Insanity

It's been a few years. A few years since One Direction called it off. 4 years to be exact. If I say I didn't expect it to happen soon, that would be a total lie. Ever since Zayn left, I knew there's no hope anymore. I do know it'd all happen soon. I mean nothing last forever, right?. It's just, I didn't expect it would be this fast. I didn't know a change can make my life completely upside down.

We haven't keep in touch since forever. It may or may not be my fault, I was too sad over the breakup. Ever since Harry said the exact words, "Guys, this isn't working anymore, don't you think? Why are we still doing this..". It was a lovely evening, we just finished performing History at The Late Late Show. We're just all happy and smiling until then Harry said those fourteen words. I was left speechless. The worst part was, all the boys agreed on that. And that, of course, leads to the breakup. That's our last performance, ever.

I was scared, real scared. What would happen to me? All the boys would definitely continue their career or whatever, Niall would probably be a professional golfer. But me? What about me? Ever since Day 1, I'd always knew that I'm the least favourite. If I continued singing, it'd be absolute trash. I'm not as good as the other boys, and we can all agree on that. Without them, I'm literally nothing but just another band member.

It was real heartbreaking. To see our fans cry over the breakup. If anything, they're truly the only reason I didn't give up on my life yet. They keep giving me support on and on. Don't know what I'd do without them, honestly. Seeing them sad, just makes me feel guilty. I wish I would've stay if I could. In fact, I didn't even agree on it, but they thought it was for the best.

Zayn decided to leave the band 6 years ago for whatever the reason is, he said he's tired of the fame. B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T, if I must say. Not even a year after, he's already selling out stadiums on his new album. I still do love Zayn, he's like my brother. he'll always be. It's just..some part of me can't help but think he's the reason for our breakup, and I hate it.

On the first year, we'd still occasionally hang out once in awhile. Even Zayn joined sometimes, even though I'd glare at him most of the time, which probably makes him uncomfortable and that's probably why he stopped hanging with us. Aren't I just a little ball of a problem? But after quite a few months, we just stopped. I didn't know why nor do I ever ask. They probably moved on, but I didn't. We all made different friends, hung with different crowds. As time goes on, I lost almost everyone close to me. But I thought it's okay, I liked being alone back then.

Being alone is what makes me crazy. It drives me literally insane. People just won't talk to me and I just want to know why. Am I a freak? Am I not good enough? Why did everyone moved on but I can't. And there's where I decided to move and change everything I have. I made a new number, I moved to a new house where no one knows where I am. I abandoned everyone. But did they ever try to contact or find me? No, they don't care. Yeah, it's stupid. Like how are they supposed to contact you when you change—blahblahblah. Don't they have FBI shit or something? I doubt they even care.

I'm not Louis Tomlinson anymore. Now, I'm just a lonely and depressed 30 years old. Hell, I'm more than depressed. I have no idea what's with my family, my fans abandoned me and my band members probably didn't even remember me. I don't even know what friends are anymore, the word never came on my mind lately.

I barely even go outside anymore. Maybe I did twice every three months to buy some food. That sounds almost impossible, but it's the truth. Luckily, people didn't recognize me until now. I do miss the fame, I wouldn't say I miss the mobbing part, though.

I changed a lot. My hair becomes messier. I've grown some hair here and there. I wouldn't be shocked if people mistook me for a gorilla. I'm never really depressed, I have my days off when I was in the band when I'll snap on everyone but besides that, I'm always happy. Well, the Louis I used to know does. I'm always the cheerful one, tries to make people laugh everyday. I didn't know how I become like this. I'd never expect I'll end up like this. To be honest, I don't think anyone does.

I wish I can stay happy once again and everything would be back to normal. Dreams don't always come true, do they?

Notes

Hiiiiii.
Sorry for the short chapter, I'm just a not good writer. Btw, I'm sorry about what Louis said about himself. It's definitely isn't true. He's perfect, just the way he is. And sorry about the Zayn thing, I love him, I do. It's just a fanfiction afterall. :( x

Also, check out my other fanfic "TIMEBREAKER" -which I wasn't sure if I'd end it someday, but hopefully.