Will it, Won't it?

"Ok I miss you too, babe, Love you have a great show" I hang up the phone with Niall he and the lads are in San Diego about to head off to the arena, and I am at home in bed. Tomorrow I have an appointment not for the baby a monthly check up for my transplant and Niall wants to me to text him every little single detail. I miss him so much after spending a few days in Ireland we both flew back to London and had a couple days to ourselves and then I flew to Australia and he flew to America. Like I said it's only been a few days since I have seen Niall but I miss him like crazy and I know the baby misses him, every night before bed I play a one direction song and when Niall's solo comes on I take a headphone out and place it to my stomach and let the baby listen to their father's voice, and some nights I put the phone to my tummy and Niall will sing for me and the baby, In another week I will join Niall in Vancouver and Kylie will be coming and my best and only friend I have Barbara will be coming she has family over there.

"But Promise you, it will not affect your baby in any way, unless you stay on top of it." I feel my whole world is spinning around and it won't stop. I turn to look at my mum and she looks at me in disappointment. "I'll fix this" I whisper to myself "I'll get on top of it" I get up off the chair and walk away crying a river, Kylie sees me pass in the waiting room, she puts her magazine down and follows me and tries to ask me what is wrong but I just keep walking with my head down crying. The car ride is so silent just me, my mum and Kylie you can honestly hear a pin drop, my tears have stopped but I am so disappointed in myself how did I let it get like this again, but most important the safety for the baby I know the doctor said it won't affect the baby but still I'm going to be a mother my worrying starts before they are born. Then my mind wonders to Niall what will he think of me, he is going to kill me he won't take this well. We pull up at our house I jump put of the car, walk through the corridor and head for the stairs to go to my room.
"DON'T WALK AWAY LITTLE ONE" my mum yells at me, that has always been her nickname for me, because I'm the youngest in the family. I turn around to face her and the anger and disappointment in her eyes are killing me.
"HOW DID THIS HAPPEN" she yells again, gosh I hate it when my mum yells at me.
"I DON'T KNOW MUM, BUT I PROMISE YOU I AM GOING TO FIX IT, I WILL" I cry and yell back at her
"DO YOU REALISE YOU COULD HAVE PUT YOUR BABY IN DANGER" gosh she can't say that stuff to me right now i am distressed as it is.
"I KNOW MUM, PLEASE JUST STOP, I AM EXHAUSTED" I yell and make a couple of steps
"How do you think Niall is going to react?" she says in a calmer tone
"THAT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS" I yell with much more anger this time and head into my room and slam my door and go to my bed and just cry myself to sleep.
I flutter my eyes open, they are so red from the crying, I get up stretch and just stair into space for a bit, I then realise I have to call Niall and tell him everything that has happened, this is the part I am dreading the most.

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