Flat 51

~Harry

“No, please!” she cried as I pushed her closer to the edge. The sand beneath my feet stirred up, creating a choking dust cloud around us. I only frowned and pushed her harder. “Harry, I love you! Stop! Please!” She pleaded with me. Tears streamed down her face. But I didn’t stop. Not until she hit the edge of the cliff. Suddenly I snapped out of it, reaching to save her as she tipped backward. No… She fell. She fell and I couldn’t stop it.

“Harry?” I turned and saw her standing behind me, an odd expression on her face. She was smiling, head tilted to one side. “What are you-” A gun was pressed to the back of her head. Someone stood behind her, finger poised to pull the trigger. But I couldn’t move. I felt frozen, trapped standing there, helpless. All I could force out of my mouth was a simple, quiet, painful ‘No’. She continued to smile, and then a light around her blinded me from seeing the invader, but I knew he was still there.

Suddenly her head snapped forward and blood poured from her forehead as she fell to the dirt, and I was left standing face to face with myself. This other me looked injured, tired, starved. This other me slowly raised the barrel of his gun to my head.

And he pulled the trigger.

I bolted upright, her name a dying scream in my throat. I staggered out of bed, ripping my sweat-drenched t-shirt off and making it to the toilet just as the vomit hit my mouth. Someone entered and held back my stupid hair as I heaved. Fuck, it hurt. Everything hurt. My head. My stomach. My throat.

“Harry, you ok?” Louis. It was just Louis. It wasn’t…

“L-Lou, where’s-”

“She’s gone, mate.” Gone? No she wasn’t. She was… gone?

“What?!” I shouted, suddenly finding the strength to push him away. He followed me as I blindly stumbled through the halls to her room, fumbling with the knob a moment before crashing through. But there was no one there. Not even a suitcase. Nothing, but a note on the bed with a small box. She was probably just running home to get something. She had to be. That’s where she was, at home.

My Darling Harry,

I doubt you remember the events of a few hours ago, but they were significant. I gave Louis permission to explain if necessary. I feel as though we have moved so fast, without any time to consider what we are doing. You said some things, and even though you were drunk I need to take some time to think them over. I need to think you over.

I cannot deny that I am strongly attracted to you, as I have never been to another man. I’ve dreamed about you, Harry, and I’ve imagined us. What ‘us’ would be like. I’ve imagined waking up beside you and kissing you good morning, kissing you goodnight. I’ve imagined so many things. And that is why I need to go away for a few days.

I will not be joining you on the flight to Paris. I think you should ponder this as well. I want to be with you, Harry, but not if you only desire my body. I know there is more in you than that. I want to trust that if you truly have feelings for me beyond the sexual desire we both feel, you’ll tell me. And so I am trusting. I am trusting you to be honest with me.

Yours Always,
Emily XOXO

I only stood there, and numbly opened the little cardboard box on the bed. Its contents brought a sad smile to my cheeks s I pulled out a small taco and a bottle of ketchup. Only she would leave something like this to say goodbye.

Her script was graceful and beautiful, but it was cold. Her expression was so unlike the way she spoke. Most of my life, I had found people quite predictable, but this girl… she had captivated my mind. Everything she did surprised me. In just the two and a half weeks I’d known her. Such a short time, yet such a strong connection.

I didn’t know how, but I simply walked out of her room with no tears, no anger. Just a lingering emptiness in my chest that I had a feeling wouldn’t be going away for a while. In fact, it grew larger and deeper as I boarded the private jet with Louis an hour later. It was almost as if my heart was being slowly torn from my body the farther we flew from her. But I didn’t cry or yell. I responded to Lou when he spoke without any anger or frustration. Maybe because I was so tired. Maybe because I was in shock. Zayn, then Emily. I lost my best friend, and then the one person I thought would finally understand me. Yes, I was in shock.

That was it. Shock. And it all came crashing down half way to Paris. The city of love. When I was dragged into my room in Louis’ loft, I was pissed as I could be. Again. And then it became a cycle. Again. Just like when Mum and Gemma died.

Notes