Shutter

Two days passed without word from Harry. Elle was still holed up in her apartment, stuck in a depression knowing it was her fault things were bad between them. It was her irresponsibility that led to the broken trust in their relationship – even though they really didn’t have a relationship. She didn’t know what else to call it.

Her insecurities wouldn’t allow her to call or text him again after getting no response the first few times. She wasn’t going to act desperate over it – even though all she felt was an aching desperation, a need for him. She wanted him to come around when he was ready to. But there was a fear inside of her that almost made her certain he wouldn’t ever find himself ready to forgive her.

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Elle woke up to a barrage of loud frantic knocks on her apartment door. It was still dark out – the sun wasn’t even up. Everything at this hour left her confused. Before she could really even comprehend what was happening, another set of knocks ripped through the stillness of her apartment just as the ring tone on her cell phone blared out, startling her completely.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she grumbled as she sat up, throwing off the blankets, sending a chill up her whole body.

She fumbled for her glasses on her nightstand, pushing them on her face as she looked down to see Charlie’s face flashing across the screen on her cell phone. What was with this dude and calling her at the butt-crack of dawn?

She turned on her bedside light and answered the phone in the same instance.

“What is it, Charlie?” She grumbled into the receiver as she ran her fingers through the mess of hair on her head.

“Elle, are you home? Let me in. I need to show you something,” he said quickly, sounding all too riled up for five o’clock in the morning.

She almost forgot there was someone knocking on her apartment door. Almost.

“Jeez, calm down. I’m coming,” she mumbled as she meandered toward the door.

Without warning, Charlie ended the phone call and Elle pulled it away from her ear. He sure was acting crazier than usual.

“What is going on?” She asked, opening the door to his frantic looking face.

“Were you sleeping? Have you been online?” He asked immediately, not letting her answer before he continued on, whizzing past her into the apartment.

“Uh, what is going on?” Elle asked him, feeling shell-shocked with his intense mood.

He finally stopped, looking straight at her before he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“It’s none of my business what you and Harry do together, Elle…” He began.

Elle’s eyes went wide as her mouth dropped slightly open at the mentioning of her sexual relationship with Harry. She tried to push back the negative thoughts, hoping Charlie wasn’t going to say what she thought he was going to say – that her worst fears weren’t about to be realized.

“W-what are you talking about?” She stammered as she closed the door.

“There’s pictures, Elle – of you and Harry,” he told her finally.

“Pictures?” She choked out, feeling her whole body start to tingle with apprehension.

He paused, giving her a look of sympathy – and she knew. She knew for sure exactly what pictures he was talking about.

“Naked pictures… of you,” he confirmed, looking pained that he had to be the one to break the news.

“Oh my god,” she gasped, feeling her whole world crash down upon her.

“What— did you… did you sell them… or…?” Charlie asked her awkwardly, unsure of how to approach the subject.

“You think I sold naked pictures of myself to a tabloid!?” She spat at him, her voice rising angrily.

“I was just making sure. I just… I don’t know. Kate wanted you to… to use your relationship with Harry to your advantage…” He said, going completely red in the face.

“I would never—” She choked out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I didn’t want to offend you. I’m sorry,” Charlie said, holding his hands up in a defensive stance.

“Lorenzo. Oh my god.” Elle shook her head as tears stung her eyes.

“Lorenzo?” Charlie questioned.

“He had my camera, Charlie. Lorenzo did this. He stole my camera and my pictures and he fucking sold them, probably to the highest bidder. Oh my fucking god!” Elle growled.

“Holy shit,” Charlie breathed.

“Harry is never going to speak to me again,” she groaned, feeling her emotions building and building inside of her. She wanted to weep over this. She wanted to wallow, but she couldn’t because Charlie was standing in front of her with stupid questioning eyes.

“What are you going to do?” Charlie asked.

“I don’t know. I have no idea,” she said as tears streaked helplessly down her face.

They stood there for a few moments in weighted silence – her mind only dwelling on the worst.

“I just… I just need to be alone right now,” she told him quietly.

“Yeah, sure,” Charlie said, taking a step toward the door.

“Hey listen, Elle. If you need anything, just call,” he said, turning toward her as her squeezed her shoulder in his hand.

“Thanks,” she squeaked out as she wiped at her teary eyes.

He nodded before moving the rest of the way toward the door, leaving her alone like she requested.

She immediately took to the internet to survey the damage – to see just what everyone was saying about the situation. And it was entirely heartbreaking. Those pictures were never supposed to be seen or shared. And now they were displayed on the internet for the whole world to see and judge and critique and criticize.

Elle spent the next hour crying over what happened. She was certain she went through four out of the five stages of grief in that time. Once the depression hit again, she picked up her phone to call Harry. It went straight to voicemail – which was not a surprise, since it was the same for the past three days.

“Hey, it’s me – Elle,” she breathed into the receiver as she began to leave him a message. She didn’t know what she was going to say or what she could say to make it better, but she wanted him to know she was sorry for her part in all of it.

“I’m just… I’m so sorry. I never meant… I never meant for those pictures to get out. I-I… gahhh. I am just… I am so… god, I am sorry. I’m sorry you even met me. I’m sorry it escalated to this. I’m just… I’m so sorry. And… and I can’t even—you’re just… you’re just gone now and I-I don’t know how to handle myself. I know I messed up, but if you could just talk to me. Could you please… could you just call me? I never meant for this to happen, Harry. Please,” Elle pleaded, all her desperation apparent in her words and her voice as she left him the message.

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As the sun rose in the sky and as the day began for many, Elle’s phone began to ring with text messages and calls – all to which she ignored. They all had to do with the pictures that were slowly but surely becoming public knowledge and she just didn’t want to deal with it. The only call she had any interest in was Harry’s – it was the only reason she didn’t turn off her phone.

Between the lulls in phone calls, she let herself close her eyes to the world and lost herself to sleep. But every time the phone rang, she would be thrust back into reality.

She looked down at the phone in her hand and almost lost it when she saw Harry’s picture flash across the screen. It was a picture of him lying in her bed, his head propped up by one of her pillows. He had a Soft smile on his face and it made her heart melt every time she saw it – this time was no different, except the pain in her heart was amplified to go along with it.

“Harry,” Elle breathed, answering the phone quickly.

“Hi,” she heard him say quietly across the other end.

“Harry,” she said again in more of a whimper. She wanted to burst out in tears, but she swallowed her emotions back so she didn’t scare him off more than she already did.

“Elle,” he said her name in response and she was certain he meant for her to speak, to start the conversation.

“Harry, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” she told him.

“I know. I got your message,” he said lowly and she couldn’t help but register the coldness in his voice.

“Please, don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry,” she whimpered.

“I’m angry at the situation, Elle,” he told her.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

“Please, just stop… just stop apologizing. I get it,” he told her Softly and she could tell he was trying to hold back the annoyance in his tone for her sake.

“Okay,” she said quietly.

“Listen, Elle…” Harry sighed.

Her entire insides contracted at his words, certain it would be the time where he finally let her go. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t breathe. She was just waiting for the fall-out. She dreaded his words.

“I-I think we need to let this just ride itself out. It might be rough for a while… but, I don’t know. As horrible as this whole situation is, I think we just need to… to wait it out,” he told her.

Wait it out?

“Are you there?” He asked after she didn’t respond.

“I’m here,” she squeaked.

“I’m sorry too, you know,” he said quietly.

Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest for him. She hated this. She hated that he was feeling bad for her mistake.

“I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have taken those pictures,” he told her.

“Harry, no,” she said quickly.

“I shouldn’t have,” he said again.

“I don’t regret you taking them, Harry. I don’t,” she told him in a pleading tone.

“I don’t regret being with you like that, Elle. But… it was irresponsible to document it like that,” he told her, sounding as if those words were fed to him, like it was something that his team told him to say if asked about the situation.

“Gahhh,” she cried out as she felt her tears start anew.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Please, Harry,” Elle whimpered.

“Can I… I’ll call you again soon, Elle,” Harry told her.

“Will you?” She questioned, thinking back to how he said the same thing nearly three days ago and she didn’t hear from him until she left a desperate plea on his voicemail.

“I will,” he assured her.

“Okay,” she said finally.

“I’m sorry this happened. I know it’s more on you – it being your body that’s shown. God, I’m sorry,” Harry told her, letting out a deep sigh.

“It’s okay, Harry,” she replied.

“We’ll talk again soon,” he told her again.

“Okay,” she said quietly.

“Bye, Elle,” he breathed.

“Bye, Harry,” she replied before the call was disconnected altogether.

And somehow it felt so final. And Elle couldn’t shake that feeling.

Notes