Bi•o•log•i•cal
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September 18, 2016
R•A•Y•E
“You aren't happy, are you?”
I raised my eyes from my plate of food slowly. Mid-bite I was forced to swallow down bits of food that my teeth had not grinded completely. Harry was sitting across from me with a pensive expression on his face.
The burger on top of his plate had not been touched, but I was too busy avoiding eye contact with him to notice his reluctance to eat. My eyes had been focused outside of the window for the last twenty minutes, waiting for the silence between our bodies to turn me translucent.
Now, the impromtu lunch date was starting to make sense.
“What makes you think I'm not happy?” I forced myself to ask, leveling my voice into octaves past indifference.
I didn't want to give Harry any evidence that might fuel his assumptions. I might be a bit selfish, but I wasn't a dream crusher.
"Your eyes look angry, Rae."
"You've been offered a record deal from SideCity labels Harry! That's your break! Of course I'm happy for you. I wouldn't be a good friend if I wasn't."
I could see him measuring my reactions and expressions. He was waiting for an opening, a way to break through my facade. He was waiting for the first sign of vulnerability so he could have a reason not to leave.
Not that I wanted him to go.
"It's not set in stone yet. I still have a meet up with Courtland. He wants to record a demo track. Go over some contract work. And discuss me moving down there for a while."
Suddenly, everything I had ingested threatened to make a second appearance. The sounds around me grew silent, and the diner we were sitting in vanished.
"Move?"
"Just to Miami for a bjt. I hear the weather is nice this time of year anyways."
"He wants you to move?"
"Only if I do sign to the label. It would be easier for everyone to work, and he's got a house out there he said I can stay in."
The act I was trying to put out suddenly failed me, hot tears beginning to drip from eyes and onto my lap. Harry was across the booth and next to me in an instant. The smell of his cologne so close caused butterflies to take flight in my stomach, before arrows of loss pierced their wings.
"You're gonna leave me to become some celebrity? Why can't you just stay here and keep making videos! You can't be big here? Or go there and still be with me?"
His face was somber, yet determined. I waited for him to respond.
"I want more. This is literally my opportunity- like you said. I don't have a lot going for me here in Portland. But I could actually do something out there..." Harry's eyes were wistful and I could see all of his hopes reflecting back onto me. He wanted me to understand. Needed me to understand.
I forced back the urge to fight, to insist that he stay next to me. Our relationship was finally becoming something more than a juvenile friendship, and I wasn't ready to give that up.
But I could still remember all of the days he spent wishing to make something of himself. All the singing practices and auditions. He had pressed himself for as long as I'd know him. No way would I be the one to stand in the way of his dreams.
"You-you should d-do it." I finally stammered. My mind nodded that it was the right thing to do, while my heart looked on with disdain.
A smile spread across his lips as he grabbed my hand in his. He looked just the way he did in Elementary school. Boyish charm swimming in his eyes as he hugged me.
"This means so much to me Raye! You have no idea." I sat back as he began to animatedly chat on the future. The pain was raw, but I would always want the best for him. Harry deserved it.
But little did I know, I had just set the wheels of a hell filled future to motion.
R•A•Y•E
“You aren't happy, are you?”
I raised my eyes from my plate of food slowly. Mid-bite I was forced to swallow down bits of food that my teeth had not grinded completely. Harry was sitting across from me with a pensive expression on his face.
The burger on top of his plate had not been touched, but I was too busy avoiding eye contact with him to notice his reluctance to eat. My eyes had been focused outside of the window for the last twenty minutes, waiting for the silence between our bodies to turn me translucent.
Now, the impromtu lunch date was starting to make sense.
“What makes you think I'm not happy?” I forced myself to ask, leveling my voice into octaves past indifference.
I didn't want to give Harry any evidence that might fuel his assumptions. I might be a bit selfish, but I wasn't a dream crusher.
"Your eyes look angry, Rae."
"You've been offered a record deal from SideCity labels Harry! That's your break! Of course I'm happy for you. I wouldn't be a good friend if I wasn't."
I could see him measuring my reactions and expressions. He was waiting for an opening, a way to break through my facade. He was waiting for the first sign of vulnerability so he could have a reason not to leave.
Not that I wanted him to go.
"It's not set in stone yet. I still have a meet up with Courtland. He wants to record a demo track. Go over some contract work. And discuss me moving down there for a while."
Suddenly, everything I had ingested threatened to make a second appearance. The sounds around me grew silent, and the diner we were sitting in vanished.
"Move?"
"Just to Miami for a bjt. I hear the weather is nice this time of year anyways."
"He wants you to move?"
"Only if I do sign to the label. It would be easier for everyone to work, and he's got a house out there he said I can stay in."
The act I was trying to put out suddenly failed me, hot tears beginning to drip from eyes and onto my lap. Harry was across the booth and next to me in an instant. The smell of his cologne so close caused butterflies to take flight in my stomach, before arrows of loss pierced their wings.
"You're gonna leave me to become some celebrity? Why can't you just stay here and keep making videos! You can't be big here? Or go there and still be with me?"
His face was somber, yet determined. I waited for him to respond.
"I want more. This is literally my opportunity- like you said. I don't have a lot going for me here in Portland. But I could actually do something out there..." Harry's eyes were wistful and I could see all of his hopes reflecting back onto me. He wanted me to understand. Needed me to understand.
I forced back the urge to fight, to insist that he stay next to me. Our relationship was finally becoming something more than a juvenile friendship, and I wasn't ready to give that up.
But I could still remember all of the days he spent wishing to make something of himself. All the singing practices and auditions. He had pressed himself for as long as I'd know him. No way would I be the one to stand in the way of his dreams.
"You-you should d-do it." I finally stammered. My mind nodded that it was the right thing to do, while my heart looked on with disdain.
A smile spread across his lips as he grabbed my hand in his. He looked just the way he did in Elementary school. Boyish charm swimming in his eyes as he hugged me.
"This means so much to me Raye! You have no idea." I sat back as he began to animatedly chat on the future. The pain was raw, but I would always want the best for him. Harry deserved it.
But little did I know, I had just set the wheels of a hell filled future to motion.
Notes
This chapter is rushed, confusing, and makes no sense yet, but I promise you this book is going to put go somewhere great! I am very excited to lead you all on this "adventure" lol-Denim :)
Please update !!! *o*
7/17/16