sleepwalker || z.m.
eight
a/n: throwing it back and listening to Ask the Lonely by Journey while writing this... good song, good song.
*~Zayn~*
"Why am I not surprised?" I muttered to myself, seeing Nina's infamous snow-white hair tied into a bun on top of her head. She had this look about her that was different than the worried, frazzled aura she was giving off in the past nights. She looked almost... at peace.
She didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. We just stood there, until she finally walked herself inside. I didn't stop her, still not sure what would happen if I woke her up mid-sleep. She waltzed over to my bathroom and turned on the light as she stared at the light switch for quite some time. I did read in one of the articles when I was researching that sleepwalkers tend to do some pretty out of the ordinary shit.
"Why?" she whispered, still looking at the light.
"Why what?" I asked as I watched her from the hallway.
She didn't answer, but instead moved herself to the bathtub and got inside, leaning her head against the cold white tiles. Her whole body didn't fit in the bathtub; she was too tall. So, she had to bend her knees into her chest to accommodate the size of the tub.
I followed her into the bathroom and cautiously sat down on the toilet seat.
"I like him a lot," she suddenly said, smiling to herself.
"Harry?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
She shook her head.
"Then who?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. Nina just turned her head away from me, wrapping her arms around her knees.
"I don't want Harry to know," she frowned.
What wouldn't she want Harry to know?
"What is it?" I persisted.
She shook her head again.
"Harry... Harry said we could get a kitten when he comes back," she told me, completely changing the subject.
"Okay..."
"I would name it... Leopardo Dicatrio..." she smiled.
I had to stifle a laugh, not wanting to scare her awake. It was a pretty good name.
Nina then pushed herself up from the tub, holding onto either side, and climbed out. I moved my legs so she could walk, hoping maybe she would go back to her apartment. I honestly didn't have the energy to deal with the sleepwalker right now.
My wishes, however, were not granted, as Nina turned off the light and walked through the dark into my room. I clenched my fists at my side, trying to suppress my sudden wave of anger. Why was I so angry that she was in my room? I shouldn't be. I shook the emotion from my head, too tired to do anything to calm myself down properly.
When I finally walked in after Nina, I saw her sprawled horizontally across the top of the duvet of my bed, right arm bent under her back. Her eyes were closed, a sign that she was probably asleep for real now.
I sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my tired eyes and burying my face in my hands. I hadn't had more than three hours of sleep in the past five nights. But I guess that's just the way it goes, right?
The small nightlight plugged into the wall illuminated the room, scattering light throughout the darkness. I watched as Nina shifted her awkward position upwards towards the pillow, laying her head against it. Her frost-colored hair spread across the pillowcase, blending in with the plain white fabric.
"Could you... Lay next to me?" she asked, turning her head away from me.
"Um... I don't think so," I told her. I was too afraid I would wake her.
"Please?" she asked again.
I just sighed in response. If I stopped answering her, maybe she'd stop talking.
"Calm my dreams," she begged. "The darkness is chasing me. Don't let it get me, don't let it get me," she said, obviously quite unnervingly.
"I..."
"Save me," she said again, lip quivering. "Please."
I rubbed my temples slightly and ran my hands through my hair before moving closer to the center of the bed, feeling the dip in the mattress. I pushed my back against the wooden headboard and crossed my feet. After Nina stayed silent for a few minutes, I closed my eyes out of pure exhaustion.
"Thank you," she whispered quietly before placing her hand on my cheek from her laying position.
"Sure," I inaudibly whispered, before turning my head away from her.
"I love Harry. I hate it when I make him cry," she said, turning her back to me as she adjusted her position once again. "When I hurt him. I hate it. I don't mean to, my heart just wants to do what it wants," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't control it if my heart likes other people. I don't want to like other people..." She shuffled again.
"Aren't you engaged to Harry?" I asked.
She nodded.
"Yes, and I wish I could love him so much more than I do."
Woah. Okay.
"How much do you love him? I mean, you must love him enough to get married to him," I reasoned.
"I love him a lot. But my whole heart doesn't. There's... still someone else that gives me butterflies," she said, kicking the sheets off her legs.
"Who?"
She didn't answer. She turned herself over so that she was laying on her stomach, and she folded her arms beneath her.
"I... I don't deserve Harry," she paused, "He's so nice and caring, full of happiness and joy and forgiveness. Forgiveness that I don't deserve."
"Well then what do you deserve? Do you deserve the other man you love?" Man, this no-sleep thing really brings out the insightful part of me.
"I don't even deserve him. I don't deserve anyone. I'm not a good person," she said, moving herself to face me.
"Why is that?" I asked.
"I love two people."
"Is it such a crime?"
"If I promise myself to someone, I want to be 100% committed. And I don't feel 100% committed to Harry... And I'm sorry about it," she said.
I feel bad for her. Conflicting feelings must be the worst.
"Who do you love?" she asked quietly.
"I don't love anyone. I'm not capable of loving anyone. Bad things happen when you get emotionally connected to others," I told her, getting out of the bed and pushing myself up. I walked towards my bedroom door, creaking it open.
"You're right. Bad things happen when you get emotionally connected to others. I love Harry, but I won't ever completely love him. I love Liam too, but I couldn't ever let Harry know that."
*~Zayn~*
"Why am I not surprised?" I muttered to myself, seeing Nina's infamous snow-white hair tied into a bun on top of her head. She had this look about her that was different than the worried, frazzled aura she was giving off in the past nights. She looked almost... at peace.
She didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. We just stood there, until she finally walked herself inside. I didn't stop her, still not sure what would happen if I woke her up mid-sleep. She waltzed over to my bathroom and turned on the light as she stared at the light switch for quite some time. I did read in one of the articles when I was researching that sleepwalkers tend to do some pretty out of the ordinary shit.
"Why?" she whispered, still looking at the light.
"Why what?" I asked as I watched her from the hallway.
She didn't answer, but instead moved herself to the bathtub and got inside, leaning her head against the cold white tiles. Her whole body didn't fit in the bathtub; she was too tall. So, she had to bend her knees into her chest to accommodate the size of the tub.
I followed her into the bathroom and cautiously sat down on the toilet seat.
"I like him a lot," she suddenly said, smiling to herself.
"Harry?" I asked, already knowing the answer.
She shook her head.
"Then who?" I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. Nina just turned her head away from me, wrapping her arms around her knees.
"I don't want Harry to know," she frowned.
What wouldn't she want Harry to know?
"What is it?" I persisted.
She shook her head again.
"Harry... Harry said we could get a kitten when he comes back," she told me, completely changing the subject.
"Okay..."
"I would name it... Leopardo Dicatrio..." she smiled.
I had to stifle a laugh, not wanting to scare her awake. It was a pretty good name.
Nina then pushed herself up from the tub, holding onto either side, and climbed out. I moved my legs so she could walk, hoping maybe she would go back to her apartment. I honestly didn't have the energy to deal with the sleepwalker right now.
My wishes, however, were not granted, as Nina turned off the light and walked through the dark into my room. I clenched my fists at my side, trying to suppress my sudden wave of anger. Why was I so angry that she was in my room? I shouldn't be. I shook the emotion from my head, too tired to do anything to calm myself down properly.
When I finally walked in after Nina, I saw her sprawled horizontally across the top of the duvet of my bed, right arm bent under her back. Her eyes were closed, a sign that she was probably asleep for real now.
I sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my tired eyes and burying my face in my hands. I hadn't had more than three hours of sleep in the past five nights. But I guess that's just the way it goes, right?
The small nightlight plugged into the wall illuminated the room, scattering light throughout the darkness. I watched as Nina shifted her awkward position upwards towards the pillow, laying her head against it. Her frost-colored hair spread across the pillowcase, blending in with the plain white fabric.
"Could you... Lay next to me?" she asked, turning her head away from me.
"Um... I don't think so," I told her. I was too afraid I would wake her.
"Please?" she asked again.
I just sighed in response. If I stopped answering her, maybe she'd stop talking.
"Calm my dreams," she begged. "The darkness is chasing me. Don't let it get me, don't let it get me," she said, obviously quite unnervingly.
"I..."
"Save me," she said again, lip quivering. "Please."
I rubbed my temples slightly and ran my hands through my hair before moving closer to the center of the bed, feeling the dip in the mattress. I pushed my back against the wooden headboard and crossed my feet. After Nina stayed silent for a few minutes, I closed my eyes out of pure exhaustion.
"Thank you," she whispered quietly before placing her hand on my cheek from her laying position.
"Sure," I inaudibly whispered, before turning my head away from her.
"I love Harry. I hate it when I make him cry," she said, turning her back to me as she adjusted her position once again. "When I hurt him. I hate it. I don't mean to, my heart just wants to do what it wants," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't control it if my heart likes other people. I don't want to like other people..." She shuffled again.
"Aren't you engaged to Harry?" I asked.
She nodded.
"Yes, and I wish I could love him so much more than I do."
Woah. Okay.
"How much do you love him? I mean, you must love him enough to get married to him," I reasoned.
"I love him a lot. But my whole heart doesn't. There's... still someone else that gives me butterflies," she said, kicking the sheets off her legs.
"Who?"
She didn't answer. She turned herself over so that she was laying on her stomach, and she folded her arms beneath her.
"I... I don't deserve Harry," she paused, "He's so nice and caring, full of happiness and joy and forgiveness. Forgiveness that I don't deserve."
"Well then what do you deserve? Do you deserve the other man you love?" Man, this no-sleep thing really brings out the insightful part of me.
"I don't even deserve him. I don't deserve anyone. I'm not a good person," she said, moving herself to face me.
"Why is that?" I asked.
"I love two people."
"Is it such a crime?"
"If I promise myself to someone, I want to be 100% committed. And I don't feel 100% committed to Harry... And I'm sorry about it," she said.
I feel bad for her. Conflicting feelings must be the worst.
"Who do you love?" she asked quietly.
"I don't love anyone. I'm not capable of loving anyone. Bad things happen when you get emotionally connected to others," I told her, getting out of the bed and pushing myself up. I walked towards my bedroom door, creaking it open.
"You're right. Bad things happen when you get emotionally connected to others. I love Harry, but I won't ever completely love him. I love Liam too, but I couldn't ever let Harry know that."
Liam?! Well that's a turn of events.. :)
7/11/15