Vanilla Vodka

He kicked the door open and it banged against the wall. Why couldn’t he just bang me against the wall? At this point, I wasn’t sure whether it was the alcohol in my system or simply my hormones catching up to me, but I wanted him. I should tell him the truth. Another stupid thought, like I’d ever put myself out there again.

“This would be a lot easier if you’d just walk Nora.” I looked up at his mouth as it moved, watching as his lips parted and his tongue wet his lips whilst he carried me into his flat.

“But if I walked then you wouldn’t be carrying me and couldn’t smell you.”

Okay what was I actually saying? He chuckled to himself, gazing down at me and shutting the door behind us.

“How much did you drink?”

“Maybe a bottle of vodka…maybe a bottle and a half. I cannae remember.” His laugh echoed around the room and I couldn’t help but wonder if angels sounded like that. To be fair they probably sounded all high pitched which would not be very peaceful when you think about it. I remembered that he was still looking at me and my cheeks went bright red. Great now he probably thought I’d been thinking of him naked (which I hadn’t been until I just thought that, obviously).

“You’re out of it. When you start trying to be Welsh, we all know you’re gone.”

I happened to think my Welsh accent was quite good so this was simply mean of him. He leaned down and placed me on his massive sofa, raising an eyebrow at me before continuing to talk in his melodic voice.

“You don’t even like vodka.”

“It was vanilla vodka.”

“Ah, that makes sense then doesn’t it button?”

I pouted and he shook his head, finding my intoxicated state highly amusing. He turned to switch on the television and my brain went into overdrive. As he bent down, I noticed his muscular back and how toned his body was in general, however my brain decided that his back was enough. I never thought backs were sexy but when it’s Zayn Malik’s back, I could totally make an exception.

He began flicking through the channels while I chucked my high heeled shoes on the floor. He wasn’t paying me any attention (what a surprise) so I decided to take of my dress whilst I was at it. The garment fell to the floor next to him, causing him to sharply turn around and take in a quick breath.

“Do you usually wear no underwear on a night out?”

“With a tight dress like that, it’s either nothing or a thong and thongs are eeww.”

“They’re hot.”

“Well you wear one then.”

He walked over to his cupboards and pulled out a massive blanket, handing it to me and trying to avoid looking at my body. I looked up at him, probably drooling, and attempted to stand. My arm grabbed the blanket and threw it back on the sofa, refusing to cover myself up and Zayn instantly went bright red.

“Why are you so awkward? You’ve seen naked people. Helllooooo Perrie.”
My hands waved around in the air and I took a step forward, only to be caught by his strong arms when I stacked it over his coffee table.

“You should sit down and cover up.”

I sat down at his harsh tone and crossed my arms over my chest, making my boobs appear bigger. His gaze fell to the floor in an attempt to not check out one of his best friends. Guys have such difficult problems these days.

My drunken mind clung to the last thing I’d said and I went pale. I stared up at him with watery eyes, waiting for him to meet my stare. He eventually did, falling to the floor next to the sofa and looking up at me.

“Why are you crying?” His hands brushed the tears away from my cheeks while I continued to weep.

“I’m not Perrie. I’m fatter and stupider and I don’t have a job as an international whore-“

“-She’s in a girl band-“

“And you aren’t hung up over me. It’s always her. Why her? Every time I think you’re over her, she just walks back in and takes you. Why can’t I be happy for once?”

Zayn was silent, probably wondering why a drunken 20 year old, failed actress, was crying hysterically in his living room and talking about his ex-girlfriend.

“I’m gonna call Niall.”

“NO!” I was not having my brother come to my rescue. I was drunk and for once in my life, I was going to tell the truth to my best friend. “He’ll take me back.”

“Huh?” I remained quiet. “Take you back? What to hell? Stop being vague. You can be such a mess sometimes.”

I cried harder at that, making him roll his eyes at his own stupidity and hug me tight to his chest. I breathed in his musky scent before talking once more. “He’ll take me back to the hospital. My weight’s fine. I’m not as skinny as Perrie, but I’ll get there one day, maybe. If I wasn’t so chubby.”

“You are NOT chubby. How could you even think that? Why are you comparing yourself to Perrie?”

“Because it’s been a year since she slept around, left you with nothing more than an engagement ring and a broken heart, and you still haven’t moved on. She’s not going to change. People never change.”

“I have moved on.” He was ignoring my comments again. He wasn’t listening.

“Then why won’t you look at me.”
I bit my lip, my nakedness wasn’t bothering me in the slightest and Zayn picked up on that fact quite quickly.

“Maybe you should be having talks with Harry.”

“I only like nakedness when I’m drunk. I’m not a man whore. There’s a difference.”
He shook his head and laughed to himself, glancing up at me again when I was done trying not to fall off the sofa.

“I’m not looking at you because you’re my best friend. Do you really want to ruin that?”

His phone lit up on the table next to them and I grabbed it without actually thinking the action through. He simply sighed against my shivering form, wrapping a blanket around me before I could protest.

“Who’s it from?”

I need to talk to you. ASAP. I know what I did was wrong like Niall’s your friend, sure but I want you. And we all know you can’t keep your hands off of me ;)

See you in a bit.

Oh and stop hanging out with Nora. She likes you too much for her own good.

Perrie xx

And there she goes again. Every time I think Zayn and I are getting somewhere, she turns up with her stupid purple hair, flashing her boobs and holding a large neon sign to her vagina.

Wow, aren’t I an eloquent drunk?

I simply handed the phone over, walking into the bathroom and washing my face quickly. I looked so young without makeup and Perrie was right. I was naïve and too broken for someone like Zayn. With that being said, I stuck two fingers down my throat and began throwing up the alcohol in my system. I don’t know how long I was in that state for but when I opened my eyes, Zayn was behind me, holding my hair and giving me a worried glance. As I rinsed my mouth out with mouth wash, I tried to joke about it all.

“Vanilla vodka, piece of cake going down but not so sweet going up. Am I right or am I right?”

He was having none of it.

“How long have you had bulimia Nora?”

I stared at his face hard and knew that lying was out of the question.

“Ever since I was too fat for acting.”

Everyone knew this story. My first audition, the director told me I was too fat to be an actress, too fat to be what I wanted to be. It hurt so much and then in the evening, my boyfriend broke up with me as he was sleeping with someone else. She was skinnier than me. It just added up in my head.

“You’ve had an eating disorder for 3 years and you never told me?”

“You never told me my brother was the one that Perrie was shacking up with.”

His face paled and we just stared at each other. Me in all my nakedness and him in all his perfection and I realised something. Some people look like they have their life together but are actually falling apart at the seams and while it was obvious my heart was suffering, I’d been too blinded to recognise the signs from Zayn. He’d been in love and she’d taken his heart, stamped on it and chucked it right back. She’d slept with my brother. How desperate could she be?
I thought back on all his previous relationships and noticed the same pattern. He never hurt anyone. He wasn’t the mysterious bad boy everyone thought he was, he was just a broken guy, torn down by girls and their supposed love. I was the same. Where he had Perrie, I had Nate. He cheated on me but I still kept letting him back in so he could destroy me. He even hit me, something that he later regretted when Zayn put him in hospital.

I’d been staring at Zayn for too long now and it was starting to get weird. My eyes fell on the tiled floor beneath my feet and he finally broke the silence.

“He’s your brother. If I got mad at him, I wouldn’t see you.” And with that he kissed me. It was sweet, like he was terrified of breaking me; of breaking himself. I just stood there, allowing his arm to clutch me to him as the cogs turned in my brain.

“But Perrie…”

He placed a finger gently to my lips, silencing me.

“Who wants a purple haired girl bander, when I’ve got a vanilla vodka freak right here?”

I burst into a fit of laughter and so did he.

“When did you realise I loved you too?”

I paused and watched as he took his shirt off, slipping it over my head as he waited for an answer.

“I think kissing me after puking was a pretty good sign. Or maybe it was when you insulted my Welsh accent. Bullying can be quite the turn on.”

“Maybe you should stay away from the vanilla vodka.”

I was a second away from passing out and he knew it.

“Okay next time I’ll have the cake one.”

Notes

So this one shot was written before I started work on Fragile Hearts. I connected the two together so I suggest you read both. Nora has a massive part to plat in later chapter of FH so this will just give you a snippet of what to expect from her.