I've Got This Friend

Ashton was in the hospital? He had no pulse? Was this all because of me? Was it because I turned him down? I knew that Ash dealt with depression problems, but I didn't actually think it could get like this.

The whole rise to the hospital was a blur. Mostly my tears is was fogged everything up, but my brain did so too. I've possibly lost my friend because I couldn't sort out my feelings for him, and I still don't know where they lie. I know that he wouldn't want me to love him out of guilt. He would never want that.

"Jess, come on we're there." Luke voice faintly rings through my ears.

I blankly nod, and let him help me get out of the car. It's like I'm here but at the same time I'm not. Everything is happening to fast, and I don't know how to react. "You okay?" Michael's mouth moves in front of me. I can barely hear his words, but I knew what he was saying. I nod.

In front of me stands Ashton's parents along with mine, and it take me a second to understand how they got here before we did. Ashton's mum rushes towards me, almost knocking me down with her crying hugs. I hear her saying a few things, like it's going to be okay, or 'My baby will be fine.' but I'm still too shocked to respond to anyone.

Calum takes my arm and gently guides me to the green ripped up chair in the waiting room. He sits with me, rubbing me hand in a friendly manner and soon enough I think I just give up and pass out.

***

The sound of beeps is what pulls me out of the trance. I squint my eyes at the bright white lights reflecting off of the bright white walls, and try to look around the room. At first I don't know where I am, but when I smell that familiar hospital smell that's always so distinctive, I know where and why I'm here.

Suddenly I jump up from my seat and leap over to where Ashton lays. The heart monitor lets me know that he's alive, but he's not waking up. "Ash." I whisper, taking his hand in mine. "Can you hear me?" Nothing but the faint noise of his breathing replies to me.

I sigh and get a good look around the room, noticing that nobody else was in here. Suddenly I feel dizzy, and need to get out of here. I burst through the door to his room, and almost run right into Travis. "What's wrong?" Anne Marie panics, standing at attention.

"Nothing. Sorry, I just needed some air." I nod to her.

"Join the club." She attempts a smile, which I knew I couldn't not return. "I reckon I better get back in there, you know just in case he wakes up."

We all stand around in silence for a while, nobody being able to fathom words. "What happened to him?" I find myself asking, although I'm not for sure that I wanted to hear the answer.

"He um he tried to OD." My mum tells me.

"Why?"

"He just didn't think that he wanted to be here anymore is all. He thought his life wasn't worth living anymore."

"So he's sleeping." I state rather than question.

"Something like that." Travis speaks up.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, slightly raising my voice.

"Honey, I know he means a lot to you, but don't get yourself too worked up okay? He'll be fine."

"What are you guys talking about?"

"He's in a damn coma!" Calum shouts. His breathing starts to quicken and he turns on his heels.

I give my parents a look, and go after him. I find him sitting on the curb outside with his hand in his lap. "Hey, let's not cry okay?"

"How can you not? Our best friend is dyeing in there."

"No he's not. You heard them, he'll be fine." I assure him.

"Yeah but you weren't there when the doctor was."

"Wh-what'd he say?" I ask, all the sudden feeling light heading once again.

"If Ashton doesn't wake up within two months, he's a lost cause."

The atmosphere falls silent. Both of us were dumbstruck. For Calum, it must've been admitting it to himself. For me it was the fact of just hearing the news. I still hadn't admitted that he OD. I still haven't admitted a lot of things to myself.

"We should go back in." I say, wiping the stray tears from my face.

"You go. I can't do this right now." He says, whimpering a little. I nod and respect his decision, walking back into the room.

"How is he?" Luke questions, Michael walking over to hear my response.

"Not good. I don't blame him. How are you guys holding up?"

"He'll make it. He's got a strong soul." Luke nods as if convincing himself too.

Michael looks off into the distance, staring at his beeping body. "What about you?"

"I'm keeping my hope, Jess. But I don't know how long it will be here."

***

Night falls and Anne Marie and the rest of them had no choice but to leave. I was going to go with them, but the all insisted I stayed. Here I was, sitting by Ashton's bed side, holding his hand and wishing for him to wake up before his deadline.

The others didn't know that I knew about this part of the news. They all thought I only knew about him being in a coma. I understood why they didn't want to tell me about it, so I wasn't mad. Actually, if I had the choice, I don't think I would want to know.

I sit there and think about all the good memories we've shared in the past. Memories with the whole squad, and memories with just me and him. One time he faked being sick in gym, so I wasn't to only one who had to sit out. He took the blame when my phone would go off in class, and sacrificed his phone instead of mine.

He wiped my tear when I cried over the death of my cat; even though he's allergic and hates cats. He made me laugh even when I was already laughing enough. And lets not forget how great it is to fall asleep next to him. He lets me have the blankets to keep me warm, and he always wanted me to stay pressed up against him. I didn't want to move either; sometimes I would place his hands around my body at night or I would bury my head in his chest in attempt to keep him warm.

I hate to say this but I think I know where my heart lies. But is it the best decision for us?

Notes

Hai you guys :) Thanks for reading. Thanks for the new subscriber and vote it means a lot. That's one of the reason why I get motivated to continue this story. Keep throwing me the love and feel free to vote/sub/comment.
UnknownRocker