Shattered
Chapter 2
Chapter 2
I sat in my seat, wishing that magically the ground will suck me in and I would disappear from everyone’s eyes. Eric’s brown eyes were burning a hole in me. Ughh will this period ever end? I kept on glancing on at the clock, it seemed like the clock wasn’t even moving. I felt a hand touch my shoulder, causing me startle.
“What?” My voice sounded angry, but was shaky and low. The kid that sits next to me, I think his name is Jake. He simply handed me a folded piece of paper. I unfolded the paper; a note was scribbled on it.
Are you okay. You look really pake and sick.
-Liam
A small smile crept on my face. I quickly wrote on the same paper.
Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.
-Effy
I hesitantly touched Jake’s shoulder and gave him the paper to give it to Liam. Right when Liam opened the note the bell finally rang. I took my stuff and quickly ran out of the class, knowing that people were looking at me, probably thinking what the hell is she in a rush for. But I don’t give a shit, I just want to get of that class.
I felt paranoid in the hallways; I constantly looked over my shoulder and behind me to see if he was anywhere near me. With every step I take my heart beats a little faster. I quickly walked to my locker, which was right next to the janitor’s closet. I placed all my books back in the locker and took my folder, which I used for the rest of my classes. I closed the locker and started to walk to my next class, Sociology, when I felt someone grab my hand and pull me into the janitor’s closet.
“Who. Who. Who are you?” I managed to croak.
The person turned the light on, and I was able to see who it was. My eyes widened, I quickly turned around and went to open the door, when he caught me by my wrist and pushed me against the wall. Wincing with pain, I looked around frantically to see a way out of here. But there is none; obviously there is no way out Effy, you’re in a bloody janitor’s closet. He came closer and closer, till I could feel his breath. He put on of his hand on the wall behind me and smirked.
“Wh-wh-what do you want?”
“You know exactly what I want.” I whimpered to get out, but he held me against the wall. I finally stopped, and looked up in his brown eyes. His brown eyes, they strangely reminded of Liam’s brown eyes, except Liam’s brown eyes were filled with concern, care, love and purity, while his eyes were filled with cruelty, evil, and the passion to do wrong. His eyes disgusted me, HE disgusted me. I took a deep breath.
“P-please let me go.”
He lifted his finger and brought it closer to my face. Taking a strand of my hair, he placed it behind my ear, and his finger lingered on face, down my cheekbone, slowly down my neck. His touch made me shiver and my hair to stand up, I closed my eyes shut and pushed him. I didn’t have enough energy to push him, he clenched my arms.
“Don’t push me.” His voice was angry and warning.
“P-Please let me go Eric.” I begged; everything starting to become blurry as tears piled up in my eyes, begging their exit.
“You know I would never hurt you Effy.” His voice became softer. He came closer to me, I could feel his breath again. He leaned in.
“You know I really missed you.” He cooed in my ears seductively, making me want to vomit. He moved lower my ear and closer to my neck, and attached his lip to my neck. He slowly kissed me and started nibbling on my skin. I finally let out a tear; I couldn’t do anything, I didn’t have any strength to do anything. The tears started flowing one after another, I didn’t stop them. After what felt like forever, he finally detached his lips and smirked. I looked in his eyes for a split second, before quickly lowering my gaze. He always made me so vulnerable, so week, so scared and I hated that.
He lifted my chin; I looked in his eyes with terror and he enjoyed seeing me like this.
“I’ll see you around.” And with that he turned the door knob, opened the door and walked out.
I slid down against the wall, and dug my face between my knees, wrapping my hands around my legs. Every tear that came out of my eyes was like a waterfall. Everything that I have been trying to forget, all my nightmares, all of the worst times of my life, everything came back. What did I ever do to deserve this? I just wanted to be a normal teenager, but this world doesn’t want me. No one wants me.
I cried to myself, more than I have in the past few days. It made my head spin, and sleepy. I remained in the same position, crying becoming sleepier.
__
I lay on the ground crying and asking for help, but no one hears me.
“Please leave me. Please.” I cry. He doesn’t listen. I gave up and laid there lifeless. He finally gets off with an evil smile. He picks up his pants and puts them on, zipping it; he, then picks up his shirt, and walks out of the room. I could hear his footstep, I hear the house door open and I hear it close. Now I’m completely alone in this house, in this room.
I cluster the energy to pull my lifeless body off the floor and look around the messy room. Everything seems to be laughing at me, everything, the walls, the phone, the light, every single object in the room. I feel like any second the floor will suck me in forever, but it doesn’t.
I drag my feet and pick up my clothes from the floor, these clothes disgust me. I could never touch them again. I throw them across the room and drag my feet to the closet to take out something else. Holding my new pair of clothes, I walk to the bathroom and close the door, locking it. I fall on the floor, crying and screaming. No one hears me, and no one ever will. Everything happened to me, all my screams and call for help will always remain in this house, between these walls, always echoing in my own ears.
Something shiny caught my eye; it was a piece of metal. The sun was lighting on it and it seemed to be calling me, telling me to pick it up; telling me to use it. I did as it told me; it was as if I didn’t have any control over my body.
I picked up the shiny metal and placed it against my skin; the contact with the cold, shiny metal caused me to shiver, it sent this current through my body. I slowly slid it across my wrist, making a long cut. The sight of blood made me sick, but not today. Today the sight of blood didn’t effect and neither the cut. I didn’t feel anything, I felt numb. I did it trying to feel something, but nothing. It was like I was dead. Slowly, it started feeling good, and seeing the cuts on my body that disgusted me sickly made me feel better. I, then, brought the razor in contact with my left thigh, and the right thigh, and my stomach. I made many marks over my body, and it felt satisfying.
This is the first time I hurt myself, first time I hated myself so much, first time my body disgusted me this much, and all because of him.
My eyes fluttered open, releasing me from my nightmare. The same one I have been having for many nights.
I looked around realizing where I was, in janitor’s closet. It took me a while to process why I was here. I just took a deep breath; I didn’t have any more tears to shed. I looked down at my watch, school’s almost about to end. I walked out of the closet, knowing the hallways would be empty. The girl’s loo is right across the janitor’s bathroom, so I walked across and into the bathroom. Luckily no one was in the bathroom either. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, oh God. I look…horrific. I look like death, my hair all messed up, my make all smudged and my eyes red and puffy from crying, and I had a red mark on my neck.
I turned on the water and washed my face, luckily I had make remover in my bag. Taking that out, I started cleaning my makeup and then reapplying it. After doing that, I fixed my hair. Right when I finished I heard the bathroom door open. I quickly ran to one of the stall. I heard voices; they belonged to Melissa and her little slave, Jessica.
“Really?”
“Yes, I saw them walk to school together and then when I called her a ‘dirty slut’, Liam got mad at me.”
“Oh that’s horrible.”
“I know right. Then, he wouldn’t even talk to me at lunch properly. He said that what I said was wrong.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“Nothing. Liam would never go for that dirt bag. She’s not even that pretty.” I rolled my eyes at her comment.
“That’s true.”
“Liam will get over it.” Their voices started to further away.
“Plus who could resist you.”
“I know.” I heard the door open and close. Finally they were gone. Wait, did Liam really stand up for me. I shook my head, what does it matter. It’s not like I’m ever going to see him again.
I walked out of the bathroom and out of the building, constantly feeling paranoid that Eric is around somewhere. I went to the side of the building, where there was no one. I dug through my bag. Found it. I took a cigarette and lighter out. I lit the lighter and stared at the lighter.
I looked at the fire, fascinated by it. I’m strangely attracted to fire; something about it seems really interesting. In instant it could destroy everything instantly. I could see it spreading and engulfing me in its flames.
I placed the cigarette between my lips and brought the lighter close to it. I inhaled the smoke into my lungs and releasing the smoke in the air. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the wall, placed my head on the wall, bending one of my feet on it. My mind kept replaying what happened few hours ago, as I inhaled more smoke.
I felt someone take my cigarette, my whole body tensed and panic rushed in me.
I sat in my seat, wishing that magically the ground will suck me in and I would disappear from everyone’s eyes. Eric’s brown eyes were burning a hole in me. Ughh will this period ever end? I kept on glancing on at the clock, it seemed like the clock wasn’t even moving. I felt a hand touch my shoulder, causing me startle.
“What?” My voice sounded angry, but was shaky and low. The kid that sits next to me, I think his name is Jake. He simply handed me a folded piece of paper. I unfolded the paper; a note was scribbled on it.
Are you okay. You look really pake and sick.
-Liam
A small smile crept on my face. I quickly wrote on the same paper.
Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.
-Effy
I hesitantly touched Jake’s shoulder and gave him the paper to give it to Liam. Right when Liam opened the note the bell finally rang. I took my stuff and quickly ran out of the class, knowing that people were looking at me, probably thinking what the hell is she in a rush for. But I don’t give a shit, I just want to get of that class.
I felt paranoid in the hallways; I constantly looked over my shoulder and behind me to see if he was anywhere near me. With every step I take my heart beats a little faster. I quickly walked to my locker, which was right next to the janitor’s closet. I placed all my books back in the locker and took my folder, which I used for the rest of my classes. I closed the locker and started to walk to my next class, Sociology, when I felt someone grab my hand and pull me into the janitor’s closet.
“Who. Who. Who are you?” I managed to croak.
The person turned the light on, and I was able to see who it was. My eyes widened, I quickly turned around and went to open the door, when he caught me by my wrist and pushed me against the wall. Wincing with pain, I looked around frantically to see a way out of here. But there is none; obviously there is no way out Effy, you’re in a bloody janitor’s closet. He came closer and closer, till I could feel his breath. He put on of his hand on the wall behind me and smirked.
“Wh-wh-what do you want?”
“You know exactly what I want.” I whimpered to get out, but he held me against the wall. I finally stopped, and looked up in his brown eyes. His brown eyes, they strangely reminded of Liam’s brown eyes, except Liam’s brown eyes were filled with concern, care, love and purity, while his eyes were filled with cruelty, evil, and the passion to do wrong. His eyes disgusted me, HE disgusted me. I took a deep breath.
“P-please let me go.”
He lifted his finger and brought it closer to my face. Taking a strand of my hair, he placed it behind my ear, and his finger lingered on face, down my cheekbone, slowly down my neck. His touch made me shiver and my hair to stand up, I closed my eyes shut and pushed him. I didn’t have enough energy to push him, he clenched my arms.
“Don’t push me.” His voice was angry and warning.
“P-Please let me go Eric.” I begged; everything starting to become blurry as tears piled up in my eyes, begging their exit.
“You know I would never hurt you Effy.” His voice became softer. He came closer to me, I could feel his breath again. He leaned in.
“You know I really missed you.” He cooed in my ears seductively, making me want to vomit. He moved lower my ear and closer to my neck, and attached his lip to my neck. He slowly kissed me and started nibbling on my skin. I finally let out a tear; I couldn’t do anything, I didn’t have any strength to do anything. The tears started flowing one after another, I didn’t stop them. After what felt like forever, he finally detached his lips and smirked. I looked in his eyes for a split second, before quickly lowering my gaze. He always made me so vulnerable, so week, so scared and I hated that.
He lifted my chin; I looked in his eyes with terror and he enjoyed seeing me like this.
“I’ll see you around.” And with that he turned the door knob, opened the door and walked out.
I slid down against the wall, and dug my face between my knees, wrapping my hands around my legs. Every tear that came out of my eyes was like a waterfall. Everything that I have been trying to forget, all my nightmares, all of the worst times of my life, everything came back. What did I ever do to deserve this? I just wanted to be a normal teenager, but this world doesn’t want me. No one wants me.
I cried to myself, more than I have in the past few days. It made my head spin, and sleepy. I remained in the same position, crying becoming sleepier.
__
I lay on the ground crying and asking for help, but no one hears me.
“Please leave me. Please.” I cry. He doesn’t listen. I gave up and laid there lifeless. He finally gets off with an evil smile. He picks up his pants and puts them on, zipping it; he, then picks up his shirt, and walks out of the room. I could hear his footstep, I hear the house door open and I hear it close. Now I’m completely alone in this house, in this room.
I cluster the energy to pull my lifeless body off the floor and look around the messy room. Everything seems to be laughing at me, everything, the walls, the phone, the light, every single object in the room. I feel like any second the floor will suck me in forever, but it doesn’t.
I drag my feet and pick up my clothes from the floor, these clothes disgust me. I could never touch them again. I throw them across the room and drag my feet to the closet to take out something else. Holding my new pair of clothes, I walk to the bathroom and close the door, locking it. I fall on the floor, crying and screaming. No one hears me, and no one ever will. Everything happened to me, all my screams and call for help will always remain in this house, between these walls, always echoing in my own ears.
Something shiny caught my eye; it was a piece of metal. The sun was lighting on it and it seemed to be calling me, telling me to pick it up; telling me to use it. I did as it told me; it was as if I didn’t have any control over my body.
I picked up the shiny metal and placed it against my skin; the contact with the cold, shiny metal caused me to shiver, it sent this current through my body. I slowly slid it across my wrist, making a long cut. The sight of blood made me sick, but not today. Today the sight of blood didn’t effect and neither the cut. I didn’t feel anything, I felt numb. I did it trying to feel something, but nothing. It was like I was dead. Slowly, it started feeling good, and seeing the cuts on my body that disgusted me sickly made me feel better. I, then, brought the razor in contact with my left thigh, and the right thigh, and my stomach. I made many marks over my body, and it felt satisfying.
This is the first time I hurt myself, first time I hated myself so much, first time my body disgusted me this much, and all because of him.
My eyes fluttered open, releasing me from my nightmare. The same one I have been having for many nights.
I looked around realizing where I was, in janitor’s closet. It took me a while to process why I was here. I just took a deep breath; I didn’t have any more tears to shed. I looked down at my watch, school’s almost about to end. I walked out of the closet, knowing the hallways would be empty. The girl’s loo is right across the janitor’s bathroom, so I walked across and into the bathroom. Luckily no one was in the bathroom either. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, oh God. I look…horrific. I look like death, my hair all messed up, my make all smudged and my eyes red and puffy from crying, and I had a red mark on my neck.
I turned on the water and washed my face, luckily I had make remover in my bag. Taking that out, I started cleaning my makeup and then reapplying it. After doing that, I fixed my hair. Right when I finished I heard the bathroom door open. I quickly ran to one of the stall. I heard voices; they belonged to Melissa and her little slave, Jessica.
“Really?”
“Yes, I saw them walk to school together and then when I called her a ‘dirty slut’, Liam got mad at me.”
“Oh that’s horrible.”
“I know right. Then, he wouldn’t even talk to me at lunch properly. He said that what I said was wrong.”
“What are you going to do now?”
“Nothing. Liam would never go for that dirt bag. She’s not even that pretty.” I rolled my eyes at her comment.
“That’s true.”
“Liam will get over it.” Their voices started to further away.
“Plus who could resist you.”
“I know.” I heard the door open and close. Finally they were gone. Wait, did Liam really stand up for me. I shook my head, what does it matter. It’s not like I’m ever going to see him again.
I walked out of the bathroom and out of the building, constantly feeling paranoid that Eric is around somewhere. I went to the side of the building, where there was no one. I dug through my bag. Found it. I took a cigarette and lighter out. I lit the lighter and stared at the lighter.
I looked at the fire, fascinated by it. I’m strangely attracted to fire; something about it seems really interesting. In instant it could destroy everything instantly. I could see it spreading and engulfing me in its flames.
I placed the cigarette between my lips and brought the lighter close to it. I inhaled the smoke into my lungs and releasing the smoke in the air. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the wall, placed my head on the wall, bending one of my feet on it. My mind kept replaying what happened few hours ago, as I inhaled more smoke.
I felt someone take my cigarette, my whole body tensed and panic rushed in me.
Notes
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Thank you! :)
-MS
6/7/13