Stay

I woke to extreme cold and no knowledge of the time. It still had to be night because it was darker overhead. I couldn’t stop shivering and it didn’t help that the rain was still falling and I was pretty much soaked to the skin as well as all the contents of my bag. My teeth chattered uncontrollably and my jaw ached because of it. The hairs of my exposed skin stuck up and so did the goosebumps.

I sat up slowly, feeling quite stiff in my joints, wrapped my arms around myself and began to rub myself warm. It didn’t seem to help, however and the cold seemed to settle deep in my bones themselves.

I could barely feel my feet even though they were in my shoes and you’d expect them to be warm enough if they were. The tips of my fingers and my ears were numb and my brain seemed to be frosting up. I’m not even exaggerating.

I didn’t even think about moving and eventually I stopped trying to warm myself up. I just sat there thinking. Running everything through my mind until my heart physically hurt. Despite the fact that he’d been dishonest, despite my current situation, despite everything all I wanted was to be in his arms right now. I didn’t even care about what he’d done, I was willing to forgive. I think I’d always been. I didn’t even know how I’d got myself here… or why. I guess it had been in the moment but I now regretted every action I’d taken since I found out. I wish it were possible to turn back time to before all this shit had even happened. Maybe… maybe if the Doctor existed he could drop out of the sky in his TARDIS and take me back… but then there’d be two of me so that wouldn’t work… no.

I’d never been much of a thinker. It had always been “just do it and think about the consequences later”. Well look where that got me. In a load of shit, recently recovered from a hangover and now I was freezing and without a place to go. I couldn’t go back. I had to deal with the situation I’d put myself in. No one else should have to suffer because of me. It was my fault… my fault… my… fault.

My brain felt cloudy, like a mist was seeping into it so I couldn’t gather my thoughts properly. Everything felt distant. All my thoughts, memories, everything. It was like I was moving backwards away from everything and everyone I’d ever known. All the good times seemed to be sitting so far in the past that I could barely believe that they’d even happened.

I drink might do me good. I pulled out one of the bottles I still had and opened it before taking a swig. I didn’t feel much difference so I drank again. There was a tiny difference this time so I took a third sip before leaving it at that and saving the rest until later.

I didn’t bother trying to sleep anymore because I just couldn’t. I just sat there staring ahead, thoughts now zooming through my mind, but still blurred. I felt a bit warmer after a while, though. But it didn’t stop there. I felt a tad sweaty and hot so I took off my jumper and chucked it to the side, feeling a little better. But then my feet began to feel it so I took my shoes and socks off and then rolled my jeans up a little. I didn’t take anything else off though because I’d look a right state if I did, not that I didn’t anyway. I just sat there, fanning myself every so often, feeling the sweat form on my hairline.

Through the trees I could see a faint strip of light, like a pinky light. My mind started doing weird things and everything seemed to move extra fast. I began to see all these nice things that’d happened to me. All my birthday parties, nice times with friends and family, meeting Harry, being with Harry. Harry…

Now that I thought about it, two of me didn’t seem all too bad. At least Harry could see me if there was two of me. It wasn’t like being in the Pensieve in Harry Potter where you couldn’t be seen or heard by anyone. Time travel seemed like a good option. And the Doctor would be nice and look after me in his TARDIS.

I stood up without really knowing it until I began to sway. I took a careful step and then another before falling forwards onto my front.

“Doctor! Doctor!” I yelled. Maybe he would help me if I called for him. “DOCTOR! DOCTOR!” But it didn’t work, I didn’t hear the tell tale sound of the TARDIS. But I did hear something, it was coming from through the trees but it was faint. My eyesight was going and I could barely see anything but a shadow moving towards me. I tried to scramble backwards but I could hardly move, my body just wouldn’t respond. So I just curled up on the ground and whispered, “Please save me from the monsters. Please save me from the monsters,” over and over again.

“Claire! Claire!” someone called in the distance. It sounded familiar but I just couldn’t figure out who. Their cry sounded shocked and strangled, as if they were choking on something in their throat. “Claire! Claire, please!” they called, closer now. I felt something slide under my head and it was lifted from the ground. Why couldn’t I figure out who it was? They seemed to be crying now, but why? Why were they crying? What was wrong?

“Claire! Wake up! Please wake up!” they called. But I was awake. I’m pretty sure I was. How else could I hear them if I wasn’t awake?

They kept calling but for some reason, it was getting fainter… further and further away. I felt like I was floating now, up on a cloud. But it was dark and quiet. The calls grew more distant until I couldn’t hear them at all… until I couldn’t hear, see or feel anymore.

Notes