Indecisive

Sometimes i wish it could all just go back, back to when things were simpler for me… simpler for what used to be my family. My name is Emily Trundle and I am now 17 years old. 9 months ago my mum and I were driving along when suddenly we got hit by a drink driver. I made it out alive, barely a scratch, but i cant say the same for my beautiful mother. She sadly passed away and ever since my dad has taken it out on me, he sees it as my fault. He’s never been a loving father towards me, he wouldn't really pay much attention to me at all and I was completely okay with that because I had my mum. Oh how i miss her.

I live in Winchester, in England but next week I'm moving to Leeds, which is a 4 hour drive from my home, I’m not really a big talker at school and i don't have any real friends so I'm not upset about it. I don’t know why we’re moving my dad wont tell me, to be honest i don’t think he really has a reason. Winchester just isn't the place for him anymore… too many memories, too many enemies.

The week leading up to our move flew by. I avoided my dad at all costs so I went and said goodbye to my neighbours and after that basically I just stayed in my room and packed my small amount of belongings into 3 boxes and a suitcase while listening to music. I carefully studied all of the objects I owned, each one brings back another memory. The last item I need to pack is my teddy bear, the same teddy bear my mum had bought me on my 7th birthday when i was sick, so my party got cancelled. We stayed up late into the night coming up with names and a back story for this little bear. We decided on Hunter, because that was his job back in teddy land where he came from. He got food for all of the other teddy bears and protected them from evil. Of course i don't really believe that, I’m not sure I believed it when we came up with it, but it’s one of my favourite memories.

I’m snapped from my thoughts when i hear my father yell, or rather slur “EMILY, GET TO THE CAR. WE”RE LEAVING RIGHT NOW!”
I sigh, he’s picked up a bit of a drinking habit over the last couple of months to deal with my mothers death which was caused by the exact same substance. Doesn't make sense if you ask me. I grab my last box with Hunter sitting on top and look back at my now plain, empty room.
“goodbye.” i whisper and close the door. A tear slips from my eye but im quick to wipe it on my sleeve and run to the car. I place the box in the boot but keep hunter with me.
“dad i think i should drive, you’ve been drinking” i say quietly but firmly as i see him struggling to put the key in the ignition.
“Ah, fuck off! stupid little slag” he mutters the last part too himself but I hear him. The next thing i know he jumps out of the car and grabs a bottle of whisky from under the seat. Im quick to jump in the seat underneath him before he can sit back down. He attempts to pull me back out but I buckle myself in and eventually he just accepts the fact he’s too drunk to do anything. I’m sure ill pay for that later.

The drive consisted of mainly silence, me turning the radio on every few minutes and him, turning it back off again. I tried one more time, and he snaps. “EMILY WILL YOU JUST CUT IT OUT, I HAVE A RAGING HEAD ACHE AND LOOKING AT YOU AND LISTENING TO YOUR TERRIBLE MUSIC IS MAKING IT WORSE. JUST LET ME SLEEP! i cant wait till you go back to school…” He slowly dozes out of consciousness as he gets the last part of the sentence out. His words hurt me but atleast now I’m free to put the music on. School. I forgot I have to start at a new school on Monday. crap.

Notes

Should be better this time around hopefully