"Harry, is everything okay? Did your interview turn out alright?" I asked of him, wanting to get to the bottom of his mood. He seemed to be the most upset I had ever seen him.
He nodded, "Yeah, it went fine." He ran his hand through his hair nervously.
"Baby, tell me what's going on." I pleaded.
"Louis. He said...um...Louis..." Harry struggled. Finally, he sighed and blurted at me, "Louis googled you, Noli. And he said he found something. I just..." Harry stated. My heart dropped into my stomach. Fear filled every corner of my mind.
"What did Louis say, honey?" I asked gently. I knew what Louis said. I knew it. I could tell by the look on Harry's face.
"Louis said that you're married." Harry choked out. My shoulders sagged. "Tell me he's wrong. Tell me he's a fibber." Harry begged.
I sighed and closed my eyes, "He's not, Harry." I opened my eyes to see the dumbfounded, terrified look on Harry's beautiful face.
"We'll then, you're like separated then right? You and your husband are only together on paper but not for long." He sounded so hopeful and I couldn't look him in the eyes. "Noli." His voice broke. "Enola." He was trying so hard to hold on.
"We're not. I'm still married." I answered honestly.
His voice was horse and broken as he shouted, "Oh my God!" Harry covered his face and tried to control his emotions. I knew he wanted to cry and be angry. He finally turned his eyes on mine again, "How long?" I stared at him confused. "Don't play stupid, Enola, you know what I am asking you." He snapped at me.
I inhaled deeply, "Five years."
"So, you were married when we met in Ireland?" Harry posed it as a question but it was a statement. I just nodded. I didn't know what to say. "What's his name?"
I gasped, "Harry, I don't.."
He cut me off, "What is his name, Enola?"
"Charles." I sighed heavily. Harry nodded and folded his arms over his chest. "Baby, I..." Harry held his hand up to stop me from speaking. I closed my mouth quickly.
"We're you ever going to tell me?" Harry asked meanly.
I shrugged, "I don't know." Harry looked pissed off. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, okay? I didn't mean to fall in love with you and I definitely didn't think you'd fall in love with me. I'm just as lost in this as you are." I snapped. He looked hurt. "I'll just leave." I added softly. Instead of speaking to me, he pressed his lips to mine passionately. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him close. I felt my heart clench as Harry whimpered into my lips. I deepened the kiss. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted him to feel how deeply I cared for him. I held the man in my arms firmly. I wasn't going to let him get away from me. Not that he was trying to get away anyway.
It was strange. Harry found out what I had been keeping from him every time he called. The one thing that I never told him and he wasn't throwing me out. He held me tighter, kissed me harder. I hated myself for what I was doing. Harry was an amazing man with so much to offer everyone. I felt like I was wasting his time. I felt as though I was being selfish and uncaring. I was horrible for letting him fall in love with me. But I couldn't help the fact that I was madly in love with him either. He was a truly remarkable man if he was willing to overlook the fact that I had been keeping something so important from him.
My heart raced as Harry began to unbutton my sweater. I held his face in my hands, gently clearing the tears from his cheeks. I backed out of the kiss to gaze at Harry. I wanted to see what he was feeling. He could say whatever he wanted but I could see it all in his big, emerald eyes. I pressed my forehead to his. More tears fell down his face causing him to lock his lips with mine again. He pushed my now unbuttoned sweater off my shoulders. I shivered a little when the cold air of the room hit my mostly exposed skin. Harry wrapped his arms around me, tugging me closer to keep me warm. I wound my arms around his neck and buried my hands in his hair. I could feel his attempt to smile, but how overwhelming the information he had gotten was, stopped him. Harry carefully and quickly removed my bra. I reached down and gripped the bottom of his shirt, removing it in one smooth motion. We both sighed as our skin touched. I loved how warm he was. Harry swiftly removed my skirt. I kicked off my shoes. Harry let me rid him of his pants.
What were we doing? We should be talking things out. We should be yelling at each other at the top of our lungs. What were we thinking? Making love wasn't going to solve the issue. I didn't need to make love to him. As I thought though, I did need to. He needed to know how much I cared for him. He needed the reassurance of our physical intimacy. Harry walked me back toward the bedroom. He was taking his time caressing every inch of me he could reach. He palmed my breasts and gripped my bum tightly. He smoothed his hands up my back and down my arms. The chills that covered my body were no longer from the temperature of the room but the intensity Harry touched me with. I trembled when I gazed up into his eyes again. The way that he was looking at me was indescribable.
Harry and I crash landed on the bed. His face was still full of the tears I was trying to kiss away. How could he want to be this way with me? He kissed up and down my neck recklessly as he pushed inside of me. My breath was taken away. I'd never felt this way with him before. He wasn't being gentle but he wasn't rough with me either.
"Tell me you love me." He commanded, his voice breaking with tears.
"I love you, Harry." I panted. I stared into his vibrant green eyes. He looked so sad and disappointed. He needed to be reassured of the words I had been saying every day since we were in Italy.
"Tell me it's only me that you want." He grunted, thrusting forcefully.
"I want you, baby. Only you." Tears formed in my eyes.
"Tell me it's me you think about when he's doing this to you." My tears flowed freely down my face. He was jealous. He had every right to be but I hated it. He had nothing to be jealous of. "Tell me I'm better. Tell me I'm better." Harry sobbed as he slammed his body into mine. I couldn't breathe but I managed to get out all the words he wanted to hear. Every single syllable was as real as the bed he was ravaging me on.
I contorted underneath Harry. I couldn't catch my breath and was shaking, but he refused to stop. HE kept making our bodies collide. Harry kept pleading with me. Begging me to tell him he was the only one I loved, that he was the only one who could make me feel the way I did. His voice showed how desperate and needy he felt. But his body was telling me something completely different. His body was proving that he was the one in control for the moment. His body was demanding that I give into him completely. That I surrender entirely. Abandon every ounce of control I was holding onto. I did as he plunged into me again. I buried my hands in his hair as a sob of guilt and pleasure wracked my being. Harry shuddered as he reached the place I was coming down from.
Harry collapsed onto my chest. I could feel his breath on my sweat coated skin. I wound my arms around his shoulders and kissed his forehead when he was consumed by his own tears. I stroked his hair lovingly, waiting for him to calm. He just lay on top of me, bawling into my breasts while I held him. He looked so lost and damaged.