Saving Gace

The walk to the field was peaceful. It was a warm and sunny day. A little warmer than it normally is this late in autumn, and there was only a light breeze that occasionally blew. I put my headphones in as soon as I left the school out of habit. Though I’ve felt relatively good that last few days, minus the incident with my father the other night, I usually don’t trust myself to be alone with my thoughts. Nothing good ever comes from that. Normally any time I had a chance to think about things, I always drifted back to how horrible things had gotten since moving here. I was always left sitting by myself crying and angry. I decided a while ago that blocking out my thoughts all together was better than dealing with the sad reality that was my life.

I reached the park and took my usual spot in the field, just past the playground. There was a mother and her two children playing, and I found myself smiling at how happy they seemed. Normally I’d be annoyed that I didn’t have the whole park to myself- annoyed that I had to wait to lose my jacket and just be me. But today was different. I enjoyed watching them play. It reminded me of when things were simpler, easier. Back before me life felt like it was crumbling to pieces.

I continued to watch them play as I sat and enjoyed the weather as the sun warmed my skin. I went through the motions of finishing my homework, when I realized that the family had left. I was finally alone. I looked around to be sure before removing my flannel and laying back on it. I stretched my arms out to the side as the setting sun hit them and began to warm my newly exposed skin.

I examined my arms. While they didn’t look great, it wasn’t the worst they’ve ever looked. Besides, most of the deeply colored bruises were the ones on my stomach and ribs that were covered. What I noticed most was how pale my skin was. And it wasn’t due to the fact that England is nearly always overcast. It was because I was forced to keep everything covered. If I didn’t want anyone to ask questions, anyway. There was a time when I had beautifully tanned skin, even when we first moved here, when things were better at home, I wasn’t this pale.

I closed my eyes hard and tried to concentrate on anything but where my thoughts were now. I rubbed my temples as if that would help. I sat up, leaning back on my arms to look at the sunset. It really was beautiful here.

My mind began to wander again, and before I knew it, I was replaying the conversation between Harry and his friends over and over again. ‘She’s very pretty.’ ‘Yes, she is very pretty, isn’t she?’ I’ve never seen myself that way. I always just saw myself as average, and that was before my appearance actually made me cringe every time I looked in the mirror.

Though I saw myself as lest desirable nowadays, I couldn’t help but smile when I thought of what Harry and Louis had said earlier. I wondered if it was true- if they really thought that. If it was possible for something so damaged to be seen as beautiful. I went over my other encounters with Harry in my head. He seemed kind of nervous today before school. He even seemed nervous after school. I could have sworn I caught him blushing. It also could have just been my imagination. He was probably just nervous because he had never really talked to me before.

It was pretty dark now that the sun had set. A chill went through me as I realized the sun took the warmth with it. It wasn’t freezing, but definitely too cold to be sitting out here without a jacket. I puled my flannel back on, pulling it tightly around me to warm up faster, and grabbed my phone out of my backpack. Oops. 4 texts from mum. I forgot that I hadn’t checked my phone all day.

Mum:
Hey honey when will you be home?

Adley?

Where are you?

Adley Bryn you need to answer me so I know you’re safe!

I quickly typed a response. ‘sorry mum. Phones has been off in in my bag all day. I was doing homework. Be home soon.’ She responded almost immediately.

Mum:
Okay. See you soon. Dad’s already asleep so be quiet. xx

I threw my phone back into my bag and stood up to leave. I made it down the road before I heard him call out to me. “Adley! Wait up!”

How did this keep happening? Was he following me or something? “Oh hey, Harry,” I called out. “What are you…” I trailed off when I had fully turned to face him. He had clearly been on a run again. Why did I always jump to conclusions? I was stopped on the sidewalk, staring as Harry jogged to catch up to me. Harry wore a pair of black Nike jogger sweats, black Nike trainers, and a sweatshirt tied around his waist. Again, he had his perfectly sculpted body out on display. It was hard to ignore.

“Hey! What are you doing out here so late?” he asked, trying to steady his breathing.

I looked away to the ground. I didn’t trust myself to look at him shirtless without making a complete fool of myself. “Nothing. Just on my way home,” I admitted. “Why are you out so late?” I asked as my cheeks heated up.

Harry let out a small chuckle and looked at me like it was obvious- and it was. “That’s great! I’ll walk with you. I was just out for a run.” I looked up at him now, prepared to kindly refuse his offer, but he spoke again before I had the chance. “Please. I was on my way home anyway,” he shrugged.

I just smiled and looked to the ground as we started walking toward out neighborhood. I decided it wasn’t worth arguing over. He was heading that direction anyway after all. Besides, I’ve enjoyed my time with him so far, it’s been nice, and I promised myself I wouldn’t push him away. Lord knows I could use some friends.

Most of the walk was silent, like things usually are with Harry. “So how was everything?” he asked, finally breaking the silence.

“Hmm?” I was puzzled by the question.

He looked at me from the corner of his eye and smiled. “Your plans earlier,” he prompted. “How was everything? If I’m not being to personal.”

“Oh, yeah… those. Good, they were good. How was the rest of your day?” I asked, hoping to change the focus from me. I didn’t want to let him know I didn’t really have plans, and I definitely didn’t want to tell him where I had actually spent the day. Or why I had spent the day by myself for that matter. I wasn’t ready to share that part of my life with anyone. I mean, I wasn’t trying to blow him off- I just didn’t want to go home.

“It was good, yeah,” Harry said, interrupting my thoughts.

I paused for a minute. “So… what did you do” I asked to fill the silence.

“Just hung out with some of the lads,” he replied with a small laugh.

I quickly looked away. I felt so awkward. It was almost painful for me to be social anymore. “That’s fun,” I said, trying to sound casual.

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I waited. He tried again, this time getting the words out that I was hoping he wouldn’t say. “so what did you do today? If you don’t mind.”

My heart began to race. I knew I shouldn’t have pressed for more with him. If I hadn’t, he probably wouldn’t have even asked me. “Oh, not at all,” I lied. “nothing really,” I paused to think of something so it didn’t seem like I lied to him earlier. “I met up with a friend for coffee,” I shrugged trying to play it cool. I felt bad for lying to him. I don’t know why, I lie to people all the time, but this was different. It was like lying to a friend.

His eyebrows pulled together, “Isn’t that on the other side of town?” he questioned with a chuckle.

Crap. Apparenly I’m a horrible liar. “Yeah,” I continued, “but I went to the park afterward,” I nodded in the direction we had come from. “I wanted to enjoy the warm weather, remember?” I forced a small laugh as I playfully nudged his side with my elbow. Nice save.

He smiled, “Hmm,” was all he said as the corners of his lips pulled up in a soft smile.

“What?” I asked out of curiousity, without thinking. I probably should have let it go.

“You spend a lot of time there.” It wasn’t a question. It was an observation. Apparently, he had watched me more than I realized.

“Uhmm yeah, I guess I do.” I don’t know why I kept talking- why I kept opening up to him. I just felt easy and natural. “I like it there. It’s beautiful,” I shrugged while keeping my eyes straight ahead.

“It is, isn’t it?” he asked, more of a rhetorical question. “I used to go there with my mum and sister growing up. I guess that’s why I always go on runs over there. I’m drawn to it too,” he finished. I wasn’t sure if he was really talking to me of just talking, but before I knew it, we were outside my house.

“Thanks,” I said, looking at him now.

His face was one of confusion. “For what?”

“For walking me home,” I paused, “and talking to me,” I shrugged not letting myself look up at him again.

“Of course, Adley,” he sounded sincere. “Thanks for letting me walk with you. We were both silent for a moment. “And I like talking to you,” he added nervously.

I looked up at him now. Both of us blushing a deep crimson red. “I like talking to you too, Harry,” I admitted.

We both stood there, string at each other, without saying a word. I awkwardly looked away and broke the silence. “Well, I’d better get inside,” I said while motioning toward the house.

He blushed a deeper red, if that were even possible. “Oh, yeah. It’s pretty late. I should go too.”

Neither one of us moved at first. I stepped backward started to turn toward the front door. “Later, Harry,” I called over my shoulder.

“Goodnight, Adley,” in his deep raspy voice. I was definitely blushing now. “tomorrow, right?” I stopped mid stride and turned to face him, looked puzzled. “The ride,” he paused, “to school.”

“Yes. Tomorrow.” I couldn’t help but smile a little.

A smile spread across his face, revealing his adorable dimples. “Great!” the blood rushed to his cheeks again.

I giggled. I was sure my cheeks were every bit as red as his. “I’ll see you in the morning, Harry.”

“Goodnight,” he called out again as I stepped through the front door.

I closed the door quietly and locked it before standing with my back to it, smiling. I headed up to my room with a smile still on my face as I thought about the great day I had. I hadn’t had a day like this in a long time. I got ready for bed and laid there feeling truly happy for the first time in what felt like a lifetime.

Notes