I don't know what was happening to me. All off a sudden I had major anxiety and over analysising every little situation and I mean Every little. When we went on stage I couldn't look at the amount off people. It would off just made me collapse. Me and Niall were slow dancing but all I could think about was just getting off of that stage.
"I I can't do this anymore I need to get off of here as soon as possible." I kept on saying to Niall. He understood and as soon as we stopped I went. Tears started to leak out off my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I knew something wasn't right as soon as I saw Niall and the others running towards me.
I couldn't stop my breathing from slowing down. I'm soo glad Liam knew what was happeneing.
I was having a panic attack.
I some how managed to calm my breathing down. The boys helped me into the car and Niall got in. The others got in the car with Paul. Liam and Danielle came with me and Niall. Niall thought it was best if Liam came as he knew what was happening and knew how to sort me out if it happened again.
I can't really remember anything from that drive back. I must off drifted in and out off sleep.
We reached the apartment. As soon as we got in. I went to my room and put my onsie on. I went back out to the front room and then sat next to Niall and got myself comfortable. "why is it all happening to me." I thought I said it in my mind.
"I don't know princess. It just happens. We will over come it though. Don't worry about it."he said reasuring me.
I must off drifted to sleep cause I woke up in the middle off the Night in bed with niall's arms around me. I thought that maybe I could go back to collage tomoz but I honestly do not know.
I soon drifted into sleep again. I woke up in the morning to the smell off toast. I opened my eyes and saw Niall sat on the end off the bed. "morning my sleeping princess. Made you some breakfast. How you feeling." "I'm okay. I think its a good day. Thank you for my breaky. I was gonna try and go to collage."
He didn't look that happy. "I could always go in for a couple off hours. I need to slowly get back into my normal life If I want to over come this." he actually understood.
"okay but I'm driving you there." I laughed. He really does treat me like a princess. "what time is it ni ni"
"its nine" "ohh okay can you pass me my ipad please." "yeah sure hunny." I had to email Jim and let him know what has happened.
Niall came and sat next to me on the bed.
"babe I don't know how to start it or put that I basically had a panic attack."
"its alright I will sort it. Just get dressed." he said and kissed my lips lightly and took my ipad off of me and walked out to the front room. I went to the wardrobe. Opened the doors. I put on a pair off leggings, a vest top and then one off nialls hoodies. I then placed my converses on. I couldn't be bothered to do my hair so I just placed it into a messy bun high on my head. I got my bag I take for collage. I placed in it a note book pen my purse ipod phone charger, make up bag, my tablets and other stuff. I walked out to niall sat on the sofa typing away on my ipad. The boys were sat watching the tv and ele dee and perrie were at the table. I sat with niall. He handed me my ipad and I read what he put to jim. I liked the way he put it. Just the way he worded it made it seem like no big deal at all but in fact it was a big deal.
He replied within minutes. "Hi katie. Thank you for letting me know. If there is anything I can do to help then please let me know."
Today was a full day. I decided that whilst I was waiting for niall to get dressed I would go on twitter.
I decided to tweet, well I haven't in such a long time. "Been a rollercoaster off the past week. Thank you to everyone who has helped me." Within seconds off posting it thousands off people were retweeting it. It felt good.
Niall came out and saw me smiling. Niall
Me
What's my princess smiling at.
Ohh just nothing. Just feeling like its a good day today.
Well. That's all that matters.so is my princess ready for her charriet.
I couldn't help but laugh. I nooded. Said goodbye to the others and left with niall behind me. We walked down to the car. He decided to take the audi. We headed off towards my collage. I texted lauren to let her know I was on my way in. She text back saying that they are on a break. By the time we got in it was about 10:45. I decided that I wouldn't go in yet I would wait untill everyone was back into the room. Lauren had said how everyone was dieing to know about our hetic week and about going to the brits ect. I really forgot about that especially after what has happened.
It was now about 11. Niall said he would leave when I texted him to say I was in the room. So I kissed niall goodbye. Opened the car door. I didn't realize what was about to happen people were looking. I took off my sunglasses and put my bag on my arm. I just focused on my walk up to the room. People were staring and talking. I was on the last flight off stairs when a group off girls looked at me. "Omg your your your katie kelland. Your really beautiful and talented. I loved your dress at the brits. Omg ur soo lucky." One girl stepped forward. "I know this is silly but could I possibly have your autograph. I know its stupid but it would mean a lot too me." She seemed embaressed but it made me smile.
"Yeah off course I would love to but let's keep this between u and I," I leanded closer. "This is my first autograph." We both laughed. She handed me a piece off paper and a pen. "Thankyou soo much." She hugged me. "I know this is a little weird but would I be able to get a photo. I have an idea." She agreed. I got out my ipad and took the photo. "Do you have twitter." I asked her. "Yeah" "what's your name." "Its @onedirectionmad. I know its stupid but I love them and you." "Hang where you at the appereance last night in cardiff." She nooded. "So then what's your name." "Its elizabeth but people call me lizzy."
I quickly uploaded the photo and wrote a quick tweet: not in collage five mins and been asked for my first autograph by lizzy. Loving the support. @onedirectionmad. :) xxx
"Done. I better be off got a lecture to go to. Nice to meet you."
I walked up the last flight off stairs. I had to compose myself before walking into the room. I knew that everyone would be like omg katie katie katie. I texted niall to let him know I was alright. Soo nia nia I just minding my own business walking to my lesson and got a load off screaming girls come up to me going omg omg ur katie kelland. It made me laugh the funniest thing was one off the girls asked me for an autograph. I now know what it feels like to be you and the boys. Haha I'm about to walk into my lesson text you later. Love you nia nia. Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I placed my phone on silent and then into my bag. I opened the door to the class room. Jim gave me a reasuring smile. "Katie" was all I heard as I think it was the majority off the class running towards me as I just shut the door. "Can't breathe." I managed to escape my lips. They all moved away. "So how are you katie." Jim said. "Its a good day today."
I took my seat next to lauren.
"Right its tutor time and as it seems like we have some celebraties In the room so girls as we have nothing else to planned for this tutorial. How about you tell us about your time at the brits." Jim said looking at me and lauren. Me and lauren looked at each other and nooded. "Omg I have an idea. Have we got acces to the lecture theator" I asked jim. He nooded. I will just go and check. I checked my phone and niall had texted back.
Awhh babe that iss sooo cute. I saw the photo on twitter. Text me if you need anything.love you kitkat. Xxxxxxxxxxx
"Well we have the confrence room will that do." I nooded and we made our way down.
"Soo who wants to watch the brits." Lauren said.
Everyone was cheering. Me and lauren got up itvplayer and then clicked on the red carpet. We took our seats at the back off the room watching it. I had my ipad out and was looking through the photos we took on the night. I looked up at the screen and I saw us getting out off the car. It was weird to watch it. I looked soo happy. Then the interview. I had a funny feeling that the girls and some off the boys would want to see mine and laurens dresses so I texted niall to bring them in. I received a text from niall to say he was in the car park waiting for us. He parked up and then made his way in.
"I will be back in a minute just got to go to the toilet. If I'm not back in time then play the actual brits." I said to lauren. I then walked out off the door at the side off the room. I saw niall walking towards me with the dresses in the bags. I was soo excited to see those bags and him. I walked up to him kissed him and smiled. "Wait a minute. Why did you want these." He asked me. I just smiled and grabbed hold off his hand. "Wait up there you two." I heard and looked behind us. He had brought the whole clan. The girls had some dress bags as well.
"Right your gonna have to be quite as we go into here. Noone knows ur here. Jim wants me and lauren to talk about the brits so. Me knowing these lot they will want to see the dreses so that's why you are here niall but I guess you lot just tagged along." I said. We snuck in. Lauren was a little shocked but realized that niall had the dresses and smilled.
I sat down next to lauren just like before. Niall sat next to me and put his arm around me. I wasn't really paying attention to the screen I was looking at my ipad and looking at the photos. When I looked at the screen it was at the bit that we walked onto the stage. I couldn't look. Niall realized this and whispered in my ear." You looked amazing and beautiful. You still do." This made me smile.
The end off the brits came quick and me and lauren walked towards the front. We turned the lights on and jim looked to the back off the room. He saw the boys and the other girls sat there. Niall just moved his hand to his lips to keep jim quite. "Soo how was it." Lucy asked us.
"Well there isn't really anywords to describe the whole experience bar amazing." Lauren said. "Soo how about your dresses is it true that you made them." Rob asked
"Yeah I did. And I'm really proud off them. So who wants to see them." "Omg we do we do we do we do." The girls said.
"Well its a good thing that I arranged for them to be brought here." I said as I walked up the isle down the middle as I did the boys stood up with the girls.
Everyone slowly turned around as I took the bags off of niall and gave lauren hers.
"We will be back in a minute." I said the girls followed me. Everyone else were talking when we walked back in. Us girls put our dresses on. It felt so good to be in that dress again. The happiness it brought. I couldn't stop smiling. The girls and I gave them a catwalk. We were laughing.
"What was It like to give an award out." Chloe asked.
We liturally couldn't answer it. We carried in talking for about half an hour more. We got out off our dresses and went back into the room.
"Right we can go for lunch now so be back in the room for 2:30. Katie can I have a word please."
Niall stayed with me.
"Soo about these panic attacks what can we do to help you."
"Well I have only had one and that was last night but I just gotta take every day a step at a time. I haven't had a bad day yet so I don't know how I will be.".
"Well how can we help when u have a bad day. Will u be able to come in." "Well tbh I dont know if I could come in. I wouldn't really know untill the day. I was thinking though that I wouldn't want to miss collage so what if the lessons were recorded so I could do the work at home."
"That sounds like a good plan. So when you have a bad day just email or text in and we can video the lessons. One more thing we have a night stay away in may with the royal navy how do you feel about that."
"Yeah that sounds amazing." I said sounding confident but niall knew other wise.
"Soo how would it work cause I assume you will be getting a mini bus to where ever it is." Niall started to ask the questions he knew I wanted to know the answers to.
"Well I'm sure that we could arrange for you to drive down to plymouth." Jim said.
"It sounds like a good idea." Niall said.
"I think that will be best cause I honestly do not know how I will be on the day. I could be alright in the day but need to get away on the way back."
"Okay well we will sort that out for you. Thank you for letting me know katie." Jim said. We were free to go I said goodbye to niall and the others as they went back to the cars. Me, lauren, lucy, hannah and chloe made our way to the canteen. Me and lauren tried to keep our heads down, especially after this morning with me. I had told lauren about it and we laughed it off. Haha it didn't really work though. As soon as we walked into the canteen people started to stare. We knew it would be a lot harder to try and live a normal life but we had to try to. It was hard that lunch, people kept on coming over to me and lauren and asking for photo's and autographs. In the end we had to say no. I decided to take it to twitter and facebook.
"If only people knew how much I want to have a normal life in my home town. I want to finish collage and not be pressured into quitting it as a result off people wanting photos constantly.please respect my wishes."
I gather that people understood. We finished lunch and went back up to our room. I didn't finish collage untill 4:30 but I didn't mind. I got a lift back with lauren and I was thankful that I went back today. When we reached the apartment there was noone to be seen. Me and lauren looked at each other and gathered that they would be on the roof. Me and lauren made our way up there. Everyone was talking away.
"Soo who's popular at collage then." The boys teased us. We laughed it all off.

We went and sat next to them. "Omg I'm sooo tired and hungry come to mention it. What's for tea people." I asked.
"Umm well the others are going out so its just me and you my princess what do you want." Niall said as he kissed my cheek.
"Hmmm I dunno. Perhaps chicken and bacon salad. Then some desert." I said the last bit so no one could hear. Niall laughed and smiled. "That sounds good with a side order off chips". Ohh how did I know he would want more.

I walked into the kitchen and started to make our food. The others slowly thinned out and left me and niall alone. We were cooking away with the radio on full blast when I'm sexy and I know it came on. Me and niall were dancing around the kitchen. Our tea was done we sat at the table and eating away. We still had the radio on. Justin timberlakes new song came on and half way through we had a powercut. "Just our luck nia nia." I said and we laughed. He lite up his face with his phone. It scared me a little bit and we were joking around about 5-10mins later the power came back on. We were still joking around.
"So then kitkat what's for desert." He said as he took my plate to the kitchen. "Hmm I can think off one thing that I want. " I said as I stood up and made my way to niall who was still in the kitchen. I made my way to the fridge. I knew niall would be think off something completely different to what I was thinking. See there was some whippy cream in the fridge with some strawberries. So I reached for them. Niall came up behind me and started to kiss my neck and my cheek.
I squirted a little cream on my finger and got niall straight on his nose.
"Ohh hell no." I just laughed and squirted him on the nose again.
He got the other bottle out off the fridge squirted some in his mouth and then squirted me right on my hair. "Ummm you did not do what I think you have done." I said getting closer to him.
"I think I did do what you think I just did." He said getting ready with the whipped cream.
He squirted me again. And he ran. He was running around the flat. I decided to play a little trick on him. I got an egg in my hand and went to the floor.
"Ohhh niall I'm not joking I've hurt my ankle. Help me." I said. I knew he would come running and he did he put down the cream and was unarmoured. I knew what I had to do and the time was now. He touched my ankle and I whimpered. I the moved my arm with the egg in and bam. I slapped it right on his head. Before he could react I got up and ran for the bedroom. I hid under the duvet. I knew he would find me but I had him where I wanted him. He came in and gathered that I was under the duvet.
"I wonder where kitkat could be. Is she in this bed I wonder." He said I couldn't help but laugh.
He lifted up the duvet and I was laying there in my underwear.
"Ohh someone is expecting something.". He said. Eyeing my body up.
"I honestly don't know what you mean." I said playing the innocent girl.
"Well I think you desrve some punishing." So yeah that's what I got. I honestly don't think I should go into the details. It was a little bit frisky. If you get my drift.
We got up I went for nice hot bath to soak my stomach and niall went for a shower. We were talking away. I got dried and dressed into my pjs and so did niall. We walked out into the front room to see everyone else was sat at the table. See we didn't realize how much off a mess we actually made.
"Umm please say that this utter mess that's in the kitchen is urs orr a fox has gotten in and made it.".
We laughed. "Umm yeah it was us. We are sorry."I said.
"Babe go and sit down and I will clean it up." He said sweetly and kissed my lips. "Ewwhhh please can you two get a room. Orr better yet one that hasn't got to be used by the rest off us." Zayn said looking at us. We couldn't help but all laugh. "Soo what did u all do" I asked. "Well me and louis went out the skylark.well come to mention it we all did." Lauren said. Niall came and joined us after putting the kettle on. We were laughing away. It was bout 11 now. "I'm off too bed. See you in the morning." I said.
I fell asleep. I woke up in the morning. Niall was still asleep. I walked out into the front room and started to look on my ipad. Nothing was going on. So I got out my design book. I started to design this long evening dress. I knew that I had to make it but I had no time too then I realized that after a week on thursday I had three weeks off for easter break but me and lauren were going on tour with the boys.
I was in my own world and niall came up behind me. He kissed my cheek and sat next to me. He put his arm around my waiste. I was concentrating on this dress. We must off been out there for a good two three hours. Niall made me a couple cups off tea. We sat in a comftable silence. All I could feel was nialls eyes on my design.
"Babe you are really talented." Niall said planting a few kisses on my cheek and acasionally my lips.
For once this is the first time that I believed him." I I don't know what it is but designing takes me away. Its like you and music. This is always the one thing I can turn to, bar you, that I can feel that my worries doesn't matter." I said. Niall always supported me.
"Omg how long have you two been up." Lauren asked as she and louis walked into the front room.
"Umm about a good three four hours." I replied.
"What the hell have you been doing in that time." Louis asked
"Ohh nothing really." I said concentrating on my design.
"Babe you have been designing."
They came over and I just concentrated even more. It was just then when the others came out and joined the table.
They were all surprised at the dress.
"Right so what are we doing today cause me and lauren have the day off" I said.
"Well how about we go to woodlands." Lauren said.
"Hell yeah. I went when I was little and there shouldn't be that many people there cause its not half term yet." I said getting a little excited.
"Woooaaaaaahhhhhhhh." Zayn said getting rather excited.
"Wait. Can we use this for our 3d movie I know the director was on about having some footage off us lot chilling. Why don't we give paul a ring and find out cause I know they were coming down last night and staying at a travel lodge." Liam said.
Liam went off and rang paul and spoke to the director. He agreed that it would be a good time to film.
"Soo let's get ready. Its about 1-2 hour drive. And its 10.right if we want to go then we will have to be out off this place by 10:30." I said about to run off to my room.
I decided on wearing my converses, tights, denim shorts and a lose yellow vest top tucked into my shorts with my leather jacket off course. Haha.
I had my stylish backpack that had my purse, ipod, tablets and other stuff in. I also knew that niall would want to put his stuff in there. We all took a spare pair off clothes as I remebered there was a couple off water rides.
We were ready to go. Paul came in to the flat.
"Well how Is everyone this moring. We have a minibus ready to take u all."
"Wooooaaaahhhhhhh. Paul can you take a photo for us please." I said handing him the camrea.
Paul took the photo and we were off. We were all fucking around on the bus. It was like a luxury bus. It was funny.