Not About Angels

Thea studied her reflection with military precision, inspecting every pore on her face, every hair on her head, making sure that the red dress she'd chosen hugged her body in only the right places. Everything had to be perfect and nothing short of it. She wanted tonight to be different. She wanted tonight be special. She wanted tonight to be as if nothing had ever changed between them.

With a final swipe of lip stick Thea gathered her belongings, excitement bubbling inside her as she made her way down the stairs. She could hear his deep, slow voice lingering at the bottom of the staircase. A breathy sigh escaped her and the smile that was slowly tugging at the corner of her lips had disappeared when she'd finally descended the steps. Thea couldn't help but feel a wave of anger brewing in her chest at the sight of her husband speaking rapidly into his cellphone. They'd had a discussion about this several days before but as always Harry never seemed to be listening these days.

She approached him from behind, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing tightly, anything to get his attention. Harry's head swept in the direction of his wife, his eyes glancing over her body briefly before returning his attention back to his mobile. Thea pursed her lips and took a deep breath promising herself that she would make the best of tonight. That she wouldn't let him or his stupid mobile device steal her joy.

"Have to call you back later. " He spoke quickly before removing the phone from his ear and slipping into his pocket. Harry spun around to face his wife, finally acknowledging her presence with a boyish, dimpled grin. The same grin that once made her heart race at nearly fatal levels.
"You look lovely tonight." Harry announced, pulling her body to body to his. His large hands were fastened to her hips and green eyes locked with her brown and she could smell his comforting cologne. As much as Thea should have enjoyed this rare moment she couldn't help the scowl that had permeated her face.

"I thought we talked about this, H. No phone calls tonight." She spoke firmly straightening his tie and fiddling with the collar of his suit jacket.

"I just had to get a few things squared away before we left. Won't happen again. I'm yours for the night. Promise." Harry replied, his forehead pressing against hers. As much as she wanted to believe him she just couldn't.

"Daddy!! Daddy!!"

An explosion of tears and little feet had suddenly attached itself to the leg of Harry's trousers, earning a grin from Thea.

"Hav. What's wrong ,love?" He cooed breaking away from Thea to stroke the weeping child's hair. Haven looked up at her father with tearful brown eyes much like her mothers.
"Do you have to go Daddy?" She asked softly, giving his trousers a generous tug. Although Haven strongly resembled her mother, she had a strong bond with her father that just didn't match up with the connection she had with Thea.

"I promised Mummy a night out to celebrate our anniversary, baby." Harry replied stooping to his daughter's level and brushing stray curls from her face.

"Can I come too?"

He smiled softly. "You have to stay here with Auntie Gem." Haven pouted, her eyes begging to water.

"But I don't wanna stay with Auntie Gem! I wanna go with you and Mummy!"

Harry couldn't help it. As much as he wanted to spend some much needed quality time with his wife, his heart ached at the thought of leaving his princess at home, lonely with teary eyes.
Thea smiled softly at their father daughter interaction.

"Daddy and I will be back in the morning. You'll be just fine here with Auntie Gem. If you're good you and Evan can stay up and watch a movie and maybe Auntie Gem will give you some sweets, yeah?" She suggested trying to make a compromise with her tearful daughter. She just tightened her grip on her father's leg.

"No!"

Thea sighed. Haven only ever listened to Harry.

"I swear, he's turned her against us all." Gemma announced making her presence known as she entered the foyer, an arm full of bouncy baby and an equally as bouncy little boy following close behind her.

"She just loves her daddy. Nothing wrong with that." Harry retorted taking the smiling infant from his sisters arms, balancing her on his hip and pressing kisses to her forehead.

"Sorry Thea, maybe there's hope for you with Tess." Gemma grinned. Thea found herself laughing "Maybe."

"Hav and I will miss you and Daddy while you're gone but we promise to be good, Mummy." Evan assured his mother whilst stretching his tiny arms out to her. Physically, he was a combination of both Harry and Thea, Thea's bone structure and raven hair, Harry's dimples and green eyes. But personality wise he was all Harry, friendly and outgoing but equally as shy and introverted when he wanted to be. Thea smiled. She may not have won Haven over but at least she had one child who adored her and possibly another when she was old enough to pick and chose who to give her affection to.

"We'll be back before you know it, love. I promise." She assured her son enveloping him into a tight hug.

"We should get going before it gets too late, babe." Harry warned returning the baby back into Gemma's arms before softly petting Haven's head a final time and earning whimpers from the child.

"Thanks so much again for doing this, Gem." Thea spoke stuffing her clutch under her arm, sincerity clear in her voice.

"You know it's not a bother at all, T."

Gemma shifted her niece to her other hip with a smile. "The number to the hotel is on the fridge and of course there's plenty of food. Try not to eat us out of a house and a home, yeah? " Harry teased.

"You're lucky the kids are around."

He only smirked. "You know I love you, Gem."

The couple proceeded to bid their farewells, pressing kisses to the smooth cheeks and foreheads of the children and urging Gemma to call in case of an emergency. Everything would be fine she assured them. Fine was just enough for Thea and Harry these days. But Thea wanted so much more.

******
Harry was trying. Trying hard to fight the temptation of checking his cellphone per his wife's request. It made him anxious to think about what a big deal he could possibly miss out on by being away from the studio tonight but he'd promised Thea. And God only knows how many promises he'd made and broken in the past few months.

After his boy band ventures had come to an end , Harry had entered an era of depression. An era he couldn't have made it through without Thea's constant encouragement or her suggestion to continue his work with music. After much consideration and convincing from his bandmates and family, he'd decided to start a record label that had eventually become a modest success. Managing the label and being tied up with his own musical projects took a lot of time away from his family life. It was a fact that was hard to realize for Harry but all too easy to realize for Thea.
"How's your steak?" Thea asked softly, breaking the silence and thrashing her food around on her plate. She'd noticed her husband's detachment and was growing angry but tried hard to maintain her usually calm composure.

"Great. How's your risotto?" He replied running a hand through his wild curls and fixing his attention on his wife for a brief moment before picking at his food again.

"Great. Complements to the chef."

Their conversations had become reduced to mere small talk which usually included Thea updating her husband on the happenings of their children or when they found the together, Harry murmuring complements about the food. It was a sad contrast to the past when chatter was constant between them, lulls of silence few and far between. To Harry it was a silence of familiarity and comfort but to Thea it was the silence of distance and bitterness.

Harry reached across the table, resting his hand on top of Thea's with a smile.

"We haven't made a toast yet, love." He announced softly stroking his thumb on the back of her delicate hand. Thea sighed tossing her hair over shoulder whilst eyeing her glass of wine She picked it and held it out in front of her, Harry following suit shortly after.

" Cheers to us and to six wonderful years. I swear you're the only woman I'd want to spend the rest of life with, Thea. And I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for you and our little ones. I guess what I'm trying to say is, happy anniversary, babe."

He clinked his glass against hers with a boyish grin. Thea forced a smile, tears threatening to fall from her eyes as sipped her wine. She wished that she could say the same thing and really mean it. That she could really feel the same thing but her heart felt sort of numb and she didn't want it to.

"Are you crying, babe?" Harry questioned catching the hint of gloss in the brown eyes he'd always adored.

"No, I just- Happy anniversary, H."

Thea leaned across the table and pressed a firm kiss to his mouth. As if fully aware of the special moment happening between the two, Harry's phone began ringing violently in his jacket pocket, sending vibrations against his chest and causing himself to snatch away from his wife, the taste of her lips and sweet wine still lingering in his mouth.

"I'm sorry, baby. I really need to take this call." Harry replied feverishly, pressing the mobile to his ear.

Thea watched him with angry, watery eyes. She knew it was all to good to be true.

Within a matter of minuets Harry was jumping up from the his seat and throwing notes on the table, a large portion of his meal going uneaten. Thea could feel the anger continuing to build in her chest. She knew what was coming next and all the anger she'd bottled up inside that night was ready to explode.

"I have to hurry, babe. I'll drop you off at the hotel you can get the key and wait up for me. This deal is really important." His words seemed to come out in a big jumble as he took his wife's hand, escorting her out of the restaurant in an odd brisk jog. Thea snatched open the door to the Range Rover, not even bothering to let her husband do it and slamming it with so much force she could have shattered the windows. Even though it was dark out, Harry could see the scowl on his wife's face as he buckled himself in the driver's seat. A wave of guilt washed over him.

"Thee, please don't be mad at me." He spoke keeping his eyes fixed on the road and trying to drive and a decent speed. Thea folded her arms over her chest, glaring at her husband.

"I'm not mad at you, Harry. I'm fucking angry!"

Her tone was so sharp and piercing that Harry couldn't help but wince.

"Thea, this is important." He urged. Thea laughed ,sharp and harsh.

"Like I'm not important?!? I must not mean shit to you, Harry! Even after six years! You're not the man I married. You're not the man I love!"

Harry's eyebrow's pinched in confusion and he gripped the steering wheel tightly. The light had just turned red and he took it as an opportunity to look his wife in the face.

"Don't you ever say that! I would do anything for you, Thea. I love you and you know this." He'd risen his voice but his tone was dark and angry, fully matching that of his wife's. Thea shook her head.

"I used to know that but I'm not sure of it anymore. You put so much before our family. We barely talk anymore or even make love and you're not even involved with the kids. When's the last time you read the twins. a bedtime story? Tell me how many teeth does Tessa have now?" She questioned darkly.

"Two."

"Four. That proves my point exactly!"

Harry sighed. "I promise when things die down I'll be around more, Thee."

"You always promise, Harry and you never come through. I'm not gonna sit around and wait for you to get your business shit shorted out. I shouldn't have to make an appointment to spend time with my husband. I'm not one of your fucking clients. I can't deal with this anymore. You need to make a choice, Harry. It's me or your label." Thea sneered, hot tears streaming down her face.

Harry had become suddenly angry and he didn't even know where he was going anymore. His foot was practically glued to the gas as he shot Thea a cold glare and gripped tighter to the steering wheel causing his knuckles to pale.

"That's fucking unfair, Thea. It's so easy for you to see what I don't do but you have no idea how much pressure I'm under. I always have to keep everything together for everyone!You bitch and moan all the time but you never once ask me how I feel!" He growled.

"Fuck you, Harry! Fuck you and your stupid label!" Thea streamed banging her fist on the dashboard in total frustration.

Harry's jaw clenched as his green eyes flashed towards his wife. "You don't mean it, babe. Take it back!"

"Maybe I -HARRY, LOOK OUT!"

It was too late to react, the bright lights blinding both of them. The sound of metal and glass colliding was deafening and the Range Rover was sent sailing across the highway in a sweeping motion. But for Thea everything seemed to move in slow motion. Just a minuet ago he was there but it only took a second to take him away.
*****
" Thee.Can I ask you something?"

His slow drawl sent vibrations through Thea's stomach, Harry's head resting on her abdomen, careful not to disturb her growing bump as she twisted her fingers through his soft curls. The window was cracked sending a chill through their bedroom window but they didn't mind. The had each other to keep warm.

"Sure, babe."

"Do you believe in angels? Like someone who watches over us and protects us who's not God?" The question loomed in the air and Thea trapped her bottom lip between her teeth in thought.

"I suppose so." She replied

"I do. I believe we encounter them everyday. I bet they're right under our noses and we have no idea. They don't have to have wings. They're normal people just like you and me."

Thea couldn't help the smile that was growing on her face.

"Maybe I'll be someone's special angel one day."

She sighed, her grip tightening around his hair. Thea had never been a fan of conversations like this.

"Maybe but not anytime soon. I need you here, we need you here."

Harry smiled, soft and slow. "Maybe, I'm already an angel. Maybe, I'm your angel."

Thea woke with a startle. The bright lights and white walls were all so unfamiliar and she panicked at the wires and tubes connected to her arms, ultimately confining her to the hospital bed. Everything had been a blur of bright lights, glass and red and the only souvenir Thea had to remember it all by was two dozen stitches and splitting headache.

"Bloody hell! That monitor was beeping out of control! You gave us all a fright but thankfully you're okay."

A woman she'd never seen before dressed in powder blue scrubs appeared at the door holding a hand to her chest. Thea eyed her suspiciously, whilst trying to soak in her surroundings. She didn't know why she was confined to a hospital bed when her husband had been badly injured in a crash. She didn't understand why she wasn't with him watching his every heartbeat, every move and she wondered where the children were in all of this. Her mind was swimming with so many questions but she couldn't get them out fast enough.

"Harry. Where's Harry?" She croaked, her throat dry with a bad taste in her mouth.

At the mention of his name the nurse had grown quiet and in contrast Thea had grown angry and panicked. She need someone to tell her that he was fine and only suffered minor injures. That he'd be able to come home in a week or two and resume life even if it meant pushing her and the children aside for his career. She needed someone to tell her just about anything at this moment. Just as long as it wasn't was she suspected she might hear.

"Where is he? Why won't you let me know?!?"

Tears began welling in her eyes and she bit her lip to keep it from trembling. A woman in a white lab's coat soon appeared, clipboard tucked beneath her arm and to Thea's surprise, Gemma and the rest of Harry's family trailing behind. Her heart sank seeing their faces, red and puffy and her stomach dropped knowing the answer.

"No. No. No."

"We're so sorry, Mrs. Styles. We tried everything we possibly could. He didn't make it."
*****
Oh love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
that in the ocean depths it flow
may richer, fuller be


Thea gripped tightly to the hands of her children mumbling along to the old hymnal, anything to keep the tears from falling. If Harry had had his way, he'd never have picked such stuffy hymn. She'd be willing to bet anything he'd choose a John Meyer song, something light and carefree. Something that would make everyone smile and think of all the good times they'd shared with him. Nothing there was Harry. Not the church, not the flowers and not the mahogany box displayed for everyone to see.

It wasn't supposed to be Harry in the box. He didn't belong there. He was supposed to be at her side stroking his thumb across the back of her hand and singing softly in her ear and shooting her small dimpled grins. He was supposed to be there. Even if it meant leaving her to finish dinner alone or getting up in the middle of the night and leaving his side of the bed empty. At least she'd know he'd be back to fill it.

The service ended after what seemed like forever. Thea tried her hardest to smile and nod as those in attendance who offered condolences to she and the Styles-Twist family. She hadn't cried today. She hadn't cried since that night. She was trying to hold it together for the sake of her children but it did absolutely nothing for her sanity. She was angry. Angry with God but ultimately angry with herself. Maybe if they weren't arguing just mere seconds before his death, if she hadn't harbored so much resentment towards him, maybe she'd be able to live with herself and maybe Harry would still be here.

"Mummy, do you think all those people really miss Daddy?" Evan absentmindedly asked his mother from the back seat of the van as he scribbled vigorously on paper.

"Well, of course they do. They're all his family and friends. They'll miss them very much."

She eyed her son from the rear view mirror and for a split second she was sure she saw Harry.

"Nan said that Daddy went to heaven. Does that mean he's an angel?" Haven asked.

For the first time in days Thea found herself able to smile.

"Yes, love. He is an angel. He's you and Evan and Tess' special angel and he's always watching out for you and protecting you."

"Where do I find him?"

"Anywhere you are, he is."
*****

Seasons had changed since Harry's death and Autumn leaves greeting his tombstone. It had always been one of his favorite seasons, the quit of nature's colors never ceasing to amaze him. The adjustment to life without Harry was still so much for everyone to take. The kids seemed to be doing okay. Anne had given them a puppy after reading about how animals could help children cope with grief but there were still days when meltdowns ensued and a puppy could never replace their father. Thea on the other hand was struggling. Struggling to keep her sanity. Nearly everyday was a battle of inner demons. She blamed herself and she wasn't sure if she could forgive.

It was a Wednesday. Haven and Evan were away at school, Tessa with Anne. Today, Thea was clearing out Harry's closet. She knew she would need a moment to herself. She'd passed the door everyday to get to her own clothes but was too afraid to open it. Maybe if she just cleared a few things out she'd have some form of closure. Maybe, just maybe it'd be step toward forgiving herself.

Thea closed her eyes, running her hands along the soft fabric of the various shirts and jackets that had been hanging in Harry's closet. She couldn't help but laugh to herself thinking about how much his fashion sense had changed over the years, from those horrid bandanas he wore when they first met to that sophisticated rocker style he'd recently adapted. His cologne still lingered and she could spot strands of hair that still clung to his suit jackets and coats. She almost expected to see him standing there, hair damp from the shower and towel wrapped around his waist asking her opinion on what he should wear.

It made her all the more hesitant to pack away his things. If she did she'd feel as if she was packing memories of him away and she wouldn't be able to live with that.

Instead she rummaged through his pockets, collecting scraps of paper scribbled with his handwriting, old receipts and stale pieces of gum. It wasn't until Thea reached her hand in a particular suit jacket that she stumbled upon a small black box. A small red bow sat on top and she cradled it in her hands. She'd been through most of his things so far and there had been nothing she hadn't seen before. But this little black box was new and unfamiliar. There was a part of Thea that didn't want to know what was in it but the curiosity would only eat her alive.

Slowly and carefully Thea lifted the top, something shiny and silver catching her eye.

Surrounded by silk was a tiny charm, carved into the shape on an angel. Thea gasped, tears stinging the corner of her eyes. On the night of their wedding, Harry had given her a silver bracelet as a gift. He promised to add a charm for each year they spent together. It had been the traditional wedding gift, each year a new and different charm. So far Thea had five and on the night of the crash she was expecting another but she just assumed that Harry had forgotten. He hadn't after all. Maybe he'd worn the wrong jacket. Maybe he did care after all.
Her eyes caught sight of a thin piece of paper hanging from the corner of the box. She slowly curled it between her fingers studying every sweep and curl in Harry's penmanship.

I'll always look after you. Happy Anniversary, Thee.
-Hx
Thea clutched the box to her chest keeping it close to her heart. Sobs racked her body but a warm, familiar peace settled over her. Maybe he was right. Maybe angels did exist and maybe, just maybe he had been one all along.

Notes

I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to let me know what you thought!!!