Fangirl

"Riley you already said that, what did the spray paint say?" Max presses. I hesitate. The truth is, I don't remember what I wrote on that wall, and even though I remember where it was, I don't want to know. I was drunk, and sad, so what if what I wrote was awful and would crush Luke? It's better if I don't know.

"I don't know." I say. "Don't really want to, either."

"What? No, why not? It's your first time wasted and you made a physical representation of it! I'll fly over and we should go see it!" She says eagerly, like she's already booking a flight. Oh god, she better not be.

"No, no, Luke'll be here in a few hours, I should get ready and you should not buy a ticket." I laugh.

"Damn, they're on sale, too." I hear Max whisper, quite disappointed. "Didn't Luke's plane land an hour ago?"

"Yeah, but the one condition to Luke being able to visit is I'm not allowed to pick him up, so he's going to get a rental car and drive here himself." I explain.

"Why aren't you allowed to pick your boyfriend up from the airport?" Max chuckles.

"I don't know, I think my family thinks I'm going to run away with him." I smile. "Jason literally just stares at him whenever he's around."

"Awkward." Max laughs.

"Extremely."

"Alright well Mikey's calling, I'll talk to you later."

"Mkay, bye." I say, right before she hangs up to scurry off to her beloved. I tuck my phone in my pocket and sigh. Should I go see what I wrote? I'm sure Luke will want to, it's only safe I read it first, and I've still got three hours. Oh, fuck it.

I slip on a pair of flats, and my olive jacket, and look over at Jason, who's been looking at me since I came out here.

"Yes, brother?"

"Where are you going?" He asks, not a hint of actual curiosity in his voice. "You can't pick up Luke."

"I know I can't pick up Luke, I'm just going for a walk." I shrug.

"Don't die out there." I hear, before I shut the front door. Drama queen.

I take a bus to the bar, and then retrace my drunken steps over to the building I remember crying in front of. Not real crying, just drunk, hopeless crying that doesn't mean anything. It's like when a cat rubs itself against your legs. It looks like it's affectionate, but they're actually just marking them as yours by getting their scent on you.

I look at the new, light grey concrete of a sidewalk, and couple leaves on the ground, and then standing in front of a completely randomly placed bench, I look up at the side of the wall. Crap. Crap, crap, crap. What is that? It's definitely not scribbles, that's for sure. Oh dear god, how do I keep Luke from seeing this? He'd- Oh shit, I don't even know how he'd react.

I groan at my phone buzzing and take it out of my pocket.

Luke: what did you mean the other day when you said 'because of your withdrawal' you're sassy?
Me: Ermmm. My Luke withdrawal ._.
Luke: aaWWWWWWWWW BABY I LOVE YOU
Me: I LOVE YOU TOO

I look back up at the wall, a painful expression on my face. How could I be so stupid?

A man walks by, looks at me, then the wall, and asks, "Did you do that?" I shake my head quickly, purely because it's against the wall to graffiti a building. Wow, why do I always find an innocent way to commit a crime? "Hah, well, whoever Luke is has quite a keeper."

"Or a crazy girlfriend." I murmur. He laughs again, and then walks away.

Notes