Undisclosed Desires In Your Heart
How could I forget?
I was standing awkwardly middle of the room that was full of busy people jumping around. My mom had just left me there because she was busy trying to book hotels for the boys. Yes, I was in One Direction's rehearsal in London thanks to my mom. I had flown here a few days ago and I was staying in a hotel for a week. It was 3rd of June and my summer holiday had just started. My mom was a member of the One Direction team and working with the boys. She was like an assistant, booking the hotels and lifts, organizing interviews and keeping all together with the others. I had been in rehearsals and that sort of things with my mom before as well and I've seen the boys a few times. I had talked Louis the most and I was lucky to see him walking towards me now. He felt almost like a brother 'cause he was always so nice to me. I hadn't talked the other boys much just said quick 'hi's.
"Oh there's my extra sister! Hiii!" Louis came to hug me and I couldn't breath. "Louiiiis, please," I laughed and he let me go. "What's up?" he asked. "Oh, I just don't know what to do 'cause my mom flew away and left me alone here..." I said and he raised his eyebrows. "I see...There isn't much to do at the moment but our rehearsal starts soon so you can come to watch it then," he explained. I nodded and smiled. I felt so calm every time I saw him. He was so easy to talk with. "But I've to go now...Heyy, I've got an idea, maybe Harry would keep you company 'cause he seems to be free now," Louis said after a moment. I boggled as I saw that Harry had come behind me. He smiled at me and I couldn't breath for a second when I caught his green eyes. "Byee then," Louis had gone before I'd tried to protest.
"It's quite noisy here. We could go some more peaceful place. Follow me," Harry said with a smirk and I followed him to a tiny dressing room. I had met him twice or maybe three times before but we hadn't talked. I could remember the first time I saw him. I thought he was so good looking and I tried to say myself "don't fall for him, he would never even look at you." And I was right. I was seventeen and I hadn't got any proper relationships like ever. I was the weird kid in school and boys had never been interested in me not to mention that Harry Styles would be.
Oh, I could tell something about myself. I'm seventeen high school student and I'm living with my dad. My parents divorced when I was about ten but it actually have never had effect on me. As I told my mom is working with 1D team and traveling around the world. My dad have a job that takes a lot of his time and I'm usually alone at home. I've got a few good friends, Sarah, Nico and Helene. Nico is actually gay and he is part of our girl group.. Erm, and yeah I live in Finland. It belongs to Nordic Countries and we don't ride in reindeers to school or anything like that. We travelled a lot when I was little so my parents wanted that I'd got good english skills and now I'm in an english high school. I don't feel like I'm a finn 'cause I usually talk english with my mates and family. But I'm still proud of my country.
Harry told me to sit down as he sat next to me. My head was frantically thinking about what I could say to him. "Sooo, I'm Harry as you might know already," he said and smiled at me. I felt that my throat was dry and I tried to clear it. "Uhm yeah I knew it already. So I'm Aleksandra but you can call me just Ally," I said while watching as he tossed his hair. "Uhm yeah I knew it already," he imitated me with a stupid grin on his face. This was starting nicely, I already wanted to punch him in the face. "Wait, how did you know already?" I realized what he had said and I could only imagine how amazed I looked. "Well...we have met sometime and I can remember you," he explained. I couldn't help but stare at him with a stupid smile. Honestly, Harry Edward Styles remembered me. I shook my head and he started our conversation. "I know your mum and she is from Finland, right? So, are you living there or?" Harry said and I explained my life a bit 'cause he wanted to know. He was so interested my school stuff and I wondered why. "Well you know it's a a few years I've been in school and I just want to know how things are in Finland.. It sounds quite similar to England I think." I stared at his mouth while he was talking. God, he had soft lips. I started to ask about their gigs and I felt a bit more relaxed when he told me some funny stories.
I didn't even realize that we had talked and laughed about half an hour until some bodyguard came to look for Harry. "Rehearsal starts now so get your ass there. Others have almost started," the man joked at Harry but sounded still serious so Harry jumped up immediately. "It was really nice talking to you! I think I've got a bit time after the rehearsal so we could meet...?" Harry said and smiled uncertainly to me. "It would be nice, I'll watch your rehearsal and I think I have to stay here the whole afternoon 'cause of my mom...So I've got time," I explained and he smiled so big that his dimples was shown. He left the room and I checked my phone before I locked the door behind me. Helene had called and I knew she was anxious to know everything about the rehearsal. But I hadn't got time to phone her so I just texted her to call later.
I walked in to the big hall and sat down one of the seats. The boys were already checking the guitars and stuff. I tried to look if I could see my mom somewhere but I thought she was still making phone calls. The music started to play and the boys sang the first song. After it some vocal manager gave a few advice and they sang the song again. I felt like I was an private concert 'cause there were just a few people watching the boys with me. I totally forgot the time as I watched the boys perfoming songs. Their American tour was about to start in two weeks so they had their final rehearsal after a little break.
"Okay thanks everyone for helping and don't forget to show up our little party tonight..." one of the managers proclaimed to the loudspeaker after a few hours later. The boys were finally off the stage looking relieved. They were hugging people and they took a few photos with some fans who apparently were also here because of some family member who worked with the boys.
I had sat there for a while searching my phone as I noticed someone next to me. I saw Harry smirking at me when I looked up. "Oh hi. You did amazing job I enjoyed it!" I said trying not to look at his amazing eyes. He sat next to me. "Thanks. I've got an hour what we should do?" he asked. I really couldn't understand why Harry wanted to kill time with me. But I was grateful 'cause he was such a good company. "Actually I can't exit off the building so I think we must find some empty room again." Harry raised from his seat and I followed him. We walked through some hallway and Harry were looking for door which would be open. Finally he found one and luckyly it was empty.
Harry shut the door behind him and I went straight to sofa which looked nice. The room was quite small and there was just sofa, few chairs and a table in front of the small window. I looked back to Harry and he came to sit next to me. "Tell me more about your school...how abour your friends?" Harry started and I still wondered why he was interested in that. I told him about my three best friends and he laughed to my description of them. "But they're just like that! It's not funny at all," I tried to look serious when I told that Nico was actually one of our girl gang and we were always checking off the boys with him. "Okay okay, I believe you. What about...do you have anyone you fancy?" Harry asked. Oh god, why he must asked that. "Uhm, yeah... I have but he's taken," I said watching the floor. "Okhay, have you been with someone lately or are you in relationship now?" Harry asked looking curious. I swallowed and looked back to the floor. "Well...speaking the truth...I've never been in relationship," I closed my eyes. Oh god why did I tell him that? He have to think that I'm a dumb now. "Really? Well I think it's worth to wait 'the right one'," Harry said.
There was a little awkward moment but it was quickly over when Harry opened his mouth again. He wanted to know more about the boy I fancied. "We can have like a girl talk. Imagine that I'm a girl and we're talking about our crushes," Harry smirked. I went to the game. "He is from my school and I've got some lessons with him...and oh god...he is so nice! He have a little brown curly hair and dimples...He isn't very tall but just suitable for me," I explained and I could feel that my cheeks blushed. Harry was smiling at me because of my eagerness. "Okay, now it's your turn," I challenged Harry and his facial expression changed. "Erm, okay then. Well..." Harry looked at me for a moment before he started. "Actually I haven't know her for a long time but the very first time I saw her I fell for her. She is a little bit shy but when she gets started she can't stop talking. She is really nice and warm person," Harry said and I nodded. "And what's she looks like?" I asked interested.
I couldn't believe I was talking with Harry these kind of things. He looked at me again for a moment. "She have quite long blonde curly hair and beautiful green eyes. She isn't like really thin but she have beautiful curves. I just really adore her," Harry said while I was looking at his softly moving lips. "Uhm okay," I said and we were quiet for a moment.
I was looking at my nails and when I finally looked up to Harry's eyes I saw him watching me with a big grin on his face. "You don't get it, do you?" he laughed a bit and I must looked so confused. He came a little bit closer and I smiled at him with my half mouth. "What do you mean?" I asked and his face was now just inches away from mine. He laughed again and I was feeling stupid and a bit angry to myself 'cause I didn't get something. "Oh god, do I really have to show you?" Harry smirked. His face softened and he leaned towards me. I couldn't breath but I could felt his warm breath on my face. He opened his mouth like if he was asking to do it. I froze so I couldn't do anything. He pressed his lips gently to mine. I closed my eyes as he moved them a little. It was so soft. I answered the kiss as I moved my lips a bit in his. Suddenly I realized what I was doing and I jumped away from him.
"Oh my god why did I allow that," I said and I pressed my head to my hands. "Uhm, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have...I just thought you'd get it and..." Harry searched for words. I thought the conversation again through my head. Wait WHAT? Harry was describing me all the time when he told me about 'the girl he fancied'. My blonde curly hair, green eyes and fat body as he described curvy. Why I was so damn stupid? "Now I get it..." I said and I couldn't look at him. "Hmm, just a bit too late. I'm so sorry! Can we just forget it please I really thought you'd liked it...I just got too excited but actually I meant every word I said," Harry explained. I could feel his eyes on me while he was talking even though I didn't look at him. But that just made it worse if he really meant those words.
There was an awkward silent again. "The time is flying! I have to go now...It was honestly really nice to talk with you until I screwed up everything. I hope we could just forget it. I'm so sorry!" he said as he stood up. I had calmed down enough and I could finally look he in the eyes. "No, you didn't 'screwed up everything'. It was also because of my stupidy. And I'll try to forget," I forced him a smile before he walked to the door. "Bye then, see you around," he said and I waved at him. After he had left I rubbed my head and tried to think clearly. But I couldn't. I just kissed Harry Edward Styles, was all that I could think. How was I supposed to forget? I jumped almost off of the sofa when my phone rang. It was Helene. I decided not to tell anyone about this little kiss as I answered my phone.
"Oh there's my extra sister! Hiii!" Louis came to hug me and I couldn't breath. "Louiiiis, please," I laughed and he let me go. "What's up?" he asked. "Oh, I just don't know what to do 'cause my mom flew away and left me alone here..." I said and he raised his eyebrows. "I see...There isn't much to do at the moment but our rehearsal starts soon so you can come to watch it then," he explained. I nodded and smiled. I felt so calm every time I saw him. He was so easy to talk with. "But I've to go now...Heyy, I've got an idea, maybe Harry would keep you company 'cause he seems to be free now," Louis said after a moment. I boggled as I saw that Harry had come behind me. He smiled at me and I couldn't breath for a second when I caught his green eyes. "Byee then," Louis had gone before I'd tried to protest.
"It's quite noisy here. We could go some more peaceful place. Follow me," Harry said with a smirk and I followed him to a tiny dressing room. I had met him twice or maybe three times before but we hadn't talked. I could remember the first time I saw him. I thought he was so good looking and I tried to say myself "don't fall for him, he would never even look at you." And I was right. I was seventeen and I hadn't got any proper relationships like ever. I was the weird kid in school and boys had never been interested in me not to mention that Harry Styles would be.
Oh, I could tell something about myself. I'm seventeen high school student and I'm living with my dad. My parents divorced when I was about ten but it actually have never had effect on me. As I told my mom is working with 1D team and traveling around the world. My dad have a job that takes a lot of his time and I'm usually alone at home. I've got a few good friends, Sarah, Nico and Helene. Nico is actually gay and he is part of our girl group.. Erm, and yeah I live in Finland. It belongs to Nordic Countries and we don't ride in reindeers to school or anything like that. We travelled a lot when I was little so my parents wanted that I'd got good english skills and now I'm in an english high school. I don't feel like I'm a finn 'cause I usually talk english with my mates and family. But I'm still proud of my country.
Harry told me to sit down as he sat next to me. My head was frantically thinking about what I could say to him. "Sooo, I'm Harry as you might know already," he said and smiled at me. I felt that my throat was dry and I tried to clear it. "Uhm yeah I knew it already. So I'm Aleksandra but you can call me just Ally," I said while watching as he tossed his hair. "Uhm yeah I knew it already," he imitated me with a stupid grin on his face. This was starting nicely, I already wanted to punch him in the face. "Wait, how did you know already?" I realized what he had said and I could only imagine how amazed I looked. "Well...we have met sometime and I can remember you," he explained. I couldn't help but stare at him with a stupid smile. Honestly, Harry Edward Styles remembered me. I shook my head and he started our conversation. "I know your mum and she is from Finland, right? So, are you living there or?" Harry said and I explained my life a bit 'cause he wanted to know. He was so interested my school stuff and I wondered why. "Well you know it's a a few years I've been in school and I just want to know how things are in Finland.. It sounds quite similar to England I think." I stared at his mouth while he was talking. God, he had soft lips. I started to ask about their gigs and I felt a bit more relaxed when he told me some funny stories.
I didn't even realize that we had talked and laughed about half an hour until some bodyguard came to look for Harry. "Rehearsal starts now so get your ass there. Others have almost started," the man joked at Harry but sounded still serious so Harry jumped up immediately. "It was really nice talking to you! I think I've got a bit time after the rehearsal so we could meet...?" Harry said and smiled uncertainly to me. "It would be nice, I'll watch your rehearsal and I think I have to stay here the whole afternoon 'cause of my mom...So I've got time," I explained and he smiled so big that his dimples was shown. He left the room and I checked my phone before I locked the door behind me. Helene had called and I knew she was anxious to know everything about the rehearsal. But I hadn't got time to phone her so I just texted her to call later.
I walked in to the big hall and sat down one of the seats. The boys were already checking the guitars and stuff. I tried to look if I could see my mom somewhere but I thought she was still making phone calls. The music started to play and the boys sang the first song. After it some vocal manager gave a few advice and they sang the song again. I felt like I was an private concert 'cause there were just a few people watching the boys with me. I totally forgot the time as I watched the boys perfoming songs. Their American tour was about to start in two weeks so they had their final rehearsal after a little break.
"Okay thanks everyone for helping and don't forget to show up our little party tonight..." one of the managers proclaimed to the loudspeaker after a few hours later. The boys were finally off the stage looking relieved. They were hugging people and they took a few photos with some fans who apparently were also here because of some family member who worked with the boys.
I had sat there for a while searching my phone as I noticed someone next to me. I saw Harry smirking at me when I looked up. "Oh hi. You did amazing job I enjoyed it!" I said trying not to look at his amazing eyes. He sat next to me. "Thanks. I've got an hour what we should do?" he asked. I really couldn't understand why Harry wanted to kill time with me. But I was grateful 'cause he was such a good company. "Actually I can't exit off the building so I think we must find some empty room again." Harry raised from his seat and I followed him. We walked through some hallway and Harry were looking for door which would be open. Finally he found one and luckyly it was empty.
Harry shut the door behind him and I went straight to sofa which looked nice. The room was quite small and there was just sofa, few chairs and a table in front of the small window. I looked back to Harry and he came to sit next to me. "Tell me more about your school...how abour your friends?" Harry started and I still wondered why he was interested in that. I told him about my three best friends and he laughed to my description of them. "But they're just like that! It's not funny at all," I tried to look serious when I told that Nico was actually one of our girl gang and we were always checking off the boys with him. "Okay okay, I believe you. What about...do you have anyone you fancy?" Harry asked. Oh god, why he must asked that. "Uhm, yeah... I have but he's taken," I said watching the floor. "Okhay, have you been with someone lately or are you in relationship now?" Harry asked looking curious. I swallowed and looked back to the floor. "Well...speaking the truth...I've never been in relationship," I closed my eyes. Oh god why did I tell him that? He have to think that I'm a dumb now. "Really? Well I think it's worth to wait 'the right one'," Harry said.
There was a little awkward moment but it was quickly over when Harry opened his mouth again. He wanted to know more about the boy I fancied. "We can have like a girl talk. Imagine that I'm a girl and we're talking about our crushes," Harry smirked. I went to the game. "He is from my school and I've got some lessons with him...and oh god...he is so nice! He have a little brown curly hair and dimples...He isn't very tall but just suitable for me," I explained and I could feel that my cheeks blushed. Harry was smiling at me because of my eagerness. "Okay, now it's your turn," I challenged Harry and his facial expression changed. "Erm, okay then. Well..." Harry looked at me for a moment before he started. "Actually I haven't know her for a long time but the very first time I saw her I fell for her. She is a little bit shy but when she gets started she can't stop talking. She is really nice and warm person," Harry said and I nodded. "And what's she looks like?" I asked interested.
I couldn't believe I was talking with Harry these kind of things. He looked at me again for a moment. "She have quite long blonde curly hair and beautiful green eyes. She isn't like really thin but she have beautiful curves. I just really adore her," Harry said while I was looking at his softly moving lips. "Uhm okay," I said and we were quiet for a moment.
I was looking at my nails and when I finally looked up to Harry's eyes I saw him watching me with a big grin on his face. "You don't get it, do you?" he laughed a bit and I must looked so confused. He came a little bit closer and I smiled at him with my half mouth. "What do you mean?" I asked and his face was now just inches away from mine. He laughed again and I was feeling stupid and a bit angry to myself 'cause I didn't get something. "Oh god, do I really have to show you?" Harry smirked. His face softened and he leaned towards me. I couldn't breath but I could felt his warm breath on my face. He opened his mouth like if he was asking to do it. I froze so I couldn't do anything. He pressed his lips gently to mine. I closed my eyes as he moved them a little. It was so soft. I answered the kiss as I moved my lips a bit in his. Suddenly I realized what I was doing and I jumped away from him.
"Oh my god why did I allow that," I said and I pressed my head to my hands. "Uhm, I'm so sorry I shouldn't have...I just thought you'd get it and..." Harry searched for words. I thought the conversation again through my head. Wait WHAT? Harry was describing me all the time when he told me about 'the girl he fancied'. My blonde curly hair, green eyes and fat body as he described curvy. Why I was so damn stupid? "Now I get it..." I said and I couldn't look at him. "Hmm, just a bit too late. I'm so sorry! Can we just forget it please I really thought you'd liked it...I just got too excited but actually I meant every word I said," Harry explained. I could feel his eyes on me while he was talking even though I didn't look at him. But that just made it worse if he really meant those words.
There was an awkward silent again. "The time is flying! I have to go now...It was honestly really nice to talk with you until I screwed up everything. I hope we could just forget it. I'm so sorry!" he said as he stood up. I had calmed down enough and I could finally look he in the eyes. "No, you didn't 'screwed up everything'. It was also because of my stupidy. And I'll try to forget," I forced him a smile before he walked to the door. "Bye then, see you around," he said and I waved at him. After he had left I rubbed my head and tried to think clearly. But I couldn't. I just kissed Harry Edward Styles, was all that I could think. How was I supposed to forget? I jumped almost off of the sofa when my phone rang. It was Helene. I decided not to tell anyone about this little kiss as I answered my phone.
xx
6/13/13