Ashleys POV:

News gets round quickly, I receive more uneasy stares than I ever have done. I am a wreck on Monday morning and look like I have just crawled out of bed, which I suppose I have, i always used to make an effort with my appearance before, I hated being judged or ridiculed, but I guess now people jude me who have never said a single word to me so does it really matter.

At least there’s one friendly face at school today, Michael Clifford stands by my locker grinning at me. “Hey” he says “Hi” I smile at seeing someone who looks happy to see me. We walk in comfortable silence to our form room and take our seats next to each other. Sandy Newman, a beautiful, friendly girl in our form comes into our class smiling widely and her friends form a tight circle around her laughing and giggling I don’t know if I’m imagining it because I miss his so much but I think I hear them say the word Luke a few times.

I am distracted from their giggles by a tap on my shoulder, I turn to see Jade, her eyes are puffy and red and the moment I face her expecting sharp words she collapses into my arms sobbing like her heart will break. “Ashley, when I heard I am so sorry for all the horrible things I said to you, when you were arrested I felt so bad for you, I know you loved Laurel, I loved her too, you never meant to hurt her. You were such a good friend to her and to me, God I wish I could say the same…Laurel dying made me realise something, life is cruel it took one of my best friends, I don’t want to lose you too, its not too late is it?” she bursts into fresh tears after speaking so much.

I hug her tightly back relief coursing through me that she has apologised and maybe, just maybe we can get through this together. “Of course I forgive you.” I say into her hair. She draws back from me and studies me “I havent seen you around in ages, please come to my party tomorrow I really want you there” she squeezes my hand. I don’t know how to get out of this, there is a very good reason why she hasn’t seen me around I couldn’t face going anywhere without Laurel it would be too painful, but then I see the intent, hopeful expression on her face and I just can’t say no.

So thats how I come to be at Jades front door wearing the party clothes I hope will give me the confidence I need to get through tonight. My hair has been carefully curled to frame my face and I have a tight, shiny knee-length dress on with matching high heels, my make up has been done to perfection. I would like to say I achieved this look effortlessly but really it took a crazy amount of hairspray and make up remover. I feel good though and clearly must look it judging by the admiring looks I am getting. In a rush of bouncing hazelnut curls Jade is by my side hugging me saying “Im so glad you could make it!’ she tugs my arm and leads me into the darkened room.

Its strange how in the loudest moments everything around you can fade into a blur. I don’t think I make any noise but judging by the worried glance Jade shoots me I let out a strangled cry. In the middle of the room on one of the long sofas, Luke and Sandy are on it, he whispers something into her ear that causes her to laugh, his hand is wrapped around her waist and they are staring into each others eyes like they are the only two people in the room. Jade follows my gaze “That little-“ she curses as she sees what is going on.

“Ashley don’t you get it? I just told everyone you were here, him and Sandy weren’t even standing close when I left, he’s just doing it to make you jealous.” I get it, yes I do. But what Luke doesn’t know is that two can play at this game. I grab Jades hand and pull her into a crowd of dancing teenagers I don’t need Luke I am her to have fun for goodness sakes. After I dance so much my throat is dry I walk over to the table where the drinks are and pour myself a glass of something sparkling, the first taste makes me gag and I am about to put the glass down when I realise that the after taste isn’t too bad, I down the entire glass in one go, I love how its making me feel all bubbly and warm inside and I seem to forget everything I have to worry about.

I drink one glass after another and then stumble back across the room I almost fall as someone bumps into me but a hand grabs me around my waist before I tumble. I look up into warm, concerned brown eyes and see Calum”Are you okay Ashley?” he says “You-re reaaly cute Calum” I slur, he looks confused “Calum I’m not a very nice person but you’re really nice” I say. Then I fall down completely, he tries to lift me back up but I like the feel of the ground beneath me, my head doesn’t spin so much . He bends over and lifts me up into his arms and says “Im getting you home you’re drunk” I giggle at his words. “I need to get Luke he brought me here he can drop us both” I feel angry at his name but I can’t remember why.

He carries me over to Luke and quietly explains what is going on. “Here I’ll take her” says Luke and before I know it I am with him. He carries me like I am a naughty child and he is the scolding father to the car and drops me unceremoniously in the back. My mind might be confused right now but I still say “What would your girlfriend says she say you carrying me?” I hear him reply “I don’t know what do you think of me carrying you Ashley?” I feel so mad at him I can’t even start to think of what to reply but theres also something else there and I hate to admit it but theres still love.

Calum is watching us looking almost amused. We drive in silence back to my house. Luke gets up as if to carry me but I snap “I can walk” we both know this isn’t true but Im not giving up this easily I struggle up the driveway and take a deep breath before ringing the bell. My mother opens the door and I keep up the pretence that everything is okay until I hear their car drive away, then I collapse into my mothers arms and cry, the only thing i seem to do these days.

Notes

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