A/N: Some of the following events actually happened to me on Saturday night so this is very personal. I had to write this to get it out of my system.

"Tears are words the mouth can't say nor can the heart bare." ― Joshua Wisenbaker


"Hey, Livy!" My best friend squealed when she saw me.

"Hey, Jules!" I smiled as she pulled me into a hug, almost dragging me into her house. Jules was like a sister to me, even though we had been friends for only three years. I adored her, no matter how much she got on my nerves. Being an only child myself, she felt like a sibling, someone I could trust and come to for anything.

"When are the others coming?" I asked when she let me go and closed the front door.

"Around 6ish. Come meet Malcolm, Olivia!" Jules grabbed my hand and led me down the stairs to where her section of the house was. I pressed my lips together and let her drag me to the main living room.

"Olivia, this is Malcolm. Malcolm, this is my best friend, Olivia." Jules introduced me, letting go of my hand to walk over to him.

"Nice to meet you." I said kindly.

"You too." He responded with a smile.

Malcolm was Jules's new boyfriend. They'd only been officially dating for four days and they'd only known each other for 14 days. They met over an online dating site - Tinder - which I was always sceptical about. It wasn't my thing to meet potential boyfriends online. You had no idea who you were really talking to.

The evening progressed very well. Our two other friends, Louise and Ellie, arrived at 6:20 and they joined us down in Jules's bedroom, playing Skyrim and Assassin's Creed. I wasn't playing, I wasn't into video games as much as the rest of them. We laughed together and had fun. I was happy to be around my friends as I hadn't seen them for a little while. Hunger settled in our stomachs so we decided to head to the nearest supermarket to get some food. I didn't feel like I was third-wheeling because Louise and Ellie were with me. But the moment they left when we got back to Jules's, I was definitely third-wheeling.

Jules and Malcolm cuddled on the couch next to me as we scanned through the movie genres on Netflix. Malcolm and I agreed on Pulp Fiction and Jules had no choice but to agree with us. He clicked Play on the remote and the movie started. I had seen Pulp Fiction many times before but it never failed to draw me in every single time. Halfway through the film, there were the distinct sounds of kissing coming from beside me. It didn't take a genius to know what the two of them were doing. I tried to focus on the film but what was happening next to me was far too much. Tears burned in my eyes and I got up from the couch, leaving the room.

I fell to the floor downstairs, curling up into a ball on the carpet. Hot salty tears paved their way down my cheeks, staining my face. A shock of realisation hit me when I finally saw how lonely I was, how lost I felt. I had never been kissed, never been on a date, never had a boyfriend. And I wanted all three of those things to happen. I was 19 and not even one of those things had occurred. Hearing Jules kiss her new boyfriend right in front of me broke my heart. I knew she liked him and this was her house but I thought that she would've respected me as a guest in her home and kept it on the down-low. I was her best friend and she was my best friend. How could she do that right in front of me? I covered my face with my hands and wept, wishing I could have what Jules had.

After 15 minutes of solid sobbing, I got up from the floor and wiped my tears away. I shuffled up the stairs and walked back into the room. Jules and Malcolm had stopped what they had been doing and paid no attention to me, laughing as they watched the movie. I walked into the kitchen and helped myself to some brownies that we'd made earlier that night. When I walked back out, my best friend and her boyfriend had reached the next level, kissing into oblivion. On the lips, on the neck, everywhere above the chest area.

My laptop was settled on the other couch on the opposite side of the room. I headed over there and sat down, bringing my laptop closer. I blocked out their kissing sounds with music from my earphones and scrolled through my Tumblr, reading little blurbs and reblogging pictures and gifs. I felt so out of place and I regretted not calling a taxi to take me home. I tried to write some of my story but it was so difficult with my aching heart. I felt so lonely and I could practically feel my soul shattering into a million pieces. The love I had for Jules quickly dwindled every time I briefly glanced over at them on the couch. To me, it felt like she was rubbing it in my face, "Hey, look. I have a boyfriend and you don't." That wasn't a best friend's actions and it hurt me. You invited me here, Jules. Why? If you're so much more interested in sticking your tongue down Malcolm's throat, why did you invite me to stay over? To brag? The tears flowed again but they were silent this time. Neither Jules nor Malcolm noticed me because they were too into what they were doing to each other.

It was around 12:30AM when they said good night to me. Even an idiot could see that I had been crying. My face was pink, my cheeks were tarnished with tear streaks, my eyes were red and puffy and my voice was all clogged up. The two of them didn't say anything but "Good night" and left me alone to wallow in my sadness.

The moment they walked out of the living room, closing the door behind them, the loud choking sobs came up. My chest tightened and my heart pounded as I hyperventilated, struggling to breathe properly. I pushed my laptop to the side and leaned back, clutching my chest, staring at the ceiling. Why can't I have what Jules has? Why has no guy ever been interested in me? Am I not beautiful enough? Am I not tall enough? Am I not enough? The worst thing was that I actually believed these thoughts. I wasn't beautiful enough. I wasn't tall enough. I wasn't enough for anybody. It shattered me that I might never be with anyone, be kissed, be the subject of someone's deep love. I was terrified.

I couldn't just sit here though. I had to talk to someone. But who will be awake past midnight? I logged into my phone and scrolled down my contacts. My mum will be asleep. There's no way I'm calling my dad. Both Louise and Ellie will be in bed. Who can I trust right now? My mind stopped when I stopped scrolling. His name was right there. He always told me that I could call him at any time. I knew I could trust him. With a deep breath and a hesitant finger, I pressed Call and waited, crossing my fingers. One ring. Two rings. Three Rings. He's not going to pick up. He's in bed and he won't pick up. Suddenly, there was the sound of shuffling followed by a deep raspy voice, laced with sleep.

Hello?

"Harry...it's me."

Olivia?

"I'm sorry I woke you up! Go back to sleep..."

No, no, it's OK. What is it, love? Is something wrong?

Bit of backstory: Harry and I were the closest of friends. We had met about four years ago, during One Direction's first world tour. It was pure luck, our meeting. One of my uncles was one of the security guards at the show and I was brought backstage to meet the boys. Everything took off from there and I kept in contact with all five boys but Harry was the member that I was the closest with. He was taking a holiday here with his mother, stepfather and sister and I had never been more thankful that he was in the same city as me.

"Yes, something's wrong, Harry. Everything's wrong." I cried.

Why?

I didn't say anything. I just sobbed as more tears flowed from my eyes.

Olivia, you're scaring me. Please, love. Talk to me.

"I'm so...lonely... I can't do this anymore. I want it so badly. I can't stand it, looking around at my friends and seeing everything that I want but they have. I can't, Harry..." My voice trailed off, dissolving into sobs.

Hey, hey, hey, babe, it's OK. Just breathe. What can't you stand? Why do you feel lonely? Harry asked, sounding more awake now. I looked over at the couch where Jules and Malcolm had been cuddling and kissing on not 10 minutes ago. I could still picture them in my mind, wanting to do what they were doing.

"Harry, do you think I'm...pretty?" I blurted out.

What sort of question is that? You're more than pretty, Olivia! You're absolutely fucking gorgeous!

"Am I?"

Yes, of course.

"Then why haven't I been kissed?"

I heard Harry breathe deeply on the other end of the line.

Because guys don't feel worthy enough to kiss you.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

I don't want to make you feel worse, love. Your first kiss will happen sooner than you think and it will be real.

"How do you know that, Harry?" I asked.

Where are you right now? At home?

"No, I'm at Jules's place. Why?"

I'm coming to get you. He said and I heard the rustle of fabric.

"No, no, it's past 12:30AM! Go back to sleep!" I protested.

I can't go to sleep knowing that you're upset. I'm coming to get you and we can talk.

"Is there any way that I can stop you?"

No, not one way. I could tell that he was smiling and that made my heart race faster than normal. Wait, he's my friend! My heart shouldn't be beating this fast... Hang on... Oh no! I brought my fingers to my bottom lip, just like Harry did countless times.

I'll be there soon, babe. Stay calm and keep breathing.

"OK, bye." I whispered and hung up.

It was right then when I realised that my hands were trembling. My breathing was still a little shaky and my heart was going nuts, all because of that deep English drawl. I shouldn't be feeling like this but I was. Memories of the friendship Harry and I had built over the years flashed before my eyes. I noticed things that I hadn't before. The draping of his arm around my shoulders, the kisses he gave me on my forehead and temple, the flirty nature that crackled between us whether we were sober or drunk. How did I not realise it before?

I was falling for Harry.

0*0

With my bags slung over my shoulder, I sent Jules a text, letting her know that I had left. She would see the text in the morning, when I would be long gone. I waited on the street for Harry to pick me up. The warm wind whipped my hair around my shoulders and tears blurred my vision. I was a complete mess, emotions circulating through me, broken from Jules's actions and confused by my feelings for Harry. The night had gone from bad to worse and I wanted it to be over.

It was a little bit past 1AM when Harry pulled up in front of me. I dumped my bags in the backseat and hopped into the passenger seat, completely breaking down. The only light in the car was from the dashboard and all I could see was the darkness outside. A hand came to rest behind my head, gently stroking the strands of my hair. I looked to my right and finally laid my eyes on Harry.

He looked tired and wide awake at the same time. His hair was messy and his clothes looked like they had been thrown on in a rush. His fingers stroked my cheek as he looked me worriedly, his touch setting my heart aflame.

"Olivia, why are you crying? What happened?" He asked desperately. I placed a shaking hand over my mouth and coughed back a sob. The sounds of passionate kissing that I had heard earlier tonight filled my ears and a flash of pain seared across my heart. The memory of Jules and Malcolm cuddling on the couch hit me like a ton of bricks, leaving me cold on the floor. I locked my eyes to Harry's and told him everything. What happened tonight, how I felt, how my love for Jules had decreased, how sad I was. I had cried almost a river by the time I finished speaking.

"I feel so alone, Harry. Why can't I have what she has? Why haven't I been kissed? Why do no guys like me? Am I not enough for them?"

"You are more than enough, love. You have always been more than enough." Harry murmured softly.

"What do you mea-?" I began to ask but I was cut off by the pressure of Harry's lips on mine. My eyes shot open in shock, his hands moving to grasp my neck, keeping me still. He was kissing me. My friend is kissing me! Harry was kissing me. It wasn't exactly how I had imagined my first kiss to happen. At past 1AM, in a car, with my friend, Harry Styles. But because it was so unexpected, that's what made it perfect to me.

Harry pulled his lips free and pressed his forehead to mine, cupping my face, his thumbs caressing my hot sticky cheeks. There was silence between us. I had no idea what to say. I was in disbelief that he had kissed me. I raised my eyes to see that his were open, sparkling green in the dark. I swallowed deeply and stared at him, my heartbeat shooting through the roof.

"I've wanted to do that for so long. For weeks."

"Really?" I questioned. Harry pushed strands of my hair away, tucking them behind my ear.

"Yes, really. I'm sorry that I didn't do it earlier. I'll kick myself every day for not doing it when I should have. If I had, you wouldn't be feeling this way. You wouldn't be upset tonight from seeing Jules and Malcolm. But I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I hope I haven't." Harry said. I wrapped my fingers around his wrist and leaned in closer, reconnecting our lips. I never realised how badly I had wanted to know how soft they were, what they tasted like, how they would feel against my own. It was better than I ever had imagined. Harry's lips were gentle and warm, holding so much passion. I suddenly felt loved. I felt wanted.

"You've just made me the happiest girl on the planet, Harry. I just realised tonight why no guys have looked at me. Because they weren't for me. You are the guy for me. You are the guy I wanted to get my first kiss from. You are the guy I'm falling for."

That was the truth and I wish that I had discovered it before. Harry was the one for me. He was the one I always gravitated towards in social situations and he was always there for me. He could be a great listener or a shoulder to cry on. He was everything I needed and everything I wanted. Harry smiled at me and locked his arms around my body, pulling me over into his lap. I yelped with a grin as he chuckled, pressing a kiss to my jaw.

"I'm falling for you too, Olivia. I think I've already fallen for you."

His revelation made me so happy. I looped my left arm around his shoulder and closed the gap between us again, kissing him harder this time. My fingers played with his hair at the nape of his neck while his hand came up to stroke my jawline. Yes, this is what I wanted. I wanted to be with Harry. I wanted to kiss him forever. I wanted to hold him forever. I wanted him to be mine. He was no longer my friend. He was someone I had strong feelings for her. And while that terrified me, it also excited me.

"You have no idea how you make me feel...You drive me crazy, babe..." He breathed on my lips, sending a rush of warmth throughout my body. I kissed the corner of his mouth and heard his breath hitch slightly.

"You want me to take you home now?"

"Actually, can I stay with you tonight?" My tone was nervous because I didn't want him to say no. I didn't think I could fall asleep by myself tonight. Harry gave me a soft kiss on my lips and smiled sweetly.

"Of course you can. You have to get off me now though."

I giggled and slid back into the passenger seat. Harry turned the car on and the engine roared to life. As he slowly drove down the quiet road, he held my hand in his left one, using his right hand to turn the steering wheel. I gazed at him, marvelling at the side-view profile of his face. His skin seemed to glow from the light of the dashboard and his eyes glittered brightly like stars. All the heartache I had left was gone now, replaced with a happiness that I had never felt but had always wished for. I had found my guy. He was mine.

And on that night, I slept like a baby, with Harry's arms around me.

Notes

This was very emotional for me to write. My best friend acted like Jules's character and broke my heart by parading around with her new boyfriend. I only wish that I had Harry to come and pick me up ;) Anyway, the other one shots are coming! Please bare with me!

blankspace1 xx