Don't Tell A Soul

I was never really one to drink coffee in the morning. I didn't like the taste or the bad breath it left me with, even after I would brush my teeth. This particular morning however, I woke up extra early, prepared a hot cup of decaf coffee and sat and the island of the counter and read the newspaper, letting the bitter taste seep through my veins. Not having my mum around was really taking a toll on me. I couldn't refuse my mother tucking me in a night, I had no one to remind me to take a shower. No one to fix me really delious homemade food. Most importantly, no one to talk to about my boy problems. Sure I had my dad around but it just wasn't the same talking to him about it. He'd either give me one word answers or go on a rant about a completely different subject that was supposed to lead back to his main point. I sigh and look at the black liquid in my mug. I slosh it around a few times, causally catching the wavering scent of coffee beans up my nose. I take one last drink from it and dictate that I couldn't handle it any longer. I set the newspaper down on the counter making it crumble some from the movement of my hand and pour the lukewarm liquid down the drain where it belongs. I saunter back to my room and pick out an outfit for the day. Soon enough, I settle for black leggings, my beat up cream colored chucks and an oversized hoddie. To be honest, I didn't really care how my hair was looking it's not like I had anyone to impress. I take the hair tie that sat securely at my wrist, slightly cutting into my flesh to leave an indention, and put my hair up in a bun as neat as I could get it without making it look like I just threw it up.

I was surprised by how fast I was done this morning though. Maybe it was the coffee rushing through my veins or the lack of steps I had to take. I did eliminate most of the things that proved to be a task for me in the morning, however. Things like showering since I' took one last night, and making my bed since I've been sleeping with my dad here lately.

I trudge into my father's room, skimming my hand over the crinkled duvet and up to his sleeping body. "I'm leaving, dad." I whisper in his ear.

This was enough to wake him up somehow as he jerks his body looking taken back. "You're going to school?" He asks in his daze.

"Yeah." I chuckle. "See you later. Love you."

"You too, Mars. Be safe."

"Always." I grin and kiss his forehead, bringing the duvet back to cover his body back up.
Half of me actually forgot that Max and I were currently not talking and that Michael and his friends wouldn't be at school today. That's when I remember that I'd have to take the bus to school since Max wouldn't be taking me. The sky turns a threatening gray color, with a few white cracks of pure cotton clouds. As I'm bringing my head back down, I glance over to see Max stepping outside on his stoop. I watch him make sure his front door was securely shut then with a satisfied motion, swings his keys around on his finger in a loop. Suddenly he habitually looks over to my house, scanning the area until his eyes found mine. I quickly pull away from his hold and down the road, wanting so badly for the yellow vehicle to make it's way down my street.

My face stays strictly on my feet in fear of making eye contact with Max again. A nice cool breeze fans my face from below from the effect of a storm on it's way. I hear a car slowly approching and I knew it was Max, but on instinct I looked up in hopes that it could possibly be the school bus. "Want a ride?" Max polietly asks, rolling down his window.

I bite my lip and furrow my eyebrows, "I'm taking the bus." I say hardly above a whisper.

"Come on I'll take you I really don't mind." He insists.

I go against my first decision and stay planted on the concrete sidewalk. "The bus will be here soon." I say louder, a new foundation in my voice.

"I think its about to rain." Max slightly sticks his head out the window to catch a glinpse of the now blackened gray sky; all the white had gone away.


"I'm fine Max. I don't want a ride from you, and if that means take the nasty ass bus, I will do so." I say very matter-of-factly.

Max scoffs and without another word, he drives off while rolling up his window. I furrow my brows again watching his car zoom down the small paved road. As soon as he's not in sight and long gone on his way to school, the sky yelps and down comes its many, many tears blowing me away and drenching me in a matter or seconds.

~~~*~~~
My shoes squeak through the hallway as I'm walking to my locker. Surprising the hell out of me, Max waits at my locker with a smirk on his lips. "What?" I snap.

"Why'd you have to wait outside in the rain for the bus, rather than let me take you here?"


"Because I didn't want to be trapped in the same space with you for 15 minutes." I thuthfully say with an eye roll.

"Babe why are you being like this?" He sighs in defeat.

"Like what? Inconsiderate, bitchy, and selfish? Doesn't feel too good does it?" I question, grabbing my history book from my locker.

"If that's any indication about the way I've apparently-"

I slam my locker shut, shooting dagger at him with my eyes. "Apparently my ass." I scoff. "Even Michael could see that you were being a dick to me."

"So you and Michael have been getting close here lately huh?" He cocks an eyebrow at me awaiting my response.

"We're friends. He's a very nice friend who has helped me out and made it his priority to make me feel welcome here." My face flushes at the thought of him, my heart fluttering in my chest as flashbacks and the guilt reappear.

"Where is he now, hmm?"

I didn't know how to answer. I wasn't about to tell him that he was off killing people. "How am I supossed to know? I'm not stuck up is ass?" Max opens his mouth in the process to sass me, but I interrupt before he can get a puff of a syllabal out. "Class starts in a few minutes. I'm not going to stand here and argue with you when I'm obviously right." I spin on my heel away from him and hastily walk to my first class of the day.

I practically throw my books onto the table and sit down with a plop. Being here without Michael and the rest of 'em was definitely a hard thing to do and I silently thanked the Gods that they were only going to be gone for three more days. The sudden sound of the door opening causes me to raise my head up in curiosity. I wished it was Michael (even though he never comes to class) but instead it was a beautiful black haired girl with crater-deep dimples that reminded me of Ashton's smile. She wore a tan lace dress, with matching laceup booties. Our teacher stands up in alert, confusion lacing his eyes. They share a few words with each other to which I couldn't understand, but my focus was sustained on how fucking beautiful she was. It made my nose flare. I've never seen a girl so beautiful before. "May I sit here?" I'm snapped out of my profanities by the pretty girl smiling straight at me with hesitation.

Without mustering a sound, I move my bag off the opposite side of the table. When I casually look up, my face immediately turns red seeing as how many people had there heads snapped back in her direction. I couldn't believe how perfect she looked from up close; it was totally unbelievable. She however ignores it as if she didn't notice, or maybe she was just used to it. "Hi I'm Kaia." She deeply smiles at me, anticipating my next move.

"Marley." I simply state, talking a bit softly.

"Thats a pretty name. How are you?" Kaia wonders.

I turn to face her perfectly colored cream eyes, and nice plump lips. "Thank you. And I'm okay." I nod my head, picking at my nails. I glance over to catch a glimpse of her nails and I swear I could burst into tears. A light purple color shined with the light, perfectly sculpted across each of her nails. Then I noticed something.

"You're not from here are you?" I blurt out without thinking.

She smiles again shaking her head from side to side. "America. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to be exact."

"Why'd you move here?"

"Well my dad is a business man who travels a lot and my mom is actually Australian and since my dad stays gone a lot anyways we thought it would be a good idea to move here since I never really get to see my mom's side of the family."

"Interesting." I blankly say. I mean how cool was it that she was half American and half Aussie? "Have you grown up here all your life?" She ponders.

I shake my head this time. "No I'm from Perth."

"How come you moved here? Have long ago did you move?"

I lick the dryness off of my lips and suddenly feel out of place. "I've been here for about give or take three, four months." I nod, trying to avoid her first question as I feel the tears prick my eyes.

"Why'd you move?" She asks again.

I nervously scratch my scalp and breath out a puff of air I didn't know I was holding. "Trust me, my story isn't as intriguing as yours."

Kaia playfully scoffs, placing her soft ass hand on top of mine. "You can tell me."

I mentally roll my eyes at her kindness and sigh. "My mum has lung cancer so my father and I had to move down here to be with her."

"So they're divorced." She states putting two and two together.

I clench my jaw and my heart races with joy as the bell rings, saving me from this conversation.

~~~*~~~
I took the local trolly as a commute since I was still refusing any type of contact with Max. I met my father in the hospital lobby where we got our visitors badges and made our way to the third floor to met my mother. Surprisingly, the process didn't take as long as I had expected it to be. There was a short line, but we were through it before I could blink. Before I knew it, I was gushing in a happy glee, jogging to my mother in a cloud as if we were at some amusement park and I was running to her after getting off a ride and I wanted to show her that I was a big girl. "Mummy!" I yelped, wasting no time to wrap my arms around her neck.

"Marley, my sweet baby." Mum laughs, hugging me even harder. "I haven't seen you in four days."

"I miss you so much." I mumble into the crook of her neck. I draw back some so that I can read her facial expression.

She smiled.

But it was forced. I could tell because it didn't reach her eyes. "I miss you too. And I'm feeling so much better." I almost believed her. For like two seconds because directly after she spoke her words she whinced in pain. My dad must've noticed too as he discreetly taps my shoulder as a signal that I should probably climb off of her.

I sit down on the chair beside her bed and watch my father embrace her, kissing her cheek tenderly. A small smile forms on my face as I see this simple action. A part of me still wishes that they we're together, they we're such a happy couple. Truth be told, not all people are meant to be together but in circumstances or with no reason at all, those people aren't meant to be without that other person. That was my parents case however.

"Marley?" My mums voice snaps me back into reality as I realize I was staring at them with a smile on my face, not saying a word.

"Sorry what?" I shake my head swiftly as if it were to clear my head.

"I asked how you and Max were doing? This may sound odd, but I was kind of expecting him to visit me by now." Mum chuckles, probably feeling dumb, but that wasn't the case.

"Oh." I nervously laugh. "Well yeah we've been fighting here lately."

"Why?!" She gasped maybe a little more dramatic than it should've been.

"He's just-he's changed ma." I simply put it, sparing her the details I knew she'd love so much to hear.

"What do you mean he's changed?" She asks, linking her fingers together in anticipation.
I shrug my shoulders. "He just-" I wasn't about to give her any details. That is until I saw her hopeful eyes. She is my mother after all. Besides Anna, she is one of my very best friends. "He acts like he doesn't want me around. Like I'm a bother to him."

"Aw that's mumbo jumbo." Mum calls, making me slightly laugh. "He's probably just not used to having you around all the time. You guys have been dating long distance for about two years."
"And that's the only type of relationship your going to have. That way you don't have any time for hands on activities, if you know what I mean." Dad interjects, making me roll my eyes at him.

"Anyways." I start again, smirking in my dad's direction. "That's what Anna told me. But I don't believe it. I think that he's a jerk and I haven't seen his true colors until now."

"Don't go jumping to conclusions. You won't know unless you two talk about it."

I roll my eyes, suddenly becoming frustrated with this conversation. Before I could pipe up with something snarky, Nurse Bishop enters the room with a surprised smile written on her face. "Hey guys! I didn't know y'all were dropping by?"

I didn't know I had to run things by her.
"Well it's been four days, so we thought we'd pay a visit." My dad informs, a polite smile on his face.

"Well-" Nurse Bishop checks her watch. "Visiting hours are over in ten minutes." She diverts her eyes to my mother. "I'll be back later to change your blankets and fix you up some more medicine." She smiles and causally leaves the room.

"Lets go Marls. Your mum probably needs to get some rest anyways." Dad clasps my shoulder as I stand up from my chair. Dad walks over to my mother first and pecks her cheek "I love you, Becca." He tells her, his voice breaking a little.

"I know you do." She delicately places her hand on his cheek, her eyes watering. Dad backs up and lets me have a go.

That's when I lost it.

My mum was sick and who knew if she was going to get better. I suddenly didn't want to leave her and I broke down in tears, my feet pasted to the floor like stepping in wet cement. "Baby what's wrong?" My mums sweet voice rang through my ears.

"I-I-" I couldn't get the words to come out of my mouth as I stood still in the middle of the room.
"I don't want you to die." I squeaked.

"Come here." Mum opens her arms out to me to which I run into, my feet magically becoming unglued. "I'm not going to die." My mum says sternly, wrapping me tighter and tighter in her arms.

"I don't want to leave you here again. I want you home where you belong. I love you." I weeped on her shoulder, crawling on her bed with her in fetal position.

"Marley look at me."

I do as I'm told and meet my mother's hollowed eyes. "I'm not dying nor am I going to."

"But look at you." I point to her IV in her arm and to the medicine bag above her. "You're sick, ma." I hiccuped on the last word, an overwhelming feeling hitting me right in the gut. I'm getting treatment so that I will be better. But for now, I just have to wait until I get better." She pushes stray strands of hair behind my ear and wipes my tears away with her thumbs.

"What if you don't come back from this, ma? What will I do without you?"

I think that deep down my mother was truthfully scared of passing. Thats why she inhaled and deep breath and said: "You are a strong woman, Marley. You know what's right and what's wrong. You know how to take care of yourself and most importantly, you know who you are. If it is time for me to go and I do pass, you will find a way to cope because I will always be in your heart, Marley." A tear rolls down her cheek and that makes me cry harder. "You will save those tears for when you most need them and be just as strong as you are now. You going to be just as determined as you were before. Life goes on. If I die from this life will go on, and just because I'm gone don't let life pass you by, because it waits for no-one."

"I love you so much." Is all I'm able to say as I watch my mother's chest heave up and down from her speech.

A knock sounds at the door and nurse Bishop walks in with a smirk and I swear I could slap it off right about now. I didn't need someones fake ass positivity right now. "Times up." She says, tapping at her wrist which ironically didn't hold a watch.

"I love you Marley. You hear me. Now stop thinking about those kinds of things and start worrying about what really matters right now. It's your senior year, and I-along with your father-would really love to see you walk across that stage."

I smile through my tears, even though it was forced. "Rest well mama. I'll come see you in a few days." I promise her and meet my dad by the door as we are practically getting shoved out.
Once we're out in the hallway my dad grasps onto me saying five simple words that meant everything to me in that moment: "We're going to be okay."

~~~*~~~
As soon as we got home, I shoved my hands in my pockets and started a journey down the road. I wasn't really sure where I w a s walking to; I didn't exactly have a destination. I just knew that I didn't want to talk to my dad anymore and I wasn't about to show Max any attention. This was all too much for my fragile soul to handle. I wasn't made to bear such burdens. I think back to when my family was still in tact and when they used to show up at my elementary school and surprise me and Anna with lunch. My mum would be gleeming with joy, telling us jokes and stories, making us laugh to the point where we'd threaten to pee ourselves. My dad and I have always had a close relationship, but the bond that my mother and I share was something different. Of course a bond between a mother and daughter was different from a father and daughter, but our bond was and still is different than all mothers and daughters. To know that she could be dying mentally pains me to the point where I feel like screaming. I knew that I needed to stay positive in a time like this, but there was no way I could be a positive nelly. When everything seems to be slowly fading away around you and you feel like you're standing on tiny rocks to keep from falling in the lava, you really start to question your sanity or even wonder if all of this is real.

"Marley?" A familiar female voice strings though my ears, causing me to look up on instict.
If I was thinking my mood couldn't get any worse than it is now, I was totally mistaken. None other than the positive nelly herself: Kaia. "Hi." I falsely smile, giving her a small wave.

"What are you doing out here at 9:00 at night?" She snickers.

"I could ask the same thing." I dryly state hoping she could take the hint.

Her smile drops a little and I thought I was in power. That is until she looked down at her feet and smiles at the dog on her leash. "I had to take this little guy out for his nightly walk. He hasn't really been getting much sleep from the move, so I figured walking him around might get him familiarized with his surroundings." She explains. When she look me in the eyes for the first time since she's seen me, her smile completely falters. "Marley, have you been crying?"

I look at her dead in the face but say nothing. I squint at her and clench my jaw. "Hey what's the matter?" She gingerly touches my shoulder, promoting me to speak. "Its your mom isn't it?"
She sadly questions, knowing that she didn't really have to ask.

"Look." I say. "It was nice meeting you today, but I'm going through a lot of things right now. I don't need you feeling sorry for me, and I most certainly don't want to talk about my problems with you." Okay maybe the last part might've been a bit too much, but I was in too much distress to sugarcoat things right now.

"No trust me, I get it." For the first time her tone sounded normal. Not the tone full of pity and pride I've heard since I've met her. It sounded normal. "If you'd like to talk though I'm here. We're more alike than you think." She smiles and the fake plastic look on her face returns as she turns on her heel and leaves me be.

I stand there for a moment to recollect myself and then continue to walk. I began to think about my friends and family and realize how much I miss them back home. I had actually gotten in touch with Anna the other day to catch her up on things and I found out that her dad was cutting off her phone plan seeing as how he found out about her and Robert. That was his name right? I sigh and stand under the lamp post pulling out my phone to call the only person I knew to call at the time. Someone who I had become pretty close with here recently, and not just because we hooked up. "Hello?" He picks up on the third ring.

"Michael hey! I didn't think you would actually answer." I gasp at the surprise.

"Yeah well crime holds back every now and then for some time to lay back. What's up?"

I lick the chap off my lips, and srunch my brows together, not really knowing what to say next. "Uh I don't know. H-how are you?"

"Are you okay? You seem a little distraught."

"Yeah kind of. I don't know it's just stuff with my mother. I don't really know why I called. You probably have a lot on your plate right now with your gang and all. I didn't really think you'd answer to be honest." I hastily chuckle though the receiver of the phone.

"Yeah kinda. But what's wrong?" He replies, the sound of shuffling on the other end of the phone.

"No it's okay. I'll let you go-"

"Hey don't do that. Tell me." Although he tried to sound gentle, I could her the annoyance in his voice.

Blinking rapidly, a tear falls from my eye as I try to sniff it away. "I'll see you when you get back." I speak almost whisper like and hang up the telephone.

The line clicks dead and I'm standing under a single light alone with no one in vision.
Just how I've been feeling here lately.

Notes

I love you all, hope you enjoy!

~Being kind doesn't mean you have to be outgoing, its the way you respond that matters~

Much love,
UnknownRocker