YOU AND I

“Ugh, who is it?” I groaned. Someone was keep on knocking my door.

“Davina, it’s your mom. Open the door honey,”

That’s weird, I thought to myself. My mom had never woken me up before or at least since ‘the incident’. I didn’t know why but none of my family members had really bothered me with anything since that day. I guess maybe they were following whatever my counselor had told them. But what’s with the change of routine on this particular day? I checked my phone and it’s only 6 a.m. And the knocking started again. So, I got up from my bed and went to open the door.

“What?” I asked her.

I hadn’t intended to be rude but I hadn’t always been much of a morning person and I hated people disturbing me in the middle of my sleep. And I instantly felt guilty. I’d put her through so much of pain but yet she had always been there for me. And now this was the way I treated her. I wished I could take it back but I know I couldn’t. She just stood there, smiling, staring at my face. Right, I knew what she was doing. She was searching my face for any kind of signs of crying or something.

Before we came to this town, I’d always bawled my eyes out and my eyes would be swollen the next day. But that was before. Now I was all numb. I hadn’t really been feeling anything. I was just completely empty. So, I just went back to my bed to go back to sleep again, leaving my mother standing at the door. She could come in if she wanted, I wasn’t saying anything.

“What, aren’t you gonna ask me why I woke you up so early?” she asked, taking a step towards me.

I didn’t reply and just lied still on my bed. I was not up to surprises of any kind. If my parents and my counselor thought a change of venue was going to change me, I would be more than happy to prove them wrong.

“Right, I didn’t think so you would ask me. So anyways here it is. Your summer holidays are up, yay! Don’t worry, me and your dad have enrolled you in a high school nearby. And you’ve to get ready for school. So come on, wakey wakey hon,”

“Seriously, just leave me alone, mom,”

I really didn’t know what had gotten into my mom. Was she even being serious? Me to school? She got to be kidding me.

“Dina, I know what you have been through is something really hard to move on from. But you have to move on. You can’t just keep on holding to the past. Time and tide wait for no man, hon. And above all, it’s your senior year. You just have to get through this for one more year and then you can do whatever you want, alright? I promise not me or your dad will disturb you any longer after this year,” she said, sitting at my bedside, stroking my hair.

But I just kept still. ‘Senior year’. I snickered at the thought. I had always waited for this year but then now the year was there itself and I wanted nothing more than it to go away. And then, I heard took a deep breath, which meant another long speech was on its way.

“Dina, listen to me. I didn’t know if you would want to know or not. But seeing you every day like this I thought it was better for you not to know. But I think it’s probably for the best if you knew. Caroline called the day after we moved in. She wanted to talk to you but you were asleep. She said that Kit-,”

“Mom, stop. Please. Fine, I’m going, alright,” I cut her off midsentence before she could say anything else.

I didn’t want to know. Just hearing his name resurfaced all the memories I struggled to keep buried. And before she could make me listen to anything else about him I stompped off to the bathroom. And the only way I could get away from this situation was if I went to school. And so fine, whatever, I was going. I would do whatever it took to not hearing his name again. I couldn’t bear to go through the pain and remorse all over again…

Notes