Hold On
Chapter 16
Chapter 16
I sat with my head in my hands. There was nothing else that I could do, I was too worried. The floor began to blur as tears slid down my cheeks.
“Harry!” I heard a familiar voice call my name. It was Liam. I looked up as the guys came running into the waiting room. I shot to my feet and hugged the first person that I could.
“It’s okay,” Liam tried to calm me as the others place a hand on my back.
I shook my head, “I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“Let’s sit down.” He said as he started to lead me back over to my seat. I looked at my feet as we walked and when we sat down.
They tried to get me to talk about it, but it was hard. I forced myself to tell them that I had found her with her head split open in her kitchen. I couldn’t bring myself to go into any kind of details. I think they could tell this, because they didn’t ask me to say anything else. Liam sat to my left and kept his hand on my back as I leaned over again. Louis was on my right and could feel his gaze on me.
“It will work out,” he mumbled. I knew he wanted me to hear him, but I couldn’t believe him. He hadn’t seen her like I had. He hadn’t seen all the blood that surrounded her, all of her blood. I closed my eyes and tried to erase the memory, but I wouldn’t go away. That image of her laying in all that blood would not leave me.
“Mr. Styles?”
I really didn’t register what was said, or that it was name until it was said again.
“Mr. Styles?”
I shot to my feet, nearly falling over as I hurried over to the nurse. I wiped my sleeve across my eyes quickly so I could see. “Yes?”
“The doctor was able to stop the bleeding,” the nurse started, “but Ms. Collins has lost a lot of blood. She is still in critical condition at the moment.”
I felt my heart stop. I knew she had lost a lot blood, but I was hoping that it wouldn’t be as severe as this. I had hoped, but deep down I knew that it would be worse.
“Is she going to make it?”
A part of me wanted to hit Niall for asking that question. I wanted to know if she was going to make it or not, but I was too afraid that I would be told no. I looked straight at the nurse, waiting for her response.
“We can’t say yet,” she looked sad as she spoke. “I’m sorry.”
My voice broke as I spoke, “Can I see her?”
The nurse looked at me. I could see that she was torn. It took her a moment but she nodded her head and said, “109.”
I began to slowly walk away from the waiting room. My eyes never really focused on anything until they landed on those three numbers. I stood there frozen, paralyzed with fear. The image of Sarah’s bloodied body flashing before my eyes again. I wiped my eyes as I tried to fend away the tears. I forced myself to take a deep breath. I needed to go in there and be with her like I had before.
I reached forward and opened the door. I felt as if I was in a dream as I walked into the room. My ears began to work before my eyes did as I recognized the faint sound of a heart monitor. My eyes focused as they landed on her figure lying in the bed. I felt myself slowly move over toward her and sat in a chair near her. I didn’t look at Sarah though, I looked at her monitor. Her heart rate was really slow and her blood pressure wasn’t high enough either. I looked back over to Sarah as the tears fell from my eyes again. She was barely alive.
“I knew something was wrong,” I muttered as I put my head down on the side of the bed. I just stayed there and sobbed. That was all that I could do at the moment. I was so afraid of losing her that I could even bear the thought.
I turned my head and looked at her through my tears, “Sarah…”
I moved a hand up to hold hers. I gave it a little squeeze, “Come back to me.”
My voice broke as my tears began to fall harder. My mind reeled, showing me images that I did not want to imagine. I was carrying a casket down the hill of a cemetery. Then I was standing before a grave, staring down through tears at the name that was craved into the stone. Sarah Collins.
“Sarah,” I begged, “Please open your eyes. Please just stay with me.” I buried my face in my arms again. My mind wondering back to before I had found her.
“Come on. Don’t you remember, we were going to lie together and just forget the world? You can’t leave and forget the world without me…you can’t do that. I couldn’t take it, Sarah. I don’t want to imagine chasing cars without you. I won’t, I won’t do that without you. And you can’t either. You can’t just lie there and forget the world and leave me. You have to hold on. Sarah, you have to hold on. Please for me.”
I sat with my head in my hands. There was nothing else that I could do, I was too worried. The floor began to blur as tears slid down my cheeks.
“Harry!” I heard a familiar voice call my name. It was Liam. I looked up as the guys came running into the waiting room. I shot to my feet and hugged the first person that I could.
“It’s okay,” Liam tried to calm me as the others place a hand on my back.
I shook my head, “I don’t know. I don’t know.”
“Let’s sit down.” He said as he started to lead me back over to my seat. I looked at my feet as we walked and when we sat down.
They tried to get me to talk about it, but it was hard. I forced myself to tell them that I had found her with her head split open in her kitchen. I couldn’t bring myself to go into any kind of details. I think they could tell this, because they didn’t ask me to say anything else. Liam sat to my left and kept his hand on my back as I leaned over again. Louis was on my right and could feel his gaze on me.
“It will work out,” he mumbled. I knew he wanted me to hear him, but I couldn’t believe him. He hadn’t seen her like I had. He hadn’t seen all the blood that surrounded her, all of her blood. I closed my eyes and tried to erase the memory, but I wouldn’t go away. That image of her laying in all that blood would not leave me.
“Mr. Styles?”
I really didn’t register what was said, or that it was name until it was said again.
“Mr. Styles?”
I shot to my feet, nearly falling over as I hurried over to the nurse. I wiped my sleeve across my eyes quickly so I could see. “Yes?”
“The doctor was able to stop the bleeding,” the nurse started, “but Ms. Collins has lost a lot of blood. She is still in critical condition at the moment.”
I felt my heart stop. I knew she had lost a lot blood, but I was hoping that it wouldn’t be as severe as this. I had hoped, but deep down I knew that it would be worse.
“Is she going to make it?”
A part of me wanted to hit Niall for asking that question. I wanted to know if she was going to make it or not, but I was too afraid that I would be told no. I looked straight at the nurse, waiting for her response.
“We can’t say yet,” she looked sad as she spoke. “I’m sorry.”
My voice broke as I spoke, “Can I see her?”
The nurse looked at me. I could see that she was torn. It took her a moment but she nodded her head and said, “109.”
I began to slowly walk away from the waiting room. My eyes never really focused on anything until they landed on those three numbers. I stood there frozen, paralyzed with fear. The image of Sarah’s bloodied body flashing before my eyes again. I wiped my eyes as I tried to fend away the tears. I forced myself to take a deep breath. I needed to go in there and be with her like I had before.
I reached forward and opened the door. I felt as if I was in a dream as I walked into the room. My ears began to work before my eyes did as I recognized the faint sound of a heart monitor. My eyes focused as they landed on her figure lying in the bed. I felt myself slowly move over toward her and sat in a chair near her. I didn’t look at Sarah though, I looked at her monitor. Her heart rate was really slow and her blood pressure wasn’t high enough either. I looked back over to Sarah as the tears fell from my eyes again. She was barely alive.
“I knew something was wrong,” I muttered as I put my head down on the side of the bed. I just stayed there and sobbed. That was all that I could do at the moment. I was so afraid of losing her that I could even bear the thought.
I turned my head and looked at her through my tears, “Sarah…”
I moved a hand up to hold hers. I gave it a little squeeze, “Come back to me.”
My voice broke as my tears began to fall harder. My mind reeled, showing me images that I did not want to imagine. I was carrying a casket down the hill of a cemetery. Then I was standing before a grave, staring down through tears at the name that was craved into the stone. Sarah Collins.
“Sarah,” I begged, “Please open your eyes. Please just stay with me.” I buried my face in my arms again. My mind wondering back to before I had found her.
“Come on. Don’t you remember, we were going to lie together and just forget the world? You can’t leave and forget the world without me…you can’t do that. I couldn’t take it, Sarah. I don’t want to imagine chasing cars without you. I won’t, I won’t do that without you. And you can’t either. You can’t just lie there and forget the world and leave me. You have to hold on. Sarah, you have to hold on. Please for me.”
7/23/13