There’s nothing better than a wedding you don’t want to be at.

May 4, 2012
The Bently Church


The room was silent as Malina tried hard not to sneer at Penelope as she finished putting on her makeup. She was trying so hard not to hurt her, but I begged her not to be mean to her and be nice because it was her wedding day. Then she called her a tramp and that she stole my man. I didn’t say anything after that.

“This is amazing, M.” Penelope smiled once she looked in the mirror and Malina looked at me, laughing a little.

“Thanks,” Malina laughed a little more and walked over to me, “Since when the hell is she allowed to call me that?” I shrugged and she rolled her eyes.

“Okay. Um, I’m going to go grab our dresses, Anastasia,” Penelope said before smiling and walking out of the room.

“I can’t believe you’re actually going through with this Ana.” Malina huffed beside me and walked up to the mirror, fluffing her freshly curled hair. Then someone knocked on the door and we both looked at it with confusion.

I opened the door to see Niall and I smiled. “Um, I have something for you,” he whispered and I cocked an eyebrow. “Here,” he handed me a white envelope that said Ana on it and smiled at me, “Don’t let that affect what happens today.” Then he walked away and I shut the door.

“Oh my gosh what is it?” Malina scurried up to me and I shrugged. I slipped my finger over the top of the envelope, slicing it open. Then Penelope came into the room with our dresses.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” I said and walked out of the room, into the small bathroom. I pulled out the paper that was in the envelope and covered my mouth. I should have known it was a letter from you, Harry suave.

I took a deep breath, and read the letter in my hands.

It read: My dearest Anastasia, the absolute love of my life. I have been doing some thinking lately these past four days without you, and to be honest, I am in a fucking rut. I can not be without you. Everywhere I look, you’re always there. The kitchen, the pond, my office, my bedroom, the gym; there is not a single place I can look without seeing you there. And thinking about holding someone else in the same places that I held you breaks my heart, and I know it breaks yours too. You know how I feel about you, Anastasia. And I know how you feel about me. I just can’t… You know how I get without you Ana. I go a little crazy, me. And when I think about you with someone else, I get jealous. You know I get jealous. But I can’t help it. You are the love of my life. No one else. You. And it absolutely kills me that you’re letting me get married to someone else. It completely and utterly pisses me off and I just wish that you would realize that. I love you. I have learned to love you so hard that I have forgotten how to love myself. And that sucks. Because when I’m alone, I get some fucked up thoughts. When I’m alone, I want to be with you. When I’m not alone, I want to be with you. Do you catch what I’m saying? Dammit. I can’t be with you anymore. Because you won’t let me. I fucking love you; I am vigorously and desperately in love with you; I would take my life for you; I would walk to the edges of hell for you girl, and you know that I would; I will do anything for you. Believe it or not, I believe in us. I believe in Ana and Harry. I believe that one day we will be together, and I will be there once again to wipe away the tears that I caused. I believe that one day I will be able to show how hard my love for you still grows every second of every day. My heart beats for you and only you, Anastasia Greene. And I mean that there is no one else for me. It’s you for me, Anastasia. Or it’s nothing. I’m glad that you showed me what a real love feels like, because now it will be haunting me for the rest of my life. When I kiss my wife, I’ll think of you. When I touch my wife, I’ll think of you. I’ll think of you, forever. Because… I’ll be seeing you. Just promise me that you won’t forget about me. I’ll never forget about you. Never. I love you Anastasia Greene, and no one will be able to take away the throbbing feeling that you give my heart. For some reason I always knew that it would be ending like this.. Although I haven’t made my final decisions... be expecting more from me Miss Greene.
P.S. No matter what you believe in, it will always be Ana and Harry.

I thought that I would drown in my own tears, or become deaf by my loud sobs. I sat down on the sink and brought my knees up to my chest as I cried harder.

“Hey, Ana. I was just coming to check on you babe.” Malina came walking into the bathroom and stopped when she saw me.

“Please don’t look at me like that,” I whined and wiped away my tears.

“What… Happened to you?” she asked and I sighed. I handed her the paper and let her read it. And the facial expressions and tears in her eyes made me cry even harder. She pulled me down from the sink and wrapped me in her arms. “I didn’t know that you and richie had such a serious relationship. I’m really sorry, Ana.”

“He’s getting married anyways. So, what can I do?” I laughed a little and folded the paper up, sliding it back into the envelope and slipping it in my purse once I stepped out of the bathroom.

“You could always stop it…” she mumbled and I stopped walking, but then I shook my head and continued to walk.

“Here’s your dress.” Penelope handed me my dress that was covered in a black tarp and I nodded my head, undressing and quickly putting it on. It was just as beautiful as it was the day she bought it for me. I walked over to the corner of the room and slipped on my shoes. Malina walked up to me and pulled the clip out of my hair, letting my curls fall over my shoulder. Then she put mascara and eyeliner on me with a bit of lipstick and blush.

Then I was ready.

I helped Penelope step into her dress and button it up. She looked absolutely flawless, and I have to say, I was a bit jealous. Once I pulled the veil over her face, someone knocked on the door.

“Yes?” I opened the door and peeked through the crack to see Niall again.

“We’re ready for her,” he muttered and I nodded my head. And when I looked behind him, the rest of Penelope’s bridesmaids were standing with Harry’s groomsmen, and Deacon was waiting on me, as Niall was waiting for Malina.

I stepped out of the room and locked arms with Deacon, following Malina and Niall as they walked down the flower petal covered carpet. I smiled at everyone as they stood up, and I couldn’t help but look down. But when I looked up, I was afraid I was going to collapse.

Harry looked… Unreal. He’s a god, that man is. Glorious man. Too gorgeous for his own good.


But he didn’t even bother to look at me as we walked up the aisle. And that, broke my heart. After all the things he wrote in that note, he wasn’t even going to look at me? I kissed Deacon’s cheek and took my place in the maid of honor’s spot.

Then Penelope made her way down the aisle. Her eyes were sparkling bright, and when she looked up at Harry, the love in her eyes made me want to sob. “Are you okay?” Malina tugged on the end of my dress and I looked at her. “You don’t have to go through with this. You could always stop-”

“I’m fine,” I interrupted her and smiled. “I’m fine,” I said more calmly as Penelope stepped in front of Harry after her dad gave her away to him.

“Please be seated,” the Reverend said and everyone that was standing sat down. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Penelope James and Harry Styles.” There goes a piece of my heart. “Their love for each other has grown stronger since the moment they met, and they will bond beautifully together.” I couldn't take any more of this. It was killing me… I was… dead inside. “Penelope, your vows please.”

Penelope smiled and pulled out a piece of paper from her bouquet of flowers, and then the flowers were handed to me. “Sorry. I wrote so much.” The crowd laughed and I wiped at my eyes. “Harry. I have known you for almost three years now, and every moment I spent with you have been the moments of my life. I believe that my love for you could not be any stronger, and my love for you is much stronger than the love I have for myself. Every day, I can’t stop thinking about you. When I’m here, I think about you. When I’m there, I think about you. And I can’t wait to begin my life with you,” she stopped talking and I looked at Harry who shifted uncomfortably.

“Harry. Your vows,” the Reverend said and Harry took a deep breath.

“Where do I even begin? Well, I admit that we had a rough start Penelope. And I apologize for that. But I believe that we learned to get along through the years. Even though we may fight, we make a great team. I know that one day we will be sitting old together, laughing and talking about how crazy we were when we were young. I can’t wait to start my life with you either.” He smiled. Not one time did he say anything about loving her. Not one damned time.

“Penelope James. Do you, take Harry Styles, as your lawful wedded husband? To hold and to cherish? For better or for worse?” the Reverend asked and Penelope smiled.

“I do,” Penelope muttered, the Reverend smiling back.

I feel it. My breath closing in, the air in my lungs is disappearing and there’s a swelling in my chest. The burning in my throat is almost killing me and my knees are about to cause all my weight to collapse to the floor. My heart was already broken but now I know what it feels like to actually feel it break. “Harry Styles. Do you, take Penelope James, as your lawful wedded wife? To hold and to cherish? For better or for worse?”

This emptiness inside me isn’t getting any fuller and I swear to you that I have died from a single heartbreak. My eyelids grew heavy and I looked at Harry, who was now trembling. But then he smiled and looked directly at Penelope. The way he used to look at me… And I was too dazed and zoned out to see if he even said I Do.

All I heard was the own sound of my heart breaking right inside of me for the millionth time, and the sound of my knees hitting the floor.

Notes

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