Shattered

"Psst, Becca."
I roll over to my side, swatting them away.
"Psst, c'mon. I know you're awake."
"No I'm not." I mumbled tiredly.
"Will you wake the fuck up?" They say again. I grumbled and griped as I rolled over and came face to face with Harry. I felt my heart flutter some as I saw him grin a bit. It wasn't entirely a grin, however, but not a smirk either. Just slight. But for someone like him, it was a grin.
"Harry," I breathed out. "What are you doing here?"
His smile dropped and he suddenly became nervous. Even in what little moonlight seeped through the plywood board over my window, I could see his forehead wrinkle a bit as he furrowed his brow, as though he was concentrating real hard on something.
"I, um. . . I wanted to take you somewhere." He stammered. "Un-unless you'd rather stay here. I completely understand. I just thought..." His voice trailed off. He was so vulnerable, it was actually sort of sweet.
"Yeah, of course." I reply. He was taken aback at first by my response, but then slowly his lopsided smile returned.
"Really?" He asks me. I roll my eyes.
"Yeah," I whispered. "Lemme put some clothes on. Wait outside the door, yeah?" Harry nodded and let himself out. It took a lot in me not to squeal. But what do you expect from a fifteen year old girl? Hands down, I get to have that right.
I pulled on the jeans and black t-shirt that Niall had given me to wear before pulling on my old black chucks and a hooded pullover given to me to use as a pillow and opened the door carefully. Part of me had thought that I had imagined it, that he didn't come to me and asked me to go with him. Part of me was hoping that this was not merely a dream, but it had actually happened. I do not think that I could handle it being a dream.
I opened the door and found that he was gone. He wasn't standing there.
I really did imagined it.
I felt my heart sink.
However, just as I was closing the door, "Becca?" Harry whisper-shouted. It was a funny thing to hear. Opening the door one last time, I saw that he was just making his way down the latter.
"Sorry," he said quietly. "I forgot a coat. You gonna be warm enough?" I nod and followed him down the hallway and the stairs to the kitchen where he opened the door and led me out.
It was so dark, but for once there was no cloud cover over London, so the small sliver of the moon was visible along with billions of stars speckled throughout. It was so lovely and quiet. And the breeze was so soft and faint, but brought a nice crispness with each little tug it gave on my clothing. We began strolling through the gardens and out to the tall grass. . . just like Louis and I had.
But instead of sitting in the grass in discussing why Harry was the way he was, I was with him, walking and seeing how he actually is. It was a lovely feeling, really. And we kept walking until we came to the tree lining. Harry didn't stop. He continued to venture on, I continued to follow. He stepped over sticks and branches, the sound of dead leaves crunched beneath his boot-clad feet until we had come to a small clearing In the middle was a small pond with several marble benches scattered around it.
"What are we doing here?" I finally ask. Harry didn't answer me and he continued to stand. He seemed so frustrated. So sad and hurt all of a sudden. It radiated so strongly that I had begun to feel the same way as well.
"I've been thinking about a lot of things lately.." Harry began. I nod.
"Things like what?"
The faint sound of lapping water and chirping of crickets playing their violins sang throughout the still air in one harmonious ballad. Luna had already risen into her rightful place in the inked night, now beginning to sink in the west.
I followed him out onto the dock where he stood at the edge of the waters and just stared out. His eyes laid seemingly focused on the other side of the leave, as if he was looking for something. Ii was almost beginning to think he forgot that I was even there.
"Becca, what if you had a very dark past, and it haunts you nonstop- relentlessly, and you couldn't get it to leave you alone. It is so prominent in your mind that no matter what you do, or how you try to confront it, it won't cease. Everything reminds you of it. You share the same name, the same residence, the same blood of the monster that tore apart everything. . . What do you do with it?" he spoke up, randomly out of the blue. His voice was so thick with emotion and at a lower octave than what I was used to. He sounded close to tears. And as I looked over at the man before me, I saw a boy. Someone so young and in so much pain afflicted and eclipsed upon him with such relentlessness. It was something awful to witness.
"Harry, what are you on about?" I ask.
"How can someone that has caused so much damage, keep living with such guilt?"
"Harry," I began. However, before I could really do much, He crashed. He fell to the ground and curled into himself.
"Harry, please talk to me.." I try again.
"R-Rebecca, h-he hurt so many people, I don't want to be anything like him. I-I-I can't handle that!"
I pulled him into my chest. The wind had started to pick up a bit more.
"A name is nothing more than ink on a piece of paper. It can not define who you are as a person. Sharing a name with a convicted serial killer doesn't make you a murderer, having the name as a saint doesn't make you kind or caring or good, and sharing the name with the man that never gave two shits about you doesn't make you heartless, it doesn't make you an alcoholic or a criminal or soulless... Harry, you are not a monster. It can't make you small or big, weak or strong, an angle or a daemon. It is only ink on a fancy sheet of paper; it is only empty air until you give it something to mean." I told him. I placed my hands on either side of his face and tilted his head up to look at me. I felt him shiver under my touch. He laid there on the grass, curled into himself like a helpless ball and crumbled even more so. The over six foot man appeared to be so fragile. As though one touch and he'd break. As I stared into those jade coloured eyes of his, I no longer felt as intimidated. In fact that subtle feeling i had about him when we first came face to face had melted away. His eyes no longer scared me. I was looking into the eyes of a human all of a sudden. Whatever reservations I had prior had ceased to exist.
I felt my eyes flutter shut and I let the tips of my fingers carefully graze over his purpled skin: over every withered line and split crevas, grazing lightly over his cheekbone and up his temple, across his plump lips. I traced every detail of the left side, memorizing every par and imagining how it must have once looked- back when he was not so damaged. Pure.
I couldn't.
And to be honest, I did not really want to. I found no flaw in him.
"Rebecca, what are you doing?" I heard him say. I opened my eyes to find that his were now closed. I noticed that he was not breathing normally, his breath would shudder every now and then and whenever my fingertips would brush across his lips, he'd shiver.
"You're beautiful, Harry." I whispered. And before I knew it, I was leaning in and I kissed him. "You're so beautiful, Harry."

Notes