To Be Loved

I try to hide my yawn as I finish charting for my final patient. I glance at my watch and internally sigh of relief. Only 1 more hour left of my third twelve hour shift this week and then I was off for three days (which I planned for nothing but getting the house clean and becoming a part of my couch, because I did not plan on leaving it whatsoever). The next shift nurse would be clocking in soon and I was preparing to fill her in on the current statuses of my patients. Suddenly the timer on my beeper went off, meaning it was time to once again check on a critical patient.

I walked to room 105 and washed my hands and gloved as I entered. I glanced to the bed he lay in and everything seemed to be just how I left it. Multiple IV infusions, a mouth tube and pump to control his breathing, his eyes were closed and he seemed content. If only he knew how far he was from recovery. I check the patients’ wrist band to verify his name and date of birth for protocol. “Harry Styles. Date of birth February 1, 1994. Okay Harry, I’m going to check your vitals now and see how everything is coming along,” I said aloud, although I knew he could not hear me.

This was definitely my most critical patient. He was admitted into the ICU just two days ago and I’ve been a part of the team taking care of him. It was a car crash that brought him in, and a horrible one at that. His car flipped on the interstate three times resulting in multiple injuries all over his body including a collapsed lung, multiple fractured ribs and bones, and severe brain contusions. He was placed into an induced coma in order for the brain swelling to go down, so for the time being he had tubes that fed and breathed for him. I track his recovery and make sure his vitals stay stable. He is extremely lucky to be alive.

Being an ICU nurse is difficult, demanding, and requires a lot of patience. Obviously, all patients who come in are in critical care and require much more supervision than any other patient. So you take care of them and hope and pray they pull through. Most patients do not remember their nurses when they are here because they are usually on heavy medications or in a coma, but I love my position regardless. It is rewarding to see patients survive and recover because you know that you helped them do that. That’s why I love my job.

I finished checking Harry and everything was normal, well, somewhat. Obviously his conditions were not normal, but his vital signs were where they needed to be. Before I left I sat on the chair next to his bed and held his hand in mine, making sure not to pull on any IVs. I would not see him for three days, so I prepared to just talk to him for a moment. No one knows if he could really hear me, but the ICU was a lonely place and Harry couldn’t have any visitors, so someone had to talk to him.

“Okay Harry, I’m not going to see you for three days. I need you to keep fighting for me, alright? This is a crucial time for your body and it is not really sure what to do right now, but I just need you to hang on a little longer so we can get you to the recovery floor. Please do not let go in the days that I am gone.” I spoke to him softly, almost in a whisper. I bowed my head and said a little prayer before exiting the room. As a nurse it is easy to get attached to patients, even if they are not awake. All you want is for them to live.

I finished my charting just in time as the next shift nurse arrived.
“Hey Aria, how are our patients today?” Julie grinned at me. I adored her and she was an amazing nurse. I knew our patients would be in good hands with her.

“Doing just fine, now here’s what’s going on,” I began and proceeded to explain to her every vital, medication, and standing status of each patient, which there were only three.

I clocked out, changed out of my scrubs, and headed out for my much needed three day break.

I walked inside the door to my apartment and immediately threw my keys and purse on the
nearby table. I was greeted by my two cats, Mango and Berry, obviously hungry as they circled around my legs. I filled their bowls with food and water and took a shower soon after.

It felt good to be home. I enjoyed my apartment in the city and although I lived alone, it was relaxing and I enjoyed the time to myself. After showering, I cooked myself a quick dinner which was just some broccoli and cheese pasta and a glass of wine.

As I ate dinner, Netflix was on in the background. I checked my phone and scrolled through the usual social media. Nothing exciting was going on, just the usual selfies on Instagram and girls tweeting about their pride on Twitter. I got on Facebook and a specific post caught my eye.

Maddison Patterson posted “Look at how cute my babies are! I love my little family so much!” Below there was a picture that made my eyes burn. A boy lay on a bed grinning with two dogs laying on him. My dogs. On a bed that I used to sleep in, in a house I used to live in. The fire in my stomach ignited and rage filled every inch of my body. I tried to ignore it. Why was she even on my Facebook? I blocked her and shut my phone off, trying to once again forget that part of my life.

Notes

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting so please be nice :) I have a lot in store so stay tuned!