LGBT

Fawn's POV

“I’m in the car right now; I’m doing 90 on the freeway. Hey Slim, I just drank a fifth of vodka. Dare me to drive?”

I jumped in the black of the room. It wasn’t the video that got me though I will admit; Stan pretty much always made me pretty uncomfortable. What got me was the long forgotten box cutter in my hand. How long had I been sitting here doing this? With a little light from YouTube, I could tell I must’ve been doing this for a while. Little crimson incisions ran up and down my right arm like zebra stripes. Some of the blood was coagulating, forming little scabs over my already repulsive skin. “Disgusting.”

“You know that song by Phil Collins, In the Air Tonight, about that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning but didn’t then Phil saw it all then at a show he found him?”

Even surrounded by four walls that were supposed to be home, a safe haven, I wasn’t safe. The only thing separating me from the outside world was a wooden door that I carefully shoved my desk in front of every night to the displeasure of my neighbours. I couldn’t help it they were too stupid to do the same for themselves. It was only a matter of time.

“That’s kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning. Now it’s too late- I’m on a thousand downers now, I’m drowsy.”

I was drowsy too but I couldn’t sleep. I’d fallen asleep studying and had a dream about them. Unfortunately and quite typically, Sharon was nowhere to be found as she was out partying most likely. I’d asked her a few times not to but I knew it was pointless. Nobody had ever cared about my thoughts and opinions on things and I’d learned that at an early age.

“All I wanted was a lousy letter or call-“

Forcing my left hand to put down the box cutter, even for a second, I clicked on the search bar and typed something else in. I still didn’t know what I was doing but my hand did. I could always trust them.

“Incurable disease on the day of rest. I go walking on water in a sea of incest. I’ve got the image of Jesus imbedded in my chest. I can’t leave home without my bulletproof vest-“

I jumped yet again. There was a knock on my door. Who the fuck would be knocking on someone’s door at 2:53 in the morning? I stared at the door, waiting for it to open like it used to. It didn’t do that here but doors used to be knocked on and then opened. I hated those doors. They were dirty, vulgar, putrescent, vile little-

“I know you’re in there”, sang a muffled voice. I froze. The voice was too low. I didn’t like it. “I could hear your music. Please. I just want to ask something.”

Silently, I stood up, extending the blade of my box cutter as I made the slow, terrifying walk to the door. My hand turned the handle and pulled the plywood out of its place in the door frame, as far as it would go with the chained dead locks I’d installed on it.

A set of brown curls and green eyes stood there, looking down at me. The person smiled and after a quick glance down, I decided this was a guy. That didn’t help anything I was feeling.

“Well, erm, I’m Harry” the person began.

“And?”

“And um, I can’t seem to get into my room”, he said with a deep English voice. “I tried knocking on the RA’s door for a skeleton key but he doesn’t seem to be in.”

“Alex is never in on Saturdays-“

“I just wanted to know if maybe you had his number?”

I stared at Harry through the crack in the door. He didn’t look violent but that didn’t mean the potential wasn’t there. “If I write it down for you, do you promise to stay out there?” I questioned.

Harry blinked. “I don’t think I have much of a choice”, he chuckled. I frowned and shut the door, locking it tight this time before ripping a sheet of paper to jot Alex’s number on. Carefully, I slid it under the door.

“I don’t know if she’ll answer”, I stated. “You might be locked out for the night.”

“That’s fine. Thank you, I guess.” I pressed myself against the door, mouth shut tight as I listened for Harry. After a few paranoia inducing minutes, he seemed to walk away. I shoved my desk in front of the door in case he came back and continued watching videos from my laptop on the safety of my bed. I hoped Alex would answer too. I didn’t like it when she let random people wander the halls. Dourly I glanced at my clock. Today would definitely be a coffee day if I expected to keep my eyelids open during class.

Notes