The sound of twigs breaking behind me were heard as I struggled to keep up with Carmen who was ahead of me, her legs moving effortlessly as she practically glided along the lush wet grass. The cold air was burning my lungs as I panted, trying to get away from whatever it was we were running from. Carmen turned to look at me, a smile on her face. “Keep up Sel!” She yelled and then took off even faster than before, I wasn’t sure if we were playing a game or in danger. She looked so carefree.
“Carmen, please slow down!” I screeched, hearing twigs breaking behind me. I tried to turn and look, but I was too scared I’d trip and fall. “Jump!” She yelled and I watched her float gracefully into the air, I was so mesmerized I didn’t follow her instructions and instead felt the front of my foot connecting with a large branch that had fallen from a towering red oak tree. I hit the ground with a thump and instantly clutched my foot in my hand, crying out in pain. My eyes opened to see Carmen was gone and I was all alone, alone with whatever was after us.
“Alone at last…” I heard a voice coming from billowing fog, a voice that had grown as familiar as my own. The black silhouette was approaching slowly, but I couldn’t move. My foot was broken. I tried to hold my screams in, to scoot myself backwards into a corner, but there was nowhere to hide. I was completely exposed.
“Selena! You’re going to be late, get out of bed!” My mother’s voice boomed into my room as I opened my eyes. My heart was still pounding beneath my chest and I was thankful for the light and as always for my beautiful mother.
“You okay?” She paused opening my curtains to give me a peculiar look.
“Yes, sorry. I must have hit snooze.” I admitted, looking at my phone screen.
The first day of school had crept up on me, I’d spent so much of the last week trying to finish all of my summer reading and avoiding sleep and the internet, that I hadn’t noticed my summer was over.
“You want a ride to school?” My mother offered, but I shook my head.
“No thanks, I’m just going to walk.” I shrugged, it wasn’t too far away. Nothing was too far away in this town, that was the beauty of it.
“I thought that was the tradition though, I always drop you off on the first day…” I could hear the hurt in her voice.
“Yeah, but… it wouldn’t be the same…” It would only make me sad to look over at the empty seat Carmen normally sat in. I didn’t want to start the first day of senior year like that.
She nodded and walked over to me, placing a sweet kiss on my forehead and not saying a word. We both knew better than to talk about it anymore, it would only end badly.
“Love you.” I finally said as I stood up from the counter and pulled my back pack over my shoulder. I’d kept my first day outfit simple, which was the opposite of normal. I normally wore a dress, something vintage from the late 60’s that flowed like the clouds and was garnished with lace and completed with my grandmother’s lady bug brooch. Today, I wore a pair of knee length cut off jean shorts, a loose fitting gray t-shirt, and a pair of worn out black Chucks. I left the brooch at home, it just didn’t fit. My long dark hair was pulled into a low, loose ponytail and my face was bare of makeup. I literally put zero effort into my appearance, I knew I’d end up crying about something before the day was over so I didn’t see the point.
It only took me a few minutes to reach the school, Landon was standing near his bike waiting for me.
“Saved you a spot.” He said with a grin, we hadn’t seen much of each other the last week, but things had been left in an awkward spot with his mother.
“Thank you much.” I said as I parked my bike and locked it up. “Did you finish your list?” I asked, adjusting my backpack on my shoulders.
“I did indeed, you?”
I nodded.
“Good, we’ll be prepared then. I hear Mrs. Fabray is tough.” He admitted as we began walking towards the building.
“I hope so.” I said with a grin, I’d been looking forward to having Mrs. Fabray for my entire high school career, she was the English teacher that no one liked because she was “too hard” which obviously meant I’d love her.
“You’re twisted.” Landon grinned, but quickly his demeanor changed and he let out a groan. I turned my attention to where he was looking, his neighbor was closing the trunk of his car and turning to walk our way.
I hadn’t told Landon about what happened with him, I didn’t want him to have more on his plate than he already had.
“Sylvia…” He said with a smirk and a nod of his head as he passed by me, not bothering to look at Landon. I felt a flush rising in my cheeks, how did he manage to look so appealing despite being so awful.
“Who is Sylvia?” Landon sounded annoyed and confused. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head.
“Who knows, he’s diluted. Let’s get to class.” I took his elbow in my hand and pulled him behind me.

My first class was Calculus 2, which was boring, but thankfully we just went over stuff we’d learned last year. A refresher course if you will. Second period was Anatomy and Physiology; which Landon was in with me so I knew I’d have a lab partner. After that we had lunch, Landon and I ate at our usual table near the front of the cafeteria, but tucked away in a corner so that no one would really mess with us. I had gotten so many sad looks by then I felt like I was going to scream. I was finishing up a chapter in It when I heard a familiar voice. Gibby Capps, head cheerleader, Softball champion, and pain in my ass was standing at the end of my table. She and Carmen had been best friends for a couple years, but I never liked Gibby. She was as plastic as they come.
“Selena, I’m so sorry I haven’t come by… how are you?” She stared at me with her big doe eyes, looking as fragile as a doll. Her dark hair was in tight curls, her ebony skin was radiant, and she had dressed like she stepped out of Teen Vogue. She was beautiful, I had to give her that.
“I am doing okay, how about you?” I would be friendly; Carmen would want that.
“I miss her so much…” She sat down even though I didn’t invite her, Landon’s eyes were bugging out of his head, he looked like he was going to run at any minute. I nudged his leg under the table and he smiled finally, breaking out of his trance.
“Hey Landon…” She said softly, for the first time to me she seemed genuine.
“You should come by, really. My mother would love to see you…” I offered without thinking, but I just felt so bad for her.
She smiled, I could see the tears welling in her eyes. “I’d love that.” She stood up, I could tell she was getting too emotional. She sprung forward and wrapped her arms around me, giving me a tight hug. It only took me a second to register and I returned the hug. It was nice, I felt like it was good for her. It occurred to me then how hard it would be to look at the face of your best friend after she’d died. That was what she was doing, it was what my mother had done, and it was what everyone who knew Carmen had done. I was a constant reminder.
Gibby pulled back and wiped her eyes, sniffling slightly before letting out a giggle.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to over step.”
“No, it’s fine. Here…” I took a sheet of paper out of my notebook and wrote my number on it. “Call me, we’ll have dinner with my mom.”
She took the paper and gave me a grateful smile before going back to her normal table.
“What was that?” Landon finally spoke.
“I don’t know? What else could I have done?” I shrugged.
“I guess you’re right… it’s just weird.”
“It’s all weird…”
“Speaking of, have you seen Mike? I haven’t seen him at all.” Landon was packing up his trash as he spoke.
“I haven’t, I’ve been dreading that too…” I admitted, following his lead and standing up to throw away my trash.
My eyes were wandering around the cafeteria as I waited on Landon, I knew exactly who I was looking for, but I wouldn’t admit it.
“Hey, so I’ve got Fabray next period, when do you have her?” He asked as we began out into the hallway.
“Last, sadly. I really wanted to share this with you.” I said with a grin, I knew he was dreading it and it would have been nice to see him sweat.
“Unfortunate. I have a programming class last period. I’m excited about that, it’ll help me relax after English.” He laughed, he was incredible at English – but he just wasn’t very good with strict teachers. It made him nervous.
“See ya.” I said as I turned to head towards my next class; American Government. I sat close to the door, but in the very last seat. I was feeling overwhelmed from everything and wanted to be alone.
“Be still my heart…” I heard the English accent and felt my heart skip a beat, damnit. I looked to the side, there he sat. Black jeans, Black t-shirt, and a black beanie.
“How gothic.” I said as I looked him over.
“It’s slimming.” He didn’t miss a beat.
“So many other seating options…” I extended my hand out to the practically empty classroom.
“I like this seat. I like the view.” He had a shit eating grin on his face and he knew he was an asshole.
I looked at him for a moment, my lips in a natural pout as I pondered what to say. I was tired though, I just shrugged and began unpacking my bag.
“No quip? I feel cheated.” He said as he leaned down to get his things out too, I was surprised at this – he didn’t seem like the type to be prepared.
“Nope, sorry.” I said flatly.
He sat back and placed the end of his pencil between his lips, his eyes never left me.
“What?” I snapped, turning to look at him.
“Nothin’…” He shrugged, but there was something different in his eyes. I didn’t want his pity though, it only pissed me off.
The class room had begun to fill up, Kitty McClain sat in front of the new boy with barely any clothes on and hair bleached so much it was threatening to snap off with the breeze. Her best friend Marty Windom took the seat in front of me, her red hair was pinned up into a neat bun and she smelled like she’d bathed in her grandmother’s perfume. I was now surrounded by people I couldn’t stand. Awesome.
Mr. Hebert walked into the classroom and wrote his name on the board, turning to look down at a piece of paper on his desk.
“Good afternoon everyone, we have a new student this year, a transfer from England. Mr, Harry Styles?” He said as his eyes looked up to search for him, the boy next to me raised his pencil in the air. I realized I didn’t even know his name.
Harry… I repeated in my head. It was fitting.
“Welcome Mr. Styles,” He began rambling about the things we’d be covering this semester, my attention was displaced however on the blank notepad in front of me, my mind wandering through thoughts that lacked substance. I was content with my daydreaming, but of course that was all interrupted.
“A candle light vigil will be held for Carmen Lopez Friday morning in the gymnasium, Selena….” My eyes snapped up at the mention of my name.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” He gave me a small caring smile and then cleared his throat. I swallowed, I could feel all the eyes on me. I quickly averted my eyes back down to my desk, I could feel my chest tightening. I wanted to run out of there and not look back, but luckily Mr. Hebert moved on and began talking about government stuff.
I felt one pair of eyes on me still, Harry. I turned to look at him slowly, but he quickly looked away. I knew everyone was going to treat me like I could break at any moment. I was still alive though, I was not dead. It was fucked up.

I was the first person out when the bell rang, I was hauling ass to the ladies so I could try to breathe. How fucked up is it to be mad at someone for dying? I was so pissed at Carmen for doing this to me. I caught my breath in the last stall and tried to center myself, I had one more class. Mrs. Fabray. It was going to be magical.
I stepped out of the stall and washed my hands. The door opened and Kitty and Marty walked in, instantly quieting up. They just looked at me, like I was a side show attraction. I rolled my eyes and walked out, not looking back as I entered the classroom. There were a few more people in here this time, my seating choices were limited. I sat in the last row near the window and in the middle of the row. I was finished setting up my stuff when I saw Harry run through the door, there were only a few seconds before the bell rang. I felt a wave of relief wash over me because there were no seats near me, he had to sit somewhere else.
He walked towards me anyway, I sat up straighter and kept my eyes on the front of the room.
“Hey, would you mind maybe switching places with me? I need to sit near the front because of my eyesight… not too close, but this would be perfect.”
I heard a shuffling and then he was seated directly beside me. I looked over at the girl he’d convinced to move and shook my head, what a con artist.
“Stalking is illegal.” I said without looking at him.
“Don’t flatter yourself, I really can’t see for shit…” He said, I wanted so badly to look at him. I bet he looked so cute while he lied. I had to have dignity though, he was a douche bag.
“Sure.” I said softly, thankful that Mrs. Fabray was walking in to cut our conversation short. She was a tall lady with bushy peppered hair. A pair of bedazzled reading glasses sat on the bridge of her nose as she dropped a stack of books on her desk. Her skirt was orange and flowed behind her as she walked.
“Good afternoon, I’m Mrs. Fabray – I hope you’ve all finished your summer reading because you’ll be turning in an essay today about The Great Gatsby.” She paused, clapping her hands together.
“What are you waiting for? I want a character analysis of whoever you choose, but I want it fast. Basic Essay, 500 words, written in pencil.” She gave us all a smile; I was so thankful she didn’t mention me.
“Chop chop.” She said and I gladly obliged.
I chose Daisy, a style icon of mine, a damaged flower – my favorite character.
My fingers were moving so quickly as I scrolled down my thoughts, trying my hardest to make it legible and also coherent. I couldn’t babble, I needed to make a good impression.
I didn’t even notice that Harry was just as engulfed in his assignment, not until I had proofread my story for the twentieth time.
“Five minutes everyone, then I’m obligated to release you.” Mrs. Fabray announced as she looked up from her desk. I smiled and stacked my paper together, pleased with myself.
The bell rang shortly after and everyone was rushing to turn their papers in, I looked over at Harry and smirked as he struggled to finish writing. I stood up and grabbed my things before walking up toward her desk. Harry appeared in front of me and cut me off, placing his paper in her hands before I had a chance.
“Thank you dear,” She said. Not even looking up.
I handed her mine, she did look up. She gave me a smile, the kind of smile that said sorry your sister is dead. But she didn’t say it and that wasn’t as bad.
I smiled back and then headed out the door, Harry was leaning against the wall waiting for me.
“Let me guess, you wrote about Daisy.” He accused.
“And if I did?” I asked as I continued walking.
“I did too.” He admitted, his voice a little lower. I licked my tongue over my bottom lip, feeling my breaking point. I turned quickly and pushed my hand against his chest, pushing him around the corner and into the lockers.
“I don’t want your sympathy, don’t treat me any differently now that you know.” I felt the anger boiling inside of me.
“What? I’m not… I was just being honest.” He put his hands up, surrendering in a sense.
“No, you’re supposed to make some comment about how I’m an insufferable bitch and how I’m predictable.” I don’t know what had possessed me, nor why I was begging to be treated like crap.
“Chill out babe, just because you try too hard and you’re absolutely pretentious doesn’t mean I can’t be nice every once and a while.” His brow arched and he gave me a grin.
“Thank you. That’s all I want.” I took my hand off of his chest and smoothed out my shirt, finally breathing.
“You’re cute when you’re angry.” He would look me over, making me feel completely objectified again.
Normal.
“Fuck off.” I said with a shake of my head, turning to walk towards the door.
“Let me give you a ride home.” He called after me, I turned to look at him.
Don’t think.
Just do.
**

Notes

Sorry about my last note on the last chapter, I was having a moment and I'm sure all of you writers know how discouraging it is to log on repeatedly and have no notifications or anything to make you feel like your story is being read. Pity parties are real guys, it's a struggle I have haha.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Hope you're enjoying.