ALWAYS

I woke early the next morning. It was a strange way to wake up as well. Instead of feeling sad and alone, I felt happy. For the first time since Enola left, I felt happy again. As I thought about it I realized I was happy because I was going to be able to see her again today. I was going to be able to see Darcy again. I jumped out of bed quickly. I went to my closet and tried to pick out clothes that would be easy to play with Darcy in but also would make Enola look at me the way she did before. I grabbed a pair of old ripped up jeans and pulled them on. I then rummaged through my shirts. I decided that I didn't care what Darcy thought of my blue paisley shirt, I was going to wear it because it was Enola's favorite. AS I slid the shirt on, I inhaled a bit. Even after five years, the fabric still smelled like Enola. She wore it all day everyday when she would visit me and she practically lived in it while we were in Italy. I grabbed my keys and my phone from my dresser. I texted Enola telling her that I would come over around noon. She just responded with a smiley face. I chuckled and left my room.
I walked into the kitchen to see the boys, Brynn and Sophia sitting around my table looking exhausted. I shook my head and reached for the tea pot. As I filled the tea pot with water I could feel eyes burning into my back.
"Why are you guys up so early?" I asked without looking at them, knowing they were all glaring at me.
"Because you are. Julian called last night and asked all of us to get to the studio when you wanted. What is so important that we have to be up at seven in the morning?" Liam inquired with a tired voice.
I shrugged, "I have somewhere to be at noon."
"Somewhere that is more important than writing for the new album?" Niall asked incredulously.
I smiled fakely, "Yep. I can't blow it off. I won't blow it off." Everyone looked at me suspiciously. I chuckled and put the tea pot on the stove.
The boys and I entered the studio quietly. Julian gazed at me for a long time after we entered the room. I could tell he was searching for clues as to why I wanted to be out of the studio early.


"So, Harry, any crippling, overly sad song ideas today?" Julian asked as he sat down with his coffee cup.
I shook my head, "No. Liam and Niall actually had an idea for an upbeat one." All of the boys and the other writers we were working with looked taken back. "What? They did." I felt a bit awkward with everyone staring at me like I had grown another head.
Julian turned to Liam and Niall, "Okay. What was your idea?" Liam and Niall started to tell him about the melody that they had come up with. I felt my phone vibrate in my lap. I looked down to see it was Enola texting me. I opened the message and tried not to laugh. She had sent me a picture of Darcy sleeping with her head buried in the pillows, her arm around her teddy and her bum in the air. Her messy chocolate curls were spread all over the pillows and her face. I sent her a quick text back, before anyone noticed me.
That is so your child.
Ha! No. I've never done this.
True. But you are a mess in the morning and I can tell she is too.
A mess? How dare you. Lol. She is.
I've been caught. I have to go. Send me more when she wakes up.
"Harry, are you with us?" Niall asked with an attitude. I just nodded and returned my phone to my lap. I was waiting on photos of Darcy. I continued to listen to Liam, Louis and Niall discuss the new melody. I didn't have much input, my mind was elsewhere. My mind was on Darcy and Enola. Mostly Enola. I had Darcy figured out. She liked me and wanted me around. Enola was a different story. Things were tense but I didn't expect us to warm to each other right away, not after everything that was said and done. But I loved her regardless of the lie she told and the way she shattered my heart. But what no one knew was that I was never mad, yeah, I acted like it for their benefit, to make them think that I was dealing with our break up in a normal way. I was never angry with her. I understood her choices even though they were the ones tearing her and I apart but she built me up. She made me think of myself in a way that I never did before. She made me into a better man. A man that she loved being with more than her husband. Which, in hindsight wasn't too hard. Still, I loved her with every millimeter of my body, every part of my soul. I was getting to love her again, even if it wasn't the way I had always hoped for, she was letting me back in.
And in Darcy, I saw the parts of Enola I missed the most: her playfulness, her tenacity, her ability to see beauty in the things I couldn't, her loving nature. Darcy was Enola with a bit of another person mixed in. I hated that Charles got to be the part of Darcy that wasn't Enola. I wished that I could've been the one to make Enola pregnant. If Darcy were my child, Enola would never have to do things alone. Even if we didn't stay together, Darcy would always have a father.
My mind drifted even further away. I thought of what it would've been like, to see Enola pregnant, not just in photographs. What it would've felt like to hold her close, my hands on her stomach, feeling Darcy move. Tears came to my eyes. I ran my hand through my hair to relieve some tension but it didn't work. Tears were going to flow down my face. I tilted my head back and tried to compose myself. I couldn't do it. The image of holding a pregnant Enola was burned into my mind. I got up from my chair quickly. I had to get out of the room. I ignored the fact that the guys were calling out to me. I didn't want them to see. They'd made it clear they were sick of hearing me cry over Enola.
I leaned against the sink in the bathroom. I stared into my own tear filled eyes. Why was I so distraught about not being there to feel Darcy when she was Charles' daughter? Enola's child with a man that wasn't me. I sighed heavily and turned the water on. I splashed water on my face and tried to calm down. I grunted when I heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"Harry?" Niall's voice came through; he sounded worried.
"Its open." I mumbled knowing he'd hear me anyway. The door opened and Niall stepped inside. He gazed at me with concerned eyes.
"What's going on, mate?" Niall inquired gently.
I shook my head, "Nothing." I dried my hands and face slowly.
Niall sighed heavily, "Don't lie to me, Harry. Just tell me what's going on."
"Nothing, Nialler. I'm fine. Excuse me."' I said politely, trying to walk out the door. Niall turned and locked the door.
"No. We're not leaving this room until you tell me what's bothering you." Niall stated folding his arms over his chest. I ran my hand through my hair again in agitation. "Harry, you were nearly in tears in the writing room. What is the matter?" Niall asked with a gentler tone.
"Nothing. I was just thinking about something. It's nothing. I'll be fine." I huffed. I wasn't keen on sharing at the moment.
"Harry, I've never been one to push you to talk about what's going on. I always listened to Enola about that but today, I am pushing. You were in a room full of people and started to cry for a reason that no one knows. I am worried. Hell, I've been worried for years now." Niall sighed then spoke again when I didn't reply. "I know that I am not Louis and I am definitely not Enola." My eyes dropped hearing name again. "You were thinking about her." Niall sighed. I folded my arms over my chest and looked away from him. "Harry, I know that you still love her and I know that you adore Darcy." My frown moved deeper into my facial muscles. "You were thinking about Darcy too." Niall smiled a bit.
"You know I don't know what I was thinking. Suddenly, there was just an image burned in my mind that I can't shake now. I'm sorry if I am ruining your song writing vibes." I confessed to him with an attitude.
"I'm more worried about you. What were you thinking about that made you so upset?" Niall asked.
I rubbed my forehead and decided it couldn't hurt to share, "I was thinking about Enola being pregnant. How Charles treated her. If he was there at all for her. I know Darcy said she doesn't know her father but she's so little that she might not remember him at all. And how I would've been...how I would've treated her if Darcy were mine. I just can't shake the image in my mind of feeling her move inside of Enola. It's crazy and completely obsessive but I can't stop thinking about it. Haven't been able to since I met Darcy."
"Charles wasn't there for her at all. She filed for divorce before she even found out she was pregnant. Her divorce wasn't finalized until a few months before Darcy was born. I don't think Enola will even let Charles near Darcy." Niall stated like it was no big deal. I just stared at him dumbfounded. "Enola hates Charles and she doesn't want any part of him showing up in her daughter. They've not spoken since the divorce was finalized. She won't even return his lawyers phone calls."
"Why is his lawyer calling her?" I asked concerned for Darcy and Enola's well being.
"He wants to see Darcy. She won't tell anyone that he's trying to start a custody case even though Enola didn't put him on the birth certificate." Niall informed me. "But you will not tell her that I told you about that. If she finds out I told you, she'll kill me and make you watch then kill you. She doesn't want Darcy to know what's going on."
I nodded quickly, "I won't tell her."
Niall sighed, "Does that ease your mind knowing that he wasn't around?"
I shook my head, "No. She shouldn't have had to do it alone."
"She didn't. She had me and Louis, when we were home we would take her to her doctor's appointments. She had her parents and her step mother and brothers. It wasn't the same as having the father of her child by her side but she handled it beautifully. She was born to be a mother I think. Even though she denies it." Niall explained with a smile. I just nodded and dropped my eyes to the floor. "She chose not to tell anyone outside the immediate family, Louis and I. She didn't want pity. She didn't want constant lectures. She just wanted to have her child in her way. And I respect that and if you really truly love her, you will respect it too, okay?"
"Alright." I replied softly.
"Okay." Niall sighed heavily. "Let's get back to writing so you can leave when you want." WE both then stood there awkwardly. "I feel like we should hug but..." Niall sounded a bit weirded out.
"Not in the bathroom. Even if no one knows about it. It's strange." I agreed with him. Niall then shrugged and hugged me tightly. I chuckled and hugged him back.


I walked up to Enola's front door nervously. It was half past twelve and I knew that Darcy was going to be so upset that I was late. I knocked loudly on the door. The house seemed dead silent. I knocked again after a few moments.
I heard Enola's voice inside, "Darcy, who could that be?" I heard Darcy giggle as they got closer to the door. Finally the door swung open.
"HARRY!" Darcy shouted throwing her arms in the air.
I picked her up with a smile, "Hello baby girl." I brushed her soft curls away from her face. She kissed my cheek happily.
"Do you like my new dress? Sophia brought it over before she went to see Liam." Darcy beamed. I looked down at the pink sundress with a butterfly stitched in the bottom.
"I love it." I grinned as I walked into the house. Enola closed the door behind me then locked it. That's when I looked at Enola. She looked stressed out and tired. "What's the matter?" I asked gently brushing the back of my hand against her cheek. She leaned into my touch slightly but quickly backed away.
"I'm trying to clean, keep Darcy happy and my phone has been ringing nonstop since I stopped texting you." She replied, completely exasperated.
"What can I do to help?" I asked sincerely.
She smiled, "Can you help me with lunch? We were waiting for you. I mean, if you haven't eaten yet."
I shook my head, "I haven't." I then followed Enola into the kitchen with Darcy in my arms.

I sat across the table from Enola; Darcy was situated between us happily. I tried not to stare at Enola fearing I'd make her uncomfortable.
"Harry?" Darcy spoke softly. I turned my eyes to her, smiling gently. "Why did you come over today?" Darcy asked. "Mommy said that you were busy today when I asked her yesterday." Darcy looked a bit sad.
"Well, I like hanging out with you and Mummy. So, I decided that today would be a good day to come over." My smiled warmed as I spoke to her. I glanced up at Enola to see she was smiling and it was genuine.
"But you saw us yesterday and the day before." Darcy seemed a bit confused.
I nodded, "I know. I'd rather not have a chance to miss those crazy green eyes of yours." Darcy grinned widely at me.
"Are you going to play with me?" Darcy asked after a moment of complete quiet.
"If you'd like but I think we should help Mummy clean up first." I stated smiling at Enola briefly. Enola giggled and shook her head.
Darcy turned to Enola, "Mommy, what do you need help with?"
"I need you to pick up all of the toys in the living room and your bedroom. Both are a mess, missy." Enola replied in a stern voice. Darcy nodded quickly like she didn't want to make her mother angry. It was a strange thing but also so natural, to see Enola as a mother. When we were together she did take care of me, if I needed anything, no matter how mundane or monotonous, she would get it for me, even after I had found out she was married. But to see her as a mother, it was amazing. She took care of Darcy not only because she loved her with all of her heart but because Darcy needed her. There was instinct in it. Enola took everything the little girl threw at her in stride. She didn't seem to be trying too hard, or at all actually.
I leaned back in my chair and just watched Darcy and Enola talk. They had a flow that was laid back and loving. Darcy had a light in her eyes when she spoke to Enola, telling her about the day we had spent together the day before. Enola listened intently, focusing on every word her child spoke. Enola was genuinely happy for the excitement her daughter felt. And the way Enola showed Darcy love, it was never by doing something big or completely noticable. Enola showed her love for Darcy by touching her tiny hands, brushing her hair off her shoulders, tucking her bangs behind her ear, brushing her fingers against Darcy's cheek: the things she used to do to me. Te most noticeable display of love was the way the Enola gazed upon the face of her curly-headed, green eyed, toddler. Enola's eyes held love and pride. She looked at Darcy with a kind of wonder that I couldn't really describe. It was almost like she could believe that such a child came from her.
"Harry!" Enola shouted my name snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked in her eyes with a smile. "Darcy wants you to help her clean her room." Enola stated with an almost concerned expression. I knew that she didn't like me staring but I really couldn't help it.
I nodded, "Okay. I can do that." Enola thanked me then told Darcy to wash her hands and face. I turned my eyes to the three year old. She had salad dressing all over her face and fingers from eating her carrots. I laughed loudly making Darcy blush as she licked the dressing from her fingers. Enola shook her head as she broke into a smile.
"Go wash, Darcy." Enola commanded gently. Darcy nodded and jumped down from the table. "And don't touch anything but the door handle, little lady!" Enola called after her as she stood from her seat. She picked up Darcy's plate and her own. I watched her walk to the sink. The way she moved captivated me still. The way her hips swung and her muscles contracted in her legs created a stir within my body. I wanted her so badly. It'd been a long time since I'd even attempted to take a girl out and it'd been even longer since I'd had sex with anyone. I knew that with Enola it was more though. It wasn't just the thought of being physical with her. She was a person that made you feel everything she was with one touch. I missed that. I missed feeling her love through her fingertips and kisses. "Um, Harry." Enola spoke like she was nervous. I lifted my eyes to hers. "You're staring again."
I blushed and dropped my eyes to my hands and mumbled, "Sorry." She came to my side and sat beside me. I gazed into her big, beautiful, blue eyes and she looked back at me.
"Harry, do you feel okay?" She asked softly. I looked at her confused. "You haven't touched your lunch." She stated placing her hand on my forehead. My eyes slid closed at the contact. Her hands were warm and smooth, the way the felt when I dreamed about her. I sighed as her hand slid down my face. She cupped my cheek gently, stroking my skin with her thumb lightly.
"Mommy! Harry!" Darcy yelled running back into the kitchen. Enola pulled her hand away from my face and smiled at her daughter.
"Let me see 'em." Enola spoke calmly to Darcy as she held up her hands. Darcy placed her hands on Enola's thighs, palms up. Enola gently brushed her fingertips against Darcy's palms. Darcy smiled at the feeling. I looked at the two of them curiously. Enola used to do the same thing to me. She would also stroke the bottom of my feet in the same way when I was tired or stressed out. I smiled at the memory. "They look clean to me." Enola giggled at her daughter. Darcy turned to me with a huge grin.
"Come on Harry! Let's go! Let's go!" Darcy shouted as she pulled on my hand with her two little ones. I laughed and stood from my chair.
"Baby, why don't you let Harry finish his lunch." Enola suggested. Darcy looked up at me with disappointed eyes. I frowned. I wanted to play with her and be close to her.
I smiled weakly at Enola, "It's okay." Enola appeared upset and concerned but she nodded, letting Darcy and I run away. I gasped when I saw the inside of the purple butterfly room. Darcy had toys everywhere.

Notes

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