carriers.

I've never seen two grown men, well, semi grown men turn white as sheets in a matter of seconds before. the laugh that came from leslie was the loudest i'd ever heard. they looked at each other then back to me with wide eyes and pale faces. "seriously?" harry asked. i nodded my head and smirked at them. "so, since you are coming on the run with us tomorrow, i have rules. ill repeat them again tomorrow but im gonna give you a warning to think about if you want to come." i said looking at them both as they nodded. "if you dont show up tomorrow morning i wont hold it against you. its not a run we do alot and it takes a while. so if you cant or dont think you can do it. dont come. you can just join the next." i said.
"shes not kidding" a voice said and i turned to jack. "the run tomorrow will take 4 days. not for the weak, if you dont think you can do it. its fine. just go on the next one." he said. "as long as you understand you only get this one pass." he finished and they nodded. he planted a kiss on top of my head and on leslie's bidding us a good night. "so, as i was saying. dont feel bad if you cant. i will warn you along with everyone else tomorrow. if you slow us down i will leave you behind. if you catch the diesase i will personally kill you. if you put us in any danger i will kill you." i said making them visibly gulp and leslie shake her head at the boldness of the words. Knowing some of them to not be true. ive only killed 3 people before. 1 because he literally slowed us down from a group of diseased. grabbing onto my shirt and pulling me back every few seconds before i had enough and shot a bullet through his head and left him there. the second because i felt bad, she was my friend and leslie's. she couldnt do it. we had been on a big run for 3 days headed back when she got scratched. watching her turn had been heart breaking. the redness of her eyes and the noise and screams that came out of her as her body jerked adjusting to the infection was to much and as soon as she lunged for leslie i shot her.
the third was the first i had ever killed. i dont talk about it to anyone, even leslie. I dont bring it up. so normally if im asked i just say 2, its no one else's business who or why i did it. I never felt like i could tell someone who i put all of my trust on. yes, i trusted leslie. but to an extent. she knew this. she didnt question it. but understood. she trusted me with her life but i didnt know if i could do the same. ive always had trust issues, even before the disease spread. so its not her fault, but my own insecurities. i know she didnt know why and she didnt ask, knowing she wouldnt get an answer. She knew me to well for her own good and i feared it would kill her one day.
The boys didnt talk much after that. clearly thinking over if they should join the run tomorrow. there would only be a few of us. jack knew that id much rather have a few people than 10. thats why i had to kill the man, there were to many of us and he was honestly a wimp. give me 4 or 5 people and im more than happy. I was in charge of doing the runs. i lived for the adrenaline of it. the thrill of running for your life was the best high in the world. ok maybe not thrill but knowing something could get you at any moment is in itself thrilling. maybe im just crazy. Jack knew that i could get it done and in good time. So he gave me the title of "leader of the savages" at least thats what he called it. because he said i was a savage. Fierce and violent when need be. the fact that the man i killed was his best friend being proof of that. my thoughts invaded me even when i tried to sleep that night. would they put us in danger? would i have to hurt them? kill them? i really hoped not. i liked their company and they were easy on the eyes, ill admit that. but i couldnt help but hope that they could be a good asset to our camp.

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