Only Ever You

I can’t even be bothered anymore, I am literally so done with all the arguments and suspicion. So I just sit in my front room, scrolling through Netflix and slowly making my way through a whole tub of chocolate ice cream, I know I’ll regret this tomorrow but I honestly dont care.Thank goodness it was the weekend so I didn’t have to haul myself all the way to school. Anika had gone for some job interview leaving me in the flat pondering when my life became such a complicated mess. I picked up the phone and dialled the one person who I wanted to talk to, Mum.

She picked up on the third ring “Hello?” she asked “Hey, Mum its me Ashley” I said “Oh, Ashley honey how nice to hear from you how are you darling?” she replied. “Im alright” I lied smoothly “Hmm” she said down the phone, immediately seeing through my lie, it was a typical trait of my mother. “Is Melissa there?” I asked her “Yes dear, she’s right here would you like to speak to her?” she asked, “Please” I replied.

“Hi Ash” Melissa said cheerfully “Hey Melissa I was wondering if you might want me to baby sit tonight, I havent seen Danny in ages and you and Ashton can maybe do something?” “Are you sure after last time?” she asks sounding uncertain “Oh, Danny’s no trouble at all” I say, I really do want to see him, he always makes me smile. “Okay, if you’re sure, Ashton did mention something about a film he wanted to see” “Great!!” I say before she can change her mind “I’ll come around 6?” I rush “Sounds good” she says sounding bemused.

Its finally 6, I glance down at my watch, it seemed to take forever to tick around. I knock on the door and plaster a smile on my face, I dont need them to worrying about me. Ashton grins at me “Heya, Ash come to look after our little monkey for us” he say.

They both leave after continuously asking me if its alright, I practically push them out of the door. Me and Danny are sitting at the table colouring in a rocket together when he asks something that makes my heart stop “Who was Grace?” he says and looks up at me with his wide brown eyes. I do not know how to answer this “Um.. Danny come sit here” I say patting my lap, obligingly he comes and sits on my lap. I stroke his hair “Danny, Grace was your sister but.. but she had to go away” “When is she coming back?” he asks. My heart breaks, how do you tell a tiny child that a sister they never met has died?

“Oh, honey Grace has gone to live with the angels, she was sick but now she’s better” I say still stroking his curls. “But we can still love her?” he asks I kiss the top of his head “Of course we can still love her” I tap his chest with my finger pointing to his heart “She’s in here, all safe” he twists around and smiles adorably at me “Love you Ashy” he says “Love you more Danny” I reply kissing the tip of his nose, he giggles and then squirms out of my grasp running fast “Cant catch me!” he squeals.

Im still smiling as I lie in bed, Danny can be thanked for that. The smile fades off my face when I read the text on my phone ‘Im sorry x Can we talk?’ its from Luke. I dont bother replying, because I can live without the drama, the tears and the arguing.

I can live very well without it thank you.

Notes

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Lots of love xx

Jennifer