You + Me + Him

Early 2016

In the nearly ten years she’d known Harry Styles, he went from a pesky little twelve-year-old boy, to this amazing man at twenty-two. He was beautiful inside and out – and looking at him as a whole it was almost insane not to be attracted to a person like him. He oozed confidence in everything he did – but he was never afraid to show his insecure side. He was extraordinarily talented – impressing everyone with his musical abilities. He was successful and smart and really an amazing catch – any girl would be lucky to have him. And he wanted her.

And in a moment of pure unadulterated passion, he was everything she wanted too.

His body was suspended above hers, pressing against her lower half, and his kisses were heated and arousing and just so, so good. Alyssa didn’t want to stop kissing him. She didn’t want him to stop kissing her. And she didn’t quite know what that meant, but she was sure it was going to be complicated.

“Oh my god, Alyssa,” Harry groaned against her mouth before tugging at her bottom lip with his teeth.

A moment later his kisses trailed down her jawline and then down her neck. Her head was spinning. What did it all mean? Did the fact that she felt so comfortable in Harry’s arms mean she wanted to date him? Would they be as compatible as lovers as they were as friends? Would it all blow up in her face in the end? And how in the hell was Harry still single if he could kiss like that and make her feel like this?

“How come you never date?” Alyssa blurted out as Harry’s lips blazed a trail across her collarbone.

“What?” He asked, pulling up immediately to look her in the eyes.

“How come you don’t date? Like, look at you… and just… like, look what you’re doing to me?” She stammered, feeling her cheeks heat up the second the words came out of her mouth.

“What am I doing to you?” He smirked immediately, his eyebrow cocking in question.

“Shut up… just, how come you don’t have a girlfriend?” She asked again, shoving playfully at his shoulder.

“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders as he sat back on his shins.

“I mean, like, you used to date Samantha…” Alyssa continued.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“But she’s like the only girl I’ve ever seen you with, and I mean, I don’t know… like, it was weird…” She stammered, feeling like she was really leading the conversation down a slippery slope.

“Weird?” Harry chuckled, giving her an odd look.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry. Don’t take that the wrong way. It just… I don’t know. I just never felt like either of you were that… uh, compatible with one another. Fuck, I don’t know. I’m sorry,” she said, bringing her hands up to cover her face out of sheer embarrassment.

“I was younger… and she was older. I mean, win-win, I guess,” Harry laughed awkwardly.

“So, you dated her cause she was older?” Alyssa asked, quirking her eyebrow.

“I dated her because I was eighteen years old and never dated. I met Sam and we got on right away, and I thought ‘sure, why not?’” Harry explained.

“’Sure, why not?’” Alyssa repeated.

“Yeah. It’s what dreams are made of, isn’t it?” Harry said flippantly through a chuckle.

“Oh, definitely,” she said sarcastically.

“This is really what dreams are made of,” Harry said, leaning down to kiss her lips.

Alyssa wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him down on top of her again, kissing him back with everything she had. But it was short-lived once they heard the knock on his bedroom door.

“Shit,” Harry said, pulling up to look toward the door.

“Harry?” They heard Trisha from the other side of it.

“Jesus!” Alyssa said in a hushed whisper as she pushed Harry off of her.

She scrambled into a seated position and watched as Harry noticeably adjusted himself in his tight jeans.

“Yeah,” he called out to his step-mom as he took a seat at his desk chair.

Seconds later his door was opened and Trisha was standing there in front of them, and Alyssa’s heart was nearly beating out of her chest.

“Your dad’s on the phone for you, sweetheart. He said he called your cell but you didn’t answer,” Trisha said, walking toward Harry to hand him the house phone.

Harry took the phone quickly and Trisha turned to leave the room, but not before she smiled and waved at Alyssa. She did her best not to look guilty as she returned the gesture. She was certain if Trisha knew what she and Harry were just doing, that smile would be wiped clean off her face.

Trisha left the room without another word. Alyssa didn’t even pay attention to the conversation Harry was having with his dad because she was too worried about whether or not Trisha could sense the pheromones and sexual tension reverberating off of Harry’s bedroom walls.

“Uh, I have to go meet my dad at the studio,” Harry told her with a sigh.

“Oh. Okay,” Alyssa said quietly.

“They just need to me to do some finalizations with the album,” he went on to explain.

“Alright,” Alyssa nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking more than a little disappointed.

“No, it’s okay. I should probably get home anyway,” she said, standing up from his bed.

“We can… um, pick up where we left off later,” Harry said, giving her a bashful smile.

“Or whatever. Yeah…” She smiled back at him with a casual shrug of her shoulders.

Harry walked Alyssa out to her car and stole a quick kiss before she drove off. She was headed back home to a house she shared with his older brother – the man she just had sex with the night before. Christ. Could her life get any more dramatic? All she knew was Zayn needed to be kept in the dark about what happened with her and Harry. Because if Zayn found out, Alyssa was certain there would be an explosion of epic proportion.

“Where have you been?” Zayn asked as Alyssa walked in the door. He was only wearing pajama pants and his glasses, making her think he hadn’t been awake for very long.

“Uh, I had things to do,” she told him, avoiding his gaze.

“You could have woken me up,” he said, sliding his glasses further up his nose with his finger.

“Welcome to my world,” Alyssa mumbled as she slipped off her shoes.

“What?” Zayn asked.

“I said ‘welcome to my world’, Zayn? Do you even know how many times I’ve woken up with you gone?” Alyssa asked, finally turning to look at him. He stood there staring at her blankly, almost like he didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Last night was… it was a one-time thing, Zayn. We’re done with that portion of our friendship,” Alyssa told him firmly, feeling annoyed in his presence already.

“But, Alyssa…” Zayn said quietly.

“No, Zayn. I told you. I said it last night, okay. Just this once. I-I can’t anymore, okay? I just can’t,” she told him, internally freaking out a little.

She hadn’t realized how stressed she’d become at the thought of Zayn finding out about what she just did with Harry. It would be easy for all of them if there were no blurred lines between them anymore.

“But, what if…” He started, his gaze falling to the floor.

“I’m serious, Zayn. I’m dead serious right now. We cannot be friends if we’re constantly screwing each other. I don’t want to be friends if that’s all we are,” she told him firmly.

“That’s not all we are, Alyssa. We can have it all,” he said cryptically.

She felt like she was in a god damn alternate universe. Did he really just say that to her? She couldn’t even help the laugh that slipped out.

“You’re joking, right? You’re joking with me right now,” she said, feeling her whole body start to tingle with anger.

She was about to punch him so hard – so fucking hard. Because if he was seriously about to tell her he wanted more from her, right after Harry just told her the same god damn thing, she was going to lose it. It had to be a sick joke.

“Alyssa…” Zayn sighed, his eyebrows furrowing as he looked at her.

“Right,” she said, witnessing the pity in his eyes.

He didn’t love her any more than she loved her grandparents. He was loyal, he was a friend, but he wasn’t ‘in love’ with her. He never would be.

“Lyss…” He sighed again.

“I’m done, Zayn. Really. Just done,” she told him as she turned to head to her room.

“But Alyssa, you’re my best friend,” Zayn protested.

“Then be that for me too. Please start acting like my best friend again,” she told him and continued to her bedroom.

.

.

Summer 2010

Alyssa didn’t ring the doorbell to the Malik/Styles house. She couldn’t. She didn’t want anyone but Zayn to see her like this. She needed her best friend more than anything at the moment. She needed to cry on his shoulder and for him to tell her everything was going to be okay – even though she knew it wouldn’t be.

She went straight up to his room, barely knocking before she pushed his door open. She was greeted with Zayn gyrating on top of his girlfriend Kylie. Thank the Lord they were still wearing clothes.

“Zayn…” Alyssa gasped through her tears.

“JESUS! Alyssa!” Zayn said, jumping off of Kylie quickly.

“Zayn… I-I need to talk to you,” Alyssa whimpered.

“Uh, can it wait?” Zayn asked, running his hands through his hair as Kylie sat up in his bed looking mortified.

“No…” Alyssa choked out as she began to sob.

“Lyss,” Zayn gasped, getting out of bed when he realized she was crying. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, comforting her in an instant.

“What happened?” Zayn whispered in her ear.

“I-I just… I need to talk to you,” Alyssa cried. Zayn pulled back from her arms to look over at Kylie.

“I’m sorry. I need to…” He told her.

“Yeah, yeah. Sure. Whatever. Call me later, Zayn,” Kylie grumbled as she scrambled out of his bed. Alyssa could hear the jealousy in her voice. He was choosing his best friend over his girlfriend for once and Alyssa could tell Kylie hated it, but she didn’t care. She didn’t care about her.

Kylie quickly kissed Zayn on the cheek before she left his room.

“Lyss, come here,” he said, guiding her to sit down on his bed, his arm still around her.

“What happened?” He asked, concern heavy in his voice.

“They... they—God,” Alyssa cried harder.

“Shhh… calm down, Lyssy,” he said, holding her tightly against him as he cooed in her ear. She was so distraught that she didn’t even care that he just called her ‘Lyssy’. She needed Zayn more than anything right then. He was what kept her from losing her mind on a day-to-day basis. He was her constant. He was her best friend.

“They’re getting… they’re getting a divorce,” Alyssa cried.

“What? Who? Your parents?” Zayn gasped.

“Yes.” She nodded as a painful sob escaped her throat.

“Oh my god,” he gasped, squeezing her tighter in his arms.

When Alyssa finally calmed down, she went on to tell him they sat her down to tell her their decision to separate. And it was a long time coming and they only held off because they didn’t want to ruin her last summer of adolescence before her senior year of high school. But things got bad enough where they knew it was time for her father to move out. And he would be just as soon as they explained it to her little brother – who wasn’t going to take it any better than she did. Micah worshipped their father – wanted to be just like him, as any eight-year-old would. And now their father would be moving out and it scared the hell out of Alyssa.

Zayn held her in his arms for the rest of the evening and she fell asleep with him in his bed. Alyssa knew after that night Zayn Malik was and always would be her best friend. He was the only person she trusted her life, her secrets, and her heart with.

.

.

“Why do you have to walk away from me when we’re in the middle of a conversation?” Zayn asked, startling Alyssa as he appeared in her bedroom doorway.

“Jesus Christ! Learn to knock!” Alyssa snapped, holding her hand over her wildly beating heart.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, leaning against the door frame. She scoffed in response and went back to scrolling through the Facebook app on her phone.

“I don’t know why it has to be all or nothing with you,” Zayn went on to say.

“Really, Zayn?” Alyssa asked, looking up at him with a glare in her eyes.

“Yeah,” he scoffed, pulling his arms up to cross them over his chest.

“Because I fucking deserve it. Don’t I deserve to be wanted and loved? Don’t I deserve to have someone who only wants me? Don’t I deserve it?” Alyssa explained as the anger and frustration welled up inside of her, making her emotional.

“Yes,” he said quietly, hanging his head.

“Then please, God. Just please stop, Zayn. Just please stop toying with me. Please stop messing with my head,” she pleaded as her tears welled in the back of her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn said, looking back up at her with a pained expression.

“I want to be able to find someone, Zayn. I want to be able to stop looking at you and seeing a future, when I know there never will be one – not for us. I want to be able to move on,” she told him and he nodded in agreeance.

“Please understand,” she whispered. She was exhausted from having this conversation over and over. Depleted, empty, worn.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“I love you, Zayn. But I just want to be friends,” she told him finally and he nodded again.

“Okay,” he said finally.

The two of them stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments, before his gaze fell to the floor and he silently slunk out of the room. Alyssa inhaled a ragged breath before letting it out hard as she wiped at her eyes. In with the good, out with the bad.

She quickly closed the Facebook app and opened her text messages. She deserved to be happy.

Alyssa: I want to see you tonight.

Seconds later her phone buzzed with a text. Harry. Her Hazza.

Harry: I want to see you too. When?

Alyssa: I don’t care. I just want to see you.

Harry: Come by around ten? Come up to my room.

Alyssa: I’ll be there.

Notes