Saving Gace

I walked into school, dreading it like every other day. I hate this place. I'm miserable here. Things at home suck- they're falling apart really. Mum and Dad argue all the time, but would never let anyone else know that. they put on a fake smile and pretend like everything is picture perfect when anyone else is around. I'm also not the most popular girl in school. I moved here a few years ago when Dad got relocated for his job. I actually didn't find it terribly hard to make friends when we first moved here, but when things at home started to get bad I figured it was best to cut ties with everyone before they got too close and realized what was going on. All my friends that I was close with, that I could tell anything to, were back home in the states, so I don't really get to see them anymore. I'm all alone here.

Cheshire isn't that bad though. I've never failed to be amazed by the beauty of England. Honestly, I think it's the only thing keeping me sane at this point. It's the only escape I have when things at home get too overwhelming-which is almost always. Something about being in nature is just comforting to me. I don't have to worry about the drama at home or acknowledge the fact that I feel so lonely all the time.

No one knows what actually goes on at home. I mean, who do I have to tell? People just think I’m the shy girl around school, but mostly I’m just afraid to let anyone in. People would think differently of me, and I don’t want that. I don’t want their pity or their sympathy, so if anyone says hi or asks how I am, I put on my best smile and pretend like everything is as picture perfect as my parents pretend it is.

I just feel so lost and utterly alone- like I’m living in complete darkness. I have no one to talk to. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I go to the park by the school. It’s absolutely beautiful there. It’s the only time I ever really feel at peace. I like to lay in the open field and just watch the clouds. It’s comforting to lay and think about the time when things weren’t so complicated- when I felt free and like myself. Luckily, it’s never really crowded- I don’t know why though because it really is beautiful. I really hate being alone all the time, but sometimes it’s just nice to sit in silence, you know?

But not today. Not yet anyway. Right now, I am stuck in the prison they call school. I hate being here. I hate pretending like everything is okay when I feel like I’m dying on the inside. I might still be miserable at the park, but at least I don’t have to hide it there. I don’t have to pretend like everything is fine when I’m there because no one else is around to notice.

School ended after what seemed like forever, just in time for me to see a text my mum.

Mum:
Dad and I got into it again. Might want to let him cool down before coming home.

Great. I wasn’t planning on going home right after school anyway, but I definitely don’t want to go home at all anymore. These are the kind of days where I stay at the park until I’m sure dad will be asleep by the time I get home. This sucks! I’m trapped in the middle and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m glad mum warned me, but this is all her fault anyway. I don’t know how she’s still with dad after everything he’s done. Whatever. I stopped at my locker to grab what I needed for homework and made my way to the park.

Perfect. There’s no one here. I love having this place to myself. It’s my own little safe haven. I mindlessly went through my assignments, finishing them rather quickly. Now I could finally enjoy the beautiful weather. It was relatively warm for being the middle of September, but it was beautiful. This is my favorite time of year- when it’s not too warm, not too cold, and best of all, the leaves were all starting to change colors.

I laid down in the open field and stared straight up at the clouds that were scattered throughout the sky. The trees surrounding the field were the most beautiful shades of red, yellow, and orange I’ve ever seen. As I laid there, the sun continued to shine down on me, making it a little too warm in my jacket. I sat up and looked around. The park was still empty. If not one has come yet, they probably won’t at all, right? Besides, the field was far off from everything else and no one else really comes here but me. I cautiously removed my jacket, making sure I was still alone. I laid there in my black skinny jeans and flowy maroon tank top. I hate that I have to hide myself under all these layers. I closed my eyes and laid there as the setting sun hit my skin.

“Oh my god.”

Oh shit. My eyes flew open.

“Adley?” I heard his low, raspy voice call out. “What happened? Are you alright?”

Notes

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