A Rock Star Christmas Carol

“You’re calm now, right? Cause we got to get this show on the road. I have an hour and I can’t exactly manipulate the past like Harry. That’s his own special gift, he crammed your one hour to two and as much as I would love to torture you like that, we’re living in the present, baby. Time to get it going.” Zayn dismissed, snapping his finger to allow Louis to talk again.

“SCREW YOU!” Louis finished his long four-minute rant just as Zayn had unghosted his speech.

“No thanks, now, Harry’s a bit exhausted and needs to rest. He ghosted you and I can take it off, but we have to transport. You good for that?” Zayn asked, sitting beside Louis and balling his hand into a fist.

“Go get sucked, mate. I am not going ANYWHERE WITH YOU!” Louis tried to emphasize his point by learning forward.

Zayn smirked.

“I so love when they say that, okay – don’t flinch.” Zayn warned, his balled fist clipping Louis across the face harshly.

For a moment, all Louis saw was stars, his body freely falling and when he opened his eyes a hand was sticking down into his vision to help him from the thin carpet.

“What did you do to me?!” Louis groaned, the tips of his fingers grasping the ground to lift himself up.

“I played a game called unghost the moron. You were the moron.” Zayn said with a cocky smirk, hauling Louis from the ground when he made no attempt to take his hand.

Louis growled and jerked away from the world war ghost with ease.

“Where the fork are we?” Louis demanded, seeing the white stained carpet, the bleak crumbling walls and the old antique looking coffee table and couch directly in front of a fireplace with a small wooden beam above it with nothing on the surface.

Directly behind the couch sat a small six foot Christmas tree with sparse branches. It was nearly bald and the look of it was pathetic. Especially with the handmade angel and a half working string of lights that were humming. It actually made Louis cringe.

“This would be Liam’s residence, mate. Charming, huh?” Zayn smiled at the orange tabby cat that laid curled up on the couch to the side of them.

“If you enjoy tripping back to 1972, which is where this furniture looks like it was from – sure, it would be ace. This is 2026 however and hardly appropriate.” Louis looked around, his eyes stopping at the fluffy fur-ball on the couch.

Zayn let out a sigh and gestured to a hall that was directly to their left.

“Leave it to you to miss the point entirely. Follow me, I want to show you something that I think you should see.” Zayn said, moving to follow the short path to the end of the small hallway, opening one of three doors.

It was Liam’s door.

Louis followed in, seeing his assistant in a pair of boxers and wife beater.

“You wanted to show me Liam half naked? Thanks, like I don’t have enough traumatizing images to work through, let’s add invasion of privacy to the list!” Louis exploded, realizing he’d never get that image out of his head.

Zayn ignored him.

“No. I wanted to show you what you’ve caused. It is now 1AM and he’s up fretting work in a few hours. I bet you never took into account that he has his children and no one to watch them. I bet you also didn’t realize or care that his son has a deformity or that any precious time he gets with his kids is limited as he is constantly battling his one ex for visitation rights for his boy and this Christmas he overspent on those trips for his wives so he got to see his kids, did you?” Zayn asked almost accusingly, pulling Louis into the small room further.

“He is trying to figure out how to tell his kids why there won’t be anything under the tree or why they’re going to have to settle on frozen pizza. You garnished his wages for two hundred, he’s also trying to figure out how he’s going to make rent come first of January for however long you decide to garnish them.”

Louis rolled his eyes.

“Between Allure and him, that stunt set me back about thirty-five hundred in wasted costs. I wasn’t going to charge him the complete thirty-five. How is their incompetence my fault?” Louis defended himself, watching Liam pace back and forth in front of his single bed. There were no sheets and the pillow looked like it went flat long ago.

Zayn snorted.

“It’s not all completely your fault, but what I’m saying is clearly not getting through, mate. So, let me break this down: You are an asshole.”

Louis folded his arms across his chest.

“I never denied that I wasn’t.”

Zayn gestured to Liam.

“Clearly you see nothing wrong with this picture then?” Zayn asked rhetorically with an eye roll.

Louis shrugged.

“Never said that I didn’t.”

Zayn was becoming a little bit annoyed with Louis’s quips.

“So, are you planning on doing something about it?”

Louis just smirked and said nothing, turning his back to walk out, but Zayn grabbed him by the arm.

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret: Nobody likes a wiseass. I need to know what you’re taking in from this. Unlike Harry, I can only read body language, yours is throwing me off a loop and because I have no clue what you’re plans are, telling me would save me some guess time and you another punch to the face.” Zayn smiled, an underlying threat ringing in the tone he used.

“Fine; I plan on doing stuff all. It is not my responsibility to help Liam out of the hole he’s dug himself in. I didn’t marry two selfish women, I didn’t fall in love with Envy and Sloth and I most certainly did not choose to lay down with Thing One and Thing Two. His mistake, his fix.” Louis growled and walked out of the room to the small living room.

When he arrived back into the room, he noticed the cat seemed to be staring directly at him.

It was a cute little miniature devil looking creature if Louis thought so himself. All white except the little black paws that it had.

If Louis was an animal person, he’d even go as far as to say it was a unique looking cat, but since Louis wasn’t he simply hissed at it mockingly, figuring the animal couldn’t see or hear him anyhow.

He was surprised to find the cat let out a low growl and the tip of its ears went back to lay flat against its head.

“Noooooononononono.”

Louis became a little bit alarmed, considering the animal was pointedly looking at him and saying…no?

“Her name is mittens. Liam got her from the rescue shelter about three years ago,” Zayn said from beside Louis, a wide smirk playing on his lips. “I see you two have met and like an animal with good instinct, she knows an arse when she sees one.”

Louis rolled his eyes.

“So, that cat can see us? Who else? Not Liam I hope, that would be pretty awkward to have to explain.”

Zayn scoffed.

“No, otherwise he would have been wondering what his boss was doing in his room at one o’clock in the morning. Come on Lou, I know you’re smarter than what people give you credit for. We are visible to children and animals. So, try and behave yourself around both, hm?” Zayn chastised, clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth to create a clicking sound. “Hey Mittens, you’re a good kitty, aren’t you?”

“Nooononu.” The cat licked her lips together, watching the two strangers with caution.

Louis just chuckled.

“Well we know she has excellent taste in instinct. Guess that makes us both arsehats.” Louis decided, leaning on the side of the beam above the fireplace.

“Louis, don’t!’ Zayn warned.

The warning came too late. Louis’s weight combined with the loose screws was a disaster looking for someplace to happen – and sadly for Louis, it happened to be in Liam’s apartment.

Louis flinched at the horrendous crash, but that was nothing. The sound of the falling object spooked Mittens up the small Christmas tree in the corner.

Which coincidentally also crashed to the floor.

“Hey, I’m off the hook! The cat did it!” Louis exclaimed with a smirk.

Zayn was less than pleased, though the comical part was the cat yowling underneath the thorny branches.

“Oh nononono.” Mittens could be heard yowling.

“You owe Liam a new fireplace shelf and Mittens a therapist for all the trauma you’re causing her. It was not the cat’s fault you were being careless.” Zayn chastised.

“Mittens needs a therapist? What about me?! Do you have any idea what I’ve seen tonight?!” Louis exclaimed, his head jerking to where the door opened down the hall.

Zayn waved him off.

“Meh, I’ll schedule you both a joint appointment and then you can both bitch about your hard lives. Back to the situation. You realize that Liam needs help, you see the living conditions of his flat and yet feel nothing? You have no empathy because his two wives keep his kids from him simply because he fell in love with the wrong two people? Mate, I think you should look in the mirror. He’s helped you out when you were in a tight spot – shame you’re so conceited that you can’t see past the edge of your nose.” Zayn huffed, watching Liam come out into the room.

“Mittens Guinevere Payne! Naughty cat!” Liam exclaimed, seeing the broken fireplace shelf and the knocked over tree.

“He has a full name for his cat? Okay, maybe I will help him out. I’ll call London’s psychiatric hospital first thing in the morning to get him evaluated.” Louis nodded, stepping away from the fireplace and walking toward the tree.

“What are you doing?” Zayn asked, seeing Louis about to pick the tree up that fell over so the cat wasn’t trapped underneath it anymore.

“Helping Mittens out of a predicament.” Louis replied.

“Nooooooonononononoooooononono.” Mittens howled, struggling to get away from the ghostly human who caused her distress.

“Leave the cat alone, Louis. Let Liam do it.” Zayn warned, watching him lift the tree slightly.

“Why?” Louis asked, seeing the cat skedaddle from underneath it and head towards Liam, using her claws to climb him and attach herself to the top of his head.

“MOTHER OF GOD! GET OFF! GET OFF! OUCH, THE CLAWS, MITTENS – THE CLAWS! NAUGHTY CAT!” Liam screamed.

“NOOOOONONnononono.” Mittens glowered, her stare dead set on Louis as her nails only tightened into the temples of Liam’s face.

“That’s why.” Zayn finished lamely.

“Here, let me try to help.” Louis insisted, stepping forward.

“No!” Zayn exclaimed, grabbing his arm and eyeing the cat.

He took a step back, forcing Louis to follow him.

“It’s okay kitty, we come in peace. Well, I do. Louis is another story entirely.” Zayn accused.

The cat settled down some and Liam was able to get the cat on the couch after dislodging her claws from his head.

“The hell’s a matter with you, Mittens? You look like you’ve seen a bloody ghost!” Liam yelled at the cat, backing off when it kept its intense stare behind him with Louis.

Louis stared back with a cocky smirk.

“Hiss, motherfu –“

“Nooonononono –“ The cat warned, backing away with her ears back.

“Leave her alone, Louis!” Zayn snapped and dragged him down the hall towards the opposite door across from Liam’s.

When they made it in, the girl was still sound asleep – the little boy however, was wide awake.

At first, he just stared at the door, but then a large smile started spreading over his face.

“Is that you, Santa?” The little boy asked, throwing the torn blankets from him.

Zayn and Louis paused just inside the door having hoped the kids stayed asleep, but it may just work in Zayn’s favor after all.

He lit up a cigarette and took a puff.

“Nah, just his elves. Except Louis here, he’s playing a Grinch this year.” Zayn jested, snapping his fingers and making the small bedside light come on.

Louis noticed almost right away the unnatural angle of the little boy’s foot.

“Grinch? Papa says there’s no such thing.” The boy disagreed.

Zayn took another puff, stamping the cig onto the floor – even if there wasn’t any need and took another one out of his pack, lighting that one up and repeating his earlier actions.

Louis just watched him curiously.

Zayn shrugged.

“Imagine being dead since the first world war and unable to relief your burning desire for a cigarette. They’re right here, but no amount of them in the world will stop the craving. Sucks, I got one puff in before that cannonball took off my head. One puff, bam, no more head.” Zayn sighed.

Both Louis and the little boy just stared at him.

Louis with a ‘really? In front of the kid?’ and the little boy’s was just plain confused.

“I thought you said you was elves?” Jake inquired suspiciously.

“We’re not elves. Zayn here is a pain in the ass ghost and I’m your dad’s boss. Meaning whatever I say to him goes and whatever I say to you will be obeyed, yeah?” Louis decided to step up and try to get him back to sleep before Liam walked in and found the boy talking to himself.

Jake nodded and glanced at his half-sister Ember.

“My dad talks about you all the time. Louis Tomlinson, right? What are you doing in my room?” The little boy was quick to work out who the older gentlemen was.

“Zayn here thinks I need a lesson in humanitarianism. I disagree, what do you think?” Louis chuckled, walking over to the boy’s bed and sitting at the edge of it.

Zayn didn’t say anything for once, he figured the boy was good enough on his own without the ghost’s help.

“Dad says you and him were friends since boarding school when you were real young. He says you keep him in an exciting job and he never complains, but if you are here – that means you’re going to help him, right? Cause he needs a lot.” The little boy pouted slightly, leaning forward and covering himself up again to remain warm.

Louis gave Zayn a look, to which the ghost only smirked.

“I hate you, I hope you know that,” Louis muttered, turning his attention back to the boy – figuring he would entertain the notion of listening. “Besides psychiatric evaluation for naming a cat Mittens Guinevere – what pray tell does your dad need help with? “

“Mum says dad doesn’t make enough for her to pay for the medical for my operations, so she says I’ll just need to go without. England has some good doctors, but the ones I need are privately licensed and won’t help my dad out. He says he’s needed a raise, but because he maxed out his accounts and says you’re mad at him, he is afraid to ask for more money, so I’m asking. I don’t want anything this year, I just want to see my dad happy. I wish I could see him more as well, but he says you need him more.” Jake explained, his yellow golden hues staring wondrously up at Louis.

Louis forced out a small smile.

“Um – I’ll have to check my schedule; your dad might be due for shorter hours.” Louis agreed, receiving a disapproving look from Zayn.

He realized how it sounded.

“Not like that.” He assured the ghost, scratching his head.

Jake shrugged.

“Mum probably won’t let him see me anyhow. She wasn’t going to till he offered to take me and pay for a two-week trip to Bali. When Ember’s mum heard, she was upset. So, dad managed a payment for her too. I know he’s stressed so I don’t expect anything this year, but Ember really wanted this life like doll, I dunno what it’s called, but if I had a wish, I’d wish for dad and her to get what they really wanted this year.”

The sentiment of it melted Louis’s heart slightly.

“Well, you father most certainly needs a new car.” Louis chuckled, remembering how bad the brakes were.

“He needs a new life.” Jake yawned, settling back down to lay on the bed. His weight making the mattress creak.

Louis didn’t disagree there.

With a flick of his hand, Zayn turned the light out again just in time for the door to open.

Louis could see Liam’s silhouette through the shadows of the small plain room and Jake was already dozing back into dreamland.

He heard his assistant sigh in relief, glad the noise hadn’t woken his children up. He finally got the cat calmed down to where it wasn’t cowering in the corner.

That just left him to complete his nightly rituals and get what little sleep he could before he had to get up and go to work.

When the door closed again and the darkness bathed over them, the only sound to emit was Louis’s soft breathing.

“How’s that for explanation? I figure he could give you a better insight than I ever could.” Zayn said, taking Louis’s wrist and tugging him back into the hall.

With the lights completely dark, save for Liam’s room, it was hard to see where he was walking, although he had a pretty good idea when Zayn suddenly stopped and they were back in the living room.

“Be careful where you –

MMRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLL!” Mittens screeched when Louis accidently stepped on her tail.

“Step.” Zayn sighed, seeing the cat run from under Louis’s feet and back up the tree.

Louis jumped back with a yell the same time the tree came crashing down again.

“Holy forking Kim Jong-un!” Louis swore, his heart beating out of his chest.

“You owe that cat a lifetime supply of tuna. Christ, remind me never to cross you on a bad day, mate.” Zayn muttered, going to the Christmas tree and lifting it slightly so the cat could get out.

Louis saw a fierce glare glowing out from the darkness, her stare looking directly on him.

“Nooooonononono.”

“You already done gone being way passed my shit list. Also, I think that cat is trying to tell us something, like: get the f out of my flat. I say we listen. Because if looks could kill, I’d be deader than you right now.” Louis insisted.

Zayn shrugged.

“I think that may be best, but I have something to show you first.” Zayn said, walking over to where the fallen fireplace shelf laid and bent down, picking up a small photo frame.

Zayn lit another cigarette and lit a portion of the small room with it.

Louis took the object from Zayn carefully and observed it, letting his mouth drop.

“I ordered him to delete all evidence of that day from existence. That was embarrassing!” Louis insisted, glancing down at him and Liam with those hideous elf costumes on.

Although in his opinion, Louis looked the better of the two.

“Read the back of the frame.” Zayn insisted with a smirk.

Louis flipped it to the back, seeing the messy description.

“’The best day of my life.’ Well, glad he thought so,” Louis muttered, reading the bottom. “’The best mate a bloke could have.’” Louis finished, a few drops of guilt dripping into his chest.

“You can’t erase the past and he sticks around because of the history you two have shared. You changed his life and in some ways, he’s changed yours, but you need to tread carefully, Louis. He might not always be there to catch you. Sometimes, we can only take getting walked on so far. If you want a friendship with him, don’t continue to push him away. If you don’t, then give him the damn decency to find a better job so he can care for his kids!” Zayn yelled, his voice getting louder with each word he spoke.

Louis flinched, feeling the slight course of anger etched in the ghost’s words.

“Can I have one of your cigs, mate? I could use one.” Louis dismissed his ranting, grabbing the lit cancer stick from the ghost’s mouth and taking a puff, coughing a second later. “Stab me with a bloody pig sack! Oh my God, what brand is this?! It tastes like decaying flesh and dirt!”

Zayn cackled, watching Louis hand him back his fag and lean over to exhale the foulness from his chest.

“I been dead over a hundred years, mate. I was buried with them so I’m sure you’re just tasting the remanence from when I was dumped in a mass grave. Enjoy.” He saluted, inhaling again.

To him, it still tasted like menthol, but he didn’t exactly warn Louis as he probably should have.

Oh well, it’s not like Louis will die from it. Technically, the cigarette is still in ghostly realm and Louis was just tasting what they would if he had decided to steal a cig off a one-hundred-year-old buried corpse…which in fairness, Louis didn’t ask before grabbing a puff, so serves him right.

“NOOOOOnonononono.” Mittens howled, wishing the intruders left. They were making her upset.

Liam yelled for the cat to be quiet so that he could sleep, but Louis was going to take the whole cake, because truthfully, the cat was annoying him.

“Hey, Mittens? You fancy becoming my next fur coat? I ordered a cousin of yours offline and he is damn warm.” Louis antagonized, watching the cat’s ears point back further.

“Mmmmhhhrrrrrrllllllll.”

Zayn just grabbed his wrist and gave him a look of disbelief.

“Really, Louis? You’re talking smack to a cat right now? I believe Liam isn’t the only one who needs evaluated. Come on, we need to go.” He went to drag Louis out, but Louis jerked his arm back challenging the cat.

“Come on bitch, you don’t got anything to say to that?

A huge hiss left Mitten’s snout and before Louis could blink, he was being pursued and that left him and Zayn running straight into the kitchen – away from the door.

Now, Zayn could transport, but he would be leaving Louis behind and he didn’t think Harry would appreciate him losing Louis – even if it was accidental…and as much as he would love to.

“Open the fridge!” Zayn ordered, but remembered he could do it.

So, with a wave of his hand the fridge flew open in front of Louis, knocking him on his back as Zayn then levitated the cat and threw her onto one of the shelves, closing the door.

“NOOOOOOONONONONONO!”

This was followed by what sounded like the top three shelves in the fridge collapsing on one another.

“Is the cat okay?” Zayn asked, helping Louis up from the ground. “The next time I tell you to leave the cat alone, you damn well bloody leave the cat alone!”

Louis ignored him and knocked on the fridge door.

“Noooono.”

“Mittens is fine.” Louis assured, opening the door a little to see eyes the color of hell flames.

He shut the door again.

“Yup, I’d say perfectly peachy. Shall we go?” Louis asked enthusiastically, hoping to get out of the flat without causing any more damage, but if you asked – it was the cat’s fault.

“We can’t just leave her in there, Louis. Let me put her in with Liam.” Zayn insisted.

Louis moved back from the door and let Zayn do his thing.

When the ghost opened the door again, he gently levitated the cat and began to spin it around.

“NOOOOONONONONONONONONONONOOOONONONON!”

Louis watched with an amused smirk, noticing Mittens did not like that one bit.

“It’s a kitty piñata, I’ll go get the bat!” Louis chuckled, though he was curious what Zayn was doing.

“I’m spinning her around until she gets dizzy, when I put her down she’ll be trying to walk and won’t be so aggressive. We used to do similar experiments back in training.” Zayn explained, walking with the cat to Liam’s door and gently opening it to levitate the cat on the floor before shutting it again.

A few seconds later the cat threw up, followed by a tired groan from Liam.

The man could not catch a break, even when he was away from Louis.

“Can we go now? Liam sounds like he’s had enough fun for one night.” Louis smiled, heading toward the main door.

Zayn followed after him, having a faster way to travel.

“Louis?” Zayn called, smirking when the other bloke turned his head.

With no hesitation, Zayn balled his hand into a fist and bunched Louis square in the jaw like last time.

“That was for Mittens, not come on. Allure is next.” With that, he bent down where Louis had dropped and picked his head up, slamming it onto the ground.

When Louis opened his eyes, not only was he staring up into the black eyes of the endless abyss of misery, he was also realizing that they most certainly weren’t normal – even for a ghost.

The black eyes blinked and then its mouth seemed to spread into a long and mischievous grin.

“Ooh, a late-night snack that delivers, you shouldn’t have.” It said, leaning forward so Louis could get the whole picture and man, was it ugly.

Zayn jerked Louis from the ground and stood protectively in front of him.

“Go make trouble elsewhere, mate. I have a schedule to keep.” Zayn snapped, realizing he should have made sure the demon wasn’t around when he decided to visit Allure.

“Who is this bloke?” Louis demanded, eyeing the teenaged looking demon.

“I’m Ned. Ned Norman and Louis, it is such a pleasure to finally eat you.” The demon, Ned, said with growing sharp teeth that would make Louis go running.

“Any chance of getting Harry on your ghost mobile channel? I know who to call when I have a ghost problem, but who do ghosts call when they have a demon problem?” Louis asked, backing away from where Ned stood next to Allure, who sat unblinking on the bench with her stare wordlessly to the ground like a hypnotized zombie.

Zayn chose to ignore Louis’s stupid query and instead instruct him to do something useful for a change.

“Louis? I need you to run and find someone, when you find them – punch them. It will break the invisible shield around you, I’ll come find you when I’ve settled this.” Zayn balled his hands into fists and reached out to strike the demon.

Louis wasted no time in backing away and running like a naked chicken down the street.

He called Harry’s name, figuring maybe he would somehow hear Louis and come to his distress, or if anything, help Zayn out.

“I always seem to attract the wrong kinds of things in my life, I never thought one of those would be a demon.” Louis muttered, trying to find someone in the streets, but since it was Christmas morning – well, Louis had a better chance at seeing the Easter Bunny pissed off his rabbit tail.

Notes