Marley

It’s a new day. As I slowly ready myself for it, my mind runs over everything in my conversation with Harry the day before.

Though I have to admit, I am skeptical about how exactly we’re supposed to get everyone to not hate us and understand, I trust Harry. If he says that we can, then I believe him, and will therefore follow through with his ideas.

First thing, he thinks, is to face up to what we do to hate ourselves. Which means no hateful online research for Harry, and no cowering in public for me.

In all honesty, I find it remarkable that neither of us could see it in ourselves, yet could so easily in each other. I suppose it just goes to show that it’s really that much easier to know other people more than yourself.

You can do this, I mutter to myself as I think, gazing at my reflection in the mirror. Just think of Harry. Think of yourself. He’s right.

Call it the moment of truth; call it whatever you want, but as I step outside that door, feel like this is going to be my defining moment. It’s likely that people I actually know won’t be there to witness it, but this is going to say a lot about me, to myself.

If I walk out that door and act like the coward I’ve always been, then nothing has changed and I’m just not strong enough. I’ll have failed everyone yet again, more importantly, myself.

But if I walk out there and hold the glares and don’t let it get to me, then I’m on the road to recovery. I’m actually learning something, being bold and brave enough to continue on with my life. And maybe like Harry said, it’s the first step to getting everyone else to understand.

By the time I’m actually ready and collected enough to step outside, it’s almost ten in the morning.

My mildly quiet neighborhood already has people strolling along the sidewalks and cars moving sluggishly down the streets. Being by a street nearly considered a main one, there’s a lot more than the usual hustle and bustle for a Sunday, and it doesn’t help me feel any better about this.

Closing the door behind me and drawing my scarf tighter around my neck, I walk down the chipped sidewalk, heading for the smaller park nearby. Being towards the end of February, the weather is still beyond chilly, and my breaths create a fine cloud of mist around my head as I go.

“Marley Sorin…”

The whisper is just barely audible for me, but as I turn my head to see a middle-aged couple walking by, staring at me, I know it’s them that said it.

They don’t look even remotely intimidating, possibly more curious than anything, but I still find myself wanting to cower away and hide.

Don’t you dare, a voice snaps in my head, and I before the couple can vanish, I gather my courage again and shoot them a small smile. Despite the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach, I force myself to act like nothing is wrong, and this is just a greeting of friendly strangers.

Instead of shooting me more glares though, I’m surprised to see the couple incline their heads in my direction and smile as well. The man even tips his hat a bit.

As if I have no control over my body, I’m suddenly stopping as the couple moves onward with their day. I don’t know if it’s shock or something else, but I stand there for God knows how long, just taking that encounter in

No hateful words, no spite, nothing. Just a returned gesture, and it leaves me with an almost warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Maybe I can do this.

When I snap out of my numb trance, the next person I come across is a younger man, who looks beyond menacing. He’s clad in dark jeans and a leather jacket, with heavy looking combat boots on his feet.

He falters in his step, seeming to recognize me, and again, I force myself to smile and nod in a friendly way.

I swear the three seconds that he does nothing and just stares are the most terrifying of my whole life. He seems almost startled that I did anything at all, and the few seconds of no reaction, he nods and continues on.

“You’re not a bad person…”

Harry’s words echo in my head, hitting me with ten times the force than when he actually said them.

I didn’t fully believe them at the time, but now… it’s different. Now that I’m out here in the big, bad world without any problems anymore, I see the truth in his words. Maybe I’m not a bad person, and maybe I really can get everyone else to see it too.

By the time I get home again, it’s almost noon.

Admittedly, I think this morning’s walk was one of the longest I’ve ever taken. Now that I don’t have a reason to want to just run home and hide anymore, I feel… better. I feel like I could go on a walk for hours without any troubles, in fact, I almost want to.

But eventually, I got cold, thanks to the frosty weather hanging over the city. So now I’m back at home, warming up on the couch with Travis, sipping a hot cup of tea.

“I think I’m going to actually survive this, you know,” I remark offhandedly, sighing in contentment. “All thanks to Harry Styles. Who would’ve thought?”

Travis makes a soft whining noise in his throat, and being around him for so long, I know to take it as a sign of approval or agreement.

Laughing quietly, I only reach up and scratch him behind the ears, resulting in him closing his eyes in contentment and opening his mouth to let his tongue loll out a bit.

The home phone suddenly rings, causing me to jump slightly, and in turn, Travis. I seriously consider letting it go to voicemail, but then consider the fact that I’m also doing absolutely nothing right now.

“Hi, this is Marley,” I say when I finally pick up on the third ring, knowing that most house calls are usually for business or formal reasons. Though I have no idea who would be calling me for those reasons, it’s a habit.

“Marley Sorin?” A chipper, female voice questions.

I nod absently. “The one and only.”

I hear the smile in the woman’s voice when she speaks next. “Hello! I’m Marie Weston, the headmistress South Hampstead High School. Myself and the staff here were wondering if you’d be interested in being a guest speaker, to come and tell the students about your past experiences. We think you’d be a great motivational speaker for them.”

It takes me a moment to actually think about what she said and what she’s asking me to do.

She wants to come to the school and talk to the students about the incident. I can’t tell if there’s a deeper motive behind what she said, but part of me is admittedly… curious.

I don’t like that she seems to want me to “reflect on my mistakes”, said in such a patronizing way, but it might be good for me. I’ve spent so long hating myself for it all, maybe doing this will help younger people not make that mistake.

Like so many, I was insecure as hell in high school. I could spread a positive message, be an inspiration maybe. And maybe it could even be the first step to getting the world to see that we’re all human, that I’m human, Harry is, everyone. It could be the first step to the eye opener.

“Hello?” I’m started by the woman’s voice, realizing that I’ve just left her hanging without a response.

“I’m here, I’m here,” I say quickly, trying to hide my smile, despite the fact that she can’t see it anyways. “Sorry, I would love to come speak at your school. Is there a date that you’d prefer?”

There’s a faint hum in response, and I can only assume that she’s thinking or looking at a calendar of some sort. “Yes, in a little over a week, Monday the fourth of March would be lovely.”

Knowing that the only thing I could be doing is working at the bakery, I quickly agree. Ben and Clarissa are kindly flexible with me, and I’m sure knowing what I’d be missing for, they’d give me approval.

“Excellent dear,” the woman says. “I will be in contact then, thank you very much!”

“Of course, thank you!” When I hang up, I sigh deeply, thinking about what I’ve just agreed to. Though I want to stop it, every terrible scenario of what could go wrong is running through my mind.

The students may not listen, or care. I could mess up my speech. I could write one that’s utter crap. I could get kicked out for it being utter crap.

Okay, the last one is far fetched, but still. Paranoia is returning, yet again over what other people will think.

Call Harry, my internal voice urges excitedly. Tell him the good news.

Figuring that it’s not a bad idea, considering I’m freaking out a bit already, I pull out my cell phone and call the growingly familiar number with both pleasure and nerves coursing through my system.

“Hello?” He picks up on second ring, sounding tired and a bit worn out even.

“I did it.”

There’s a bit of lagging silence before he answers. “You did what?”

Biting my lip and smiling a bit, I reply, “What you said. I faced up to people, went out in public and didn’t completely shy away. I faced them and it was okay, I’m okay.”

A breathy laugh sounds from the phone and I can almost swear I hear pride in his voice. “Really? That’s amazing Marley!”

I nod enthusiastically, moving back to sit down on the couch with Travis. “Yup, and I have even more exciting news.”

“Like?” He prompts.

“A woman from one of the local high schools called me, asking me to come as a guest speaker and talk to the students.”

“Are you serious?” He sounds both excited and disbelieving at the same times. “That’s massive! Please tell me you said yes.”

Grinning, I scoff. “Of course I said yes,” I tell him. “Monday, the fourth, is the date. In about a week.”

“Look at you, already light-years ahead of me,” he praises, though I can hear a hint of something almost resembling sadness in his voice. It tears at my stomach a bit, but selfishly, I’m in too good of a mood and just push it aside

“Congratulations Marley,” he continues, in a jokingly formal voice. “You’re officially on the road to recovery.”

Notes

Ugh my math teacher assigned 29 questions due tomorrow and she's gonna mark it as part of my grade, I have a whole book project due tomorrow which I have to write a diary through the whole book of the maze runner from Teresa's point of view which I haven't started, and a science unit exam tomorrow plus unit study notes and homework, and I haven't started any of it :) fun night for me, but as always happy reading! :)