All Hidden Away

After packing some of the general things I needed for the weekend at home – some cloths, pjs, toiletries and my good old reliable sneakers – our small party of three packed my bags in the car. The car wasn’t extremely fancy. It was a small red Toyota Yaris, but I know it would get me home, so I loved it.

I grabbed my pillow, a bottle of water and my medication and made myself comfortable in the backseat of the car.
“How are you feeling?” Asked Stu reaching around and patted my knee.
“A little dizzy, but alright.” I said with a small smile. I was very tired, my eyelids felt extremely heavy but I was in a very good mood and filled with excitement. Normally it’s very difficult for me to go home for weekends or at all. Generally the fans, paparazzi and press goes mad when any car arrives at the house - hoping to get a glimpse of Harry or one of the three members of the band.
“Okay,” said Jared catching my eye in the review mirror. “It’s about ten o’clock. And with traffic we should get there at about two-ish so we should probably stop and eat along the way.”
“Maybe call your mum or… brother and let them know how you are?” Stu asked as we backed out of the driveway and soon hit the main road. I pulled my phone out my pocket and dialled mum’s number.

“Hello?” She answered in her perky voice.
“Hi mummy, it’s me.” I answered looking out of the window and loosing track of Stu and Jared’s conversation.
“My love! How are you feeling? Stuart called and explained it all to me. I told you to always eat breakfast!” she rambled on.
I laughed. “I know mum, I just didn’t have time.”
“Well I bet you that now you have learnt, haven’t you?” she said her voice getting serious.
“Yes mum… sorry. It won’t happen again.” I said feeling sheepish.
“Are you on your way over yet?” I could hear her excitement.
“Yes, just left. Wanted to call and say we arriving at about two or so.”
“Great! I will see you when you get here.” She said. “Send Stu my love! Travel safe, my darlings!”
“Hi Anne!” Stu shouted.
She laughed and we said our goodbyes.

I dialled the next number I needed to call. It rang once, twice, a third time and halfway through the fourth ring someone picked up but didn’t say a word. The boys often did this as my number wasn’t saved in their ever changing phones and they didn’t want a crazed fan doing anything stupid.
“It’s me.” I said awkwardly waiting for a response.
“Oh! Hey Tasha, how’s the head?” Lou asked. Could hear he was walking somewhere with someone talking in the background.
“It’s alright thanks, just wanted to let you guys know we headed home, should be there around eight.” I said playing with my fingers while talking to him. I always hated calling them. I often felt that I was always disturbing them. I mean I basically told them all I wanted nothing to do with their lives anymore.
“Oh great. Ok. Well thanks for the call. I think we all missin’ you a lot lille sis.” He said.
“Oi! Hurry the fuck up Louis!” I heard someone call on the other side of the phone.
I laughed as he said he needed to go. We hung up with an awkward silence. I wish that I could be a part of their lives more without dealing with all the hardships and issues.

“Everything okay?” Stu asked looking around at me.
“All good… they just busy with something.” I said not making eye contact.
“Are you and your brothers’ close?” Jared asks innocently obviously not knowing the situation.
“Um… we used to be. They just really busy with their lives and we don’t really get the chance to do sibling things anymore.” I said honestly. After a bit of an awkward silence stu plugs in his iPod and begins to play some music. Fixxxer by Metallica comes on and I lean into my pillow and begin to dose off.

I had a dream that I never signed the contract and that everyone knew who I was. Many people used me to get to the boys and it didn’t end well. I woke up with a fright and opened my eyes adjusting from the darkness. We were about an hour away from home.

We stopped for an early lunch at twelve-ish. We ate in-between jokes and nonstop talking.
“So do you have any siblings?” I asked Jared while I sipped my coffee.
“I’ve got a younger sister, she’s about 14 or 15.” He said with a smile that betrayed the fake sense of annoyance that older brothers always tried to have when talking about their younger sisters.
“Aah I see.” I said thinking about Harry. I really was missing him lately. I made a mental note to find out when he was able to pop down for a visit.
“Yeah.” He said. “She’s obsessed with everything boys and make-up… and her phone. She follows some people she’s ‘in love with’ on Twitter and Instagram.” He said making the air quotations with his fingers and laughing.
“I remember when I was that age I literally lived in my treehouse, and my brother and his friends always tried to come up and so I made this no boys rule…” I started smiling uncontrollably as I remembered the next day Louis, Niall and Harry raided mums cupboard and pulled on her old dresses and did their makeup to get into the tree house as they were no longer ‘boys’. Liam and Zayne ( when he was still part of the band) were chilling in the pool laughing their heads off. Jared looked at me with a twinkle in his eye.
“You ever like… had a crush on one of your brother’s friends before? Sam does that a lot.” He said looking at Stuart. They shared a glance informing me Stuart already knew this bit of information.
“Uhm.” I was never much of a fan girl and considering most of Hazza’s friends were the boys or people he met on or after X-Factor I never really saw anyone of his friends in that way. “They were always just my other brothers.” I said truthfully.
He laughed loudly. It was a magical sound, deep and cheerful yet at the same time so light and happy. It made me smile.
“Do you have any pictures of this famous brother of yours?” he said. “it’s always intrigued me what siblings look like. People say me and Sam are practically identical, but I just can’t see it.”
Subconsciously – so lost in thought - I reached for my phone in my pocket. As I pulled it out Stuart cut across me.
“Really enjoying this little bonding shesh.” he said looking at me like I lost my mind, bringing me back to reality. “But I rate we best keep going if we don’t want to arrive too late.”
I was so surprised by the fact I completely nearly exposed myself to a basic stranger that I didn’t notice us pay the cheque or notice us leave the restaurant.
“Your head okay? You just got real quite…” asked Jared.
“Huh?” I caught Stu’s disappointing look. “Oh, yeah it’s a bit uncomfortable but ok.” I lied with a smile.
“Well now you’ve eaten something you can take your meds and sleep for the last 50 min of the drive if you want?” he said opening his door.
“Maybe you should rest Jar.” Suggested Stu. “I can drive, mate.”
“You do look a bit tired.” I offered.

I sat in front for the last portion of the drive with Stu driving and Jared snoring loudly in the back.
“Thank you.” I said looking out the window. “I was being stupid…” Stu placed his free hand on my knee and rubbed small circles with his thumb comforting me.
“I know it can be hard for you. Maybe chat to Anne about it this weekend?” he suggested.
“Yeah… maybe.” I said still looking out the window. I changed the song and Chasing Cars came on by Snow Patrol. It was one of Stuart’s and my favourite songs. We sang along until the lump in my throat caught on the words: “Just know that these things will never change for us at all”. Then the tears started rolling down my cheeks and landing in my lap as I realised how much I wanted to be a part of my brother’s life again.

Notes

Thank you for the support xx hope you enjoy