beingthedifferentme

Drowning

Grade: 6

Good things:
-I like how you have two different plots going on at the same time that still relate to each other in some way. You've got how she lost the ability to hear the piano notes and that's a constant subplot (I guess that's what it would be called?). Then you've got her and Luke's relationship and the ups and downs in their relationship.

**SPOILER WARNING**
-I didn't expect August's mom to be abusive. That was a good plot twist.
**SPOILER OVER**

-The paragraphs where Luke was talking about why musicians play was pretty powerful.

Things to work on:
-The story seems a little cliche at the beginning. The whole party scene is in way too many stories.

-The switching of the POV throughout each chapter is a little much. I feel like a chapter should have one POV. If you really want to have both characters POVs in the story then only switch it once. Switching back and forth multiple times isn't that great.

-I wish Luke wouldn't have been absolutely smitten with her so soon. You should've let his feelings develop over a longer period of time, but that's just my opinion.

Would I recommend this story to someone else? If it wasn't so cliche at the beginning then yeah :)

Notes

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