I've Got This Friend

I meet the guys by the school building today after school and they all look pretty bad. "Hey guys." I reluctantly speak.

"Hello, Jessica." Michael speaks in a low tone since everyone else didn't speak to me.

"Are you guys okay?" I ask once we start making our way to the hospital.

"Mhm." The guys mumble.

"Clearly not." I mumble under my breath and enjoy the rest of our walk in the silence. I don't even know why they would act like this. Don't we need to lean on each other in these types of situations? It makes no sense to me.

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"Feel free to talk to him if you want." I tell them, holding the door open to let them file in. I wasn't surprised when I didn't see Anne Marie there, because after school she has to be at home with Harry and Lauren since they're too young to visit him.

The boys silently sit in the corners of the room, ignoring my offer for them to talk to him. All at once they pull out their phones and direct their attention away from the world. I sigh and conform to my seat next to Ashton. I grab his hand and say, "Hey Ash. School was okay today, Jack wasn't here to bother me so that was good. It's still boring without you here though, and I need you to wake up." I laugh at myself, and look up to all the guys. They stay in their same position staring at the screen on their phones.

"I brought the guys with me today actually. There here in the room right now. They're not actually paying attention, but you know there here." I tell him. Then I direct my attention to them. "Guys, does anyone want to say anything to Ashton?"

No one responds. Luke opens his mouth without looking at me, but quickly closes it. Then he faces me saying, "Actually, my mum wants me to come home. It's dinner time and she also invited the other guys to come over."

I knew he was lying because Liz would've have invited me too. But I act like I bought it anyways, of course. If they're not ready to see Ashton like this then I'll give them the respect they need. "Are you sure you don't want to stay for a little but longer? I'm sure Liz wouldn't get mad."

"No I'm sure. Guys?" Luke looks to the other boys who have their heads hanging low.

"Really? I mean-"

"No. I have a family, Jess." Luke spats making Mike's and Cal's head shoot straight up in shock. It's like Luke finally realized what he said and tries to apologize.

"No I get. None taken." I nod the tears away in my eyes. What he said was really hurtful, but I'll try my best to hide it. With that the boys file out of the room and leave me be. Alone with a unresponsive Ashton.

**3 Weeks Later**

My daily routine has been revolving around going to the hospital and working my day to fit that schedule. Everyday I hope that maybe he'll come around, but he hasn't shown any sign that he's getting better, and it's almost been a month.

Luke, Calum, and Michael haven't talked to me much either. Not since that day in the hospital anyways. Every now and then I get a nod or a small smile from Michael, but not once has he tried to talk to me. And honestly, I'm starting to get worried about them. Losing Ashton like this has been tough on everyone, but it just seems as if their shutting everyone else out. And that's not the best thing to do when you grieving. I mean its not that we've really lost Ashton, but at the same time, it's kind of like we have.

Today I actually haven't been able to go to the hospital because today we have exams and its after school. I've studied what I could when I was in the hospital, but I don't know if it's enough to land me a good grade. But hey if I fail it, I will just join the rest of everyone who either has to take it over or make it up. So I guess I'll be with Ashton.

"Hey did you study for the exams?" I ask Michael as he walks in the same room as me.

"Yes." He simply answers, not looking my way.

"I did too."

"Cool."

"Okay, well do you want to meet up after school and hang out? We could get the other two and do something together."

"No uh actually I have something after this. It's kind of important." He states, this time facing me for a split second and then walks off to find his assigned seat. I guess that's what it's like to be blown off.

***

When the tests are finally over, I make my way out of the school alone, clutching my books to my chest to try and stop myself from having a breakdown. Without Ashton I guess I am pretty much alone. I never knew that this was the way the guys really acted. I didn't know that they secretly hated me. If Ashton were here, he would make me feel better and make me feel okay. But lets face it, if Ashton were here, they would still be acting fake.

Calum passes me on his way out, but doesn't reply when I call his name. Same goes for Michael. I call for Luke and he turns around with an un amused look on his face. "What?" He questions dryly.

"Why wont you guys talk to me? What have I done?" I ask getting smaller and smaller by the minute.

Luke scoffs and is about to walk away, but I stop him again. "Please Luke, I just want to know why you didn't tell me that you guys have hated me all along. " By now the tear have weld up, but I don't let one fall.

"We don't hate you Jessica." He rolls his eyes.

"Then why wont you talk to me? Why do you keep blowing me off and not calling me by my nickname? I feel like an outsider."

"Your wrapped up in this own little world that's not real! You think we're blocking everyone out and not talking to people because we're depressed about what happened, but the truth is it's you! You haven't even realized that we've been trying to make you feel better, and we've been trying to help you but you won't take the help. You've been shutting everyone out and you haven't even realized it. Everyday you got to that damn hospital and talk to someone who's dying. Ashton is dying, Jessica, but you won't admit that to yourself. He's not going to respond to you because he's not going to be around for much longer. Do even remember what the doctor's said or were you too caught up in this safe world you've made up and you shut it out too? We've tried to help you, Jessica, but it's hard to surround yourself with people who just drag you down. The sooner you accept it, the better you'll be." And with that Luke walks away.

Suddenly, I process his words and it hit me like a brick. I do remember what the doctors said. I remember because when they told the family I was by Ashton's beside and I just kept whispering to him because I didn't want to hear it when secretly, I was listening while I was talking to him. They found nasty results in the check up test and cut his time. He's only got four weeks. As far as I'm concerned, he's already dead. He's been dead for almost a month now.

Notes

Sorry it took me so long for an update, so I hope this one was good :) Feel free to vote, subscribe, and vote if you wish! Love you all