paps are nuts."
"Even if you weren't pregnant I'd want security with you."
"Yeah and they don't know I'm pregnant so they obviously won't back off and I don't think they would though once they figure out. They suspect it though because of my stupid swollen hands, but I never confirmed it."
"Everything will be fine babe, I'm here. Take a nap yeah ?" I nodded and drifted off to sleep. I'm too tired to keep my eyes open any more.
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"So Li, I know we're like convinced that it's a boy and all but do you wanna confirm it at 4 months or have a gender reveal party or just find out when I give birth ?" Me and Liam were lying around talking and stuff.
"I don't know what do you wanna do ?"
"I kinda like surprises so either the gender reveal party or finding out when he comes. I'm kinda convinced though that it's a boy. We'll be sure when we find out it's a boy though I bet on it" and he smiled agreeing.
"I have so much on my mind." I said sighing
"I know you're stressed babe, but I'm here for you okay ?"
"That's the thing Li, you're like my personal assistant and I hate having you be busy with me when you can go out with the guys or work. You have to have time for yourself as well."
"I know babe, I don't want you to feel like I'm suffocating you or smothering you or something. I just want to show you I care and that I want to help. You are not alone in this."
"I know Li and it's very cute and I very much appreciate it and enjoy it but you need time for yourself as well."
"I know babe, but you are carrying my child and you get anxiety and stress because of it so I try to help as much as I can. It's only fair."
"Aw Li, your'e so caring. I'm honored to carry your child. Don't worry about me. Why don't you go out tonight with the lads. I'll call Ashley and Danielle if it makes you feel better."
"Are you sure ? I could stay I don't mind."
"I'm sure now go get ready before I drag your ass out the door myself. Just promise me one thing." He nodded.
"No getting drunk and hooking up please."
"Of course not. I won't drink because of my kidney, you know that and I will defiantly not hook up with anyone. Not when I have a beautiful wife." He said kissing me.
"I'm not so beautiful when I look like a whale." I said under my breath.
"Hey, you're not fat. Be glad that when you gain weight it means that our son is growing up."
"Yeah yeah, now go get ready." He went upstairs and I called Ashley and Danielle to come over for girls night while the boys go out for boy's night and everyone agreed.
Freddie was at Brianna's and Emily was still working on her sketch. Ever since I decided to lt her design it she has been at it non-stop.
The girls got here just before the boys were about to leave.
"Be safe and have fun. I love you." I said kissing him and hugging him goodbye.
"Are you sure you want me to leave, I can stay and we can cuddle."
"Babe just go before I kick your ass out the door."
"Okay, okay I'm leaving. Gosh I thought you loved me." He fake pouted.
"I do stupid, now go have fun" I giggled kicking him out the door.
"Love you, call me if you need anything."
"Yeah yeah love you too bye." I waved while he joined the guys in the car and drove off.
I closed the door and we went to the living room were we set up beanbags, popcorn and movies.
"Liam is so cute and protective and caring." Danielle said
"Yeah he is and I never get tired of it."
"Then why did you kick him out." Ashley asked giggling.
"He needs time for himself. He's always running around taking care of me getting me the smallest thing I would need. I figured he deserved a night out."
"It's so cute how you both care for one another in the same manner." I blushed.
"Yeah I'm really lucky to have him." I smiled.
At 8pm I went to check in on Emily and to hand her a slice of pizza and found her grinning widley.
"Hey princess, how's the sketching coming along ?"
"I finished mommy, look. Do you like it ? Do you like it ?" I giggled at her enthusiasm and took a look at the sketch.
"Oh my goodness Em, this is so lovely. Your brother will love it for sure and so will daddy and everyone." She blushed and I hugged her kissing her face all over whilst she giggled.
"Hungry ?" I asked and she nodded as I handed her, her pizza.
"When you're done just call and I'll come put you to bed okay ?" She nodded and I left the room.
3 movies and 4 bowls of popcorn later I had put Emily to bed and we were now just having some girl talk.
"How do you feel about being pregnant ?" Ashley asked.
"Well, it's very interesting. I love being pregnant but I want him in my arms you know. But I love how Freddie talks to my stomach, he spends hours making conversation with my stomach. I just can't wait till I get bigger or till he comes out because I don't think he'll leave my side." I giggled.
"Yeah, he's so cute. He asked me when I will be pregnant so he'll help me surprise Lou like you did to Liam and he helped you." Danielle said and we awed.
"Yeah, he was so cute I told him that I had a secret and he couldn't tell anyone and then I told him that I wasn't really sick and ended up being scolded by a three year old for lying." We laughed. "Then I told him my idea and he went on with it. Lou fake cried because Freddie kept it from him and then he told him it was because he promised me not to say, it was so cute." We awed again.
"But seriously Dani when are you and Lou gonna take the next step ?" I asked and Ashley nodded.
"To be honest with you I have been sick for a month and haven't told anyone." She blushed.
"Do you think-" She shrugged.
"Well there's one way to find out." I stood up and they followed me to the bathroom. I gave Dani a box of pregnancy tests and she took it. When she was done we waited ten minutes then looked.
"Oh my god." She chirped.
"I'm pregnant" We squealed and hugged her.
"I think you need the prank master to help surprise Louis." We laughed and watched another movie until it was 1am. They left and Dani promised to call us when she will tell Louis and tell us how it goes.
I went to bed and fell asleep but soon woke up when the bed dipped and a pair of warm arms wrapped around my torso.
