sleepwalker || z.m.

*~Zayn~*

I think the silence is what keeps me awake. The silence that invades the darkness and floods your ears. The silence that rings in your ears for hours, taunting you. The silence with no escape. It could also be the blinding darkness that keeps me awake. I guess my time to sleep goes to my wandering mind.

I've suffered from insomnia since I was thirteen, when my best friend, Louis, died in a car accident. Words will never be able to explain the hurt and anger and depression such a young boy can feel. That's why I started creating art.

My mum hated my art. She always said it was too dark, it needed some color. What's the point of having color when I live in a black-and-white world?

Anyways, I started using art as an outlet for my feelings. When I couldn't covey anything but darkness, mum decided to take me to a psychiatrist. It was hell. It was always the same questions over and over.

"Zayn, how are you feeling today?"

"Do you still think about Louis?"

"What do your paintings represent?"

I feel like absolute trash.

Of course I still think about Louis. There's not a day that goes by that I don't still think about Louis.

They represent my pain. That's what they represent.

Of course I never told her that. I just sat there silently, peeling away at my cuticles, wondering what life would be like if Louis was still here.

What would life be like if Louis was still here?

It would be better. It would be so much better.

We'd probably have our own tattoo shop, and we'd go to parties, and he'd tell me about his girlfriend, Ava, and how they've been together since we were eight, even though I already knew that. When someone said something ignorant, I'd mutter something witty under my breath, and Louis would laugh and smile his charismatic smile.

Because that was who Louis was. He was a guy who would hear through the noise to hear me whisper something, and he was a guy who's smile could probably light the entire world on fire.

That's what life would be like if Louis was still here.

*~*~*~*~*

Knock. Knock. Knock.

My eyes shot open instantly, and I sat up from my bed quickly.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

What the-?

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I groaned and pushed the duvet off of my body, pulling on a pair of sweats and a black tee-shirt. Moving through the darkness, I found my way to my bedroom door, and then the apartment door. When I opened it, surprise washed over me.

A girl with jet black hair and blue almond shaped eyes stood before me, eyes glossy and unmoving. Nina, I think, is her name. I see her every now and then entering and leaving the apartment across from mine. I think she lives there with her fiancé, Harry. Although, I rarely see him around.

"What could you possibly need at this ungodly hour?" I asked, slightly rude. It wasn't because I didn't like her, but because that was the first time I've slept in days. It didn't feel good, but it was still sleep.

"I... Need... You... To... Hold... Me..." she said, incredibly slowly.

"Are you sleepwalking?" I asked incredulously.

"Can you... Hold me? Make me feel... Safe? And tell me that... Everything will be okay?" she said again, unresponsive to my hand waving in front of her eyes.

"Okay, so you are sleepwalking," I confirmed to myself.

"Please?" she practically begged.

What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to do?

"Um... I guess?" I opened the door wider and she walked sluggishly inside.

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