Fangirl
I Felt Like a Rebound
(Max's POV)
Okay. That's it. Enough is enough. I'm leaving in eight hours, and Michael still doesn't know what happened. There's too much guilt in this room, I can't sleep. It's currently three in the morning, and I've been sitting here on my phone, trying not to wake Mikey up while I spam Riley's phone so she'll wake up. I'm done, I can't do it anymore, yes, I'll admit, part of me is happy Calum finally said he loves me. I've been torn up over it for a couple years, who wouldn't be happy? But there's no way in hell I want to actually be with him. He missed his chance. He was too caught up in being a player.
I poke Michael's face, and he grunts. I poke him again and again until he sighs and asks me, "Yes Max?"
"We need to talk." I say.
"At three in the morning?" Mikey sighs, sitting up while I turn on the lamp. "Oh god, you aren't breaking up with me, right? I mean at least wait until morning when I'll actually be fully ready and prepared with my warning it's going to happen, actually, no, just not breaking up with me would be better-"
"I'm not breaking up with you." I chuckle, only to have my smile quickly fade. "I just have to discuss this with you. Hopefully after I'll be able to sleep."
"Um. Alright." He nods, slowly.
"So, Calum told me.." I hesitate. "That he.. loves me." Michael just blinks, and then swings his legs over the side of the bed. "Where are you going?"
"I'm gonna kill him." He says simply.
"No no," I say, walking over to the door to stop him, "can we talk about this before you decide to murder your best friend?"
"Babe, unless you mean he said I love you like he was laughing at a joke you said and said he loves you like he loves your joke, he isn't my best friend, he's a dick." I don't say anything. I don't know how to respond, I've never been in the situation where someone cares. Maybe that's just a lazy excuse, but I don't know what to say, nevertheless. "I mean, what did you say back?" He frowns.
I raise my eyebrows a little. Does he seriously think I'd get back together with a guy who treated me like a shoe two years ago? "I just left." I say. "I didn't- I mean, I wouldn't- I don't love him anymore." I stutter.
"Does he know that?" Michael says. Almost as if he doesn't believe me.
"I don't know, I thought the message was pretty clear." I shrug.
"Max, you have to actually tell him." Michael sighs.
"I'm sorry, I haven't been in this situation before, I'll tell him in the morning." I say. He just stares past me at the door. "Michael?"
"He tried to take you from me." He says softly, not taking his eyes off the door.
"I think he just wanted to tell me how he feels, he didn't ask me out or any-"
"No, I told him.. That I thought you loved him still. And then after he told you he loves you."
"You did what?"
"I'm sorry, I was so sure you still-"
"That's not your call, Michael. Even if in some other world I still loved him, it's not up to you to tell him that."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I just got scared-"
"What, that I'd leave you for him?" I ask. "That's stupid. Sure, I've had my moments when I was like fifteen, but I'm not a slut who jumps from guy to guy like it's hop scotch, Mike."
"And I would never think you are, but I'm not entirely at fault here Max, you still look at him like you look at me. You still glance at him when I say I love you, you still tense up if he looks at another girl, what am I supposed to think? It doesn't help I haven't gotten any closure you're over him. I told you I liked you at the airport and after that that was it, no Calum talk. I mean sometimes I just felt like a.." He trails off, his eyes becoming glossy.
"A what?" I frown.
"I felt like a rebound." He mutters.
"You aren't my rebound." I shake my head at the floor. "You've never been my rebound."
"But we never talked about it so I didn't know what was going on." He says, "I figured in a few months you'd dump me for a better option or something."
I've never realized how low Michael thinks of himself. I mean, I know he kept trying to stop Luke and Riley, but I figured it was a dumb guy thing. I mean looking at it now it's like he was just scared Luke would ignore him all the time if a girl showed up. And now, apparently this whole time he's been preparing himself for me to break up with him. We've been together for what, nine months now, and this whole time he's been insecure about us. "So.. We should probably talk about it about now, huh?" I ask. He nods shyly, while I slide down the door and he sits beside me. "Um. Okay, so uh. I'm not going to leave you at the drop of a hat. Especially not for Calum." He nods. "When I say that I love you I don't just say it because it sounds nice, I mean it. I love every part of you, emotionally and physically." His face turns pink while he tries not to smile, which just makes me do the same.
"But, you're over him?"
"Yes, I am completely over him. Completely new chapter. Like, twenty two chapters ago."
"And you're sure?" He asks quietly.
"I haven't been more sure over anything ever." I nod. He nods a little bit at the floor. "Hey." He looks at me. "I love you."
He smiles, "I love you too." With a pause, he adds, "But I'm still going to ice out Calum for a while."
"Understandable." I laugh.
"Can we go back to sleep now?" He asks me. I nod, smiling. "And um, thank you for telling me."
(Luke's POV)
By the time the sun comes up I'm still hazily staring at the brightness of my phone, waiting for three dots to pop up. Why can't she just text me back? Am I being clingy? Is she avoiding me now because I'm because clingy or something? I don't know what to do anymore. She hardly has time for me lately, how busy could she be for a ten minute conversation? As far as I know of, all she's been up to is hanging out with Cole and finding a job. Except what would I know about what's she's been up to, she hasn't asked me how I'm doing since she went back. God, did I do something wrong? Did I mess something up and freak her out? All I am is real with her, we're real with each other, that's how we are, but now I'm wondering if I'm too real. I haven't been in a relationship like this before, I don't know if we're past the hiding our flaws stage.
I just wish she'd talk to me, I guess. Oh, and I wish I could punch Cole in the face. I'm not usually jealous, but every damn time she doesn't have time for me it's backed up with something about Cole. Cole this, Cole that. I'm her boyfriend, not him. God, I just want to crawl in a small hole and stay there.
After months of lyric block, it's like this wave of inspiration washes over me, and I grab a pad of paper and a pen.
'And now I'm shaking, wearing thin,
I always wonder where you've been,
tell me if you wanted it at all.'
Okay. That's it. Enough is enough. I'm leaving in eight hours, and Michael still doesn't know what happened. There's too much guilt in this room, I can't sleep. It's currently three in the morning, and I've been sitting here on my phone, trying not to wake Mikey up while I spam Riley's phone so she'll wake up. I'm done, I can't do it anymore, yes, I'll admit, part of me is happy Calum finally said he loves me. I've been torn up over it for a couple years, who wouldn't be happy? But there's no way in hell I want to actually be with him. He missed his chance. He was too caught up in being a player.
I poke Michael's face, and he grunts. I poke him again and again until he sighs and asks me, "Yes Max?"
"We need to talk." I say.
"At three in the morning?" Mikey sighs, sitting up while I turn on the lamp. "Oh god, you aren't breaking up with me, right? I mean at least wait until morning when I'll actually be fully ready and prepared with my warning it's going to happen, actually, no, just not breaking up with me would be better-"
"I'm not breaking up with you." I chuckle, only to have my smile quickly fade. "I just have to discuss this with you. Hopefully after I'll be able to sleep."
"Um. Alright." He nods, slowly.
"So, Calum told me.." I hesitate. "That he.. loves me." Michael just blinks, and then swings his legs over the side of the bed. "Where are you going?"
"I'm gonna kill him." He says simply.
"No no," I say, walking over to the door to stop him, "can we talk about this before you decide to murder your best friend?"
"Babe, unless you mean he said I love you like he was laughing at a joke you said and said he loves you like he loves your joke, he isn't my best friend, he's a dick." I don't say anything. I don't know how to respond, I've never been in the situation where someone cares. Maybe that's just a lazy excuse, but I don't know what to say, nevertheless. "I mean, what did you say back?" He frowns.
I raise my eyebrows a little. Does he seriously think I'd get back together with a guy who treated me like a shoe two years ago? "I just left." I say. "I didn't- I mean, I wouldn't- I don't love him anymore." I stutter.
"Does he know that?" Michael says. Almost as if he doesn't believe me.
"I don't know, I thought the message was pretty clear." I shrug.
"Max, you have to actually tell him." Michael sighs.
"I'm sorry, I haven't been in this situation before, I'll tell him in the morning." I say. He just stares past me at the door. "Michael?"
"He tried to take you from me." He says softly, not taking his eyes off the door.
"I think he just wanted to tell me how he feels, he didn't ask me out or any-"
"No, I told him.. That I thought you loved him still. And then after he told you he loves you."
"You did what?"
"I'm sorry, I was so sure you still-"
"That's not your call, Michael. Even if in some other world I still loved him, it's not up to you to tell him that."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I just got scared-"
"What, that I'd leave you for him?" I ask. "That's stupid. Sure, I've had my moments when I was like fifteen, but I'm not a slut who jumps from guy to guy like it's hop scotch, Mike."
"And I would never think you are, but I'm not entirely at fault here Max, you still look at him like you look at me. You still glance at him when I say I love you, you still tense up if he looks at another girl, what am I supposed to think? It doesn't help I haven't gotten any closure you're over him. I told you I liked you at the airport and after that that was it, no Calum talk. I mean sometimes I just felt like a.." He trails off, his eyes becoming glossy.
"A what?" I frown.
"I felt like a rebound." He mutters.
"You aren't my rebound." I shake my head at the floor. "You've never been my rebound."
"But we never talked about it so I didn't know what was going on." He says, "I figured in a few months you'd dump me for a better option or something."
I've never realized how low Michael thinks of himself. I mean, I know he kept trying to stop Luke and Riley, but I figured it was a dumb guy thing. I mean looking at it now it's like he was just scared Luke would ignore him all the time if a girl showed up. And now, apparently this whole time he's been preparing himself for me to break up with him. We've been together for what, nine months now, and this whole time he's been insecure about us. "So.. We should probably talk about it about now, huh?" I ask. He nods shyly, while I slide down the door and he sits beside me. "Um. Okay, so uh. I'm not going to leave you at the drop of a hat. Especially not for Calum." He nods. "When I say that I love you I don't just say it because it sounds nice, I mean it. I love every part of you, emotionally and physically." His face turns pink while he tries not to smile, which just makes me do the same.
"But, you're over him?"
"Yes, I am completely over him. Completely new chapter. Like, twenty two chapters ago."
"And you're sure?" He asks quietly.
"I haven't been more sure over anything ever." I nod. He nods a little bit at the floor. "Hey." He looks at me. "I love you."
He smiles, "I love you too." With a pause, he adds, "But I'm still going to ice out Calum for a while."
"Understandable." I laugh.
"Can we go back to sleep now?" He asks me. I nod, smiling. "And um, thank you for telling me."
(Luke's POV)
By the time the sun comes up I'm still hazily staring at the brightness of my phone, waiting for three dots to pop up. Why can't she just text me back? Am I being clingy? Is she avoiding me now because I'm because clingy or something? I don't know what to do anymore. She hardly has time for me lately, how busy could she be for a ten minute conversation? As far as I know of, all she's been up to is hanging out with Cole and finding a job. Except what would I know about what's she's been up to, she hasn't asked me how I'm doing since she went back. God, did I do something wrong? Did I mess something up and freak her out? All I am is real with her, we're real with each other, that's how we are, but now I'm wondering if I'm too real. I haven't been in a relationship like this before, I don't know if we're past the hiding our flaws stage.
I just wish she'd talk to me, I guess. Oh, and I wish I could punch Cole in the face. I'm not usually jealous, but every damn time she doesn't have time for me it's backed up with something about Cole. Cole this, Cole that. I'm her boyfriend, not him. God, I just want to crawl in a small hole and stay there.
After months of lyric block, it's like this wave of inspiration washes over me, and I grab a pad of paper and a pen.
'And now I'm shaking, wearing thin,
I always wonder where you've been,
tell me if you wanted it at all.'
Notes
mikey & max related:please remember if you're in a relationship communication and honesty is key.
luke related:
i'm crying.
me related:
IT'S VERY LATE AND I'M HYPED ON CAFFEINE HAHA KILL ME
just kidding don't i need to write the end of this story first. (which won't be for a while tbh)
xx
WHAT A CUTIIIIIEEEEEES
5/6/18