LOVE PLANT

“Only ten minutes to go, then you can go home.” The nurse said to me.
I smiled politely back to her. It has been three years in total of me having treatment, and still no kidney has been a match for me. I’m still waiting, and waiting and waiting. A lot has happened over these past few months. Once I finished school after only four months of being out I go so bored at the hospital while having treatment (usually I would be doing my school homework) so I decided to enrol on a online course of Business Management skills, (which I have just finished) and I also taught myself how to play the guitar, and have been attempting to write my own songs, I’m not quite there yet but I have just rough ideas scribbled on paper. All my friends are at university and I am happy for them, and occasionally they will come sit with me at the hospital when they can.

Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry

I wake up everyday with a smile and go about the day like nothings wrong. I find myself crying all the time, being angry sad, depressed. I just want this part of my life to be over go and be a normal eighteen year old girl and not have an illness overtake my life. I feel so alone, I mean I have my family I just want some body to talk too, someone to cry into, someone to hold me, and nurture me. I want to feel like I belong, and worthy of being loved. I don’t want to feel numb, I want to laugh again like I used too. But ‘he’ has taken that away from me. I guess I will never be good enough.
It’s been two months since I found out about him ( I cant even say his name without bursting into tears) and Taylor friken Swift. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I cried and cried, thank god Niall was there, I literally cried myself to sleep with him by my side. I felt guilty though I drowned one of his favourite t. shirts with my tears. As for the other boys Liam, Louis and Zayn I still keep in touch with them when I can or they can. There actually coming to visit me in two days time.

Notes