Fangirl

"What room are we even going to?" I ask, looking down simple, white-lighted hallways with gray carpets and white walls.

"I don't know. Mikey just said look for the door with a big ass star on it." Max says in her usual, deep, 'don't bother me' voice.

I look over at her, smiling. "Mikey," I repeat. "So cute."

"Shush." She blushes. "We're thinking of getting a dog when we get back."

"But dogs are one step closer to babies!" I yell, stopping, and turning to her.

"Well, it's not like either of us want kids for like another seven years, we just want to feel like... I dunno, parents of something?"

I sigh, "God, I can't even remember anything before you guys got together."

"Ha! I can, just imagine your bedroom, and then remember the fucked up shit Calum put me through and that's about it." She tells me, laughing. It's weird to hear her laugh about it now, it feels like it was just yesterday she was crying about it.

"You know, you never even told me how you two got together. I went home, you went missing and then a lot of months later oh! You guys are together! Gasp!" I laugh.

"Oh, right." She smiles.

"So," Michael and I walk back to his dressing room after the interview. How do I get the conversation away from Luke's fuck up? 'Ril- Uh, Amy' come on, you idiot. Get a brain. I start thinking about how he said he didn't have a girl friend. Lots of stuttering. Staring at me, mostly. "You didn't sound too confident when you said you were single."

"Yeah, well," He speaks. "I like you a lot."

"Like-"

"Yep."

"Well, now you sound pretty confident." I smile a bit.

"I have an apartment in Australia," He starts, "Riley's going home soon and the guys are going back to L.A. in a few days... You could come with me if you wanted."

"You really want to deal with me being around even more?" I start to laugh before his lips press onto mine and I'm happy to continue. "W-Well okay." I stutter, smiling. "Oh! I like you too, by the way."

"Oh, great, I totally couldn't tell or anything." He laughs, then kisses me more.

"Aye, you guys actually found us!" Ashton laughs, as we walk into their dressing room.

"Yeah, Mike, what's with the vague directions?" I ask.

"I did my best." He shrugs. "Babe!" Holding out his arms to her, Max laughs and runs over to him.

"Where's Luke?" I ask.

"He ran off somewhere," Calum says, abnormally quickly. I nod slowly. "Probably backstage? Or? I don't know? Jesus woman I'm not an encyclopedia, I don't just know everything! Get off my back!" Ashton elbows him, and he stops talking.

"Great... Always a delight talking to you Calum." Weird. We were supposed to specifically meet up here. He's been acting weird for like two days now. Constantly bringing up how we met and how happy he is now. Like, yes, utter goals, I know, but it's more different than usual. He's missing at random times, and then Calum just starts screaming.

"Riley, come here," Ashton says, waving me over. "This is Cassie, she's going to do your makeup."

"Why do I need makeup?" I ask. "I'm not performing, you guys are."

"HA, HA, okay great so let her do your makeup then!" Ashton yells, sitting me down in his chair. I look over at Max. She shrugs.

A little while later, the next place I see Luke is when he's about to go on stage. "Hey, you'll do great." I smile.

He just stares at me, still holding both of my hands. What? "H-Hopefully."

"You always do amazing, Luke." I roll my eyes.

"I love you." He tells me.

"I love you too."

"O-Okay, well, er, time to, you know, play music." See? It's weird!

Max and I stand backstage, you know, the norm, while they play and people scream. Fucking crazy, that a few years ago my dream was to be in that crowd and now I'm watching them from the sidelines, and when that music stops they're going to run over and Luke is going to kiss me.

They keep playing, from Don't Stop right into DIsconnected. Max looks at me, but quickly looks away when they start.

They sing, "I like the summer rain, I like the sounds you make, we put the world away, WE GET SO DISCONNECTED." But immediately after the music stops, and it takes a minute for the crowd of people to fade out the screaming. I frown. Shit. Maybe that's why he was so nervous, some kind of technical problem with the amps.

"Uh, hey everyone," Luke says, his voice shaking just enough for only me to notice. "I'm fucking shaking." He says to Michael. "Uh," He breathes into the mic, "as a lot of you know I'm with Riley Smart, the most perfect person known to any species ever." People scream. "Yeah," He smiles, becoming more comfortable.

Fuck, I just realized what's happening. This happened in Dancing in the Dark. OH NO. BITCH WHAT DO I DO. In a moment of panic, I just start crying. "Oh." Max says, looking over at me, "Good thing that makeup they put on you in waterproof?"

"She's actually here tonight, literally right there," He points to me, and I almost fall over. "Riley?" He bites his lip, and I feel Max push me towards him. He holds my hand, knowing I'm doing my best to not look into the crowd and be blinded by spotlights.

"I'm fucking shitting myself," Michael whispers into the microphone.

Luke smiles at me, biting his lip more from nerves. It's still super hot. "Okay..." He breathes. "Regardless of what other people saw of me, I was never a kid who knew they took the right path. Decisions were too painful and destructive and I always wanted to know what would've happened if I chose the other way. I did music because there wasn't really any paths to choose. It was one big path that I wanted to be on but um... I have never once thought about what my life would've been like had I not shown up at your door that night a few months after the tour. You've never really been anything I had to figure out, and I feel like I was never anything for you to figure out... We kind of just knew each other from the start. Getting to know you was more like remembering you from a past life, or something." He licks his lips, smiles and wipes a couple tears from my cheek with his thumb. I can't breathe. "Anyway, you already know how much I admire you and love you, and you already know that compared to the last few years I've always been trying to balance on one rail of the track. God," He grins, "now I'm just babbling insightful crap about my life," I smile. "Um, Riley Smart," There's that full name. Here we go, bitches. Oh wow, am I supposed to think that before he- Oh god, he's getting down on one knee. "I couldn't find a wall to spray-paint it on, so this will hopefully do. Will you marry me?"

Notes

im sobbing
-jupiter