whiplash

I turned in my sleep, rousing slightly because of small shuffling noises that I could hear in my room. I groggily wondered what the hell that sound was as I subconsciously ran my hand over the space next to me in my bed, the space where Niall should’ve been, but apparently wasn’t.

Again.

When I finally open my eyes and let them adjust to the ambient light in the room, I can see Niall is slowly getting dressed. My heart sinks. Of course he is. This is what he does. He leaves.

I lay there for a moment, watching him as he pulls his jeans over his hips, his broad back showing as he faces away from me and I wonder to myself exactly how I let this happen. When had I let myself fall for a man who so obviously did not want to be with me. Even after the night we had, he can’t wait to sneak out of my bed and hurry out of my place like a thief afraid of being caught. I lean up on my elbow, watching him search for his shirt. There’s an ache in my neck that I have been feeling more and more recently. I reach my hand up and rub at the sore spot that I may just be imagining and I sigh inwardly. Niall is becoming a literal pain in my neck and I don’t know how to feel about it.

I don’t know why I’m suddenly surprised. This is how it always happens so why would tonight be any different. Why would the fact that he came over, cuddled me on the couch, told me he’d been missing me these last two days and then took me to bed where he looked into my eyes as he buried himself inside me, why would that change anything?

I must have made some sort of noise just now because Niall turns around and looks right at me. I don’t have it in me to beg him to come back to bed. So when we lock eyes, I just nod in understanding and whisper softly, “I see now.”

I don’t roll over though I really want to put my back to him so I don’t have to see him leave. I instead lay back on my pillows and try to get comfortable again, closing my eyes and trying my hardest to fall back asleep. It’s not working though. My ears feel like they are stretching and straining, waiting to hear the front door close almost silently behind him. My eyes fly open when instead I hear the sound of clothing hitting the floor and I feel the rush of cold air hit my skin when the covers are pulled back from the bed. Niall is climbing back into my bed and I was not expecting that.

He slides over the sheets and molds his body into mine, pushing his arm under me and holding me against his chest. Burying his face in my neck, the warm air from his lungs sends chills over my body. Reaching down with his hand, he pulls my leg over his and drapes my thigh across his body, wedging his own between my legs. We fit together so perfectly and despite the fact that he was just dressing himself to leave me, I can’t help but wrap my arms around him and pull him closer to me. I feel his lips start to wander over the skin of my neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive spots that he knows so well and a soft moan escapes my lungs, rushing into the air, filling the room. He kisses me and leaves the taste of desire and lust on my lips. I lick it away like a man dying of thirst in the desert, only wanting more when the flavor is gone. He is the man I need and the one that I am not entirely sure I can have. My nails scrape down his back, making him bow and he groans against my skin, pushing his hips forward, pressing hard into me. My hips respond on their own and nudge against his, searching for him, wanting to feel him again. With a slight adjustment on his part, he finds me and sinks inside me with ease. I gasp at the feeling of him filling me, of being held so close by him. Everything feels so intimate here in the dark with only a soft bit of moonlight coming in through windows. He moves slowly and I savor the feeling of being made love to, something I’ve never had and something I didn’t know I wanted until right now. Our bodies move with each other, meeting and separating in a slow intensity that only increases the feelings of euphoria and bliss that are building in my belly. The sounds of our hearts beating, thudding like bass drums, fill the room.

The air around us grows thick as if our bodies are creating a fog, one that smells of sweat and sex and something just a tiny bit sweeter, a bit more innocent, something like love. Here in the dark, it’s easy to forget about everything, all the details of life that make it hard to live a simple existence. Here we aren’t on two different spectrums. Here we coexist, moving together in a perfect synchronicity that makes my heart flutter.

Here in the dark, we are perfect.

I hear quiet moans and whispered words begin to tumble from Niall’s lips. “So sweet…so beautiful. I didn’t know I could feel like this…” My heart clenches in my chest as he continues. “I don’t know why I ever want to leave your bed.”

I swallow hard, worried about what I’m about to say, but too lost in the feeling of us coupled together to care enough to censor myself. My voice is a mixture of a sigh and a moan, the words flowing off my tongue with an exhalation of hard breath. “Then don’t. Don’t leave it. Ever.”

Niall growls against my neck and pushes deeper inside me. His lips pressing into my skin, warm breathe rushing across my neck, He whispers into my ear. “So beautiful. Always so incredible feeling.” I clench around him involuntarily, making him groan and nip at my ear.

“Jesus, sunshine.” His words start to tumble together. They become long strands of whispered confessions, masked by his ragged accent and muffled by his mouth against my skin.

Our bodies cling to each other, damp skin sliding along damp skin, our highs, building simultaneously, until at last we both fall off the edge. I am left drowning in a sea of pleasure that is overwhelming me. Niall begins to move slower and slower until finally he stops completely, collapsing further into my body, his own heavy with satisfaction.

No words are said between us, just a comfortable silence filling the room and settling around us, painting us in contentment. Niall doesn’t move, just stays wrapped around me, still buried inside me, slowly growing softer.

I fall asleep completely comfortable and bathed in happiness.

When the sun shines into my bedroom the next morning, it’s like I’m being awoken on a cloud. I feel light, almost buoyant, like I could fly if I set my mind to. My heart skips in my chest when I feel Niall’s strong arm wrap solidly around me, pulling my back to his chest. He buries his nose in my hair and inhales deeply. His voice sounds rough and thick with sleep and it makes my chest clench tightly.

“Do you know why I call you sunshine? Well, one of the reasons…”

I grin to myself, thankful that Niall can’t see how blissful I am right now. I clear my throat with a tiny cough and try not to laugh as I answer. “I just assumed you couldn’t remember my name half the time.”

He chuckles from behind me and I grin wider. “Smart-ass.” He pulls me tighter to him and I feel his lips press into the bare skin of my shoulder. “Part of the reason is because I think that if you could bottle sunlight, I think it would probably smell just like you. Sometimes when I’m out places I’ll get a random whiff of something crisp and light and sweet and I’ll turn around looking for you but I only ever find a ray of sunshine.”

I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. He’s saying all these perfect things and I almost can’t believe it. I roll over in his arms to face him and he reaches up, pushing my hair from my face, a crooked grin on his mouth.

“Good morning, sunshine.” I can’t help it and I color under his gaze. “There’s that beautiful blush. Even prettier in the morning sunlight.” He leans forward and gently cups my face, kissing me softly but thoroughly enough to take my breath away. He pulls back, leaving me with a gentle peck on the lips and a soft smile. “How about some breakfast?”

I agree easily, my stomach growling loudly, giving away just how hungry I am and it makes him laugh. We climb out of bed and each get dressed, Niall in his jeans and t-shirt from yesterday and me in a pair of soft cotton shorts and a loose tank top. I pad barefoot out to my kitchen while Niall follows quietly behind me, his bare feet making hardly any noise on my hardwood floors. I feel his finger trail down my spine as I walk ahead of him and it sends shivers throughout my body. I gesture to a stool at the counter and he takes a seat.

“Now, you made me breakfast last time, so I suppose it’s my turn to be a culinary genius in the kitchen? Any requests?” I lean onto my elbows, cradling my chin in my palm, and flick an eyebrow up when his gaze goes immediately to the gaping neck of my shirt. I click my tongue in mock disapproval and clear my throat. “As much as you try, Irish, those are not edible.” He laughs, raising his eyes to meet mine. Just as I’m about to ask again what he would like to eat, I remember the delicious bag of chocolate croissants left over from yesterday. He starts to say something, but I raise my hand, effectively silencing him. “Nope. Never mind. I’ve got it.”

I set about making a pot of coffee and warming the croissants in the oven and before long I’m setting two plates and mugs down on the counter.

Niall grins and picks up the pastry, ripping a giant bite from it. With his mouth partially full, his words sound muffled. “I love these…”

I laugh lightly, my smile showing all the happiness I feel right now. I take a sip of my coffee and chuckle as I watch him completely finish off what little he had left of the small pastry. He chews contentedly then takes a drink from his coffee cup. Smiling when he looks up to still see me watching him. Before he can ask me what I am thinking about I stand up and grab him another.

He thanks me when I set the warm pastry in front of him, commenting that he thinks he’s a little spoiled by me and it makes me flush pink and smile softly. He notices and reaches a hand up to my face, his thumb running along my cheekbone.

“I love making you blush.” His words make my color deepen and he grins. “You always look so beautiful when you do.” He looks at me for a moment longer and I wonder what he’s thinking. I can’t read the look on his face or maybe I can but I don’t want to get my hopes up too high.

Even though I know how I feel, I can’t risk thinking that he feels the same way. A few seconds later he drops his hand and we go back to our coffee, the moment passes without either of us acknowledging it.

We sit there for a while, just enjoying each other’s company and chatting about the upcoming events for the day. Niall finishes his coffee first, but sits with me while I finish mine. When I’m
done, he stands up and grabs both our plates and mugs, heading straight for the sink. I think he’s just going to drop them off, but he doesn’t, instead he fills the sink with hot water and sets about washing up. I watch him as he hums along to a song in his head. He looks so comfortable in this space, my space, that I can feel the amazement showing on my face. He turns back, catching my eye and I my face must’ve intrigued him because he asks, “Whatcha lookin’ at, darlin’?”

His question makes me automatically grin as I turn on my stool and lean my elbows back on the counter top. “Oh, nothing really, just watching my cute little pop star wash the dishes. You’re kinda good at it too. I may just decide to always keep you in my kitchen.”

He gives me a cute little half grin and his secret dimple makes an appearance as he cocks his head to the side, “Your pop star?”

I’m sure the color drains from my face completely. I did not mean to say that out loud, not the my part at least. I fumble over my own words, “Um, I didn’t mean… I was just… I meant…” I sigh, resigned to the fact that I’ve said something idiotic. “That’s not what I meant to say.”

He turns the water off, setting the final dish in the drying rack and walks over to me. “Don’t take it back.” He tucks his fingers under my chin, making me meet his eyes. “I’m okay with being your pop star.”

I am more than slightly taken aback by this pronouncement. He’s okay with being mine? What does that mean? Oh my fucking god. What does that even mean? Of course he can’t just spell it out for me. Of course he has to tell me this in some cryptic way that could mean anything, everything, or nothing. Does this mean he’s mine? Can I actually let my heart go and call him mine. I don’t whether to laugh or cry, I feel so happy. My face breaks into a giant smile and his mirrors it immediately.

He reaches down and takes my hand, pulling me from my seat. “Come on, smiley. I’ve only got an hour or two before I’ve got a meeting I need to get to and I’d like to try out your shower before I go.” He laces his fingers with mine and starts walking out of the kitchen, me following in his wake. “I’m thinking afterwards I’d like to veg out on the couch being lazy for a bit with a cute girl who never fails to make me laugh.” He looks back at me and gives me a look I know too well. “Want to join me for that shower, sunshine? I promise I’ll be good.” He waggles his eyebrows at me. “And you can take that however you want.”

I giggle and drop his hand, racing past him. I look back at his stunned expression and pull my tank top over my head, throwing it at him so that it lands directly on his face. It drops to the floor and his shocked face turns wicked. I drop my shorts, biting my lip and raising my brows enticingly. “You coming? Or do I get to have all the hot water?”

He takes a giant step towards me and I jump, squealing as I turn to run to the bathroom. From behind me I hear, “Yeah, you better run. But your ass is mine no matter what. And what a pretty little ass it is.”

Shower sex is either awkward or amazing if I’m basing it on my past experience. Shower sex with Niall on the other hand, it’s the best thing in the world. His body standing under the hot water, streams of it running over his chest, matting his hair to his forehead and his chest. He is impossible not to touch and my hands do nothing but that for the first few minutes, stroking and fondling him, leaning forward and dragging my tongue along his jaw, making him groan. He only lets me get away with it for a moment before he wraps his hands around my waist and turns me on the spot, pushing my back against the wall and kissing me full and hard. His hand slips down amidst our bodies and presses between my legs, his fingers slipping into me easily. I moan into his kiss and he swallows the sounds of my pleasure. But his fingers aren’t enough. I want to feel all of him. I want him spreading my folds, pushing inside me, and taking everything I have to give him. As if he’s a mind reader, he grabs my hips and squeezes them. The one thing I can say about this apartment is that it has the perfect shower for sex. I pull myself up on the lip of the wall and wrap my legs around his slim waist. He smiles into our kiss, chuckling a little at my eagerness. With a little bit of adjustment on his part, he slides in easily. He grunts when I squeeze myself around him, but it gets the exact response I’m looking for because he pulls out and quickly pounds back into me. I cry out and my head drops back against the wall as his mouth starts to explore my neck. The small bathroom fills with the sounds of our bodies coming together and our quiet moans. Suddenly he changes angles with a twist of his hips and I cry out.

His voice is strained, but smug in my ear. “Ah, there is it. That’s it, sunshine.”

He pushes in deep and my nails dig into his shoulder. “Jesus Christ, yes, oh god, yes!”

“Ya want me to make ya come?”

My voice turns pleading. “Oh please…please.”

He drags himself out slowly and its like I can feel him in every inch of my body. He slams back in and I clench around him, sitting just on the edge of my high like I’m waiting for the words I need to hear. He keeps going and I can feel him starting to get a little sloppy, but I’m still hanging on the edge, waiting. “Come on now. Be my good girl. Come for me.”

That’s all I needed and my orgasm floods through me. Niall groans as my body spasms around him, milking his own from him. He begins to slow his thrusts until finally stopping and lowering me to the floor. I stumble a moment on shaky legs and he laughs, making me playfully smack him in the chest. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me to his chest, his face wearing a chivalrous proud look. “I won’t let you fall, sunshine. Not when you’re such a good girl for me.”

I grin, shaking my head, but I let him hold me there under the hot water until it starts to grow cool. We both climb out then, drying each other off and getting dressed in a comfortable silence. We head to the couch and make ourselves cozy. I lay back against Niall and he wraps his arms around me, holding me close and softly stroking his fingers up and down my arms. That’s how we spend the rest of our morning. It’s so easy to just be with him. I want it to stay like this. I want it all to be this easy. I think it could be if he’d let it. The movie he picked plays on the screen of my television, but I find myself closing my eyes instead and relaxing into his chest. I love this feeling, the way his arms hold me. He makes me feel so secure and I want this feeling to last forever.

I must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing I know Niall is gently shaking me and whispering in my ear. “Harps? Harper? Wake up, baby…” I open my eyes and push myself off of his chest, looking back to him to see a soft smile on his face. He reaches up, pushing a rogue strand of hair from my face. “I didn’t want to wake you, but I have to get going.” I frown like a little girl and he strokes his thumb over my protruding bottom lip. “No pouting, sunshine. How about this?” He stands up, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet, resting his hands on my hips, his lower body leaning into mine. “How about I go do my work stuff and you go do your errands and then tonight I’ll come over and we can pick right back up where we left off? How does that sound?”
I rest my chest against his and look up into his eyes as I wrap my arms around him fully. “Will you make me breakfast in the morning?”

He grins, shaking his head. “You drive a hard bargain, sunshine.” He kisses my lips softly. “But you’ve got a deal.”

I smile into his next kiss, relishing this new sense of relationship we have. He releases me, but threads his fingers with mine as he makes his towards the door, pulling me along with him. “I’ll call you when I’m done.” I nod, still smiling giddily. “Go get ready.” He ruffles my still damp hair with his hand. “You look like all you’ve done today is sleep and have sex.” He grins cockily and I roll my eyes, pushing his chest lightly as I turn around to head to my bedroom.

“Have fun with your work stuff.” I say as I feel Niall’s hand slap my ass as I walk away and I squeal.

All I hear as he walks out the door is a faint, “Oh, I will.”

After throwing my hair up in a messy bun and donning some casual clothes for running simple errands, I take a moment to clean up the apartment in anticipation of Niall coming over again later tonight. I float around the room on a cloud of delight. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this happy and I know it’s because I’m a girl in love and everything seems to be going the right way. Finally. I stop for a moment while in the middle of making the bed and hug a pillow to my chest, sighing.

Fucking hell, I’m in love.

I didn’t want to be but dammit if I didn’t fall anyway. I get a small whiff of Niall’s cologne and my stomach does a somersault. I let out a deep breath and a smile lights up my face. I feel wonderful and it has me wanting to look as good as I feel so I decide to change my clothes. I think I’ll even call Lily and see if she can meet me for lunch. There’s this new gastropub that we’ve both been itching to try and today is the perfect day for it.

I go over to my closet, pulling off my plain jeans and t-shirt I had picked out for the day and I, instead, pull on one of my favorite dresses, a short little skater dress in a burnt orange color. I grab my white keds and slip them on my feet, then top the whole thing off with my cropped denim jacket. I look in the mirror and twirl, grinning at my reflection. Perfect. Just perfect. While I put on some makeup, I give Lily a call.

She can obviously hear the change in my demeanor in my voice because she immediately points it out. “You seem happy.”

I put a last finishing touch on my mascara with a flourish of my wrist. “I am happy. Really happy actually. You want to meet for lunch today? Around two?”

Her voice rises in excitement. “Oh! The place we’ve been wanting to try?”

I smile, still relishing this feeling. “That’s what I was thinking!”

“Perfect! I’ll see you then!”

I hang up the phone and look into the mirror, amazed by my jubilant expression. This day just couldn’t get any better.

A few hours pass by and it is quickly approaching time to meet Lily, so I head in the direction of the pub where we’re meeting. I adjust the few bags I have in my hands and check my phone. Niall hasn’t texted but he does have work things today, so I’m not really worried. I’m lucky that I was right around the corner and didn’t have far to walk, but I get to the pub ahead of Lily. Instead of waiting outside for her I decide to go ahead and grab a table. The place is nice on the inside, a perfect little mix of modern chic and old world comfort. The sweet looking young hostess greets me and I tell her I need a table for two. She smiles politely and scurries off to go and clean a high top that is sitting near a window in the back. I look around the room, passing over several different sets of couples until my eyes finally land on a pair of men standing at the bar. The familiar form of one of them causes a lump to form in my throat and my heart starts beating loudly in my chest.

It’s Niall. Here. In this pub.

It feels so strange to run into him like this, mainly because in all the months I’ve known him I’ve never once bumped into him in public. I can’t decide if I should go and say hi or not, but he doesn’t look particularly busy so I decide to buck up courage and walk over there. I move my two bags to one hand and take my phone in the other as I step closer to him. I’m not sure exactly what to say, seeing as this is untouched territory. So I clear my throat quietly to get his attention. His eyes flick up from his pint glass and register with immediate surprise and something else I can’t put my finger on, something almost like panic. His friend turns to face me and Niall looks awkwardly between us as if he doesn’t know what to do next, but then he smiles what seems to me to be a slightly nervous grin and says, “Hey there!”

My brow furrows in confusion, but I shake the feeling of unease away and return his greeting, “Hi, Niall, having a nice lunch? I’m surprised I ran into you here.”

Niall’s eyes dart from my easy going smile to his friend’s look of growing interest. “Yeah, it’s a nice place.” He glances down to the phone still resting in my hand and gestures to it. “Um, did you want to get a picture?”

I stare at him, puzzled by his question. A picture? Why would I want a picture? I watch his face become a mixture dread and worry and its starting to occur to me that he might not be that excited to see me. A sinking feeling starts to build in my chest and his next question finally drives his intentions home for me.

“Or maybe you want me to sign something?”

He’s treating me like I’m a fan. That’s exactly what he is doing. Why would he do that? Why would he act like he doesn’t know me? I am so stunned I actually laugh. “Really? Seriously? Wow.” Niall’s fake smile drops and his friend looks at me curiously. I wave my hand, dismissing his question as if it’s absurd. “Oh no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I wouldn’t want to disturb you.” I can feel the bile starting to rise in my throat. Niall’s reads nothing but relief and while I’m struggling not to turn puce with fury. I bite out my next words. “I just wanted to say hello.”

“It’s no problem, really…” He explains as he reaches for my phone, trying to salvage the situation.

I jerk my hand away from him. “No. Really. Don’t trouble yourself. Have a nice lunch.”

Without another word, I turn and walk straight out of the building and onto the street. My chest is heaving with the oncoming flood of anger that is welling up inside me. I send Lily a quick text, canceling lunch, amazed that I can even get the words out and spelled correctly my hands are shaking so badly. Then, fuming, I walk home.

The moment I step inside I throw my bags on the floor and slam the door. I am so incredibly outraged I don’t really know what to do so I walk into my bedroom and let out a frustrated scream the moment my eyes come to rest on the bed.

How could I have been so stupid? I should’ve known it would never work between us. Why couldn’t I just take a goddamn hint. My jaw tightens as I look around the room.

I want to hit something.

Or break something.

Something!

Anything!

I’m still looking around my room, desperately searching for something to take my irritation out on and that’s when I hear it. The front door slams and Niall’s voice calls out to me.

“Harper?”

Like an idiot I forgot to lock the damn door and now here he is to try and talk his way out of this. I straighten my spine and prepare myself for what’s about to come because I’ve got news for him, I’m not having any of it. Then I hear him again.

“Sunshine?”

I walk out of my bedroom with my jaw clench and my fists matching. “Don’t fucking call me sunshine.”

I want to hit him right in is goddamn face, but I hold myself back. Instead, I ask him one simple question with so much hurt and disdain in my voice that he flinches. “What the fuck do you want?”

He reaches out to me, wanting to soothe me with his touch because the asshole still thinks he can but I move away from him and he drops his hand. “Harper… Please… Let me explain.”

My face scrunches up in anger as I half laugh and half cry. “Explain what exactly? Why you’re such a fucking asshole? I’m not sure there’s enough bullshit in that brain of yours to cover that topic, Niall.”

“Har…” He starts to try again, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand.

“No. I don’t want to hear it. I get it now. It’s okay because I finally fucking get it.” I start to pace around the room in front of him as I talk exaggeratedly with my hands. “You’re Mr. Niall Horan. You’re in One Direction. Every girl wants to suck your dick.” I stop in my tracks in front of him and glare, throwing my hands up in frustration. “Well la-di-fucking-da. I could give a rat’s ass who the fuck you are anymore.”

And in a moment completely unlike the poised Niall Horan, who always has something to say, he’s just standing there in shocked silence, his mouth hanging open slightly like a fish. For once in his life, he’s speechless.

“You know what’s the worst fucking part of this? Do you? It’s that I fucking let you do this to me! I let you treat me like this. I let you make me feel like a goddamn hole for you to just bury your dick in whenever you wanted. Because that’s all I ever was to you, wasn’t I? I spent all this time listening to my friends tell me that I deserved better than this and knowing full well that I would’ve never let them be with a man that treated them the way you did me, using me like a plaything when you were bored. Everything always about you. I let you use me like this for…” I pause to think for a moment. “…six months.”

I let out a sour laugh, the taste of bile strong in my mouth.

“SIX FUCKING MONTHS! Six months of you doing whatever you wanted and me just accepting it as if it was all I was ever going to get.” I nod angrily. “But thank you! I totally get it now. You’re Niall. Everyone fucking thinks the sun shines out of your goddamn ass. Hell, even I did. Why would you need to worry about some random’s feelings?” I shrug, like it’s no big deal. “So what do you today? Of all the days too! I see you out in public for the first time and what do you do? You treat me like I’m nothing more than a fucking fan.” I mock him to his face. “Do you want a picture? You’ve got to be kidding me? You treated me like you had no clue who I was. Standing right in front of you and yet I was still a stranger. Even though not eight hours ago you were in my bed.” I poke a finger to his chest. “In between my legs.” I poke him again. “The taste of my pussy on your lips.”

I shake my head and stand silent for a moment until I let out a bitter laugh. “You know what? Fuck this shit.”

I start to turn around and Niall finally finds his voice. “Harper. I thought it would be funny. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

I turn back to him, shaking my head again. “Funny. Yeah. I’m sure. I’m sure it wasn’t because you didn’t want to explain to your friend who I was. I’m sure that wasn’t it at all.”

He starts to continue, “It wasn’t. I swe…”

But I cut him off yet again.

“No! Fuck you! You lost the privilege to talk the moment you forgot who I was because you were so worried about what someone else might say. You know what, Niall? You can just think of this as your easy way out.” I hold up my fingers and start to tick off an imaginary list. “Forget my name. Lose my number. Don’t think of calling me. Don’t bring your ass over here in the middle of the night. I don’t want to see your fucking face again.” I start to walk towards the door, causing him to step backwards until finally his heels hit it and he stops short. I practically shove him out of the way and wrench the door open. “You don’t have to slum it with the average girl anymore.” I point my hand to the hallway. “Go fuck a goddamn supermodel and get the fuck out of my house.”

He looks at me as if he wants to argue his point more and I pray that he doesn’t because there’s no way I could stop myself from crying if he does. I do not have the strength for that. Thankfully, he just lets out a deep sigh and gives me one last sad look before he walks out the door.

I slam the door the moment he crosses its threshold and drop to my knees right there. That’s when the pain comes, punctuated by sobs wracking my body. I can’t reason this out right now. The pain is too fresh. I can’t think straight. Everything is too fresh, too painful, too real. So I just curl into a tight little ball right there on the floor and let the tears fall.

Through the sheer pain and soul crushing numbness two questions drift to the front of my brain.
Why did it have to end like this? And why did I have to fall in love?

Notes