f i f t y f o u r - absence.
//you never know how much someone means to you until they're gone//
One week without him, it’s been a full seven days since he stormed off into the forest. He thought I was dying, he wasn’t aware of the truth. The pain I felt was so intense, so horrid – I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, not even on the person I hold the most hatred for, my father. Zayn explained it to me once I had calmed down and the morphine allowed me to relax my body. He said it was the venom that Harry had to put in my veins in order to officially place his claim on me. Apparently, Harry went a tad overboard with it, Sophia told me that it would be fine, it wasn’t enough to kill me, or as Zayn worded it, it wasn’t enough to change me.
Apart from the constant burning, throbbing wound on my neck – things have been partially alright. I’m more cold than usual, since Harry hasn’t been around to warm me up. Sara has been preparing plenty of cups of warm coco for me – adding in those little marshmallows that I have come to adore. She told me it was her way of caring for me, since she couldn’t really do anything else. Harry, on the other hand, could heal my hurtingheart with the touch of his hand. He could ease my headaches with a kiss of his lips against my forehead. He could cure my stomach aches by wrapping his strong, muscled arms around me. For the first time in a long time I haven’t had him with me at night – and it’s heart wrenching.
A sigh escaped my chapped lips as I tugged on the blanket around my shoulders, bundling my hands into mychest as I stepped onto the cold kitchen tile, the freezing temperature blasting through the thin layer of my sock. “Evening, love.” Niall said as he looked over his shoulder at me. I only gave him a soft smile, all I could currently muster. Sara passed a grin my way as I glanced in her direction. She’s on the counter, her legs swinging back and forth – her feet hitting against the drawers.
Niall was preparing her a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich, he’s such a sweet guy. In these recent weeks, while watching the way Niall and Sara interact, I often found myself wondering how things would be if me and Harry began things that way, with me being young like Sara is. Perhaps I wouldn’t be standing here with a gash on the side of my neck and a missing Harry.
It’s like he fell off the face of the earth. I don’t like his absence, it makes my heart ache for his return.
“Are you hungry, Julianne?” Sara asks sweetly as I press my hand against the glass of the back door, my eyes gazing out to the tree line. “No.. m’fine.” I mumble lightly as my forehead leans against the door. “He’ll be back, love.” Niall says as I feel his hand on my waist. I shift my weight to my other foot, holding onto tight to the blanket that smells just like Harry’s cologne. It’s the one he sleeps under since he claims that he doesn’t want to cross any lines, wanting to respect me and all that. Little does he know.. I erased those lines a long while ago..
“No he won’t.. he hates me.” I whisper, my own words like swords through my chest. “He could never hate you,Julianne. He loves you.” Sara said from the counter, I appreciate her confidence in this situation, but she needsto realize it’s useless. “I called him last night.. he’s coming home.” Niall assures me as he rubs circles into my back, but nothing could compare to how Harry does it..
I ignore Niall’s attempt at making me feel better about everything. “Can.. can I go sit outside?” I ask cautiously, reminding myself about their extreme rules. “Yeah, go ahead.” He gives me permission and his fingers turn the lock in the door, setting me free. I mumble a thank you to him in return before opening the door and stepping into the crisp evening air. My eyes drop to the ground as I walk down the little stone path Perrie and Zayn took me on what seems like years ago. I glance up, just to be sure I’m going to the right place and I am.
My gaze roams over all the flowers as I pass through the small garden. They’re all beginning to lose their color thanks to the changing seasons, but still they’re quite lovely in my eyes. I lead myself to the patio table and chairs and I take a seat, the cushion wet underneath my bottom but I don’t care right now. If Harry wanted to be outdoors, then so do I.. even if I’m not technically alongside him.
A thought comes to my pondering mind – Harry is immortal, and he has enhanced senses right? Well, obviously, of course. That means that, if he is near, which I highly assume he is, he could possibly hear me right? Pick up on the sound of my voice and all that.. Yeah, that makes a lot sense actually. I take a few deep breathes, preparing myself for this moment. I quickly remind myself that everyone else in that house behind me have the same abilities as he does and they are likely to hear me as well. Also, I remind myself that Harry said those words to me – he meant those words when he spoke them aloud. I don’t care what they think of me, or of this, or of us – of me and him. He’s mine, and if I want to speak to him.. then I have the right.
“I miss you.. Harry.” I say in what some would consider a mumble. A warm, thick droplet trailed down my right cheek – the one Harry kisses the most. I don’t know why he favors that cheek, perhaps it’s because it’s more accessible at those times when he wants to gift me with gentle kisses. A small smile came to my lips at the thought of his sweet little pecks. I never knew what love was until I met him – hell, I didn’t even know what life was until they brought me here. They’ve shown me so much care, support, and just pure love.
“I really want you to come back.. I.. I’ve been cold all these nights without you.” I admit freely into the air, hoping that somewhere, somehow, he will hear me. “I’ve never really thought about how much I appreciate and love your warmth.. until now.. since I don’t have you anymore.” My body shudders at the thought of forever losing him – something I could definitely never live with. If I don’t have him, then I don’t have anything.
“Harry.. I.. I know you were scared the other night, so was.. was I.” My voice slightly cracks as I continue my lonely conversation. “But.. I’m okay now. You don’t have.. have to be afraid anymore.” I want him to know that I am alive, that I’m living right now in this very moment… without him. Somehow I’m alive, I don’t know how though – without his presence I feel weaker, I need him to survive. I truly do.
“I never got to tell you something…” My voice trails off into the air, my nervousness overcoming my heart again. It’s clear to me that I’m just naturally anxious and insecure about my words because I’m nervous now and literally I’m speaking to the air. “The other night… while you were.. biting me.. I.. I tried to speak but I couldn’t.” I tell him – or at least I hope he’s listening to me. I try not to doubt it, I know he’s around because I don’t feel alone.
“It’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long while.” I add on to my ramble, my shaky heart is debating on whether or not I should say this aloud to the forest, to the animals, to the people possibly listening in from the house, to him.. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been happy.. but being here with you and everyone else has brought happiness back into my life. I.. I could never thank you enough for bringing me here.. for.. for taking me in.” The tears slowly drop down my face, one by one they roll off my jaw and cover the blanket I’m wrapped up in.
“I feel like I belong here with you and your family.. I.. I couldn’t ask for more. So thank you so much for.. for being there for me when I had no one at all. Thank you for feeding me and giving me shelter from these horrible storms..” I take a deep breath, inhaling all the air just to exhale all these words that I’ve bundled up for far too long. “Thank you for protecting me, keeping me warm, and for caring for me. It’s been many years since I had someone who cared for me and shown me love.” My hands were shaking from the cool breeze, my hair lightly flopping in the wind.
My heart steps up to the plate and prepares for the hit – I am ready to admit now. I have nothing to hide anymore. He’s seen me at my weakest, and he’s helped me find my confidence. He’s kissed me, he’s held me, he’s screamed at me, he’s pushed me, he and I have done almost everything normal people do with the person they care for. And now it’s my turn to gain the confidence to say it. It’s my turn to show him how much he means to me. I can’t bury my teeth into his skin and inject some weird, supernatural venom into his veins – no, that’s his way of showing it. That’s what his kind do, and I certainly don’t mind it at all. But as for me and my kind.. we say something. We say those words that are special and mean so much to us. The words you only say when you have found your soulmate, the one you’re destined to spend life with and grow old with. These words, we say when are full of happiness and joy – when we have found out that love is truly real, such a truly magical thing to have and share with someone.
These worn out lungs of mine take in a huge breath, preparing my body and my soul for what is to come out of mouth. He must know. God I hope he’s listening right now.. I pray that he’s just a few feet away from me in those deep, dark woods. Please God, if you love me and want me to live happily you will show me he’s here… No more hesitating. My swollen, dry lips part and my tongue moves to form those words that I have longed to say to him..
“I love you, Harry.”
A sharp gasp left my mouth as I witnessed a dark creature emerge from the forest line directly in front of me. Even from my distance I can easily recognize the thick, black fur and the dazzling emerald orbs. I knew he was here. A rumbling growl came from him as he dared to get closer. At first I was afraid, but that soon faded once I realized he heard me say all of that. Why hide now? He’s heard me spill my guts and feelings, so why even try to deny the fact that I want to approach him while he’s like this?
I stand from the chair, dropping the blanket over the back of it. He stops moving as if his feet suddenly became stuck in concrete. “Julianne!” Niall called out from the back door, but he was too slow – my socks are now wet from the damp grass and my feet are pounding on the ground. “Julianne, don’t!” Niall yells out to me once again but I don’t care. Harry would never hurt me, I know he wouldn’t. All those years he protected me when I was a little girl. He saved my life so many times in the past, so why in the hell would he stop now? Why would he decide to hurt me after being my hero for so long?
“Please!” I suddenly scream out as he started to step backwards – distancing himself from me. “Harry, please!” My hand flew over my aching chest – why is he trying to run from me? “Julianne! He’ll hurt you, stop!” Niall’s voice filled the air as he yelled again. I look over my shoulder to see him and Liam both running towards me, but I only speed up my walking pace.
I extend my hand as I realize the distance is shortening quickly. The wolf in front of me stands still, abiding my by plea. “Harry..” I whisper his name softly as I get even closer to him. I have always known how huge he really was, but I have yet to be truly face to face with him. Harry was no little wild dog, nor a regular wolf. He’s a seven foot tall creature with razor sharp fangs, glowing eyes, a muscular build. He’s a supernatural monster – but I love him to pieces.
My feet guided me further to him, so close that I now have to begin to tilt my head back in order to see his eyes. “Julianne!” Liam’s hand grasps my wrist out of blue, yanking me further back – making my fifteen feet away a good thirty five now. “Stop it!” I snap, my eyebrows furrowing as I look over at him. “You’re going to get hurt.” Liam warns me, shaking his head from side to side – denying me of my request. “He would never hurt me.” I snatch my arm free from his rough grip, only to have him grab the other just as tight.
“Ow, stop!” My threatening words turn out as a whine. The slight pain being inflicted on me now cannot ever compare to what Harry did. Liam grunts at me, trying to prevent my body from even facing Harry. “You’re going to-” My eyes widen as a growl as loud as rolling thunder interrupted Liam’s words. He and I both turned to the sound’s direction – only to become aware of Harry’s close presence.
“Let her go! He’s not having it, Liam!” Niall calls out from the patio where he stands with Sara safely hidden behind his legs, her arms wrapped around his thighs. Liam’s dark eyes find my gaze again, giving me an apologetic expression but I feel that it’s not him apologizing for holding me back – but more like him apologizing for letting me go..
He drops my arm and steps back, but not too far. I gulp to myself as I turn my body, the huge wolf being so close now. I flinch as he suddenly lowers his head down to me, resting his front legs on the ground. I realize he’s trying to show me he’s not going to do anything bad. “He.. he said to get closer.” Liam says behind me, making my brows lower in confusion. I turn to look at him, “You can hear him?” I question – of course I am well aware of their ability to hear each other’s thoughts but I never knew that it meant one of them in human form could hear another in wolf form. “Yeah. He.. he wants me to translate.” Liam curves the corner of his mouth just slightly into a smile.
I face Harry once more, now he’s resting his head on his front paws – is it alright to say that I find this rather cute? I do as Harry asks and take a few steps closer to him. “He said not to be afraid.” Liam tells me, I nod to him in response. My eyes roam to meet Harry’s beautiful eyes – the same eyes I have longed to gaze into for days now. I carefully reach my hand out towards his head, hesitating at first because reality started to sink into my brain. He might be my Harry but he’s still a strong, wild beast who could snap at any seconds.
A grunt left his mouth and I yanked my hand back – I was so close to touching his soft looking fur. He lifted his head up suddenly, his eyes boring into mine. “He didn’t mean to scare you, you can touch him.” Liam informed me and I nodded up and down once more, this time I meant for my reply for Harry though. His head lowered once again and I finished the distance between us. As my hand got closer to the top of his head, his warm breath blew against my bare legs – my shorts only coming to my mid thighs and not providing much warmth.
Gently, I place my hand on top of his head and automatically it slides into his thick, black fur. The soft hair glides between my fingers, it feels so heavenly – so soft it shouldn’t even be real. To my utter surprise, this huge beast before me lets out a soft whine, pleasured by my actions. “He wants me to go.. Are you going to be alright without someone else here?” Liam states. Mentally, I’m jumping with pure joy. Yet at the same time I know the communication will come to an end. “Yeah.. I’m fine.” I glance at him one last time before he shrugs and begins to trail back to the house.
I remove my hand from his soft coat, soon taking a seat on the ground. I cross my legs and reach my hand out for him once again. He lowers his head even further and allows for me to cup my hand on his face – clearly my palm couldn’t cover much, but it’s such a nice feeling. “You’re so beautiful.” I whisper with a soft smile placed on my face. “I missed you so much.” I lean up on my knees as I manage to get both arms somewhat wrapped around his neck – he’s quite large and it’s rather hard to. An exhausted huff leaves my mouth as I give up on sitting and stand instead. He tilts his head up some to get closer to me.
Harry was like a normal wolf, aside from his height and glowing eyes – his width wasn’t outrageous though. He kept himself placed on the ground, his eyes still staring into mine though. I place either hand below his ears and I pull myself closer to the marvelous creature. He growls softly as I press my lips against the spot between his eyes, planting kisses all over his smooth, fluffy fur. “You’re incredible, you know.” I say as I my fingertips trail down his jaws, but careful not to let my fingers accidently slip into his mouth full of deadly sharp teeth.
“I’m so glad you’re back, Harry..” I mumble to the creature before me, still unable to believe and comprehend that he’s actually a huge wolf. I pet the top of his head, enjoying the way he softly whines in return to me. A smile spread over my lips as I heard him exhale deeply, clearly pleased with my actions at the moment. “I’ve never thanked you, Harry.” I start with a gentle sigh, this is going to take all my confidence to say but I don’t mind trying. My right hand fell back to my side while the left continued to glide through his soft fur and rub circles onto the top of his head. “For keeping me safe all these years.” I admit with a flutter of my heart - it’s very hard to believe that this monstrous creature protected me for eighteen years.
A small laugh came past my lips as his tongue swipes up the palm of my hand, perhaps his way of responding to me? He does it again and I can’t help but lean down to his head once again and place another kiss there. He rubs his wet, moist nose against my thigh and I shiver at the coldness. “You’re amazing.” I mutter out before kneeling down in front of him. He keeps his head lowered though so that our eyes are locked, his glowing orbs are so mesmerizing and beautiful. “You better not leave me again.. I was worried sick about you.” My voice stays soft and faint as I speak to him - I wish the others couldn’t hear me because I am like everyone else, I want privacy. Unfortunately, at this place, that is not an option.
“I wish I knew what you were thinking.” I sigh in disappointment as I realize I can’t hear him and I really have a desire to know what he’s thinking. He grunts slightly as he lifts his head, his eyes glaring to the back patio. I know someone’s still back there, because I can feel their harsh stare on me. While I patiently wait for him to put his head back down, I lean a tad closer and close my eyes - focusing on the sound of his deep breathing, he’s so mind captivating. Footsteps fill the silent air, I wanted to be alone, yet at the same time I want to know Harry’s thoughts. I figure that he’s requested that Sophia or Perrie come over and translate for me, perhaps Niall even. Harry is picky about who he lets me around so I assume it would be one of the ones he approves of.
“I wasn’t gone long.” Liam’s voice made my eyes pop open - I didn’t expect him to return at all. Harry growls lightly as Liam stands beside me. I look up to see that his hands are up in the air and he’s taking a few steps back. Finally, after the past few minutes, Harry’s head lowers to me, resting his snout on my left shoulder. My hand lifts and begins to pat the top of his head whilst my other is on his neck - my fingers gliding through the thick fluff. “He said to continue talking.” Liam informs me. I notice Harry’s eyes are closed, so I do the same and drop my lids.
“Where did you go?” I question with my same soft tone, I didn’t want to be too loud since I was close to his ear. I await his response, my fingers never coming to a halt. “He said not to worry about it, he never left our territory and he stayed close.” Liam tells me, I’m appreciative of him helping me out. I lean my head against him, loving the feeling his warm fur against my icy skin. “He says it’s getting dark and you don’t need to be out.” Liam says and I automatically let out a sigh of disapproval. “Only if you comes with me.” I say to Harry, my fingers twirling through his fur.
“He says he will.. But you have to give him a minute to phase back.” Liam states and I gladly put on a smile and open my eyes. I turn my head so that I could see Harry’s eyes, well one of them, looking at me. “Don’t be too long.” I utter out as I go to stand up. Harry grunts at my movement yet he copes and leans his head off of me. I stand up, stumbling a tad. Liam’s arm shoots around my back, preventing me from falling over because I enjoy embarrassing myself.
The rumble coming from Harry’s throat makes me dig my fingernails into Liam’s other arm as he pulls me closer to him. I had thought that Harry’s growl was a result of Liam touching me but I was apparently wrong. I realize this because Harry turns around towards the edge of the woods and continues to growl into the night. Liam’s eyes are glowing a goldish brown color, as if he was about to transform into the wolf creature, but thankfully he doesn’t.
“We need to get you inside.” Liam says in a low voice as Harry steps closer to the trees and further from me. “What about Ha-harry?” I slightly panic as I notice that Harry’s going into the woods alone, Liam’s not even going to help him! “Honey, he’ll be fine. Trust me.” He chuckles lightly as we start towards the house. I look over my shoulder and watch as Harry disappears into the dense forest - leaving me feeling empty hearted and rather lonely.
Out of nowhere a shriek left my mouth as I heard a howl echo in the sky. “Calm down, he’s just stating his presence.” Liam says as we reach the concrete of the patio. Niall and I share a glance before Liam guides me to a chair. “Harry said you can sit out here until he comes back, but with us of course.” Liam says to me while he sits down in the chair beside me. “Where is he going?” I ask, my eyes roaming to meet Niall’s only because I feel like he will actually inform me of the reason.
“Someone was passing through.. He’s just checking it out to make sure they don’t stay long.” Niall, like I figured, responds to me. “Someone.. like y’all?” I start to assume but honestly I don’t even know anymore - they have already shocked me with the whole wolf thing, there’s no telling what else exists out there.. I don’t really want to think on that though, it’s rather terrifying. “He’ll be back before you know it.” He adds onto his sentence as Sara climbs into his lap, making herself comfortable.
“Julianne.. Do you really love Harry?” Sara asks me with a curious tone and raised eyebrows. I look over to meet her gaze, she’s so cute. “Of course I do.” I nod lightly, folding my arms on my chest - trying to warm myself up. “Will she be like us one day?” She looks up at Niall and questions him this time. He gives her a smile with a slight laugh. “That’s something to ask Harry, darling.” Niall states as he pecks her forehead. She cuddles into his chest, her arms going around his torso. “I hope she will.” I hear her mumble back to him.
My eyes stare off into the distance, waiting for Harry to come back. Could it become true? Is Harry planning on making me like them? I wouldn’t mind. Forever with Harry seems like a pretty good thing..
excuse any errors - when I pasted it, it done something weird I don't know! Anywayss, feedback please on this, updates soon! Book 2 soon as wellll