Dark Star

“Innocent Ali.” He said with a smile.

“I’m not so innocent.” I grumbled.

“Really now?” He said. “You wanna show me?”

I could clearly see a glint in his green flecked eyes but all I could do was look away embarrassed.

“Oh now, don’t disappoint me.” He laughed to himself as he took another drink. He had such a way of making me feel like a kid, that I found myself scrambling for a comeback.

“I bet she doesn’t disappoint you.” I said, referring to this blonde bombshell therapist and he looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“I think I disappoint her more than she disappoints me.” He replied seriously before the glint in his eye returned. “But trust me when I say… you have nothing to worry about Ali.”

I shrugged as if I didn’t care and he laughed again. I could not stop myself from acting and feeling awkward around him, although I have to admit the vodka was beginning to take effect. It softened the edges and created a haze around this almost surreal setting of drinking with Harry Styles in our little hideout while a hundred people partied in the background.

He was slouched against the wall of the gazebo, tapping his fingers to the beat of this music as he closely watched me. I took another drink, avoiding his eyes before I nervously looked back at him.

“Why so nervous?” He asked me.

“I’m not nervous.” I instantly said and he pulled an unconvinced face in response. I let out a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders.

“Hmm.” He replied but he still looked unconvinced.

How could I begin to say how attracted I was to him? Given half the chance, I’d be all over him right now. But despite his meaningful looks, he was not making any moves. So, I scooted closer to him so that were sitting side by side, our shoulders now touching. He seemed slightly amused when I glanced at him, but I ignored him by finishing off the rest of the bottle.

“Cheeky girl.” He said as he stood up and dusted himself off.

“Where are you going?” I said.

“We need a second bottle, don’t we?” He grinned and I relaxed.

The truth be told, I was a little more than relaxed. The last swig of vodka had set me over the edge and I could fully admit to myself that I had passed the tipsy point and was now well and truly drunk. The sound of the music reverberated in the gazebo and I found myself rising to my feet. It was a Madonna song, I think, an oldie but a goodie and before long I was swaying to the music, slightly stumbling over my feet but recovering quickly to keep on dancing.
Harry returned a minute later and he laughed when he saw me mid-twirl.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He asked as he settled on a bench.

“I know you hate parties, but this is a party.” I haughtily said . “And I’m dancing.”

The fine line between being shy and bold had been crossed and I could not stop myself from sticking my tongue out at him as I danced. He grinned as he cracked open the new bottle of vodka.

“Thank you.” I said as I wrenched the bottle from his hands. His green eyes followed my every move, the look of amusement never leaving his face. I didn’t care though; I was too busy having fun. I took a few more swigs as I swayed in front of him.

“You know you could dance with me if you wanted to.” I told him.

“I don’t dance.” He said. “And anyway… I’m watching you.”

I rolled my eyes and continued on my merry way. It was when I stumbled again that Harry stepped up to take the bottle away from me. He plucked it from my hands and sat down on the bench again and as I lunged for the bottle, he hid it behind his back.

“No more Ali.” He said, but I was not about to give up. I sexily sashayed toward him, almost falling over in the process and reached behind his back to retrieve it, but he held on tight.

“Come on Harry.” I pleaded but he did not budge and merely gazed back at me.

“Nope.” He said. “You’ve had enough… now dance.”

“I’m not dancing…” I said in even, measured tones.

I slowly placed one leg on either side of him until I was firmly straddling him, snaking my arms around his waist in a bid to get to the bottle.

“Until… you… give… me…”

Suddenly we were face to face and the smirk on his face finally disappeared. I forgot about the bottle as soon as my eyes focussed on his soft pink lips and before I could think twice, I kissed him.

I could not believe it was finally happening, but it did not take long for me to realise he was not responding in the same way. I pulled back only to feel Harry’s hand lightly push me back.

“Sorry.” I mumbled, suddenly feeling a little disoriented.

“It’s okay.” Harry said.

“I should probably go.”

“Ali, you don’t have to.”

I quickly scrambled off his lap, unable to meet his eyes.

“Please stay.” Harry said, but I shook my head,

“I have to go.” I said before walking away. A cool breeze hit my now flushed face as I briskly walked toward the party. I briefly spoke to my parents, trying my hardest to look and sound sober and then rushed home. As soon as I reached the safety of my bathroom I threw up, grateful that I at least had saved myself from the embarrassment of throwing up in front of Harry.

As I lay in bed, listening to the thumping beats of the music from next door I went over and over the scene in my head. The more I thought about it, the clearer it all became. I recalled how the smirk disappeared from his face as soon as I had straddled him and how he had stared at me in the split second I had decided to kiss him. He had looked unsure and uncomfortable, but I had kissed him anyway.

I could not help but feel a surge of anger.

Anger at myself for making the first move, anger at Harry for flirting with me and making me think I stood a chance with him. But seriously, how could I think someone like Harry would be interested in me?

I beat myself up about it until I fell asleep and by morning I was still mortified. It didn’t help that I woke up with a pounding headache. It was almost eleven and I still couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. I glanced at my phone on my bedside table and noticed there was a missed call from Harry.

The call had been made at 2am, long after I left and when I was fast asleep. Well, I was more than awake right now. I had a quick shower and vigorously brushed my teeth, trying to get the taste of alcohol out of my mouth.

To call or not to call?

I had the perfect excuse but was also perfectly nervous. Before I could convince myself, I found myself calling his number.

“Hello?” A husky voice spoke.

“Harry it’s me.”

“Hello you.” He said. “I don’t know about you, but I’m still in bed.”

“I just had a shower.” I said.

“Oh?”

“And I was thinking about what happened last night.”

“Mmm.” He said, making me feel even more nervous as I continued to babble.

“And I just wanted to apologise for the way I acted. I guess I should think twice about drinking vodka in the future.”

“I don’t know about that.” Harry said. “I kinda enjoyed watching you drink vodka.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t really enjoy what I did next...” I said, cringing at the memory.

“You mean when you climbed on top of me?” Harry asked. “Or when you kissed me?”

“Harry…”

“Oh Ali.” He said in his slow deep voice. “I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Do what?”

“Kiss you back.”

“Why not?” I asked stiffly.

“You wanna go for a drive?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Despite my refreshing shower, my head still felt foggy and I was struggling to follow the conversation.

“Let’s go for a drive. Meet me at the front.”

X

Ten minutes later, I was sitting in Harry’s sports car as he sped through town and into the hills. It was nice to feel the cool breeze blow through my hair. Harry smiled at me as he drove and it was hard to talk so I just enjoyed the ride. It felt nice to get away and even though I had felt uneasy when Harry had opened the passenger door for me, I felt a certain level of calm wash over me the further he drove.

When he finally stopped the car, he turned to look at me. I nervously shifted in my sear as he slowly unzipped his bomber jacket.

“So about last night.” Harry began.

“It’s okay Harry.” I said dismissively but he ignored me.

“I did want to kiss you… more than you know. It’s just… there’s a lot of shit going on in my life. It’s been like that for a while now…” He glanced out the window before reaching for the door. “Let’s go for a walk.”

I was glad the area was so isolated, so I could not be distracted by anyone, although I could not help but admire the rolling green hills in the distance. The sky was grey and the air was crisp as we walked, the sound of birds chirping in the background.

“The last few years have been tough for me… I’m still trying to get my head around everything.” He continued. He had stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked and I tried to keep up with his long strides. “And it would have been easy to kiss you Ali. It would have been easy to do more than that. But I didn’t want to take advantage of you… especially in the condition you were in.”

“I was fine.” I said lightly, even though I knew it was a miracle I had managed to walk out of that party on my own two feet.

“Really now?” He said and the amused look was back on his face. “I didn’t think it was right though.”

I nodded politely, but still felt confused.

“I shouldn’t be with you. I shouldn’t be with anyone.” He suddenly said and I blinked in surprise. “My therapist thinks I need to focus on myself.”

“Your therapist?” I said confused.

“She doesn’t think it’s the right time to be with someone.”

“Well what about you?” I asked. “What do you think?”

Harry took a deep breath and let out a long exhale.

“I don’t know.” He said.

The words hung in the air as we continued to walk in silence. As I admired a huge oak tree in the distance, I felt a raindrop fall on my face and trickle down my neck. A couple of more drops followed as it lightly began to rain.

“Maybe we should head back to the car?” Harry said and I shrugged feeling a little disappointed. But I didn’t have much time to think before Harry took my hand and we half ran back to the car. He opened the door for me, but I paused before closing it.

“What do you want?” I asked, turning around to face him.

“What do I want?” He said. “Now that’s a dangerous question.”

“Really?” I asked. “Well how about what I want?”

“What do you want?” Harry asked quietly.

I leant back on the car door and pulled him by his belt buckle, closing the gap between us.

His intense green eyes watched me curiously as I leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I shouldn’t be with anyone.” He whispered as if he were repeating something that had been told to him a thousand times. But I felt his body move closer, pinning me against the car as our kiss deepened. It was a kiss that left me breathless as his hands reached down and into the back pocket of my jeans, allowing him to cup my ass, gently squeezing. My whole body felt like it was on fire as we passionately kissed, the rain now starting to fall down harder.

“Fuck Ali.” Harry finally pulled away to murmur. “What are you doing to me… we shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Maybe it can be our little secret.” I said and his lips curled up into a smile.

“Well you’d better be good at secrets Ali… because I want more.”

Notes

Hellooo, is anyone out there actually reading this?? :)