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ALWAYS

Chapter 43

Darcy ran at me with open arms, "Daddy!" I picked her up and swung her around. I kissed her cheek gently before clutching her to my chest.
"Hi babygirl." I smiled brightly at her.
She giggled, "Hi Daddy."
"Where's Mummy?" I asked looking behind Darcy only to see Brynn and Sophia. Darcy frowned a bit and looked down at my chest. "Darcy, where's Mummy?" I inquired again, not liking the shift in my daughter's mood.
"Mummy is in the other room. She's mad." Darcy murmured. I looked to the girls and they seemed a bit upset themselves. Louis put his hand on my shoulder.
"Darcy, how do you know Mummy is mad?" I asked, not sure if Darcy was confusing her emotions.
"She's really quiet. And she looks like she is going to cry. And she went to the other room." Darcy replied quickly.
"Alright. I'm going to go talk to Mummy." I said carrying her back to Sophia and Brynn. I set her on Brynn 's lap, "Will you keep an eye on her please?" Brynn nodded with a sad smile.
"Daddy?"Darcy spoke almost nervously. I looked at her with questioning eyes. "You and Mummy aren't going to fight and say bad words again, are you?" Darcy asked sadly. I beckoned her to me with sad and confused eyes.
"Why would you think Mummy and I are going to fight?" I asked as I knelt down in front of her.
"Because the last time Mummy got quiet, you got mad at each other and made each other cry." Darcy replied looking down at her feet.
"Darcy, Mummy and I aren't going to fight. I'm just going to see if Mummy is okay. And even if Mummy and I do get into an argument, its okay. Mummies and Daddies don't always see eye to eye." I assured her with honesty.
"Yeah but Sarah's Mummy and Daddy fought all the time now they don't live together anymore. And Sarah never sees her daddy." Darcy informed me.
"Baby girl, Mummy and I are fine. And even if that were the case, which it's not, Mummy and I would always love you no matter what. Okay?" I knew it was kind of wrong to let Darcy think that Enola and I were together but it gave her comfort. Darcy nodded and hugged me tightly. I held her close, inhaling the scent of her watermelon shampoo. I turned my head when I heard Enola grunt behind me. "What's wrong, Noli?" I asked standing with my child in my arms.
"That stupid ass Realtor goofed up all of the paperwork for the house that I was going to buy. So now, I don't have a new house and our lease on the current one is up when we get back from this trip. And that means that I am back to living with my mother until we find something else."
I spoke without actually thinking it through, "Move in with me." Enola looked at me a bit shocked. I smiled weakly. "It's not a terrible idea. I don't think." I said quickly.
She looked really nervous as she said, "We can talk about it later."
Darcy smiled brightly at her mother, "I wanna live with Daddy. Let's live with Daddy."
Enola sighed heavily, "Daddy and I will talk about it later. You need to eat lunch, Darcy."

Darcy sat in my lap quietly while Enola sat next to me as we waited for the crew to tell us that it was time for the show. I kissed Darcy's hair lightly and held her a bit closer.
"Mummy?" Darcy leaned toward Enola.
"What baby?" Enola grinned at our child.
"Why can't we live with Daddy?" Darcy asked.
"Yeeeeeah?" I sided with our daughter.
Enola sighed, "I never said that. I said that Daddy and I would talk about it later. I didn't say no."
"So we're going to live with Daddy now?" Darcy seemed really excited.
Enola smirked a little when she saw that I was excited too, "I never said that either. Daddy and I will talk about it later."
"But Mummy." Darcy whined.
"I don't want to hear it Darcy Anne. I know that you would like to live with Daddy and I will take it under consideration before Daddy and I make a decision." Enola stated firmly. Darcy nodded and slinked back into my chest. I frowned a bit. I wanted them to live with me. I had been thinking about it since the words flew out of my mouth. They were my girls. It was my job to make sure they had everything they needed and wanted. I kissed my daughter's hair again.
"Baby, why don't you go play with Freddie. He looks lonely." I whispered to her pointing to the three year old across the room. Darcy smiled and jumped off my lap. She ran across the room to Freddie. As soon as Darcy sat down, Freddie moved his book over to show it to Darcy. Darcy started to read the book to Freddie quietly. I smiled at the moment. Enola rested her head on my shoulder as we watched our baby play. "Why don't you want to live with me? What could be so wrong with that? You, me and our daughter under one roof?" I asked her quietly so Darcy wouldn't hear.
"Harry, I just...I think it's too much." She replied just as softly.
"Come on, Enola. I'd like to be with my daughter when she goes to sleep at night and be there when she wakes up in the morning. I want to be there at bath time and play time. I wanna be able to walk into her room and watch her sleep. I want to know that you are safe. I want to know that you are stable. I want to be able to talk to you when I want. I don't want to have to jump through hoops to be with her or you. Plus, it's not like I am home all of the time. You guys would have the place to yourselves for a majority of the time." I informed her.
"But Harry, we agreed that..." Enola began with that sad look in her eye.
I smiled, "I never said you had to sleep with me. You'll have your own room. It is a five bedroom house. You can have your own room." Enola turned her eyes from mine. "Noli, I'm her father. I'm supposed to make sure she has a roof over her head and everything she needs. I can't be with her all the time and it kills me thinking about you two going back to London. But to have you be there when I get home from a long tour leg, well that makes it a bit less difficult."
Enola nodded, "Okay. We'll live with you."
I smiled, "It's not going to stop me from wanting to jump on the plane with you though."
She giggled and placed her hand on my chest, "That's how I know you're a good father." I kissed her forehead gently and held her closer.

I woke to the sound of shuffling by my bunk. I groaned quietly then turned toward the isle. I opened my curtain to see Enola climbing out of her bunk.
"Noli, what are you doing? It's late." I whispered harshly to her.
"I can't sleep. Move over." She said trying to hop into my bunk. I slid closer to the wall and let her in. Once she was settled beside me she closed the curtain.
"Enola, what are you doing?" I sighed as my eyes slid closed. I was exhausted from the show.
"I can't sleep. Talk to me."
"What? Bore you to sleep? Is that what you're saying?" I asked opening one eye to look at her beautiful pale face and vibrant blue eyes.
She giggled, "No. Just talk to me. I like the sound of your voice. Remember when you would talk to me until I slept in Italy? I would love to feel the reverb of your voice in your chest as you spoke to me."
I smiled at her, "Is that why you always touch my chest?" She nodded shyly and placed her hand on my chest. I laid my hand over hers and caressed her knuckles gently. "What do you want me to talk to you about?" I asked softly.
"Darcy. I love the way you talk about our daughter. I wanna know everything. How you felt the first time you saw her. When she called you Daddy for the first time, knowingly. All of it." Enola grinned wrapping herself around me. I shifted the way we were laying so I was on my back and her head was on my chest. I started to tell her everything she wanted to know. She hummed quietly when she heard things she liked.

Enola was nearly asleep when I thought of something. I had thought of it earlier as well, watching Darcy playing with Lux and Freddie. It was kind of crazy to ask now but it was on my mind.
"Noli?" I whispered softly.
"Yes, Harry?" She giggled quietly.
I blushed even though she couldn't see me, "Um...would you want to...Would you ever want to have more kids?" She lifted her head and gazed into my eyes, making my skin heat up. She was thinking. I could feel her thinking, they way her eyes moved over my face.
"Do you want more kids?" She inquired seriously. I shrugged. "Harry, honest. Always be honest. We promised." She reminded me of the promise we made after I found out she was married.
"I think I would. And I don't want Darcy to be lonely. What with me being gone all the time and you needing to work. I don't ever want her to feel alone. I don't know who I would be if I hadn't have had my sister." I explained. Enola gazed at me curiously. "And I just want...I want to be the father I should've been from the start."
Enola frowned, "Harry, that's not on you. I know that if I hadn't been so scared you would've been there every step of the way with me. You are an amazing man, an amazing father. It's my fault. Not yours." I couldn't help but frown myself. I didn't want her to be sad or angry with herself. "Do you want another child, Harry?" Enola whispered staring into my eyes intensely.
I nodded after a moment of thought, "I do." Enola placed her lips over mine softly. Her hands slid to my waist and she tried to slip her fingers into the band of my sweatpants. I grabbed her wrists gently. "Whoa, Noli. Noli." I breathed breaking the kiss. Her eyes were still sad. "Don't do that." I murmured. She looked embarrassed. "Listen, I love you. I want to have another child with you. But not now. I'm just starting to learn to be a parent to one child. I don't think I should be trying to figure it out with two." Enola turned her eyes from mine. "Noli, we're not together right now anyway. I want us to be together the way we were. I want us to try for another one because we feel like our family isn't big enough. Not because we feel like we've made mistakes and are trying to fix them." Enola nodded and rested her forehead on mine. "I love you and I want that life but you can't even tell me you love me right now. You're afraid of living together even though we'll have separate rooms. You're not ready to be with me. You're not ready to have another child with me. We've got time." I explained to her.
"I'm sorry." She whispered trying to move off of me.
I held her to me, "No. Stay. You'll sleep better." Enola nodded and we snuggled the way we did when we were together. I rubbed Enola's back lightly to help her relax. Within moments she was asleep again. I sighed heavily and tried to relax. She kept trying to have sex even though she told me she thought it wasn't a good idea. The first time was obviously a rush of emotions that we shared. The second time out of guilt for me missing the first years of my daughter's life. She wanted me for the wrong reasons, that's why I said no. I wanted her to want to make love because she coudln't stand not being close to me. Because she wanted to connect again, wanted to share our love in the most primal of ways. I held her closer when she whimpered. I kissed her hair and hummed quietly to ease her. Within a few moments I was asleep as well.